HR

When the spoiled child needs to grow up

Maybe the solution is for them to work off farm for a real boss

By Pierrette Desrosiers, work psychologist, business coach, and author

have to wake him up four or five times before that their primary mission is to be a , and that he gets to work,” says a discouraged father limits and authority are essential to a child’s develop- about his 21-year-old son, who is supposed to ment and balance. be the future owner of the farm. “Sometimes I In a coaching session, when I asked the father if fear that he will create a crisis.” he would accept an employee who behaved like his In recent years, we have been faced with the grow- son, he immediately replied, “Never, he would be ing demands of a new generation. It is not uncommon fired. But I can’t afford to get my son to go to work to hear them say, “I certainly will not be working elsewhere.” seven days a week. I will not work as hard as my par- However, in many cases, working for a while in ents have. After all, we only have one life to live!” another enterprise where one has a “real boss” who One might think that their attitudes reflect great will not accept everything is one of the best life lessons. , and that these farmers-to-be are deter- Let’s be honest. Being the employer of your child mined and entrepreneurial. However, one can also see is far from simple. Emotion often overtakes rational- that the rising generation is the generation of “ME.” ity. Of course, if we choose to let them go, there is In French, we call them “les enfants-rois,” which the risk that the business won’t pass on to the means “the little emperors.” next generation. If this is the case, however, it may be According to Jean Twenge of the University of better for them to leave it now rather than five years San Diego, society in North America today is experi- down the road. encing a dramatic increase in , comparable To succeed as an entrepreneur takes discipline. to the U.S. obesity epidemic. Discipline is the ability to do what we need to do to In a 1950 Gallup survey, 12 per cent of par- achieve what we want, even when we do not feel like ticipants responded affirmatively to the statement, it. To succeed in all spheres of our lives, we need to “I am a very important person.” By 2005, it was 80 tolerate , delay gratification, and renounce per cent. doing or possessing many things. What distinguishes narcissists? Narcissistic traits The best way to teach people this kind of emo- are marked by a great of self, lack of , tional competence is to teach them at a young age, inability to take criticism, overconfidence, search for by repeating a word that is increasingly rare in par- immediate gratification, low tolerance for frustra- ents’ mouths: “NO.” tions in life, and unrealistic expectations. Above all, Saying “no” to children is teaching them at least perceptions of being unique, and having earned spe- two fundamental lessons in life. First, we often have cial treatment are signs of narcissism. to wait for what we want, and second, we can’t have The “Me generation” wants it all and they want everything. It is the job of the parent to set bound- it now. In the last few years, I have had an increasing aries. This helps the child to become a mature and number of consultations about this issue. responsible adult, more prepared to face the many What are the consequences for the farm of this challenges that life will bring. new generation of managers and entrepreneurs? An Remember: A spoiled child will become a spoiled unrealistic confidence in their ability, great optimism, entrepreneur or a spoiled employee. In both cases, and a belief that they deserve the best now, make a this is a major handicap for everyone. CG very bad cocktail during difficult periods of life. There are many reasons why give every- Pierrette Desrosiers, MPS, CRHA is a work psychol- thing to their children. Between guilt for not being ogist, professional speaker, coach and author who present enough, fear of not being loved or of being specializes in the agricultural industry. She comes rejected, and strategies for avoiding their hysterics, from a family of farmers and she and her husband giving seems like a winning strategy. have farmed for more than 25 years. (www.pierrette Of course, too, we want what is best for our desrosiers.com) Contact her at pierrette@pierrette children. However, some parents have forgotten desrosiers.com.

56 country-guide.ca N o vember 2013