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THE Specialyear-end issue !

March 11, 1983 Love Letters Our loyal readers take their turn

The Vanity of ‘Vanity Fair’ Something new for the beautiful people B y W.M. Thackeray

Now Let Us Praise Famous Men Three cheers and a toast for our Man-of-the-Year By J. J. Scriblerus

1982: The Year in Review Bad-tripping down Memory Lane By John Partridge

Who Put the Bomp? A With-it look at the year in music By Tom Skinner

Memento Mori The paths of glory lead but to the grave

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J u fit Member of the LETTERS THE ASSOCIATED COLLEGIATE muckraking; what was once innocent LAWRENTIAN PRESS * ^ J mockery is now mendacious invective; Amy's turn and what was once good-natured in­ (306680) veiglement is now vicious slander. To the Editor: Vol. XC1I—No. 10 Rumors have recently reached me here Fridav, March II, 1983 I am tired—not of classes, Downer, the on the shores of Lake Mendota, that the Phones: Office: ext 0768, Business Mgr., ext, 6863. Published weekly during the slush, or the cold, but of The Lawren­ Office of Campus Life is planning to im­ school year, except during examination periods by The Lawrentian of Lawrence tian. My lethargy is not due to eighth pose sanctions upon the perpetrators of University. Printed by The Bulletin, Inc. of Appleton. Deadline for copy is 8 p.m. week winter term blues, it has been any future editorial malfeasance. While Wednesday night. All copy handed into the Lawrentian must be typed, but names building since September. I have not may be omitted upon request. Yearly subscriptions $9.00, overseas airmail $21, I confess that 1 argued with one or two verbalized my feelings, however, for a seamail $8. Second class postage paid at Appleton, Wisconsin. of that office’s decisions during my number of reasons. First, as head of the years at Lawrence, 1 can only applaud film committee I understand the amount of time involved in “extra­ this one. These Jack Anderson manques curricular activities.” Second, 1 know have obviously transgressed all limits of from my experience with the film com­ fair and decent reporting, riddling the View from the Desk mittee how frustrating it is to get students, faculty and administration criticism without an accompanying offer with cruel parodies and fraternity Our turn to help. Consequently, for the past two humor. I would have thought that the punish­ We were monsters, and we were not expected to live very long. We had six terms I have been stifling my yawns ment received by the editorial staff at fingers on each little hand, and six toes on each little footsie. We had supernumerary feeling that 1 had no right to criticize the hands of the J-Board last spring nipples as well—two of them apiece. something which I was not personally following the exposure of their contrac­ —Kurt Vonnegut willing to help improve. But last night I tual fraud, could have dampened their This past term has, of course, brought a change to The Lawrentian. The new for­ realized how very tired I am and that I libelous zeal. Apparently, however, mat was developed to provide a better forum for the analysis of “meaty” issues and do have a right to say so. these sophomoric scribes remain un­ for the presentation of feature length articles. But the change has been, in fact, When I became head of the film com­ nothing more than a cosmetic one—plagiarizing the lay-outs of several national mittee, I accepted a great deal of respon­ daunted, refusing to heed the warnings magazines has allowed us to produce a few issues that looked quite attractive. The sibility: responsiblity for making deci­ of both their peers and the administra­ content of these handsome pages, however, served as evidence for the old saying, sions which would affect the entire cam­ tion. But justice is about to prevail. “beauty is only skin deep.” Indeed, the pages were, for the most part, straight­ pus. I had to choose films not only for Under the watchful eye of Rich forward, dry, factual and depressingly boring. Insult was added to injury through my personal enjoyment, but also for the Agness and Campus Life, the newspaper the attempt at fair and responsible editorial decisions (granted, there were failures in enjoyment of the University as a whole, can now recapture the prestige it had this end, but such failures were minimal and may be attributed to our callow youth). It is a hard job, but I think the commit­ during my first years at Lawrence. I To be honest, the staff has an inclination towards irresponsible conduct. You tee handled it well. Yes, there are a lot of remember one issue back in the spring of can’t beat a few gratuitous pot-shots, a page full of flippant headlines or an issue Herzog and Fellini in the series, my per­ 1978—a full four-page issue, in chock-full of dishonest, purely fictional articles. Sensationalism is the foundation of sonal favorites. But there are also a lot fact—where the lead story concerned a small-college journalistic pleasure. Had we not made the unfortunate mistake of of films which I am not overly fond of crack in the wall of the editor-in-chief’s changing the Lawrentian format, we might have had a lovely term, fully exercising but which appeal to other members of dorm room. I also recall that entire our irresponsible desires. the University. terms would pass without a sarcastic Amy Pagel was not deceived by the blatant superficiality of this term's paper. The Lawrentian has the same respon­ editorial word being penned, without a Through her slightly bawdy, though remarkably insightful letter-to-the-editor (see sibility: to produce a paper which will single administrator being derided. And page 2), Ms. Pagel was able to condemn the staff for those bitter passions which not only personally benefit the staff, but I most of all remember that the they longed to indulge. Ms. Pagel saw through our flimsy attempt at credibility. She also the University. Unfortunately, that newspapers were always in great supply, sensed our longing for the glorification of the trivial. She understood our need to responsibility is not being met. that stacks of them could still be found spend long hours leafing through Bartlett’s, searching for splendid quotes from the I am tired of parody after parody, around campus on Saturday and even works we’ve never read. Ms. Pagel was not to be fooled. To her, we can only after parody. I am tired of reading ar­ Sunday mornings. apologize for the cruel thoughts and selfish desires which sought, but failed to find ticles filled with illusive (sic) literary im­ Oh, I could tell you so much more the paths to the printer. Sin, after all, lies in the thought, not the action. ages which only the author understands about those halcyon days at The But even Ms. Pagel's extraordinary perceptiveness is limited, for she fails to con­ or appreciates. I am tired of headlines Lawrentian but that would spoil all your sider the deep-seated psychological factors which inspire these irresponsible pas­ which belittle their articles and articles fun. Happy Reading! sions—namely, unequivocal ambivalence. Unequivocal ambivalence is a personality which belittle their subject. In short, 1 Modestly, trait which is exemplified by the staff and which should, ideally, become the univer­ am tired of a staff which is doing their James L. Matchefts sal objective of all humankind. There is no reason to concern oneself with how his ac­ intellectual masturbation in public, ig­ Editor, Fall 1980 tions may affect the lives of others. There is no reason to be concerned about the noring the rest of the University. Madison, Wisconsin reactions of others to one’s own work. There is no reason to worry about the future. A case could be made that Herzog and Ambivalence is the penicillin for all the world's ills, for when one has no concerns he Fellini are my form of such masturba­ needn’t fear pain or failure. tion—and indeed they are—but people A ndys turn The staff has spurned life’s penicillin this term. We made that critical mistake of other than myself attend these films and To the Editor: taking ourselves seriously, and the results were terrifying. The tenderest of our in­ enjoy them. Parody-filled articles were nermost fibers were sucked from us and shucked away like a banana skin. It has once enjoyable—a year or two ago, I Things exactly as they are are simply been an experience not unlike formaldyhyde to the mind. And it has been boring. read them and smiled; the articles once not to be found in the shared curse of our But the term is over now, and that is good. New blood shall be injected into The amused their readers but no longer. Now untested, unjaded perception. We shape Lawrentian, and that, too. is good. We shall conclude our commitment to the paper such articles are only fulfilling the as we see, deceiving ourselves and our by wallowing in those inner passions—the yen for ambivalence—which Ms. Pagel whims of the Lawrentian staff. The staff talse gods. This is faith; this is passion. has seen lurking beneath our hypocritical behavior for the entire term. W;e are. is forgetting that when they accepted I here was a time, o not so very long however, out of practice, and our efforts, characterized by 10th week blues, may lack their responsibility they accepted the ago, when things as they are were exact­ the supercilious punch of earlier, less self-conscious times. Hopefully, today's issue task of writing a paper for the campus, ly as they were—before our tainted will spark a return to it’s former wit, glory and, above all. flippancy. not just for themselves. ideals obscured us from ourselves, The paper has come a long way this before an experiential voice, molded by term. The new format, including short conscience, threw a misty veil over an in­ stories and poetry and some very strong nocent era. The era I refer to, quite THE articles have begun to shake me out of frankly, was my own editorial reign. my lethargic state. There is a core of a Well do I recall the late-night treks to very good paper here, yet that core is Real C hili, and elegant dine, to nourish LAWRENTIAN wrapped in a heavy layer of parody and and sustain us as we sweated out, in the individuals who only want to write for course of 50 or so typed pages, the tren­ Bewildered...... John Huber themselves. Once that layer is removed, chant news which was entirely consis­ tent with the aims of this august univer­ Confused...... Rick Moser once the core is given the chance to ex­ pand, I and many others on this campus sity. That was a gilded term, and under B affled...... Chris Matheus will shake themselves out of their my sterling directorship the paper reach­ Forgotten...... Andy Larsen reverie and once again look forward to ed Olympian heights, mixing straight W ithout i t ...... Tom Skinner reading The Lawrentian. fact with humor, memory with desire. Our purpose was to inform without Sincerely, Amy E. Pagel Befuddled...... Tom Otten slant, to lift up, to imbue our readers, to Others...... Lavay Heintz, Lynn Freiberg, Naomi Gitlin Ed. note: You masturbate your way, give wing to their aspirations, Daedalus- we'll masturbate ours. Cameraman...... Todd Youngren like, and if at times we were didactic, so be it. We were right. Graphics...... Jon Roth, Ted Chesky I" ar be it from me, then, to criticize, to W riters...... Jimmy's turn question the paper you so dutifully put Production S taff...... together each week. In the Emerald Isle Dear Editor: all judgements are dropped; even here, Little could I know when I left in a land of paradox and religious The Lawrentian is a student-run publication of Lawrence University. Content is solely Lawrence and The Lawrentian two years travail, one learns to farm the burdened determined by the editors, and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of University ago, that such havoc would be wrought faculty and Administration. Letters to the Editor are encouraged, but they must be soil, coaxing bitter life from uncertain signed as evidence of good faith. The staff reserves the right to edit letters and to honor in my wake. What began as a noble ex­ roots. Ill-advised would it be for me to requests that the writers name not be disclosed. Letters to the editor seldom reflect the periment in liberal journalism has call new philosophy in doubt. opinion of the editors. become a forum for indiscriminate continued page 3 2 — The Lawrentian — March 11, 1983 MORE LETTERS

Firesias who said "you must suffer to be I must embrace the sine curve theory but the voices that speak loudest. If you wise.” Fain is a catalyst for creativity only because I am an optimist, the quali­ have something to say—speak your A n d ys turn cont. and creativity is (or was) the stuff of ty of my old paper can only improve mind. We will all be richer for it. liberal arts. from where it stands now. Submitted for your approval, But perhaps in a larger sense, is it not How ’bout point 4, Is a big, tough, Sincerely, Corny -MARCY DUNAGAN proper, is it not necessary even, to retain cigar chomping editor having trouble Editor, Winter 1980 Editor-in-Chief, The Brokaw Bugle our curiosity? Is it not essentially getting around campus when there’s New York, N.Y. human to formulate beliefs, beliefs snow on the ground? Is the gym too far which, shaped by all we see and do, for his tender feet to carry him? I hate to become the basis of all inquiry? tell you that life ain’t no crystal stair sir, My question, of course, is the obvious how do you expect Lawrence to prepare Jaimes turn one: what became of The Lawrentian’s M arcy s turn you for what you like to call the “real former grandeur? O tell me it has not “ Dear” Lawerentian: world” unless you have a taste of it To the editor: faded into the indeterminate past, lost I am sick, sick, sick of reading self- there. I suppose you’ll have a modern I am flattered, and somewhat amused, among the flippant headlines of serving propoganda by editors with athletic facility in your backyard after that my editorial in the Brokaw Bugle yesteryear. This dry, passive publica­ over-inflated egos and an exaggerated graduation. should provoke such a defensive reac­ tion which I hold in my knowing hands sense of their own importance. The My heart bleeds for you and your tion on the part of the Lawrentian. It has lost all vigor, all verve, asks no Lawrentian. the Brokaw Bugle, it typewriter. When I was in charge of the strikes me as rather pathetic that my questons of the human heart, and af­ doesn’t matter, you’re both playing the Lawrentian we used the same IBM “competition” threatens you to the firms no universal truths. In short, same game. Espousing a philosophy of selectric with the same maladies, but my point of publishing such a vicious attack you've all become too serious. journalistic determinism, you attempt staff would never grouse about any in­ on my little paper, when after all I was Some day perhaps future editors will to convince us that we need the convenience it caused us. Last week I simply exercising my constitutional forage through archival remnants of newspapers to give us values, as we can­ strolled through the City Room of the right to express an opinion. The raison papers past and happen upon your not do that for ourselves. In fact, you “Chicago Sun Times”. Their typewriters d’etre of the Bugle was to encourage issues. They will read yesteryear’s desire to exercise a form of mind control are of the archaic, manual ilk which have creative activity, initiative, and expres­ passages, and they will ponder an over us, your unsuspecting reading sported the same ribbon for so long that, sions of opinion—evidently the Lawren­ public. Well, I have some news for unseemly commitment to factual repor­ in most cases, it is translucent. Stick tian does not share this policy. you—reality exists, independently of ting. Then they will come across my own that in your “View From the Desk” pipe All this aside, I must clarify a crucial anything newspapers print! If all the cherished issues, and they will compare. and smoke it. point. No newspaper, whether establish­ newspapers disapeared off the face of And they will sit by the Fox and weep... I ’m sorry Mr. Editor, but I can only ed or “underground”, prints the “unvar­ the earth, life would go on—it would Tearfully, say, as Mayakovsky so appropriately nished truth”; the passage you quoted even thrive. Your so-called “editorial Andrew W. Hazucha did: “ Leave me alone with your cheap was intended to point out the defect of conspiracy” is nothing but pseudo­ Editor. Fall 1981 propaganda ditties.” There was a time such a claim. As I said, the underground metaphysical posturing: I don’t need a Arlington Heights, Illinois when the Lawrentian dealt with real press has its own bias, or set of values newspaper to tell ME what is real. You issues. Maybe that is why they called which it attempts to promote; however, can cancel my subscription today. me Jeff “ I did it better” Weiser. The on­ if it claims to print “what is really hap­ Yours autonomously, ly real thing you hacks deal with today pening”, it is mistaking its special bias Jefjy's turn -JAIME RAITT is chili. Jeff Wisser for “objectivity”. It is not the case, nor To the editor, Editor, Fall & Winter, 1979-80 did I mean to imply, that the Bugle Regarding your ‘‘View from the Desk” Evanston, Illinois prints the “unvarnished truth” while of January 28, too bad. the Lawrentian disseminates lies. ______Errata_____ Point No. 1 is a caustic criticism of the Rather, by choosing topics for articles University for not providing a dic­ and editorial comment on the basis of Subject: The Lawrentian, tionary on the second and fourth floors Corny s turn their respective values, they may 18 February, 1983 of the Mudd Library. You humiliate the publish quite different accounts of The front page was intended to bear long tradition of hard and well conceived To the editor, “what really happened”, neither account the title of the feature article, “Varia­ reporting which I bagan in the late ’70s. Hay-Low Lawrentians. Greetings being truer or more “objective”. tions on a Theme: The Conservatory.” You say “ It is ludicrous that one has to from the “Big Apple” where all is sordid But enough epistemológica! analysis. That article was not written by “ Mark travel great vertical distances to obtain and sublime. Throughout this whole venture, I have Herzing, et al,” but by Mark Herzing, the meaning of a word.” In my day of Having been witness to the evolution had one overriding conviction, one cen­ Parke Drescher, Colleen McVeigh and editing the Lawrentian this fact was of the Lawrentian since my departure in tral tenet, which is this: it is every Stacy Schmeidel. worthy of praise, not criticism. Did you ’81 I find creedence in and must now citizen’s inalienable right to publish his The article “Graffiti: Decline and ever stop to think of how difficult it espouse that cliche but perhaps om­ or her own personal underground Fall” was written by Rick Moser, not would be to place a dictionary on each nipresent doctrine which models the newspaper! Don’t let yourself be con­ Larry I^eporte. floor of the library? Apparently not, quality and efficacy of any social institu­ trolled by the media—become your own The Garrett Morris interview was con­ because had you performed this fun­ tion after the nearly too well known sine media! Broadcast your message to the ducted by only Andy Larsen and Bev damental task required of any journalist curve. Such is the ebb and flow the world! Larson, not by “Andy and Larson and you would have realized that it would be Lawrentian. Ultimately, it is not the voices that Bev Larson” as the by-iine suggested. too easy to have a dictionary located on Careful scrutiny of the paper for the speak reasonably which are listened to, Paul Jenkins is not parenthetical. each floor. past six terms leaves me with a nearly The intention is to have students ineffable nausea in my tummy. The ap­ travel ‘‘great vertical distances” of mind propriate epithet for this nausea is in their search for the meaning of a litost, a Czech word which Kundera word. Forcing them to climb stairs (use simply defines as “a feeling as infinite as YpU MAY HAVE HEARD ABOUT THE MANY CHANGES IN BOSTON. the elevator in your case Mr. Huber) in an open accordion, a feeling that is the search of a dictionary is a method of pro­ synthesis of many others: grief, sym­ voking thought on the subject of words pathy, remorse, and an indefinable long­ REST ASSURED THAT WE ARE NOT and language. ing. The first syllable, which is long and ONE OF THEM. Ludwig Wittgenstein, perhaps the stressed, sound like the wail of an aban­ greatest philosopher of the ‘20th cen­ doned dog.” No doubt you are all tury, strongly influenced by Ramsay, familiar with this feeling at one time or Buster Keaton and D.W. Griffith, another. As I look at the most recent ponders “What is the meaning of a Lawrentian, I am overcome with litost. word?” at the beginning of his ‘‘Blue You’ve hit the bottom of the sine curve. T he Ritz-Ca rlton Book”. Like Wittgenstein, the There was a time - before the paper BOSTON Librarians at Mudd understand that entered its identity crisis, thought it was there is more to the meaning of a word a local “Atlantic Monthly” or “ New than simply what corresponds to it in Republic” - that the Lawrentian had a the dictionary. purpose, an end-in-view, a telos. There Wittgenstein eventually said ‘‘lets not had been no one before us (the trough of forget that a word hasn't got a meaning the previous sine wave). We set an exam­ given to it, as it were, by a power in­ ple and a standard by reporting bonafide dependent of us, (i.e., a dictionary) so campus news instead of fabricating that there could be a kind of scientific in­ tedious issues, by taking the University vestigation into what the word really seriously instead of ourselves, by earn­ means. ing the respect of the whole community In my day as editor of the Lawrentian instead of being derisive. all reporters, even layout and distribu­ Now days Moser and disciples have tion people were required to understand the Lawrentian thinking it may be at the these things. For an “ Editor in Chief” to cutting edge of the effete like the be oblivious is inexcusable. “ Harpers” he readily admits aspiring to. On points 2 and 5 of that same And this rookie Huber character drags editorial, making a fuss over en­ in the rhetoric of a few professors not on­ vironmental temperatures at LU, I ’m ly to commit the journalistic sin of pad­ sick. Ask Fasbinder, ask Kopola, ask ding his paper, but in immitation of the Kirosawa, Felini or the blind poet languid and spineless “ New Yorker”.

March 11,1983 — The Lawrentian — 3 COGITATION

& 7l& (H l/Ù Ù /y o f iCPam Ù /y S^cu/^’ only criteria for judging a magazine. by W. M. Thackeray Magazines should have defined objec­ tives: what are the editors after? Does As described by J.E. Corr, Jr., in pre­ Vanity Fair have a voice? It surely publication announcements, Vanity Fair does—the same thrilling voice as Daisy is a magazine that “captures the sparkle Buchanan, jingling with rare and and excitement of our time, our desirable coins. culture,” and, in so doing, stakes its claim to the throne left vacant when the Well, after all, this is a money-making original magazine ceased publication in V A N I T Y W i l l proposition, and to do that a magazine 1936. This is an ambitious venture, to be k/ABru ÌOÌÌ 1 — . has to sell advertisements. In the case of sure, and, as such, is aimed at ‘‘only a Vanity Fair, however, the ads not only handful of bright, literate people.” come to dominate content—they are cer­ Bright, literate people, that is, with tainly better examples of their craft hands, pockets, and vaults full of cash. than any of these articles—but they The old Vanity Fair certainly appealed completely overwhelm the reader, effec­ to the wealthy; the new one does so on tively defining the magazine. its knees, sucking up, shamelessly, to Vanity Fair is aimed at the best and the status-anxious. the brightest—as it has already stated. The return of the legendary magazine, But if you’re not one of these, it’s alright heralded for months in dozens of just to be one of the richest. The target publications, is indeed auspicious—even is the smart set, and if the content tries audacious. Filling out at 290 formidable to titillate the mind, the toys held out by pages, the first issue is a clear descen­ high-class, high-priced advertisers work dant of the thoughtful fashion tattler on other interests. founded by Conde Nast in 1914. But the The world created by the adver­ resemblance is only a matter of ap­ tisements is that realm of splendor and pearance. When he opens his mouth, this fashion lying somewhere between F. just isn’t daddy’s boy. Scott Fitzgerald and Cole Porter. The In its original incarnation, Vanity Fair reader of Vanity Fair, one of that fabled was the newsletter of the chic/mod set. handful of brilliantes, either is—or fan­ If it wasn’t in VF, it just wasn’t in. But cies himself to be—a jet-setter, a fast- if it was in, it was there for a reason. tracker; he moves among custom Bill Content was strong, editorial objectives Blass creations with a scent of Grey were clear. In the words of Alden Hatch, Flannel, and drinks only Grand Marnier. “ It was interested in everything that He reads the best books, listens to was interesting; politics, business, all the best music, and keeps his wife's skin the arts, sports, and people—especially fresh with Georgette Klinger; and when people.” This describes, to a tee, the he isn’t staying at places with names table of contents of Vanity Fair. In their services remain costly, as are the the day’s most controversial figures, like “The Helmsley Palace,” he’s pro­ essence, it’s a different story altogether. high-quality production techniques in­ recreating the celebrity consciousness bably sipping Perrier-Jouet with Ralph The huge Nast syndicate has poured volved. Until you examine it, Vanity which made the original not only bright, Lauren (whose 12-page ad section is by $10 million into this project, and its Fair is a compliment to any coffee table. but popular. On what basis these obse­ far the magazine’s most engaging liberal funding has secured what certain­ But, eventually, you do get around quious little tidbits were tossed in is feature), while aboard a Holland- ly should amount to the most pro­ to looking at it a little closer, and after another question. John Huston? V. S. America cruise. Most of all, he reads vocative magazine on the market. recovering from its initial sensory bom­ Pritchett? Why now? Debra Winger, Vanity Fair. Boastng Richard Avedon photography, bardment, one may discover a few pro­ Streep and DeNiro—why? These are It’s a pretty life, and it’s certainly a illustrations by Andy Warhol and blems. As if to prove Hatch correct, the talented people, sure. But that is hardly pretty magazine. You needn’t even Milton Glaser, and stories from James first issue features articles on (in order grounds for the almost gratuitous begin reading articles until the third Merrill, Gore Vidal and Nobel Laureate of appearance): business, politics, all the deification to which they are treated. time through. So, for lovers of the good Gabriel Garcia Marquez, among others, arts, sports, and people—especially peo­ So, it seems, much of what the life, for lovers of the brash and brassy, the magazine declares its arrival in no ple. Scattered among polemics and magazine says is somehow lacking. And, we present Vanity Fair; lovers of uncertain terms. Regardless of how one perspectives are eye-grabbing portraits you know, it’s rather poorly laid out— tasteful and well-balanced magazines may value the likes of Vidal and Warhol, and oozing character profiles of some of perhaps too busy. But these aren’t the will simply have to look elsewhere. Campus sold for real estate development

Wilbur D«ftodil-ll Swain maximizing profits at the Grill. You see, guffaw. “ I expected it—it’s a frigging the Lawrence student body? This if we raise popcorn by a nickel and.... Ac­ catharsis, yeh? Shit, everyone around ludicrous business charade will clearly Today, in a surprise move, the tually, it would be difficult for me to here was so naive anyway,” he remark­ be detrimental to the quality of a Lawrence Board of Trustees announced know why the sale was made—I don’t ed. And Mike Mol, Director of Lawrence Lawrence education. Can one be ex­ the sale of the Lawrence Appleton cam­ even know where the 30 million dollar Intramurals, was ecstatic about the sale. pected to explore the inner realms of pus. The buyer was Buck's Real Estate Lawrence endowment is invested.” “Sure I'm glad. Mar asked me to be Kantian philosophy amidst a sea of and Development, Mar O. Wrolstad, In spite of Stewart's apparent President. Wrolstad reportedly intends bewilderment, The Lawrentian did learn to convert the campus into a retirement that several dissatisfied investors in the villa—a mecca for raisin-faced fat-cats. University, after answering an ad in The It will be called Wrolstad Acres. Milwaukee Journal, demanded the This rather embarrassing turn of return guaranteed them by the ad. The events raises many questions. Where Trustees, seeing no alternative, decided was Michael Stewert, Vice-president of to sell the campus to Wrolstad. Business Affairs, when Wrolstad pulled W'rolstad reportedly plans to level all ex­ his final fast one? W'hat will be the isting buildings (except the Art Annex future of the faculty, administration, and Brokaw Hall) and construct new, and other University employees? What ultra-modern ones. will become of the students? And what In Sampson House, news of the sale does the future hold for the pristine brought a storm of despair. President Lawrence campus? “There are many Warch, fighting back tears as he packed question marks, and the answers to his file of convocation addresses, offered these question marks will be many,” a final remark: “Certainly, this would be remarked a disconsolate Dean Agness as the opportune time to eschew the he finished packing his J-Board files. negligence of administratons past, but I “ For my part,” he added, “ I shall not be shall not. Such a cowardly response to Artist s conception of WrolstnJ Acres bitter, for bitterness never was one of the misery which confronts us all would Wheelchair Intramurals Coordinator. my parts.” only serve to contradict those ideals geriatrics? Must students be forced to Now that’s a real job. a career. I ’m set dine with toothless primogenitors? In­ Stewart, the man from whom an ex­ which we should espouse.... But damn it, for life!” planation of the sale should be expected, it fries my fanny.” Not all University deed, there are many question marks, Though many—most—of the and the answers to these question marks was dumbfounded. “ I ’ve spent the past employees were miserable, however. Lawrence employees will find new jobs two weeks manipulating production Peter Fritzell, one-time professor of will only be known with the passing of (Mr. Stewart may not be so lucky), the time. possibility curves for the purpose of English, could scarcely contain a robust question remains: what shall become of 4 — The Lawrentian — March 11,1983

/ SCIENCE

Science and Technology Sci Hall: a year of profound achievment

The area of science and technology has these crickets came up with an answer the lack of qualified human operators. will give both men credit and the parti­ witnessed many amazing ac­ to the problem. It seems that there is a Fortunately, this problem should soon cle will acquire a derived name such as complishments over the past year. Some particular chemical found uniquely in disappear due to a mass training pro­ the "Man-Pac” particle. of these advancements in the fundamen­ the air within one hundred yards of the gram that has been underway now for tals of human knowledge are so pro­ river. This chemical is created from the over two years without the public’s found and of such immense and com­ waste products given off by the knowledge. Actual prototypes of the prehensive importance to modern life numerous paper mills along the river’s laser base operating systems have been that all of society should be made aware banks. Thus, to stop the river flies secretly deployed into video arcades and of them. Furthermore, some of the re­ copious copulatory nature, all that needs bowling allies across the nation. Thus, cent success can be attributed to the ef­ to be done is to remove all of the paper unbeknownst to them, millions of people forts of several of the scientists teaching mills from the shores of the Fox River. are currently being trained to take an ac­ and working at Lawrence University. Not a particularity inconceivable task tive and important role in the nation's For these reasons,The Lawrentian has when compared to the benefits. defense. And you thought video games assigned its top experts in the various were simply corrupting our youth. fields of science and technology to Defense Developments analyze and evaluate the most impor­ The field of computers and computer Quantum Revolution tant of these most important discoveries programming cannot be excluded from a In the area of high energy nuclear P .:; " I',mn lr m huhhlr i hdmliri and inventions, and to review the impor­ discussion of recent technological ad­ physics, the past twelve months have tant role that L.U.’s own Sci-Hall has vances. Some of the most interesting brought about a discovery that will Neurological Parity Proved played in these intellectual explorations. and potentially, the most significant ad­ necessitate a complete rewriting of fun­ ► In the area of physiology, we find an The results: a conclusive and com­ vances have come by way of the Depart­ damental quantum mechanics. Two astonishing revelation concerning the prehensive summary of pertinent things ment of Defense. The computer scien- nuclear physicists, Jerald T. Pac of YRU relationship between the human mind that are happening close to home in tists at POD have dedicated many years and Timothy Man of UPS, have in­ and that of lower species of mammals. science and technology - things that you dependently identified a new subatomic Recent experimental results indicate should know about. particle. The particle possesses a that we must change our preconceived One of the most controversial topics in positively attracting force (equal to that notion of the superiority of the human science in the past decade has centered of neutron), that displays the qualities of mind. Many experts are now postulating around the subject of recombinant charm and extreme strangeness, and is that, except for the incongruencies in DNA. Many critics fear the possibility of the distinct color yellow. The particle the size, shape and color between the that some careless or deranged scientist appeared quite surprisingly in Dr. Pac’s hufrian brain and that of lower mammals will create a life-threatening strain of bubble chamber as it was observed rac­ such as rats, all mammilian minds are bacteria or a dangerously hideous beast ing across the computer screen appear­ fundamentally identical. That is to say such as are depicted on late night horror ing to consume other subatomic par­ that if it were possible to accurately movies. As a result, the word genetics ticles (quarks) in its path. Two days reshape a rat’s brain, find the right has acquired a negative connotation. At after Pac’s sighting, Dr. Man stumbled shade of coloring to properly alter it’s Lawrence University, however, research across the same type of activity in his chromatic qualities, and place it within a in the methods of recombinant DNA is linear accelerator, however, this time the hypothetical brain-enlargerizer to in­ receiving whole hearted support and en­ to a national security defense system in­ particle suddenly disappeared after col­ crease its si*e by a factor of 7.8, we couragement. volving an integrated, nation-wide net­ liding with a much more massive and could, theoretically, exactly duplicate a Genetic Research work of laser bases controlled by one unidentified particle. “The new particle, human brain. massive computer center. The laser we call it the ‘Man-particle’, was flying Here at L.U., research at the forefront The river flies that infest the lovely bases are currently being constructed along quite nicely eating up quarks,” of this field has revealed direct evidence valley of the Fox River during the spr­ across the nation in every city and town said Dr. Man, "when all of a sudden a to support this emerging theory of mam- ing and most of the summer are a with a population greater than fifty blob of some sort caught our particle milian.brain homogenity. The bulk of general pain for the people who must thousand. Each city will be armed with from behind and it simply vanished.” this work, the results of which were live near the river. These bugs congest three laser bases with each base being Other labs across the nation, including released just three month’s ago at the air conditioning units, suffocate un­ equipped with a 100 mega watt laser the syncretron lab of L.U., are now fran­ local conference of SHARDS (Society of suspecting joggers, frighten little kids, capable of instantly incinerating all in­ tically rushing to confirm the particle’s Human And Ratbrain Dissectors), in­ and are just plain disgusting. Several coming objects—such as jet airplanes, existence and to determine its other volves the analysis of the similarity in years ago the Lawrence biology depart­ nuclear missiles or falling stars—render­ qualities. A "quark-eating” particle the effects of drugs (primarily alcohol) ment was asked to look into possible ing them harmless. does not fit into the theories which have on both human and rat brains. These ex­ solutions to this annual problem. Their The firing of each laser base involves shaped modern physics for the past periments, conducted in the basement of approach was to study the essence of the an extremely complex process of data eighty years. As Dr. Pac put it, " it’s Youngchild Hall, involved the exchang- problem, to seek out the problem at its correlation. Information on the threaten­ root and stop it from ever starting. ing object’s speed, altitude, projectory, Quite naturally, they choose to alter the and identification are routed into two primary structure of the strains of DNA parallelly linked Cyber V computers in controlling the mating habits of these in­ the basement of the Pentagon. The com­ sects. puter system processes the data, The river flies do not make for ideal ex­ calculates the combination of firings periment subjects, however, since their from specific laser bases, and relays this life expectancy is rather short and the information along ordinary telephone lines to each city’s laser bases. The en­ tire procedure is completed by this powerful system in less than 5 seconds, from the time of first observation of the target, but there is still the need for a human operator to individually direct the firing of each laser. The key to this extensive defense system is not in the technology of the A U o h o l ihf tffrnl rifuiiliztr 0/ m ar itrni mrn laser bases themselves; rather it lies in very confusing that the Pac-particle has ing of rat brains with compatible, and the simplicity of the operating system eluded our observations before now. It’s only slightly larger, human counterparts that was partially developed in the L.U. as if the little critter was actively (freshmen subjects were chosen for ob- All in thr name oj science Computer Center. When a city receives a avoiding us. But that's modern physics vious reasons). Both groups were then time that they are alive is spent doing message to fire its lasers upon an incom­ for ya’—you just never know.” given inebriating doses of alcohol. The the one thing they like to do best - mate. ing projectile, it immediately relays the The work of rethinking a new theory results showed no noticable difference in The biology department, not to be pertinent information to civil volunteers to explain the reality of the physical neurological or physioiogical behaviours halted by as small a problem as this, within the city. These citizens, then, world continues on fervently at L.U., as between rats and humans. Naturally, turned to something they were already upon receiving the go ahead command, more and more data on this new particle much more research is needed before the accustomed to working with • crickets. link their T.V. screens up to the Pen­ accumulates. This one discovery could, technique is mastered (there is still a By carefully removing a specific portion tagon's computer system via telephone potentially, be more important than the problem with duplicating the exact of the DNA strand from a river fly and lines. The aiming of the lasers is controll­ combined efforts of Einstein, human brain color). But, if the work con­ recombining it with the DNA in a ed by the computer, but the human Shrodinger, Plank and all the rest of tinues at its fast pace it will soon be cricket, these ingenious scientists were operator must press the appropriate but­ them guys who started everything. It is possible to exchange the brain of a able to reproduce the river flies propensi­ ton at the right time to destroy the obvious that both Dr. Pac and Dr. Man gorilla with that of a Phi Delt, with little ty to copulate in the behaviour of this enemy. envision personal immortality as they or no noticable change in behavior (ex­ new breed of crickets. It was then just a Implementation of the defense system fight for the naming of the new particle. cept for possibly detrimental side effects matter of time before their work on will have to wait for several years due to It is likely that in the end a compromise to the gorilla).

March 11,1983 — The Lawrentian — 5 PLAUDITS Now let us praise famous men

______by 1 .1. S c rtb le n ii______the students outside of the professors,” and he would like to be "responsible and flexible to students,” resulting, finally, When we cast back upon the stream of in increased "student/professor interac­ events which comprise a year, we look not so much at their context or result, tion and entertainment in the dorms, but at those men who made them hap­ such as folklore.” In order to better ex­ pen. History is the mirror of greatness, ecute his duties, Shrode wants "to be and among the untold millions struggl­ able to be current and flexible, to change ing to impress it with their images, only with the times,” and although he feels a blessed few will succeed. If the col­ comfortable with LU now, he "wants to lected deeds which we call ‘‘the past” become more visible on campus.” These have shaped our world, then it is the touching sentiments remind us of Mer- heroes who have taught us how to live cius’ words: “The men of true greatness within it; they shine above the mass, and never loses his child’s heart.” They are by their stars we chart our individual all cases of arrested development courses. The great man both reflects and Henry Taylor:

is reflected by his culture—it pursuing The world knows nothing of its great men the standards which he establishes, he embodying its ethos—and is, as such, its This is certainly true, but the reasons fullest statement. He commands events, are clear: the great man, in his pas­ chooses their form, and constructs, from sionate commitment and incentive to them, new wholes. The man of the year, act, tends to bottle up his more personal then, is that unique individual who, by predilections in favor of his greater pur­ force of will, has exerted the greatest in­ suits. Yet this only serves to deprive us fluence upon that time. Like the of our man, rendering him vaguely in­ Napoleon of 1905, like the Lenin of 1917, human. Here, the personal Shrode: he is the titan with whom the year will Paul received his B.A. in Biology from forever be associated. 1982-83 is the Albion College (Michigan), where he year of Paul Shrode. later served as a head resident in charge Yet, how shall be best evaluate such of student activities. After earning his an overwhelming personality? It seems Masters in College Student Personnel at most appropriate to leave the task to his Bowling Green, he held administrative historical fellows: positions at Hope College and DePauw. Benjamin Disraeli: Although he consciously forged this career in university administration, The spirit of the M)e is the very I hint) that a great man Shrode reserves for himself dreams of c h a n g e s other, future vocations: he would like, And it is to this most important objec­ for instance, to be a hardware store tive that Shrode has dedicated himself. owner; or, perhaps, a Foundation Ex­ Paul Shrode arrives at Lawrence, like St. ecutive for a non-profit organization, Joan at the French court, unknown and where he could “assist men in fulfilling untested, and, without hesitation, simp­ their dreams.” Most of all, he would like ly takes the wheel and rights our to build his own house, where he could previously aimless course. He arrives at listen to the classical music which he Lawrence in 1982, and finds it decadent loves (“not country western”!), or, and apathetic, headed for disaster. What perhaps, enjoy the familiar melodies of does he do? “West Side Story,” his favorite musical. 1. He takes a corrupt and arrogant In addition to enjoying “a good lecture," Greek system and, concentrating on its Shrode, the builder and shaper, likes, ap­ central component, the Inter-Fraternity propriately enough, "to watch construc­ Council; begins working on a “stronger tion.” equal distribution between fraternities. ” ★ ★ ★ 2. He takes the lax and shoddy system Paul Shrode: a man unlike other men. of Residence Hall governance and whips Shrode’s actions. He is forever thinking, He is a romantic, a dreamer—and this is it into a crack corps of counselling pro­ Anglicanism, like Pound’s fascism, like planning. Determined to remake goocf. He has a future here at Lawrence, fessionals. He demands "more training Hemingway’s afición, Shrode reserves Lawrence in his own image, Shrode has for himself one crutch, one modest prop and, it is certain, Lawrence is fortunate for counsellors." He revamps the made his presence felt in all aspects of to ease his days: peppiness. The blind, to have him in its future. On a more pathetic and unwanted head-resident University life, particularly in the field sobering note, however, Shrode is position to “provide future work skills” indiscriminate peppiness of the of entertainment. Reflecting on the cheerleader. somewhat resentful of his treatment by including, even, the drafting of “budgets November appearance of the Chicago- the press, (see, also, “Amy’s Turn”, p. 2) for things other than parties. ” "The ‘Lawrence Difference” really ex­ based band “The Kind,” Shrode con­ ists,” says Shrode. And within it he feeling that he has been “quoted out of 3. He realizes that no one reads The tends that they did not fail ‘ because the finds his job "very challenging.” This is, context,” in The Lawrentian, that those Lawrentian or consults “This Week"; he people who heard them enjoyed them.” who interviewed him “ have had is aware that to cash a check one must he feels, "an exciting time at Lawrence, Furthermore, the cost was “made up, preconceived ideas and were there only journey as far as the Business Office on­ with the administration turn-over and partially, like most other to get those answers” whether or not ly to join a queue upon arrival; he notices the conflicts of the entire nation.” Confi­ performances”; the University’s loss they were his exact words!! This brings that there is unused space in the lower dent of his place during these trying was only minimal. As ior the February level of the Union: Voila! He opens an times, Shrodes feels his job "is a source to mind yet another famous saying: “ If performance of comedian Garrett Mor­ Information Booth. Things haven't been of needed leadership.” There should be, you can’t stand the heat, get cut of the ris, the Dean allows himself to boast kitchen.” the same since. he says, "someone to pay attention to that it was “not a failure.” On the sub­ In short, what Shrode has done in the ject of Steven Spielberg’s film space of eight months is to transform Poltergeist”, he remains silent. Perhaps the epicurean behemoth of Lawrence in this regard it is best to consult the 7th social and administrative life into an century Niti Sataka of Bharitrihari, economical and efficient cadre. Not only where we learn that the noblest hero is are things happening materially, but "the man who conquers his senses.” SAMMY'S PIZZA they are having their moral and philosophical repercussions as well. Day Thomas Fuller: 211 N. Appleton St. by day we may observe our community (»real hopes make great men in process of becoming a cleaner, happier When confronted with the harsh day- Featuring: Free Delivery to Lawrence and altogether fitter place to live. to-day realities of his position, it is Tacitus: necessary for Dean Shrode to call upon

Reason and judgement are the qualities of a leader that inner reservoir of strength which allows him to continue in his bold under­ 50« Off Medium Pizza Ordered It goes without saying that to guide taking. How, living where he does—on others one must exhibit firm judgment the edge of human knowledge and ex­ himself. There is method to all of perience, where he is forced to peer, ^ 1 .00 Off Large Pizza Ordered even, into the void beyond, does Shrode j , ,mi S.il ? All quotes from Dean Shrode, unless maintain his buoyant disposition and Drlnvry Hours Sim Tim , Fr, 2 ,im otherwise indicated cheery demeanor? Like Eliot's I'lh w e 734-4567

6 — The Lawrentian — March 11, 1983

/ f

1982: The Year in Review

______by Io Im Partridge the pot-boiler sells movie rights even pay their honorific dues, the Lawrence Vice President of Business Affairs. Hav­ faster than Dinty’s Old World, New chapter was called on the carpet by na­ ing ruled the books for 22 years, Tearing, as we do, so rapidly through World of the preceding spring, making tional big-wigs in convention, and Wrolstad retires a legend, inspiring this the course of a year, the events and per­ ■the presidential one eligible for profile in severely chastised. The offending par­ ditty, especially popular on toilet seats sonalities which characterized it often the new Vanity Fair (see article, page ). ties were finally ejected from the group, of the period: become blended into an indistin- being asked to return not only their cer­ There once was a man named Mar quishable blur of activity. So, before, tificates of membership, but the special Wrolstad, they are forever committed to recollec­ October 15, 1982: Murphy’s law yellow candle with the black bow on it, tive generality, here, once again, are the ignites too. highlights of the academic year 1982-83, The roaring blaze that engulfed the as faithfully reported by your Lawren­ tian: Phi Gamma Delta house on October 13 kept things warm for weeks to come. October 1, 1982: Betas placed in Perceived indiscretions in headlining suspended activation and captioning (see “Amy’s Turn ”, page Somehow deemed unacceptable in the 2) led to a heated exchange in the press, brave new world of Greek life, the while smoked-out Fijis were forced to members of Beta Theta Pi were given billet in the vacant (what are they going eviction notices after a prolonged battle to do with it, anyway?) Beta House. For­ with the Office of Campus Life. Charged tunately enough. Physical Plant had with shoddy management, violation of completed the two week project of health codes and amassing even more replacing 24 broken windows facing the damages than the Phi Delt house, the fraternity quadrangle before their ar­ Betas were scattered across campus as rival. Unfortunately, it took that long the black doors closed. Good things are again to restore the Fiji House to cooking in the year to come, and the habitability. The newspaper controver­ roasting of the Betas is only the first sy, on the other hand, was settled in only course. one week.

Who, despite what they say, wasn't so bad. The small houses deal Was the act of no heel. Just a few extra shots of Old Grand Dad

December 4, 1982: Premier per­ formance of The Daves Led by matinee idol Paul Velcro, the greatest Lawrence group since Jeff Wisser and the College Avenue Band, October 15, 1982: Kuhn doomed to debuted at the Coffee House to rave October 13, 1982: The Intra-Mural reviews. Heralded by With-it editor Tom paradigm shift revolution begins Skinner as “the greatest gimmick since Having juked and jived their way to The mysterious disappearance of the singing chipmunks,” Velcro and his the tournament top, the championship Thomas Kuhn from the Freshman- boys came to play. What they did then is Delt flag football team met a large and Studies curriculum is finally noted by a still a matter of debate. Rumor has it awkward Ripon squad for the Midwest concerned philosophy major—as if that these are actually the guys who put I.M. title. Their victory was only the anyone else would care. Just where he the bomp. first step on a long road to intra-mural goes remains open to debate, although a legitimacy. The later addition of attrac­ popular rumor has it that he’s enrolled in an “English as second language” tive t-shirts for competitors and weekly October 31,1982: High priced scare postings by coordinator Mike Mol set it course. This is, of course, secondary. The T h e L a w r e n t i a n in the big-time to stay. Now if only Mol’s essence of the matter is that he was It’s Halloween, and for a special holi­ Slop the presses! son was to get into the picture.... definitely shifted out, to the great joy of day treat the prodigal Dean Shrode (see instructors and resentment of upper­ “Man of the Year”, page ) jumps at the I'hey’re going to anywav October 15,1982: Unamuno begs toclassmen who were forced to wade opportunity for a special showing of be heard through his two hundred tortuous pages Steven Spielberg’s hit movie The publication of President Richard of platitude. Poltergeist. When he decided to treat Warch’s tell-all biography, Rik Warch: Lawrentians to this feature, however, he Silver-haired orator, is met with critical hadn’t intended for it to be financial. derision but sells into the millions. A Rented at a one day price of $1000, saucy tale of intrigue in the ivory tower, Poltergeist drew nearly $500 at the gate. Such a deal. November 5, 1982: V P selection Mar-red Michael Stewart is chosen as suc­ cessor to Mar “The Czar” Wrolstad as W fit \ SitVtK'TOWOUCO

November 19, 1982: Stop the pres­ ses: They’re going to anyway In a fit of paranoia (tempered by the lack of a legitimate cover story) Lawren- October 15, 1982: Mortarboard: the tian editors prophesied journalistic the candle flickers apocalypse for the umpteenth time. One of the university’s most Fears proved unfounded, however, since prestigious student organizations is the same suckers agreed to take the job thrown into shame and turmoil in a con­ again for the following term. troversy of national scope. After several Nonetheless, the cover became a major TtRCMCI MORAN distinguished members-elect failed to classic of misprinting.

March 11, 1983 — The Lawrentian — 7

B IS A U F S WITH-IT

albums, songs such as “ Help me, it took us so long to see the light. In The African Beats number 20, and get The Lawrentian would like to thank The this—Sunny is a real king! Last month, Beggar's Tune for leading out their albums Somebody’’ and “ Hot Sauce”, as well as Nigeria, King Sunny Ade has been fill­ for review. others like “ I Can’t Hold Out” and ing the Top 40 charts with hits for years the King and his twenty Beats crossed “Funky Bitch.'' If you are only going to now. King Sunny’s records routinely sell the Atlantic for two New York perfor­ buy one live blues album this year, make a quarter of a million copies in Africa. mances, and every reviewer I ’ve read it this one—you won’t be disappointed. Six of his many number-one hits com­ has been absolutely entranced by the prise Juju Music, his first overseas energy, vitality, and overall groovativi- -TOM SKINNER release. ty of this band. “Juju music,” says King Sunny in the So what’s Nigerian Top 40 like? It ’s album cover notes, “is basically party probably the most luciously rhythmic King Sunny Ade and bis African Beats music.” Party music for a Nigerian, yes; stuff I ’ve ever heard. At first listening, JuJu AI msjc something exciting and new for this my ignorant Western ears kept waiting ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ Westerner’s ears. Juju is a specific type for something to leap out at me—a stun­ by Jon VandenHeuvel of music which was developed by ning chord change, a catchy melody, a The fact that this record has been Nigeria's Yoruba tribe, starting in the whapping bass line. It’s not that these listed among J982’s best in reputable early 1960’s. Its origins are the talking things can’t be found on Juju Music, it’s publications such as Musician magazine drum sequences that the Yoruba have just that these things aren’t very impor­ and Village Voice (no, not in the insipid used for centuries, and although the tant in juju. The tonality is quite simple; Rolling Stone) is evidence that electric guitar has become juju music’s often King Sunny grooves on the same America’s musical tastes are becoming primary instrument, this record features chord seemingly endlessly. The key more international. One listen to Juju three talking drums which are given am­ change that the Westerner has come to Music makes this reviewer wonder why ple space to solo. anticipate never happens. If you’re Son Seals brave enough to throw out of the win­ The Son Seals Blues Band dow the concept that melody and har­ mony are the most important com­ ★ ★ ★ ★ ponents in music, then this record’s go­ Live and Burnin The Rockpite ing to do something for you. Unlike funk, which is rhythmically ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ by Tom Skinner In a review of live blues albums driven by the bass line, or reggae, which recently, mention was made of another At long last, what you've all been waiting their endlessly interesting and publicized per­ is based on a skankingly rhythmic blues guitarist named Son Seals. Seals for—The Rockpiles choices of Best of... ' in sonal lives. These guys represent just what the guitar chop, no one instrument has relased four albums to date, two of the music industry for 1982-83. Not to be out­ world needs—a return to greasy hair, shabby predominates in juju music. All the com­ which are reviewed here—The Son Seals done by Rolling Stone, The Rockpile has clothes, cheap women and good ole rockabilly ponents—bass, several guitars, and Blues Band was his first studio release, come up with a comprehensive list of the un- music on the AM radio. (Note: further confir­ multitudes of percussion play an equal and Live and Burnin’ is his only live LP disputedly biggest, best and most successful mation of the Stray Cats' popularity can be role in establishing the groove. The yet issued. Both are prime examples of musical feats of the year. Without further ado, found by looking to Britt Eklund, everybody's groove isn’t as easy to grab as in funk or the electric urban Chicago blues style they are as follows: favorite stardoer, who hooked up with the reggae. It is more complex, more subtle, that has become so popular in recent Cats bass player. more tribal, i.e. before you can tap your years. Best Album No doubt about it, Springsteen's foot to this stuff, you must decide which Frank “Son” Seals was born on beat you want to tap to. Better yet, (a.k.a. God, to his fans) Nebraska, fer sure. At­ Best Soul Artist: "Sexual Healing" is a bit weak, August 13, 1942, in Osceola, Arkansas, tempting to do what bad already been done don’t even try—lay outside on a hot behind the blues club that his father much better by his predecessors, Springsteen s summer day, close your eyes, and let owned. Jim Seals had played with the release of Nebraska was sheer genius—one yourself be carried away by the rhythm. famed Rabbit Foot Minstrels, and final­ must applaud an artist willing to take the risk ly settled in Arkansas, opening the of commercial failure (about a .000001% . _ JON VANDENHEUVEL Dipsey Doodle Club in Osceola. Son chance, due to his enormous, cult-like follow­ Seals thus grew up listening to such ing of devoted record buyers) on a project greats as Sonny Boy Will’amson and with which he was so emotionally involved. Robert Nighthawk playing in his (Incidentally, a new category, Best Critics, father’s club, and he soon began backing should be created, and this year filled by the these bluesmen on drums when they millions of rock critics who claim to be un­ were in town. Seals eventually played biased, but who waited patiently in line for a guitar with Earl Hooker s band, and chance to jump on the Springsteen/Nebraska drums with Albert King. After his bandwagon.) father’s death in 1971, Son moved to the south side of Chicago, which is widely Artist oj the Year Neil Young, absolutely. This considered the current home of the guy should be a critic (see above). One can blues. There he jammed with Hound always count on Young to latch on to the back Dog Taylor, Junior Wells, James Cotton door of a trend—this year it's computer music, ? and Howling Wolf, Jr., and eventually and only two years after Kraftwerk released formed his own band. Finally in the Computerworld. Runner-up in this category Daves headman Paul Velcro spotlight, where he belonged, Seals’ star is Styx, who undoubtedly recognized the vast but Marvin Gaye still deserves the nod here. began to rise, and he cut his first album potential in Youngs Trans album, and releas­ Midnight Love is just chock-full of wonderful in 1973. The Son Seals Blues Band is as ed "Mr. Roboto” a month later. Young and soul, infinitely better than anything Gaye ever good a first release as anyone could ask Styx—two members of the winning team. for. The rawness and fire that are Seals’ did during his wasted Motown days. I mean, who would ever want to listen to '60s filler like trademarks first make their appearance The Jam Best New Artist Gotta go with them Stray Cats "Hitchhike" or "Ain't no Mountain High here on such cuts as “Sittin’ at My Win­ Dig the New Breed dow”, “ Hot Sauce” and “ Mother-in- here. I heir musical talent is exceeded only by Enough" when he could hear the repetitive, Law-Blues.” The mix is simple and not discofied moaning and groaning of this instant Polydor classic? Way to go, Marv! cluttered with the usual, seemingly Rock music, like almost every other obligatory, horn section. Guitar, bass, Best Band Asia is the obvious choice here. artistic (and for that matter, scientific) organ and drums provide all the field of endeavor, can be said to have firepower needed, and convey a dark at­ Never ones to sell out for a quick buck, Asia's members continued.their pursuit of creative, definite schools, each of which has come mosphere that is difficult to capture on to be id e n tifie d —rig h tly or vinyl. artistic perfection, and released a humbly self­ wrongly—with specific personalities. Son Seals is best appreciated, titled LP. They were, of course, pleasantly surprised when the album shot to number I The early rockabilly sound has become however, in a live setting. Because blues synonymous with Elvis Presley, for ex­ music depends so much on the con- due to the band's completely unexpected popularity among the 14-18 year old crowd. ample, even though people like Gene veyence of emotions and feelings of the Vincent and Chuck Berry were probably performer to an audience, live perfor­ Just goes to show you, creativity always prevails. as influential and prolific as the in­ mances, where the performer and au­ famous “King of Rock V Roll”. This dience can interact m a give-and-take at­ pattern has continued throughout mosphere, are nearly always much more W ho is more deserving than Best Songwriter Rocks history, from the folk/protest effective than those done in the studio. L.U.'s own Paul Velcro, erstwhile lead singer rock of the sixties to the country rock of Lhre and Burnin’, Seals’ live album, is a of The Daves? Velcro's compositions, full of the seventies (I wonder how many Mar­ sterling example of this process at work. wide-ranging vocal harmonies and romantic shall Tucker fans have ever heard of Recorded at a small Chicago blues club, lyrics, as well as brilliant instrumental work, Gram Parsons?) and the late-seventies The Wise Fools Pub, in 1978, Seals suc­ are major successes just waiting to happen. It's punk revolution was no exception ceeded in capturing the excitement and a mystery to me why he hasn't signed with a While bands like the Sex Pistols and intensity of his live performances on major record label already. Flying Fish, for in­ the Clash were receiving all kinds of tape, and the resultant LP is fantastic. stance. publicity and hitting the big time (i.e., Backed, as always, by his outstanding So, for now, keep on bopping kids. This is band, the instrumentals sizzle and Seals' your Skindaddy saying Rock on, Rock steady ? uV / Jmarket> the Jam quietly established itself as perhaps the vocals are as raw and powerful as ever. and, most of all, Rock the Casbah—they need premiere performer of the genre, He plays the best cuts off of his first two the business. Look u’hat the aft ihiiiUieJ it continued page 11 8 — The Lawrentian — March 11,1983

/ FILM 1982: Mediocrity at the movies by Jeff Wisser this study of five young men confron­ by Ric Waits. Shields, would have been a smash dur­ ting the end of adolescence in 1959 9.) Still of the Night: Meryl Steep ing the silent era. Unfortunately, this is It wasn t the best of times, it wasn’t Baltimore. finally found a role for which her never- a talkie. Even the year’s best theme the worst of times either. If anything, 2.) Quest for Fire: Director Jean- ending twitching was appropriate in this song (by David Bowie) couldn’t pull this 1982 was about as mediocre as times get Jacques Annaud mounted this homage to Hitchcock. Roy Scheider was one out of the latrine. at the movies. fascinating and funny story of the Ulam superb as a shrink getting in over his 7.) Tempest: Wrho told Paul Mazurski In what other year would political tribe, circa 80,000 B.C. Scripted by head. Not all Hitchcock tributes need to (Harry and Tonto; Bob and Carol, Ted heresy and hearsay like Richard Atten- Gerald Brach with a little help from An­ be as smug and smutty as Brian and Alice) to update Shakespeare? And botough's Ghandi be hailed as a grand thony Burgess and Desmond Morris, DePalma's Dressed to Kill. if such a thing really needs to be done, mating of history and art? At what Quest’s depection of the discovery of the 10.) Mephisto: 1st van Szabo's sen­ couldn't it be done by someone who other time would a lukewarm, Some Like missionary position alone was worth the sitive look into the dark heart of Hen­ wasn't the creator of the Monkey’s TV drik Hofgren, an actor who sacrifices his show? soul for advancement in the Nazi State Theatre. An interesting turn of the Faustian myth (Hofgren, in fact, plays Mephistopheles in a production of Faust), Szabo's film won a much- deserved foreign film award.

And then there were the Dogs: 1.) Six Weeks: The smarmiest film of the young decade. Mary Tyler Moore scowled for two straight hours, Dudley Moore made an ass of himself once again. And we got to watch a precocious young girl die of leukemia. 2.) Missing: Left-wing didacticism run Mephisto Faust and Hitler amuck, after the China Syndrome was it really necessary to watch Jack Lemmon 8.) Victor/Victoria: Alex Karras and be cleansed of his conservative learnings Robert Preston as raving poofters and and embrace ‘‘the cause” again? Nice Julie Andrews as a virtually sexless be­ performances by Sissy Spacek and John ing (at least that one makes sense, on a Shey in thankless roles were not enough type-casting level anyway) in this to make this paranoid drivel palatable. meandering, senseless pile of would-be 3.) Cannery Row: The sound you hear farce. Moliere would not be amused by is John Steinbeck, a man who gave Blake Edwards annual output of sleepy, Hollywood a wealth of adaptable made-for-TV yucks. material, spinning wildly in his grave. 9.) Frances: The question: can an Deborah Winger, cast as a novice harlot alcoholic, bitchy, atheist, left-wing ac­ with a heart of gold and a brain of lead, tress from Washington find happiness proved that she couldn’t act her way out and fulfillment through gang rape and of an open paper bag. lobotomy? The answer: probably not. 4.) An Officer and a Gentlemen: Everything about Graham Clifford’s Murphy and Nolte in 48 Hours Movies like this were terrible during the alledged statement was heavy-handed, ’40’s. And they’re no better now. Once particularly the lead performance of price of admission. it Hot-ripoff like Tootsie be so highly again Winger proved a clutz, and Jessica Lange, who seemed unable to 3.) The Road Warior: George Miller’ touted? Finally, during what other year Richard Gear gave his soulful empty- stop rolling her eyes, tilting her head, lyric, post-nuclear action flick was an ex­ would trash like Victor/Victoria, The headed grease schtik another pitiful try. and screaming every time the script citing paean to classics like The Sear­ Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, or Only Lou Gossett held any interest in calls for high drama. Lange, in this film chers and Yojimbo. Cast as the Yes, Giorgio be seriously considered for this mess. as well as Tootsie, comes across as a sociopathic hereo Max, Mel Gibson gave Acadamy Awards? 5.) One From the Heart: Francis Ford lower version of Diane Keaton's eternal one of the years most riveting perfor­ In thinking back on the year that was, Coppola rose to the top of the heap of Meshugenah, only without the hundred mances. it is difficult if not impossible to recall a film-school grads in Hollywood through dollar/hour analyst. 4.) Personal Best: Robert Towne, major American picture that lived up to his ability to craft a compelling story. 10.) Blade Runner: Ridley Scott’s first its hype. Desperate for quality motion gifted screenwriter of gems like pictures, the critics and consumers alike Chinatownand Shampoo, is no slouch as lost patience and jumped onto the wob­ a director either. His story of two track bly band wagons of such flawed pieces runners was a beautiful, breathtaking as Sophie’s Choice, Frances, An Officer delight. Fine performances by Mariel and a Gentlemen, Tootsie, E.T., and Hemingway, Patriece Donnelly, and Ghandi. At best, these pictures boasted Scott Glenn helped. a fine performance here or a few in­ 5.) Das Boot: The year’s finest German teresting moments. At worst, they were import, greatly outdistancing anything simple-minded, pretentious, or Herzog of Fassbinder have come up with downright offensive. in years. A melodrama, set aboard a Still, there were some fine films on beleagured U-boat, Das Boot was the American screens in '82, at least enough most precisely made movie of the year. to fill up a Top Ten list: 6.) The Verdict: Scripted by David 1.) Diner: Featuring virtually Mamet and directed by Sidney Lumet, this was a fine showcase of Paul Newman's nearly limitless talents. The Verdict was also notable for exposing a great deal of gray area in American judicial system, without falling back on the standard post-Watergate practice of routinely trashing the entire system. 7.) Shoot the Moon: Screenwriter Bo Goldman (Melvin and Howard, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest) proved once again that he has one of the most IfliiJc Runiifr Doggiest of the dogs talented ears in Hollywood. Allan Parker’s direction was tight, and Albert This time around though, Coppola aban­ film since Alien must have nearly an Finney and Dana Hill have masterful doned the very idea of narrative, attemp­ hour trimmed for reasons of commerce. E T. strikes out performances. Even Diane Keaton was ting to bluff his audience with a lot of This film makes absolutely no sense unknown cast, and a thoughtful in­ tolerable, keeping her dithering to a high-tech dreck. Heavy on the sound whatsoever. Lots of neato special effects telligent screenplay by Robert Levinson, minimum. and fury, but...- and no brains. this summer sleeper displayed more 8.) 48 Hours: Part Dirty Harry, part 6.) Cat People: A little Freud is a compassion, humor, and insight than French Connection, and all Eddie Mur­ dangerous thing. An updating of a 1942 the rest of the year’s domestic efforts phy, 48 Hours was a tight cops and rob­ B horror film, this one brought all the combined. Levinson, in his directorial bers thriller with a sense of humor to sexual undertones of its predessor to a debut, showed a great talent for handl­ boot. Walter Hill's direction was role of central importance. Star ing actors, pacing, and shot selection in skillfull, with hypnotic cinematography Nastassia Kinski, the European Brooke March 11, 1983 — The Lawrentian — 9 FICTION No Questions By Paul Velcro

Sometimes when I walk across the bridge, all alone, and the wind is strong and whips through my hair and whips across the water far, far below, I want to grab the railing and push off it, swing­ ing my body over the side. Like right now. It’s not that I want to die. The cars and trucks and vans speed past me perhaps eight feet to the right. It would be far easier to simply step in front of one. But I feel no desire to do that. Or to hang myself, or slash my wrists, or overdose, or anything like that. The bridge alone seems tempting—very tempting. I look down again as I walk, down at the river to my left. There’s some turbulence today; the water smashes into rocks I can’t see and spills its white guts off to the sides, where they are drawn down, down under other jets. Fresh jets, but also doomed to crash and die and sink, never to be seen again. Something scrapes across the sidewalk. I turn my head; a rock rolls and bounces forward, away from me, even as I walk toward it. I must have kicked it, although I didn’t feel it through my boot. It slows and then freezes on one of its edges, and I bend to pick it up. I’ll throw it into the river. No I won’t. I would never see it hit the water in all that turbulence. I’ll wait until I’ve reached the other side of the bridge, where it’s more peaceful. I grasp the rock tightly; my hand feels good around it. A school bus is approaching on the right, yellow but dull under the ashen sky. The forms of children appear as dark silhouettes, then fill out into momentary splashes of face as the bus passes. And I can remember when I, too, used to for sometimes I get damned close. And I wonder at the river, feeling...what...jealous of a rock? ride a school bus, and look out the window at the what stops me from jumping over this banister Yeah, I suppose I am. My friends would think people on the sidewalk. I wondered who they right now. I wonder if it’s the same thing stopp­ I was joking again. They don’t suspect my true were, and often thought it strange that they ing me in both cases. And I wonder if it’s good for nature. They think they know me pretty well, but would appear in my sight and my world for just a me, or not; whether it saves me or enslaves me. they’ve never even met me. So they can’t help me moment and probably never be seen again. And I have stood in my room at times, frozen in a bit. now I wonder if anyone in the bus that just pass­ front of the mirror, staring into my own dark eyes And the questions remain. My father would ed me had the same thought about me. Perhaps. and trying to see inside them, through them, past always say, “ There are no easy answers, Jack.” Maybe one of them, seeing me, even realized that the black-in-brown-in-white to...? I have stood for And I would answer, “You’re wrong; there must I had probably had the same though once myself, what seemed an hour at a time, hands clenched be.” But now I know how right he was—more when I rode a bus, and that I would be reminded atop the desk, looking into that mirror at the eyes right than even he knew. There are no easy of it now...and we would share a thought. But 1 and nose and lips and hair that I call “me” and answers. Because there are no answers. doubt it. I never thought that far myself. others call “ Ja ck ” until my face has vanished and Questions, questions...I hit the banister with And still the waters to the left and far, far been replaced by a stranger’s. And I can never my fist, I shake my head, but it does no good. I below rage and swell and split against the rocks remember when this substitute first materialized, wish I had the rock. W hy? Because it was and against one another, and make a sound which or what happened to the first face; and although I something to hold onto, real and tangible, I sup­ is a kind of loud humming. No, it’s more like see similarities, as if the two are brothers, they pose. But it ’s gone; the river took it away forever. breathing. A single, titanic breath that never clearly aren’t the same person. I wonder now, as I So I start walking again, glaring at the river. stops. If I were to jum p over this banister—the do then, which one is really me. If either. God, how I hate that river, so vast and eternal. I very banister now sliding under my left hand as I When I joke around with my friends, is that stop and turn. Again, I long to jum p far down and walk—the breathing would become louder with me talking or just some guy that I ’ve given them plunge into the water, attacking it. I want to rip each instant, and so would the wind in my ears as as my ambassador? Because that person—the one the water open—to tear it apart, once and for all. I sped downward, faster, faster every instant. who knows my friends—he doesn’t stare into mir­ It deserves to be torn...I want to mutilate and kill The combined effect would be awfully loud by the rors. He doesn’t long to shriek at people who are it. time I hit. But just how loud? I ’d like to find out. giving speeches. He doesn’t slide his hand along a No. T hat’s all wrong. You can’t kill a river. A Why do I want to know? I don’t know. Why bridge banister and then stop, grasping it, and dramatic splash and a momentary red tint, soon do I want to do most of the things I want to do? turn, and stand on his toes to look as far down in­ to be washed away—th at’s all I could hope for. I Sometimes I sit in a theater or a chapel or a class, to the water as he can. know it, and I ’ve always known it, yet when I ’m watching and listening to the actors or minister But I do. And I see that the current runs up here on the bridge, caught in the wind, I or instructor; I sit still and polite and nice like more smoothly here, for it lies deeper. I wind up sometimes forget. everyone else, and the man or woman in front of and throw my rock far ahead; it sails away from Still standing in place, I turn to look ahead: me and above me talks on and on, on any subject; me, then arches downward and falls far, far I've almost reached the other side. Another fifty it doesn’t matter. And sometimes I agree with below, and disappears. There is a sudden, small or sixty feet. what’s being said, and sometimes I don’t; and rip in the river, and white foam with some loose So I begin walking again, hands in my that doesn’t really matter either. Because rings spreading outward, but the steady current pockets. I t ’s time to go now. sometimes I just start to grit my teeth and rub sweeps it all away and only the river remains. Isn ’t it? the soles of my shoes against the floor, and 1 want I look at my hand. Ten seconds ago, the rock to jump up and shout at whoever’s talking, was inside it, rough and dry. I look down again. “You’re wrong, all wrong, you Now the rock is way down there, sinking through bastard!”—whether the person’s wrong or right. the water. So fast, so easy—and now it’s all done. And I wonder what stops me from doing it, So I stand here, leaning over the banister, looking

10 — The Lawrentian — March l i , 1983

/ LARSENY The Larsen Linecontinued from page eight by A.L. and C.J. F or years, sports columnists have made a living predicting, as well as analyzing, Dig the new breed trends in athletics. Such names as Jimmy the Greek, Fete Axtheim and Sports Il­ although few people outside of their backup vocals—and even then it was lustrated s infamous “Dr. Z’ , Paul Zimmerman, have gazed into their crystal balls native England had ever heard of them. done more as a way of paying homage to with enough accuracy, elan and humor to develop devoted followings among betters, Their continued presence in the U.K. the Rhythm and Blues roots that they bookmakers and assorted other laymen whose balls are not crystal. Their predic­ pop charts and consistently solid album shared with their mod predecessors, the tions are notoriously fallible, however, as many a poor sot who has gambled away his releases have earned them respect, if not Who. life savings on the strength of some columnist’s erroneous whim has found out. mass popularity, in America, however, The selections on this album are in­ Dwelling among the ranks ot these pillars of prophecy is Lawrence s own swami and the typically unassuming announce­ tended as a live retrospective, chronical- of sweat, yours truly. Unfortunately, the predictions of this columnist (as those of ment of their breakup early this year ing the band’s development from their you who habitually read all the way back to page sixteen of The Lawrentian have came as a mild surprise to some. That 1977 debut album, In the City (which is already noticed) do not have a very good track record, to say the least. In fact, the announcement coincided with the the first cut included here) through last author has yet to find the track. Cases in point: release of a live album, Dig the New year’s The Gift LP, represented by the In a January article, “Confessions of an Unabashed Packer-backer,” I Breed, which attempts, and in general somewhat surprising inclusion of predicted that the Packers, who had won impressively in the first round of the NFL succeeds, in capsulizing their all-too- “Ghosts”. playoffs, would continue on all the way to the Super Bowl. Two days later they lost. brief six year career. Side One of Dig the New Breed is — In a January piece entitled, “Should Hockey be a Varsity Sport?” I debated Dig the New Breed is far from being a dominated by the tracks which original­ whether or not Lawrence hockey was legitimate enough to be given varsity status, perfect album, however. Like most live ly appeared on the 1978 release. All Mod and concluded that although it probably would remain as a club sport (for primarily albums, the songs recorded here are not Cons (“All Mod Cons", "To Be So­ monetary reasons) it was indeed legitimate. That very night the Vikes were forced to on a par with the studio versions meone” and “ It’s too Bad.”) These three technically, but the emotionally charged play most of the game against UW-LaCrosse with the Indian's second string goalie, songs, all of which were recorded in interplay between the audiences and the since Lawrence goalie Joe Motto had gotten injured early on and the Vikes had no December 1979 at the Rainbow Theatre substitute for him. performers more than makes up for this. in London, are the weak link in the As critic Michael Hill has noted, Dig the album, but nonetheless come off New Breed “relies on those simple and passably. Although Weller's vocals are striking moments in which the words somewhat strained, and his guitar leads themselves may be garbled but the emo­ aren’t loud enough, his duets with Fox­ tions come through loud and clear." ton are effective, and the tunes, as a Loud and clear and without any studio whole, all work. The best recordings are overdubs, he might have added. The probably the two songs off of 1980’s songs are occasionally marred by bad Sound Affects, “Set the House Ablaze” tracks—Paul Weller’s lead vocals on and "Start”. The former finds Weller’s “ It’s Too Bad" and his guitar work on voice in fine form and the lyrics—aimed “ In The City” come immediately to at the growing neo-fascist movement in mind—but the raw sound is somehow England—are sung with perfect elocu­ fitting for Weller’s lyrics, which are pro­ tion. The latter, one of Weller’s most bably the most eloquent and educated touching compositions ("it doesn't mat­ expressions of rage and pathos to ter if we never meet again, what we have emerge from the entire punk/new wave said will always remain...”) is accen­ movement (Elvis Costello and Strum- tuated by the strong response from his mer and Jones of the Clash included.) Hammersmith Palais audience of When he and bassist Bruce Foxton December 14, 1981. As he approaches a —Finally, in March’s column, which was entitled “ Herschel Walker changes his snarl, “the public wants what the public particularly difficult vocal passage, the tune,” I applauded the Heiseman trophy-winning tailback for his decision to stay in gets” on “Going Underground”, an anti­ crowd joins him in singing (ironically) "if college and represent the United States in the 1984 Olympic Games. Less than a music industry diatribe that was their I never ever see you again.” week later, Walker turned pro. biggest U.K. single, the audience does All of the cuts on side two were record­ Obviously, my balls aren’t crystal, either. not miss the point, regardless of whether ed in 1982—with the exception of "Stan­ In an effort to correct this unfortunate malady, I've enlisted the services of the sound quality is as good as the 45 or dards'’ which was recorded at Reading another guru of grunt, known only as “the Salamander.” Through our combined not. University on February 16, 1979—and wisdom, foresight and overall sports savvy, we have come up with these predictions That isn’t to say the sound quality on they represent Weller's more mature for the coming spring: the album is completely bad. The Jam, writing. Although the recording quality On the professional level, we see the role played by television and financial in­ as a studio band, were often surprisingly varies soim*what, going from near studio terests increasing ever more (if that is possible.) Specifically, ABC will fire its sports harmonic in the power-pop mold, and perfection on "Ghosts” to a cavernous, programming director Roone Arledge for thinking that the USFL—regardless of they manage to capture that sound occa­ concert hall sound on “Dreams of Herschel Walker—could compete for the nation's attention with such established at­ sionally on Dig the New Breed; the Children,'' the album continues to suc­ acoustic ballad, “That’s tractions as the NCAA basketball tournament, the NBA playoffs, the Stanley Cup ceed in creating the overall effect of a Entertainment”, for example, is every playoffs, the Kentucky Derby, the opening of the major-league baseball season and Jam concert; the sense of urgency and bit as pretty here as it is on the Sound the Indy 500. In his place they will hire George Steinbrenner, who will buy out the importance found in Weller's lyrics is Affects LP. This album definitely league’s TV contract, sign Walker for the Yankees and give ABC exclusive rights to never betrayed by his band’s perfor­ downplays that aspect of the group, all their home games. mance, and that, in the final analysis, is In other sports-related news, Jerry Falwell, verbose leader of the Moral Majori­ however. Weller’s songs become bitter what gives this album (and more impor­ pills that were meant to be taken with a ty, will publically announce that the recent disaster involving former lesbian tennis tantly, this band) lasting significance, minimum of sugar-coating. Only the star Billy Jean King’s Malibu beach house (which slid into the ocean) was actually despite their lack of recognition in the an "act of God.” slighest attempts at “sweeting” the U.S. The Philadelphia 76ers will be forced to forfeit the final game of the NBA sound were made—through the sporadic —Andy Iuirsen playoffs when ten out of the eleven players on their active roster (as well as the head use of horns and Foxton’s falsetto coach, the assistant coach, the trainer and the ballboy) are indicted on charges of co­ caine peddling and possession. When asked to comment on the situation, Moses from page 12 Malone will confide, “You all would get a lot of rebounds, too, (sneeze) if you had the incentive clauses that I do.” On the college scene, allegations of recruiting violations will virtually cease to Gone but not forgOtten exist after the NCAA rules that schools may now put their athletes on salary, in an Art Institute and inquiring if the man Chicago, with the body being buried in attempt to save them from being enticed into joining the professional leagues before had ever been there. The assailant, after the Windy City. In a memorial service their college eligibility is used up. Lawrence Athletic Director Ron Roberts will, of taking another hefty swig from his held in the special collection department course, refuse to divulge the names of the salaried individuals here, but parked brown paper bag, reportedly answered of the literary wing of the Newberry Mercedes will become permanent fixtures in front of the Phi Delt House. Roberts that no, he had never been to the Art In­ Library, Otten was eulogized by and his football coaching staff, incidentally, will be touring the nation giving clinics stitute, but that he would like one of Ot- numerous authors, artists and critics, as this spring. ten’s Marlboro Lights. Otten responded well as I^awrence professor William * In intramural sports, an all-conservatory team will shock the campus by negatively, explaining that he only had Schutte, who remarked, “Tom was a dominating every spring IM league. The Conmen, as they will call themselves, will one left and he was saving it for after he helluva nice kid, but he wasn’t exactly edge out the Delts and Sig Eps for the all-around Supremacy Cup title, thus denying had seen the impressionist section of the an imposing figure at a south-side bus the frat boys the right to add that on to their resumes. museum. The man made numerous un­ stop." The tennis team will be decimated by the defection of its top six players, in­ printable remarks back to Otten at this cluding captain Cam Jackson, shortly before the conference meet. Jackson, the point, and the irrepressible Lawrentian, spokesman for the group, will epxlain that they wanted to concentrate their energies seeking to change the topic (which was on the upcoming campus-wide Ultimate Frisbee Tournament, which will be held in allegedly centered around the amount of the Banta Bowl. money he was carrying at the time) In conclusion, third term will be an exciting and unpredictable one in the sports remarked, “By the way, just who is this world, regardless of whether or not Steinbrenner’s ABC sports division can come to Washington fellow they keep talking terms with IM czar Mike Mol over broadcast rights to the innertube water polo tour­ about in the papers?” nament. See you then. The assailant then slit his throat. Ed. Note: The Guru and the Swami would like to wish the best of luck to the Services for the deceased are being Badgers in the NCAA hockey tournament. held in both Appleton, Wisconsin, and

March 11,1983 — The Lawrentian — 11 FICTION No Questions By Paul Velcro

Sometimes when I walk across the bridge, all alone, and the wind is strong and whips through my hair and whips across the water far, far below, I want to grab the railing and push off it, swing­ ing my body over the side. Like right now. It’s not that I want to die. The cars and trucks and vans speed past me perhaps eight feet to the right. It would be far easier to simply step in front of one. But I feel no desire to do that. Or to hang myself, or slash my wrists, or overdose, or anything like that. The bridge alone seems tempting—very tempting. I look down again as I walk, down at the river to my left. There's some turbulence today; the water smashes into rocks I can’t see and spills its white guts off to the sides, where they are drawn down, down under other jets. Fresh jets, but also doomed to crash and die and sink, never to be seen again. Something scrapes across the sidewalk. I turn my head; a rock rolls and bounces forward, away from me, even as I walk toward it. I must have kicked it, although I didn’t feel it through my boot. It slows and then freezes on one of its edges, and I bend to pick it up. I ’ll throw it into the river. No I won't. I would never see it hit the water in all that turbulence. I'll wait until I've reached the other side of the bridge, where it's more peaceful. I grasp the rock tightly; my hand feels good ' * ; -V : ■ around it. *TJr - < •> A school bus is approaching on the right, w ------yellow but dull under the ashen sky. The forms of — m m m m children appear as dark silhouettes, then fill out into momentary splashes of face as the bus passes. And I can remember when I, too, used to for sometimes I get damned close. And I wonder at the river, feeling...what...jealous of a rock? ride a school bus, and look out the window at the what stops me from jumping over this banister Yeah, I suppose I am. My friends would think people on the sidewalk. I wondered who they right now. I wonder if it’s the same thing stopp­ I was joking again. They don’t suspect my true were, and often thought it strange that they ing me in both cases. And I wonder if it’s good for nature. They think they know me pretty well, but would appear in my sight and my world for just a me, or not; whether it saves me or enslaves me. they’ve never even met me. So they can't help me moment and probably never be seen again. And I have stood in my room at times, frozen in a bit. now I wonder if anyone in the bus that just pass­ front of the mirror, staring into my own dark eyes And the questions remain. My father would ed me had the same thought about me. Perhaps. and trying to see inside them, through them, past always say, “ There are no easy answers, Jack.” Maybe one of them, seeing me, even realized that the black-in-brown-in-white to...? I have stood for And I would answer, “ You’re wrong; there must I had probably had the same though once myself, what seemed an hour at a time, hands clenched be.” But now I know how right he was—more when I rode a bus, and that I would be reminded atop the desk, looking into that mirror at the eyes right than even he knew. There are no easy of it now...and we would share a thought. But I and nose and lips and hair that I call “me” and answers. Because there are no answers. doubt it. I never thought that far myself. others call “Ja ck ” until my face has vanished and Questions, questions...I hit the banister with And still the waters to the left and far, far been replaced by a stranger's. And I can never my fist, 1 shake my head, but it does no good. I below rage and swell and split against the rocks remember when this substitute first materialized, wish I had the rock. W hy? Because it was and against one another, and make a sound which or what happened to the first face; and although I something to hold onto, real and tangible, I sup­ is a kind of loud humming. No, it ’s more like see similarities, as if the two are brothers, they pose. But it's gone; the river took it away forever. breathing. A single, titanic breath that never clearly aren’t the same person. I wonder now, as I So I start walking again, glaring at the river. stops. If I were to jum p over this banister—the do then, which one is really me. If either. God, how I hate that river, so vast and eternal. I very banister now sliding under my left hand as I When I joke around with my friends, is that stop and turn. Again, I long to jump far down and walk—the breathing would become louder with me talking or just some guy that I've given them plunge into the water, attacking it. I want to rip each instant, and so would the wind in my ears as as my ambassador? Because that person—the one the water open—to tear it apart, once and for all. I sped downward, faster, faster every instant. who knows my friends—he doesn’t stare into mir­ It deserves to be torn...l want to mutilate and kill The combined effect would be awfully loud by the rors. He doesn’t long to shriek at people who are it. time I hit. But just how loud? I d like to find out. giving speeches. He doesn't slide his hand along a No. T hat’s all wrong. You can’t kill a river. A Why do I want to know? I don’t know. Why bridge banister and then stop, grasping it, and dramatic splash and a momentary red tint, soon do I want to do most of the things I want to do? turn, and stand on his toes to look as far down in­ to be washed away—th at’s all I could hope for. I Sometimes I sit in a theater or a chapel or a class, to the water as he can. know it, and I’ve always known it, yet when I ’m watching and listening to the actors or minister But I do. And I see that the current runs up here on the bridge, caught in the wind, I or instructor; I sit still and polite and nice like more smoothly here, for it lies deeper. I wind up sometimes forget. everyone else, and the man or woman in front of and throw my rock far ahead; it sails away from Still standing in place, I turn to look ahead: me and above me talks on and on, on any subject; me, then arches downward and falls far, far I've almost reached the other side. Another fifty it doesn’t matter. And sometimes I agree with below, and disappears. There is a sudden, small or sixty feet. what’s being said, and sometimes I don’t; and rip in the river, and white foam with some loose So I begin walking again, hands in mv that doesn’t really matter either. Because rings spreading outward, but the steady current pockets. I t s time to go now. sometimes I just start to grit my teeth and rub sweeps it all away and only the river remains. Isn’t it? the soles of my shoes against the floor, and I want I look at my hand. Ten seconds ago, the rock to jump up and shout at whoever’s talking. was inside it, rough and dry. I look down again. “You’re wrong, all wrong, you Now the rock is way down there, sinking through bastard!”—whether the person’s wrong or right. the water. So fast, so easy—and now it’s all done. And I wonder what stops me from doing it, So I stand here, leaning over the banister, looking

10 — The Lawrentian — March 11, 1983

/ LARSENY The Larsen Linecontinued from page eight by A.L. and C.J. I* or years, sports columnists have made a living predicting, as well as analyzing, Dig the new breed trends in athletics. Such names as Jimmy the Greek, Pete Axtheim and Sports II- although few people outside of their backup vocals—and even then it was lustrated’s infamous “I)r. Z ”, Paul Zimmerman, have gazed into their crystal balls native England had ever heard of them. done more as a way of paying homage to with enough accuracy, elan and humor to develop devoted followings among betters, Their continued presence in the U.K. the Rhythm and Blues roots that they bookmakers and assorted other laymen whose balls are not crystal. Their predic­ pop charts and consistently solid album shared with their mod predecessors, the tions are notoriously fallible, however, as many a poor sot who has gambled away his releases have earned them respect, if not Who. life savings on the strength of some columnist's erroneous whim has found out. mass popularity, in America, however, The selections on this album are in­ Dwelling among the ranks of these pillars of prophecy is Lawrence's own swami and the typically unassuming announce­ tended as a live retrospective, chronical- of sweat, yours truly. Unfortunately, the predictions of this columnist (as those of ment of their breakup early this year ing the band's development from their you who habitually read all the way back to page sixteen of The Lawrentian have came as a mild surprise to some. That 1977 debut album. In the City (which is already noticed) do not have a very good track record, to say the least. In fact, the announcement coincided with the the first cut included here) through last author has yet to find the track. Cases in point: release of a live album, Dig the New year’s The Gift LP, represented by the — In a January article, “Confessions of an Unabashed Packer-backer,” I Breed, which attempts, and in general somewhat surprising inclusion of predicted that the Packers, who had won impressively in the first round of the NFL succeeds, in capsulizing their all-too- “Ghosts”. playoffs, would continue on all the way to the Super Bowl. Two days later they lost. brief six year career. Side One of Dig the New Breed is — In a January piece entitled, “Should Hockey be a Varsity Sport?” I debated Dig the New Breed is far from being a dominated by the tracks which original­ whether or not Lawrence hockey was legitimate enough to be given varsity status, perfect album, however. Like most live ly appeared on the 1978 release. All Mod and concluded that although it probably would remain as a club sport (for primarily albums, the songs recorded here are not Cons (“All Mod Cons”, “To Be So­ monetary reasons) it was indeed legitimate. That very night the Vikes were forced to on a par with the studio versions meone' and “ It’s too Bad.”) These three technically, but the emotionally charged play most of the game against UW-LaCrosse with the Indian’s second string goalie, songs, all of which were recorded in interplay between the audiences and the since Lawrence goalie Joe Motto had gotten injured early on and the Vikes had no December 1979 at the Kainbow Theatre substitute for him. performers more than makes up for this. in London, are the weak link in the As critic Michael Hill has noted, Dig the album, but nonetheless come off New Breed “relies on those simple and passably. Although Weller's vocals are striking moments in which the words somewhat strained, and his guitar leads themselves may be garbled but the emo­ aren’t loud enough, his duets with Fox­ tions come through loud and clear.” ton are effective, and the tunes, as a Loud and clear and without any studio whole, all work. The best recordings are overdubs, he might have added. The probably the two songs off of 1980’s songs are occasionally marred by bad Sound Affects, “Set the House Ablaze” tracks—Paul Weller’s lead vocals on and “Start”. The former finds Weller’s “ It’s Too Bad” and his guitar work on voice in fine form and the lyrics—aimed “ In The City” come immediately to at the growing neo-fascist movement in mind—but the raw sound is somehow England—are sung with perfect elocu­ fitting for Weller’s lyrics, which are pro­ tion. The latter, one of Weller’s most bably the most eloquent and educated touching compositions (“it doesn’t mat­ expressions of rage and pathos to ter if we never meet again, what we have emerge from the entire punk/new wave said will always remain...”) is accen­ movement (Elvis Costello and Strum- tuated by the strong response from his mer and Jones of the Clash included.) Hammersmith Palais audience of When he and bassist Bruce Foxton December 14, 1981. As he approaches a — Finally, in March’s column, which was entitled “ Herschel Walker changes hissnarl, “the public wants what the public particularly difficult vocal passage, the tune,” I applauded the Heiseman trophy-winning tailback for his decision to stay in gets” on “Going Underground”, an anti­ crowd joins him in singing (ironically) “if college and represent the United States in the 1984 Olympic Games. Less than a music industry diatribe that was their I never ever see you again." week later, W'alker turned pro. biggest U.K. single, the audience does All of the cuts on side two were record­ Obviously, my balls aren't crystal, either. not miss the point, regardless of whether ed in 1982—with the exception of “Stan­ In an effort to correct this unfortunate malady. I ’ve enlisted the services of the sound quality is as good as the 45 or dards” which was recorded at Reading another guru of grunt, known only as “the Salamander.” Through our combined not. University on February 16, 1979—and wisdom, foresight and overall sports savvy, we have come up with these predictions That isn’t to say the sound quality on they represent Weller’s more mature for the coming spring: the album is completely bad. The Jam, writing. Although the recording quality On the professional level, we see the role played by television and financial in­ as a studio band, were often surprisingly varies somewhat, going from near studio terests increasing ever more (if that is possible.) Specifically, ABC will fire its sports harmonic in the power-pop mold, and perfection on “Ghosts" to a cavernous, programming director Roone Arledge for thinking that the USFL—regardless of they manage to capture that sound occa­ concert hall sound on "Dreams of Herschel Walker—could compete for the nation’s attention with such established at­ sionally on Dig the New Breed; the Children,” the album continues to suc­ acoustic ballad, “That’s tractions as the NCAA basketball tournament, the NBA playoffs, the Stanley Cup ceed in creating the overall effect of a Entertainment”, for example, is every playoffs, the Kentucky Derby, the opening of the major-league baseball season and Jam concert; the sense of urgency and bit as pretty here as it is on the Sound the Indy 500. In his place they will hire George Steinbrenner, who will buy out the importance found in Weller’s lyrics is Affects LP. This album definitely league's TV contract, sign Walker for the Yankees and give ABC exclusive rights to never betrayed by his band’s perfor­ all their home games. downplays that aspect of the group, mance, and that, in the final analysis, is however. Weller's songs become bitter In other sports-related news, Jerry Falwell, verbose leader of the Moral Majori­ what gives this album (and more impor­ ty, will publically announce that the recent disaster involving former lesbian tennis pills that were meant to be taken with a tantly, this band) lasting significance, minimum of sugar-coating. Only the star Billy Jean King's Malibu beach house (which slid into the ocean) was actually despite their lack of recognition in the an “act of God.” slighest attempts at “sweeting” the U.S. The Philadelphia 76ers will be forced to forfeit the final game of the NBA sound were made—through the sporadic —Andy !mtsen playoffs when ten out of the eleven players on their active roster (as well as the head use of horns and Foxton’s falsetto coach, the assistant coach, the trainer and the ballboy) are indicted on charges of co­ caine peddling and possession. When asked to comment on the situation, Moses from page 12 Malone will confide, “You all would get a lot of rebounds, too, (sneeze) if you had the incentive clauses that I do.” On the college scene, allegations of recruiting violations will virtually cease to Gone but not forgOtten exist after the NCAA rules that schools may now put their athletes on salary, in an Art Institute and inquiring if the man Chicago, with the body being buried in attempt to save them from being enticed into joining the professional leagues before had ever been there. The assailant, after the Windy City. In a memorial service their college eligibility is used up. Lawrence Athletic Director Ron Roberts will, of taking another hefty swig from his held in the special collection department course, refuse to divulge the names of the salaried individuals here, but parked brown paper bag, reportedly answered of the literary wing of the Newberry Mercedes will become permanent fixtures in front of the Phi Delt House. Roberts that no, he had never been to the Art In­ Library, Otten was eulogized by and his football coaching staff, incidentally, will be touring the nation giving clinics stitute, but that he would like one of Ot- numerous authors, artists and critics, as this spring. ten’s Marlboro Lights. Otten responded well as Lawrence professor William' In intramural sports, an all-conservatory team will shock the campus by negatively, explaining that he only had Schutte, who remarked, “Tom was a dominating every spring IM league. The Conmen, as they will call themselves, will one left and he was saving it for after he helluva nice kid, but he wasn’t exactly edge out the Delts and Sig Eps for the all-around Supremacy Cup title, thus denying had seen the impressionist section of the an imposing figure at a south side bus the frat boys the right to add that on to their resumes. museum. The man made numerous un­ stop.” The tennis team will be decimated by the defection of its top six players, in­ printable remarks back to Otten at this cluding captain Cam Jackson, shortly before the conference meet. Jackson, the point, and the irrepressible Lawrentian, spokesman for the group, will epxlain that they wanted to concentrate their energies seeking to change the topic (which was on the upcoming campus-wide Ultimate Frisbee Tournament, which will be held in allegedly centered around the amount of the Banta Bowl. money he was carrying at the time) In conclusion, third term will be an exciting and unpredictable one in the sports remarked, “By the way, just who is this world, regardless of whether or not Steinbrenner’s ABC sports division can come to Washington fellow they keep talking terms with IM czar Mike Mol over broadcast rights to the innertube water polo tour­ about in the papers?” nament. See you then. .... The assailant then slit his throat. Ed. Note: The Guru and the Swami would like to wish the best of luck to the Services for the deceased are being Badgers in the NCAA hockey tournament. held in both Appleton, Wisconsin, and

March 11, 1983 — The Lawrentian — 11 OBITUARIES

forated stomach ulcer. A hospital were done soley for “tuition money”, the spokesman was hard pressed to explain dissipated youth was sent packing. the sudden death, stating only that ‘‘Mr. Devastated by the public disclosure of Moser died of an excess of bile.” his heretofore concealed secret life, he Moser was born on February 21, 1961, seems, naturally, to have sought solace to Arthur R. and Darliene Moser of from his dearest friend, the Digital Glenview, Illinois. After acquiring a Equipment Corporation PDP-11. The sterling record at the exclusive Glen- log further shows that Matheus, as his brook South High School, Moser came inebriation deepened, sought to merge to Lawrence. Here he divided his time with his electronic alter-ego and, between Lawrentian editorial duties and desperate, forced his head through the the study of English and American screen in an apparent attempt to escape literature, for lack of anything better to from the unsympathetic, non-computer do. To both of these activities, Moser world. brought his own well-known brand of Having long foresaken human com­ penetrating wit and healthy skep­ pany, Roboto is survived solely by his ticism—a wit and skepticism that had TI-36 pocket calculator. After being been well-honed at the time of his death. stuffed, Matheus remains will be remov­ The last few months of Moser’s life ed to the Teaser’s Place, on route 41, cils. Clenched in his right fist was a torn Huber were filled with both great pain and where he is still revered for his early piece of typing paper appearing to be the John Huber is dead today at the age of great accomplishments. His physical cinematic achievements. start of a title page for some unwritten twenty-one. condition rapidly deteriorated, but he paper. The exact time of death is yet On-scene evidence plus the cor­ was able to overcome it long enough to unknown, but police estimate that it oc­ roborating testimony of friends indicate help develop a new format for The curred between 1:57 and 2:03 p.m. Tues­ that the controversial junior took his Lawrentian, which brought him ac­ day morning. own life after a prolonged fit of melan­ colades from admirers but ridicule from Former best friend, Pete Carlson, choly. Discovered early this morning by his hero, Bertrand Goldgar.The death of could identify no marked changes in a University maid, Mr. Huber apparent­ his dearest protege, Benson, was a Larsen’s character prior to his death, ly hung himself with a typewriter ribbon severe blow to the splenetic youth, and although he recalls an abnormal increase by jumping off of a stack of unmailed the constant harassment he received in the deceased’s anxiety over a Fritzell Lawrentians. A suicide note, submitted from some of his detractors within the paper. The paper had been due Tuesday as a 25c Personal provided no real ex­ administration certainly hastened the at 5:00 p.m. A witness claims to have planation, bearing only the scrawled progress of his decay. seen several individuals entering and words: “The paths of glory lead but to Mr. Moser is survived by his parents leaving Larsen’s room on the night of the grave.” and his recently acquired cat, Stella. his death. The deceased had apparently Perhaps best known as the Funeral arrangements were not com­ been visited by at least five women panegyrical essayist Solomon Skaleus, pleted by press time. described as young Caucasians with the mercurial Huber was both brains unruly hair, each carrying a Smith- and brawn behind the Lawrentian's for­ Corona typewriter. The police have fail­ mal evolution this term. Ironically, the ed to determine the identities of these editorship provided him with both his mysterious women. Extensive question­ greatest satisfaction and the Skinner ing of area secretaries, however, is debilitating depression which finally Tom Skinner, Lawrentian With-it underway. took his life. Beset by harsh criticism on editor and ever-groovin’ master of cool, The exact cause of death remains all sides (see The Brokaw Bugle, No. 3 was found alone in a corner booth of the questionable. There were no signs of a and ‘‘Amy’s Turn," page 2) he recogniz­ Viking Room this morning. Prostrate struggle, and suicide has been all but ed his public trust as breached and and incontinent, the deranged former ruled out. The coroner expects the subsequently forfeited the will to con­ hipster could offer no explanation, but autopsy to show the cause to be a form tinue. mechanically repeated the phrase, “ex­ of over-exertion. The reason for Larsen’s The accomplishment's of Huber’s cellent man.” His body has been apparent exhaustion is currently un- brief life were prodigious. In addition to transferred to a Lake Forest hospital. discemable; authorities, however, ex­ his journalistic pre-eminence, "Hubs”, Skinner, though not dead, is no longer pect foul play. as he was known to his intimates, was a with it—he was found in a catatonic Funeral services are to be held in the stand-out third baseman scheduled to state, asymptotically aligned from the Lawrence Memorial Chapel immediately join the Kyoto Braves after graduation. linear realities of wow. The local following happy hour. Memorials to A noted scholar, he was also beginning Matheus authorities remain befuddled by the WASPS (Waukesha Area Sporting the third volume of his Concise History Christopher John Matheus, known to case, but a brain scan in Lake Forst Spas) will be gratefully accepted. of Marion, Iowa. most as ‘‘Mr. Roboto”, died last night at revealed what Skins’ closest friends Services will be held tomorrow at the age of 22. feared the most—he has mellowed out. Brokaw Rm. 222 at 9:00 p.m. Mr. Huber Matheus, self-confessed computer He shall reside in Lake Forest, a is survived by his parents, Mr. and nerd, self-appointed lacrosse coach and vegetable for the remainder of his Mrs. John Huber of Marion, and sisters one-time Watson fellow, was found, jiveless days. Jane and Ellen. By the provisions of his dead, at a video display terminal in the Those who were with Skins on his last will, Huber’s entire estate, valued at Lawrence University Computer Center night expressed only mild surprise when $117.50, will be used to establish a home early this morning. Having lived at the informed that the Skindaddy had zoned. for the chronically bow-legged. center for the past three years, it was They point to the extremely un­ not unusual for Mr. Roboto to be com­ characteristic behavior on his part that puting long after the facilities were of­ final evening: he did not imbibe a single ficially closed. Subsequently, security brew; he did not strike a single match; guards and passers-by thought nothing and he was heard to frequently repeat amiss when he was seen entering the the phrase, “Dead-heads are speds.” building shortly after midnight carrying Skins will long be remembered for his a large picnic basket and a martini totally hip disposition. He had done it shaker. The cause of death has been of­ all. He was the dude on campus who ficially reckoned as electrocution, occur­ know all the excellent tunes; he was the ring when Matheus, presumably intox­ cat with all the chicks; he was a party icated, smashed his head through the machine. Often screen. Skins is survived by his father, a fat- Born: New Zeeland, Michigan The motivation for this tragic accident cat Chi-town lawyer, his mother, sister Died: Chicago, Illinois is uncertain, but police and Computer Jane, and brother Steve. Skins’ remains Tom Otten, arts editor for The Center personnel have constructed what can be viewed daily from 11-5 at the Lawrentian and a co-editor of the seems the probable sequence of events. cafeteria of Mercy Hospital. Lake literary and artistic Lawrence annual, According to a data file recovered from Forest, Illinois. Tropos, died tragically last week in his the computer’s main memory storage adopted home of Chicago at the hands of area, Matheus had been informed, dur­ an unidentified assailant. Rumor has it Larsen ing the preceding afternoon, that his that Otten’s premature demise (caused Moser $10,000 Watson Foundation Fellowship The unclad body of Andy Larsen, age Lawrentians were shocked and sad­ by a knife wound in the throat) came as a had been rescinded, due to his unaccep- 22, was discovered early Wednesday result of a slight misunderstandng bet­ dened early yesterday to learn of the tibility as a representative of the Foun­ morning in a second-floor room of the death of Richard Alan ‘‘Rick” Moser ween Otten and a wine-toting thug while dation. Watson officials, it seems, had Paper Valley Hotel. The body was found both were waiting at a bus stop. Otten Moser, a long-time Lawrentian editor, uncovered evidence of Matheus’ former sprawled on the floor of Room ‘215 died at St. Elizabeth’s Hospital here in allegedly initiated contact with the man career in pronographic flimmaking. amidst a heap of crumpled typing paper. (according to an eyewitness report sub­ Appleton of complications which Despite the claim that his feature perfor­ Lying next to the body was half a bottle developed during the course of emergen­ mitted to the Chicago Police Dept.) by mances in “ The Germantown Gigolo,” of Mezcal, an unopened pack of remarking that he was on his way to the cy surgery to repair a severely per­ and “ Mr. Roboto does the Little Apple” Marlboros, and three broken No. 2 pen- continued page 11 12 — The Lawrentian — March 11, 1983