Are You aPenn Stater?

A guidebook to life and times in Happy EDITED BY MIKE POORMAN © Happy Valley Promotions Also from Happy Va lley Promotions: Introduction Niltany Lions, 1982 Nali~nal Champions Football Yearbook

Are You A Penn Slaler? University Park poster Dear Fe llow Penn Stater: Penn Slale Twins "To hea r students ta lk, particularly recent alumni, Penn State is poster simply t he best of all possible worlds, , ' Penn State ha s an almost magnetic attraction that not only gets, but holds. Even after graduat ion, herd s of kids find it difficult to leave this area that's almost free of crim e, pollution and turmoi l. And many won't. 'Those who ha ve to leave are almost sure to make to make it back for at least one weekend a year. It is Utopia ... " In the Ph yrst one night last September so mebody mentioned a television news story t hat told about the National Enquirer reporter who was given $10,000 to spend searching for a Utopia. Everyone at the table smirked. They'd al rea dy found it." T he above excerpt appeared in the November 1977 issue of Ph iladelphia Magazine in an article written by J anice Selinger. As a freshman who enrolled at Universi ty Park the same year, I was given this article by m y sister , Bonnie, who had just graduated from Penn State. She suggested that I save the article because I would appreciate it even m ore after I entered the "rea l world."' Well , it is now 1983 and I have yet to enter that "real world." Instead, I remain here in "Happy Va lley" fighting for the surviva l of a small business called Happy Valley Promotions. We specialize in capturing those feelings and emotions that are unique to the total Pen n State ex perience. It is with great pride, and the help of many fe llow Pe nn Staters, that Happy Valley Promotions is able to welcome you to our latest and most complete ventu re - the "Are You A Penn Stater?" guid ebook . Hopefully, the list of 80 activities on the succeeding pages wi ll se rve Text Copyright © 1983 Happy Va lley Promotions Illustrations Copyright © 1983 Tom Mosser as either a guide to your Happy Va lley future or as a key to your treasure chest full of Penn State memories. Each item in the All right~ reserved: including the right to reproduce this book or portions guidebook includes an accompanying box for actual checking upon thereof. 10 any form whatsoever. For information address Happy Va lley completion of the designated activity, so you ca n see how close you Promotions. P.O. Box 120 1, State Co llege. PA 1680 1. (8 14) 234. 1610 are to being the ultimate Pe nn Stater.

3 In the process of producing this guidebook we conjured up some • Sports at Penn State. The Nittany Lions and Lady Lions exciting and happy memories of our years in Happy Val ley, drawing annually challenge for a national title in over half of their 29 varsity upon a "think tank" that included the likes of some ve ry special Penn sports. There are better sports here than in a big city, beginning with Staters: "Specia l K," "Stampy," Patty, Pam, Laurie, Carrie, Sharon, the football team, which draws better than most professional teams Jane, "Dill," "Burkey," "Ads," "Pooh" and t he truest Pen n Stater of and has a record under that is tops both on and off the them all, Rich "Sab" Sabatine. The b runt of the research and writing field. for this guidebook was done by Mike Poorman, who spe nt many • Culture. There are foreign films, classic films and a beautiful art hours g lean in g volumes of information at the Penn State Room in museum on campus. In Eisenhower, there's theatre, ba llet and Pattee and asking questions like "Who is Old Coaly, anyway?" nationally-known speakers, as well as music of all kinds . . What we've come up with may not be the exact Penn State you • The downtown area, which has shops, stores and restaurants know or remember; the Pen n State experience is different things to that cater strictly to the students. Everything is just a short wa lk away. different people. You can put as much as you wa nt into your years at Where else can you go out to eat at 3 a.m. and have a choice of fast Penn State, with the only certa inty being that you'l l get at least twice food places as well as being able to order a sit-down breakfast or as much back. That's definitely been the case with me. dinner? And the town is an arcade fa natic's paradise. - My first exposure to the feeling that this p lace must be something • Kappa Delta Rho fraternity, where I had 40 brothers and 30 special came in 1975 when I was a junior in high school. T hat sprin g I little sisters for fa mily and constant company. visited Penn State for the fi rst time. It was the weekend of the Blue­ • A giant health club. For a pa ltry $2,100 for tuition, you ca n White Game and I had come along with my family to visit my brother, have a year's access to racquet and basketball courts, swimming Steve. and sister, Bonnie, both Penn State students at the time. In just pools, running tracks, weight machines, golf courses, playing fields, two days, I decided I wanted to become a Pen n Stater forever. bowling lanes and phys. ed . classes with top-notch inst ructors. I was in heaven when I saw there were p layi ng fie lds and basketball • Bowl games. Twelve of us crowded into a van for 24 hours to go and tennis courts with games going on eve rywhere! I was amazed the 1983 Sugar Bowl and then the same 12 of us crowded into a when the soda machine at my brother's fratern ity delivered a cold single room at t he Quality Inn for four days waiting for the gam~ to Bud when you pressed Pepsi. I couldn't be lieve the beautiful women start. "Dill" didn't drive down, though; he didn't have any vacatIOn my sister had as so rority sisters. (I cou ldn't ta lk to them either; I was time left at work so he paid $600 to fly to New Orleans for one day. He too shy ... and stil l am.) I had found my paradise. That Monday I wore said it was worth eve ry penny. I had four live telephone hook-ups from my new Penn State T-shirt to high school and haven't stopped talking the Superdome to "Ads" and "Sab" back in because they Blue and White since. deserved to be there more than I did. Eight years have passed since that first visit. and in that time I have • Homecoming. Seventeen alumni buddies slept on my floor (I'm experienced the best and the worst Penn State has to offer - SOCia ll y the only one sti ll here) last Homecoming weekend . And "Ads" (who and academical ly. I've had A's and a few F's, and I'ye taken a few honestly has the tattoed on his rear end) slept curled up terms off. I was there in the New Or l ~ans S.uperdome when Penn State on the three-foot by three-foot landing lead ing up to the attic. won its first national football championship and I litera lly cried after • Hundreds of excel lent and reputable organizations and activ­ too many losses to A labama. I'l l remember that win against Nebraska ities, from Greeks to intramurals to the Collegian, which I t hink is the in '82 for as long as I live. And I've spent many a Friday afternoon at best-run and most dedicated group of them all. the Skeller onl y to spend many a Saturday morning telling myself to • People. Many of them are specia l, like Mike at the post office "grow up." and Donna at the Student Bookstore. Then there are the people all For me, Pen~ State has been a combination country cl ub, Penn Staters have seen at one t ime or another - Pink Lady, Sam and playground, giant lecture hall and fami ly dining room table. Penn his dog and Methuselah (aka Father Time and the Vent Man). State is al l of the 80 things listed in this guidebook and much, much • Professors. They're people, too, I guess, but many of them more. To me, Happy Valley is: actually have helped me learn. Not just memorize, but think and grow

4 5 and apply the classroom to the real world. This is especially true of those in Liberal Arts and Journalism. They've helped me learn how to "survive." Although I'm still not sure why Prof. Schma lz ate that chalk You're Not a Penn in Geo. Sci. class. • My parents. They're the rea l Penn Staters, for putting three kids through here, especially me and my grief. " tended to major in Stater Until You: fraternity life and novelty prOducts a bit too much for their nervous systems. One term I invested my tuition and rent money in posters! They weren't pleased. • The Penn State family. Wherever I go. there's a Penn Stater. There are over 260,000 Penn State graduates. One out of every 100 Pennsylvanians is an alumnus(a). And one out of every 100 college g ra duates in the is a Penn Stater. Now you know why I'm really in this business. Penn Staters not on ly se nd their kids to ~. BUY THIS BOOK Penn State. but they also coax their neighbor's kids to come here too. • The raw beauty of Nittany Va lley. Spring. summer and autumn there is no p lace better. Winter just makes you appreciate the other o Z. CLIMB MT. NITTANY. three even more. It takes about two hours to climb to the peak of Mt. Nittany, which is • The opportunity. Happy Valley is the perfect blend of the social 2 077 feet above sea level and 1,050 feet above the valley floor. The and academic worlds. You can work hard and play hard. Penn State is ~ost widely·trailed path to the top is White Trail, although over 25 the place to develop both your personal and professional skills in an trails eventually wind their way there as well. The 535 acres that make atmosphere that allows for learning at all levels, if you have the good up the peak of Mt. Nittany are owned by Lion's Paw, a campus hon<;>r sense to take advanatge of it. society that saved the mountain's timberl~nd from the woodcutter s • The memories. The feeling driving up Route 322 or Route 22 axe by purchasing Mt. Nittany for $2,000 In 1945. and seeing Mt. Nittany once again ... Tell me Pitt graduates (both of them) get just as emotional driving through the Oakland section of Pittsburgh. That's what Penn State is to me. Now if I could just be lucky enough to find a Penn State woman to marry! Thanks for purchasing this guidebook. By doing so, you've enabled me to extend my stay in Happy Valley one more day. Living on borrowed time ...

Who Loves Va!

Greg J. Woodman, Class of '83

6 7 •• o 3. HANG OUT ON THE WALL. o 5. RIDE THE LONDON DOUBLE· DECKER BUS. The Wall is the unofficial The London bus was built dividing line between the in 1950 and used as a town and the university, commuter bus in the and. a gathering place for suburbs of London for various breeds of people over 20 years. It was and dogs. A gift from the bought by the university class of 1915, the Wall is in 1973 and has been three feet high, made of used to give tours of the Centre County limestone campus ever since. Tour and extends along the guides on the bus must front of campus by memorize a 25-page College Avenue (see #49). script for the 30-minute Although no special skills tours, which cost 50~ and or tools are needed to are conducted weekdays hang out on the Wall, the in the spring, summer following can enhance and fall. A tip when taking the experience: a the trip: sit on the lower beverage, a guitar, a level because much of the f riend (you can also make view from the top is of one there), an opinion tree branches. and lots of free time. o 6. POSE ON THE NITTANY LION STATUE •• CLOTHED. 4. FALL ASLEEP IN THE HUB "FISHBOWL." Located adjacent to Rec o Hall. the Nittany Lion There's plenty to do in­ :r.rr.d.l Shrine was sculpted from side the Hetzel Union ...... ~" .... - " a 13-ton block of Indiana Building (like go to limestone by Heinz ··Dough To Go·"), but inev· Warneke in 1942. Since itably you wind up spend­ then, thousands have had ing some time in the their photographs taken fishbowl - especially if while posing on the Lion. you live off·campus. The The two most famous fishbowl is the glass-en­ photos involve beautiful closed area on the HUB's ladies - the first of a firsf floor where students woman clad only in red go to study, relax and, high heels that appeared most often, sleep . .. so­ in Playboy magazine and metimes through class. the second of two blonde coed twins that was made into a top-selling poster.

8 9 7. BUY AN ICE CREAM CONE AT THE o CREAMERY. Owned and operated by the university, the Creamery is located near the corner of Curtin and Shortlidge roads at the north end of campus. More than a half-million ice cream cones are sold at the Creamery each year, an aver­ age of over 1,000 a day - that climbs to ::\' 5,000 on hot af· >7",--"" ternaans and foot­ ball weekends. The most popular flavor at the Creamery is bittersweet mint, followed by vanilla, variegated peanut o 9.KNOWTHE butter, coconut chip GODDAMN WORDS. and chocolate chip. Penn State's alma mater, written by Professor "Freddy" Lewis Pat· tee in 1901, is sung before every home football game, although not everyone knows the words. Here 10. ACTUALLY GO 8. TAILGATE AT SOMEONE'S UNCLE'S they are: o o INSIDE OLD MAIN. WINNEBAGO. For the glory of Old State, For her founders strong and great. Old Main was constructed in The eating and drinking going on outside of Beaver Stadium on fall For the future that we wail, 1863 and rebuilt in 1929·30 Saturday afternoons are often more important than the football game Raise the song, raise the song. using many of the original itself. To tailgate you Sing our love and loyalty, stones. It houses the offices of Sing our hopes that bright and needn't be friends with the free, the President, the Provost (see host personally, you just Rest. a Mother dear, with thee, #69), the Alumni Association AU with thee, all with thee_ must have some sort of con­ When we stood at chi1dhood·s gate, and other administrators, in nection - like knowing Shapeless in the hands 0{ fale, addition to the bell-tower someone's uncle. And if you Thou didst mold. us, dear old State, clock, by far the most impor­ don't know any of the tailgat­ Dear old State, dear old Stale. tant occupant of Old Main. ers, don't worry. With time, May no act of ours bring shame Also inside Old Main - on the they'll forget they don't To one heart that loues thy name, walls - are colorful frescoes know you either. May our lives but swell thy fame, (murals) by Henry Varnum Dear old Stale, dear old State. Poor that depict the founding Now you know why "We don't and aspirations of Penn State know the goddamn words." as a land-grant institution.

10 11 o 11. EAT A SUZIE WONG EGG ROLL. o 13. CAMP OUT IN A NITTANY LINE. Squeezed in among the many From your first day at Penn State, when you collect your dorm key, to storefront shops and restaurants your last, when you collect your diploma at Beaver Stadium. you must constantly wait in lifle in Happy Valley. Lines are everywhere ­ of East College Avenue is Suzie at registration, in the din· Wong's Egg Roll Kitchen, home of ing hall, at the the foreign delicacy of State Col­ bookstores, to get into lege - Suzie's famous egg roll. bars, at the post office, at Shields and even when leaving Freddy Pattee's namesake, the library. Why do you think the school mascot is the Nit­ tany Line, anyway? ~

o 14. DO THE COLLEGIAN CROSSWORD PUZZLE IN CLASS. The crossword puzzle is the most popular feature of the nation's top­ ranked college newspaper, The o 12. DO A "CASE STUDY" AT THE SKELLER. . The puzzle ap­ pears daily on the second to last As the long lines every Friday afternoon attest, the best case studies page of the paper, next to the at Penn State are done at the All-American Rathskeller, located at the comics. Doing the puzzle during corner of Pugh and East College. Over three percent of the Rolling , class helps prevent "head bobs" Rocks sold in the world are purchased at the Skeller, where photos of (see #74), past Penn State sports greats cover the walls and names of not-50- greats are carved in the tables. 13 12 o 15. RUN THE PHI PSI. o 17. HALLUCINATE The Phi Psi 500 is a 1.1 mile race where the contestants run through DURING THE DANCE the streets of State College every April, stopping at six bars for a MARATHON. quick chug of beer or soda. Sponsored by Ph i Kappa Psi fraternity, For a 48·hour period every Feb­ the race was initiated in 1969 with just 24 runners but has grown to an ruary, hundreds of people pack annual field of over 1,800 runners who raise almost $20,000 a year into White Build ing to dance for charity. The most popular feature of the Phi Psi is the "Almost themselves silly. So silly that they: Anything Goes" category, where teams enter dressed in costumes. think it's autumn and head to Previous winners include the "Hare Krishna High School Marching Beaver Stadium for a footba ll Band" and "Spermy the Whale." game; begin to take their clothes off before being stopped by a judge; o r imagine that the wa ll s a re closing in and the. bands al l sound like Slim Whitman. But all the hallucinations are for a good cause. In 1983, more than $100,· 000 was raised for the Four Diamonds Fund at the Milton S. Hershey Medical Center.

(( 18. DO "IT" ON THE 50·YARD LINE ••• ON o THE GOLF COURSE. Letters boasting of such exploits by students at "a 1) large Eastern university located in the center of ' have appeared in Penthouse magazine, although their valid ity is best left to the o 16. CASH A CHECK AT imagination. As should any references to hot spots like McLANAHAN'S. the HUB lawn, the CompSci When you desperately need cash, the banks are Center, Wil lard Building or closed and you don't have an automatic teller card the stacks (see H20). But be or a bank account in State College, McLanahan's careful on the golf course - will gladly cash your check. For 25¢. After you any good golfer knows it will record everything short of your blood type (see #23) add a couple of strokes to and your mother's maiden name on the back of the your score if you get caught check. in the sand trap.

14 15 o 19. GO TO o 21. PULL AN ALL·NIGHTER. BELLEFONTE. Procrastination and a pot of coffee are the keys to pulling a successful all.nighter. With careful planning and the proper excuses (like In four years at Penn defrosting your refrigerator or watching an HBO movie for the fourth State. it is possible (and time), you don't have to maybe even encouraged) start studying for an 8 to never travel the 12 o'clock midterm until miles east on Benner Pike to Bellefonte. There are breaks, a callout for pizza valid reasons for heading 111ilJ "'0"""'. "om', ""0' (see #48) and some se· to Bellefonte. howeve r, rious B,S.ing with a fellow like visiting relat ives, all·nighter make the going to the county court­ hours till sunrise "speed" house or getting your by with a minimum of photo driver's license at pain. The ritual of pulling the Department of Trans­ an all·nighter is only portation office. made complete, though, when you "crash" for 10 straight hours immedi· ately following the exam.

20. GET LOST IN THE STACKS AT PATTEE. o 22. SCREAM OUT YOUR DORM WINDOW. Inside the library are o more than 1.5 million A typical tension releaser, volumes, 850,000 gov­ screaming to a captive ernment documents dormitory audience num­ and a million or so bering in the thousands microforms. So it's no always gets an answer wonder that a student and sometimes leads to is sometimes mis­ the formation of parad. placed there. If you do ing, yelling mobs. A cer· get lost, at least there's tain amount of anonymity something to do be­ goes with screaming out fore being found: read your dorm window, which if you' re alone, or (see can further lead to # 18) if you have com· "flashes" of a more per· pany. sonal kind.

16 17 o 23. SELL YOUR o 26. SAIL AT PLASMA. STONE It's two weeks before finals, your VALLEY. checks are made of rubber (don't see 1/16) and you can't even afford peanut The Stone Val l ey butter and Sa ltines. That's when you Rec r eation A r ea is know it's time to sell your plasma. located 15 miles south of For a good cause, of course. campus, on Route 26 drinking money! between Pine Grove Mills and Huntingdon. Owned and operated by the university, Stone Valley features a lake, acres of o 24. COME BACK trails and forestland for fis h ing, hiking and FOR THE ARTS boating (with over 90 FESTIVAL. sailboats, canoes and rowboats available for Over 500 craftspeople and t hou· renting). sa nds of Pe nn Staters return to Happy Valley every J uly to take part in a festival that features everything from m ime to fi nger­ painting to expensive (and per­ plexing) sculptures - most of which just wouldn't look right in 27. COPY SOMEONE'S NOTES ON A HUB your dorm room, especial ly a o Noah's Ark made of copper. XEROX MACHINE. Th is is much easier said than done. There are lines (see 25. TAKE THE LOOP. #13), poorly scribbled notes o and broken-down machines There are plenty of to contend with. all of which excuses to ride the loop: increase threefold before it's cold, it's raining, your exam. Meaning that you're on crutches, you're you should have gotten out overweight, your arms are of bed and went to class, you full of groceries or you lazy L.A. major! live in East Hall s. But t he campus buses are used mainly when people are " looped."

18 19 o 28. VISIT THE DEER PENS. About 100 deer live at the Deer Researc h Ce n te r , located a quarter-m ile into the woo d s pas t the intersection of Fox Ho ll ow Road and the Route 322 bypass north of campus. The deer, whose habits are stu d ied carefu l l y, are friendly and used to being fed by strange rs. They aren't big drinkers, t hough, which , I accounts fo r the pens' lack of red· nosed rei ndeer.

o 29. SING ALONG WITH ERNIE AND THE PHYRST PHAMILY. Fo r over a decade E rnie 30. AVOID A "CANNER" AT THE CORNER OF Oelbermann, owner of The o COLLEGE AND ALLEN. Phyrst and The Brewery, has taken the stage every Saturday This particular corner of State College is t he busiest in town for night at The Phyrst. Alo ng with pedest rian t raffic. which m akes it an ideal spot for Greeks and other his rag-tag " Phamily," E rnie organizations to sol icit donatio ns for charities, Second best place to leads a packed house thro ugh avoid canners: in front of McLanahan's at the corner of College and his repertoire of corny tunes, Garner. bad jok es and sing-a longs, including the Pham i ly's t heme song. "We A ll Get Together o n a Saturday N ight."

20 2 1 o 32. SELL BACK o 34. SEE A PORNO FLICK ON CAMPUS. YOUR $25 Be it the alltime favorite. " Deep Throat." or other Penn State classics TEXTBOOK FOR like "Debbie Does Dallas." X-rated movies are among the most popular on campus, $4. Sponsored by various The college version of new student organizations. math. One brand-new $25 book the films are usually minus one semester equals $4. shown in Sparks or the And that's only if the book Forum, _ . to predomi­ hasn't already gone into a sec­ nately male audiences, ond printing. If it has, you really Perhaps the women at wanted a 540-page book detail­ Penn State are waiting 31. GO FOR A ing matriarchal interactions for "Bobby Does o among the Ukranian peasantry, Boalsburg_" SHAKE AT didn't you? MEYER'S. It's long been a tradition to head down South Ath­ erton Street (Route 322) to Meyer's Dairy Store for an extra thick shake. The three best times to go: Sunday nights, leaving town for home and com­ ing back from home into town. For those times when you r parents are buying. go to Haagen 35. GET LOCKED Daz. o OUT OF YOUR o 33. FORGE YOUR ROOM. ADVISOR'S SIGNATURE. It can happen either intentionally (because your roommate got A necessity if you drop a course or lucky) or unintentionally (you preregister any time other than during forgot your key), but you're most office hours, which are usually 8 to 9 likely to get locked out of your a.m. Mondays. Besides. do you think room right after taking a shower those people in Shields know all the and/or when you're late for class. advisors' handwriting? Or that they even Thank goodness for the maids and care? their master keys.

22 23 o 37. LISTEN TO AN EVANGELIST ON THE STEPS OF WILLARD. The steps of Willard along the Mall are a natural meeting place for both saints and sinners. Through the years, such notables as Bra Cope and Jed Smock have warned lWill.rd Bldg.) the multitudes about the evils of college life. Many have replied to the urgings, but few have ~ actually DO heeded them.

o 36. PAY YOUR RESPECTS TO "OLD COALY." Old Coaly was the most popular of the four mules who hauled stone from a nearby quarry to build the original Old Main. Originally purchased for $190 in 1857, Old Coaly remained at Penn State as a 38. MEMORIZE YOUR SOCIAL pet of the all·male student body until he died in 1893. His bones are o SECURITY NUMBER. preserved in the north lobby of the Agriculture Administration Building. where his memory lives on with the help of the Coaly At Penn State, it's true: you're not a name, you're a Society, ~he honor society for students in the College of Agriculture. number. At least when taking tests, registering, signing checks and picking up your diploma. There are times when you're lucky and only need to know the last four digits of your Social Security number, kind of like the computer calling you a nickname.

24 25 39. HAVE A TA WHO o SPEAKS ENGLISH. Students from 81 countries attend Penn State. many of them graduate students. As grad students, most teach some sections of undergrad­ uate courses, where the students usually have more problems trying to understand the TA than the course content.

o 40. DODGE A BIKE 01'1 THE MALL. o 41. FEED A SQUIRREL. Although bicycles are prohibited from the main Mall sidewalks. More squirrels than students live on campus. Thanks to free hand­ cyclists sometimes use them anyway. Maybe that's because, despite a outs like peanuts, M & Ms, crackers, ice cream cones and gum, the bike path along the smaller mall by the Human Development squirrels also eat better than most students. And they're also tamer Building, there aren't nearly as many targets as on the Mall. (although both will sometimes run up your leg),

26 27 o 42. DRINK FROM A KEG 01'1 AN APARTMENT J 44. WALK PAST THE OBELISK •••WITHOUT BALCONY. y.:\~1'- IT CRUMBLING. T~ere ,are four reasons why the ,/ ~'f..~v1~'f,\ ~gend ha7 it that if a virgin ~al~s past the stone obelisk, located hlgh-nse apartments in State _tween Willard and Sackett buildings along the Mali, the obelisk will Colleg~ have balconies: (1) to 'umble to the ground. It h~sn 't fallen yet, testimony to the fact store bicycles, (2) to store hiba- leryone has been screwed In some way by the university at least chis, (3) so apartment dwellers nee. The Obelisk is 33.7 feet tall and weighs 33.4 tons. It was have a place to keep the keg for ~ constructed by the School of Mines in 1896 their parties, and (4) so apart. and c<:ntains 28,1 samples of native Penn- ment dwellers' friends have a sylvania rock, with the oldest (pre-Cambri- place to yell and drop beer from an) at the base and the youngest (Triassic) at apartment dwellers' parties. at the top. The legend of the crumbling of the Obelisk began shortly after W0rld War 11 ; before then, legend stated that the body of "Old Jerry" - buddy and co-worker of J; "Old Coaly" (see #36) - was buried at the foot of the Obelisk .

• • •

o 43. SPIN THE WHEEL AT THE DEN. Every Tuesday night at The Lion's Den the price of a pitcher of beer is left to .r.\.~~~~ luck. Customers at the Den, located on Garner Street near College Ave. (see #30), spin the wheel every half hour to determine how much a pitcher will cost for the next 30 minutes. 29 28 o 47. GUARD THE NITTANY LION STATUE AT HOMECOMING. The statue (see #6) was initially doused with paint the first football season following its construction in 1942. The statue was first r guarded before Homecoming in 1951 by the pledges of Pi Lambda Phi. Among those who have painted the Lion is Sue Paterno, who did it before the Syra­ cuse game in husband Joe's first season as 45. GAIN THE DREADED "FRESHMAN 10." head coach (see #46). D With help from some After their first year of college - and with it, starchy dorm food, beer­ assistant coaches' filled fraternity parties (see #53), tailgates (see #8) and phone calls for wives, Sue poured pizza (see #48) - most Penn State freshmen are lucky to go home orange paint on the only 10 pounds heavier than when they first arrived at University Lion in hopes of rais­ Park. ing dormant school spirit by pinning the blame on Syracuse. D 46. SAY "HI" TO JOE PATERNO. Hey Joe, that's one crazy wife! Joe Paterno, Penn State's head football coach since 1966, is the most famous personality both on campus and in all of today. So it's usually a great thrill NO.t to say "Hi" when you see JoPa walking across campus from his , home in College Heights to either or his office at the Indoor Sports Complex - especially when you see him for the first o 48. KNOW THE NUMBER OF DOMINO'S PIZZA time. At least it's something you BY HEART. can tell mom and dad about dur­ ing your next phone call home. North of campus, it's 237· 1414. South of campus, it's 234·5655. They prom· ise to deliver in 30 min­ utes or less, so don't stand in front of their cars!

30 ------~

o 49. LOOK THE WRONG WAY ON COLLEGE AVE. Or on the HUB lawn, in the quad o r College Avenue (aka Route 26), along with the in a dorm hallway. You can throw a I Wall (see #3), divides town and campus, and frisbee anywhere in Happy Valley, r has been one-way since the fall of 1971. And but the above four places are still is. [t just takes new Penn Staters a couple distinctly Penn State. Special care ------I- ~;:J of months to get used to it. should be taken on Old Main lawn -what with two flagpoles, a turtle with a globe on its back and scores of engineering students out sur­ veying.

o 50. LISTEN TO THE "WITCH DOCTOR" ON WQWK (FM97). 52. GET A "BACK TO "Mercy, mercy, mercy. It's the man from the street, the man with the o funky beat coming at you." Speaking is Warren Coleman. a Penn GODHEAD" MAGAZINE State professor of I FROM A KRISHNA. P h YSlca. I e d uca t'Ion ,_ '('t'I(.... c.."( """e"'....~ '"1 who spins records "Back to Godhead" is the from noon to three ideal magazine. It's free, o'clock every Sunday has great distribution (the afternoon on WQWK. Mall, the Wall, registra· He can "do it with a tion, the HUB) and if you touch of soul, or do it read it, you'll fulfill three with a touch of class, credits of "other cultures" or do it with just a requirements. touch." Just remem· ber to "Pick up the pieces, uh·huh!" li

32 33 54. PASS THE NITTANY o LION UP THE STANDS IN I BEAVER STADIUM. r Ever since Dick Hoffman donned a Lion costume for the 1922 Penn State-Syracuse game at the Polo Grounds in New York, the Nittany Lion mascot has been a fixture at Penn State football games. So many people "want the Lion" that he now limits his trips up the stands to the first thr~e quarters. That's because by the fourth quar­ ---f;;;;;;!b--:=c- ter, there are just too many pinch. ~-=- es and grabs from people who really want the lion!

55. o SURVIVE REGISTRA· TION. Three hours on "the floor" of the 1M Build· ing are enough to make a ceramic arts major take BioChem 525 just to get out of the place. The frenzied atmosphere of step· ~ ping over people, sort· o 53. LOSE YOUR COAT ••• OR SOMETHING ing out No.6 cards (or is it No.2 cards?), and ELSE ••• AT A FRATERNITY. dodging information Fraternities a re best (or worst) known fo r their parties (see Animal tables and people House,' the movie). At a f raternity pa rty - after a few hours of i handing out subscrip· and conversation, and a Lionel Richie song - certain things can tion offers makes reg· happen. Like taking som eone else's coat by mistake or ... (see #18). istration as painful as ~ loss to Pitt.

34 35 58. CHECK THE RIDE o o BOARD. If you don't own a car, find hitch· hiking unappealing, hate the sound Sponsored by of Greyhound bus tires squealing and Beta Sigma Beta, air fares send you reeling, then a the Regatta is named for check of the ride board is revealing. Sy Barash, a former presi· Whether you're going to the 'Burgh, dent of Beta Sigma and promi· Philly o r Bellefonte (see #19), it's easy nent State College businessman finding a ride or a rider. who died of cancer in 1975. The event, which was held at Stone Valley (see #26) for its first eight years before being moved to Bald Eagle State Pa rk in 1983, bene­ fits the American Cancer Society and features canoe races in categories from "blindfold" to "hand paddle:-

57. SMUGGLE FOOD OUT OF THE DINING o HALL. Except for a single piece of fruit. sneaking food back to your dorm room is prohibited, which is not to say it doesn't happen. Every smuggler has his or her own technique, from pou ring milk into a plastic jug hidden inside a gym bag to tossing a salad into their underwear. The 59. SPEND real trick is making sure your Creamsicle o doesn't melt before getting back to your SPRING BREAK IN room. FORT LAUDERDALE. After a winter of books. bun· dling up (see #67) and bore- dom, spring break means Fort Lauderdale and the unbridled pursuit of three things: sun, sand and sex. Definite stops in Lauder· dale are The Button, Penrod's (with a free keg in the afternoon), The Playpen and The Candy Store. Just be careful - Fort Lauderdale is so full of Penn Staters that the person you cavort with on Thursday may be in your English class on Monday.

36 37 o 60. STUDY AT o 62. STOMACH A TACO DOG. ROY'S. Where have you gone, taco dog? For incoming Penn Staters, the taco dog With a pair of Roy Rogers' is just a legend. But for older Penn on College Avenue, it's Staters and alumni, the memory - hard to not have hit the and heartburn - of a taco dog lingers Happy Trails at least for a lifetime. In recent years, such once. The best thing dining hall additions as "weiner about studying at Roy's wings" and "shrimp lets" have come (besides the big windows close to rivaling the taco dog, but that are ideal for watching have yet to reach legendary status. people walk by) is that they give refills on coffee and soft drinks, a big plus when you need caffeine running through your veins (see #21).

o 63. PULL A DORM PRANK. 61. GET A PINK SLIP WITH o Dorm pranks are sometimes stu­ "ALL SECTIONS FILLED." pid and sometimes childish, but always funny - at least to the one pulling the prank. Pranks like pennying someone in his room, covering a doorknob with peanut butter or vaseline, "turning a room over," shoving shaving cream un­ der a door with a After investing record album hours into studying the cover and blow­ schedule of classes, filling out drying baby pow­ your preregistration form and forg­ der (crop dust­ ing your advisor's signature (see #33), you ing) under a door finally ha ve the perfect schedule. Or so you are all good. Set­ 'thought (see #44). In reality the slip often reveals "All ting your room­ sections are filled," forcing you to take first period and last mate on fire is period five times a week. not.

38 39 o 64. FEED A SQUIRREL o 66. GET A PERSONAL IN THE COLLEGIAN. (AGAIN). It's definitely bette r to get a personal than give one. It means that at least someone likes/wants you. However, there is always that doubt: '" Squirrels are sometimes even was there, but do they mean me?" more popular than rootball play­ ers at Penn State. Maybe that's why all the little critters are so upset that it isn't called Squir­ rel Stadium. After all, how many beavers have you ever fed on campus?

65. BUY A PENN o STATE T·SHIRT FOR A RELATIVE. There are all kinds of Penn State souvenirs: Commemorative choco­ late plaques, bumper stickers, authentic jerseys, football high­ light books. posters, musical /tiled"'" o 67. WALK ACROSS PARKING LOT 80 IN THE key chains that play the school . Joe Paterno trays, WINTER. ties, buttons, ashtrays, coffee Every November, the parking lot that sepa­ mugs and ... yes, even T­ rates East Halls from the rest of the world shirts. turns into the coldest spot in Centre County. Parking Lot 80 in the winter is a good excuse for gaining ~ the dreaded "Freshman 10" (see #45), the survival or the campus Loop (see #25) and moving off-campus.

40 41 ~VM~A ~O'i'p...· ONES. I

1975 Cotton Bowl - PSU 41, Baylor 20. 1974 - PSU 16, LSU 9. 1972 Sugar Bowl - Oklahoma 14, PSU 0. 1972 Cotton Bowl - PSU 30, Texas 6. 1970 Orange Bowl - PSU 10, Missouri 3. 1969 Orange Bowl - PSU 15, Kansas 14. 1967 Gator Bowl - PSU 17, Florida SI. 17. 1962 Gator Bowl - Florida 17, PSU 7. 1961 Gator Bowl - PSU 30, Ga. Tech 15. 1960 liberty Bowl - PSU 41, Oregon 12. 1959 liberty Bowl - PSU 7, Alabama 0. 1948 Cotton Bowl - PSU 13, SMU 13. -- 1923 Rose Bowl - USC 14, PSU 3. o 68. GO TO A . From 1923 to January 1, 1983, Penn State went to 21 football bowl games, compiling a 13·6·2 record. Under Joe Paterno (see #46) the Nittany lions have gone 10·4·1, including the 1983 trip to the Sugar Bowl that won us the national title. The results: 1983 Sugar Bowl - PSU 27, Georgia 23. 1982 Fiesta Bowl - PSU 26, USC 10. 1980 Fiesta Bowl - PSU 31, Ohio State 19. 1979 liberty Bowl - PSU 9, Tulane 6. 1979 Sugar Bowl - Alabama 14, PSU 7. 1977 Fiesta Bowl - PSU 42, Arizona SI. 30. 1976 Gator Bowl - Notre Dame 20, PSU 9. 1975 Sugar Bowl - Alabama 13, PSU 6.

42 43 69. KNOW WHAT A BURSAR IS ••• A o PROVOST IS ••• A "BITCH BAG" IS. The bursar is the officer in charge of funds at the university. The provost is the chief officer for academic affairs at Penn State and is seco"nd in command after the 70. PLAY 1M'S. university president. A bitch bag is o the tote bag imprinted with Greek Nearly 35,000 undergrads, grads letters that sorority sisters carry and faculty members participate around so they can remember in at least one intramural sport what dorm floor to return to after every year at Penn State, which class and on Sunday mornings has the largest such program in when they wake up. the nation. There are 18 different sports to choose from as well as singles, doubles and coed events. But the best thing about 1M's at Penn State is the team names, which over the years have includ­ ed Siamese Elephants, Muff Di­ vers, IUDs, Lawn Furniture, Gonads and GFY.

:::----:: o 71. APPLY FOR A PHEAA LOAN. Loans from the Pennsylvania Higher Education Assistance 0 ~ ~ A~.-~. Agency are to be used to pay eX ..-..-tT for tuition and room and board. But those fortunate enough to not really need the money for that have been known to use the loan to buy a car, go on a vacation, make an investment or just plain blow it on silly things, like textbooks (see #32). o 72. GET YOUR PICTURE o 74. EXPERIENCE "HEAD BOBS" IN CLASS. IN LA VIE. Head bobs are different things to different people. To the pro· Candidly speaking, it hel ps to know a La fessor in front of the lecture "< <<. Vie photographer if you want your photo r--C".,....~ hall, head bobs look like you're in the yearbook. Or, to be even more certain, you can become a member of a nodding "yes" and encourage \ \ - rather than discourage - fraternity, sorority, club or sports team. The surest and most satisfying way to him or her . To the persons get your picture in La Vie is to be a sitting behind you, head bobs are both amusing and annoy­ graduating senior. but it's a good bet ing. And to the head bobber, that you won't know either of the two people whose senior pictures are on they're a pain in the neck and a reminder that: (a) the class is either side of yours. boring, (b.) you need more sleep, or (c.) ifs time to do the Collegian crossword puzzle (see #14). o 73. SUNBATHE IN THE QUAD. When it's a sunny day in the spring, summer or early fall you know "Surf's up!" all across campus. Each dorm area and fraternity has its own special nick­ named beach. The experi enced "scopers" have keen eyes for the most scenic beaches (those with the , DOaCCCI:! PC.t:lDt:lOO' least "beached" whales). No matter what the beach, b~ooca... ~ it's certain the tunes are cranked, frisbees are flying 0'00 D t:u:~.~ COOt:lCOb and the smell of sun tan oil permeates the air. dOc l:'DOO t=.ho o 75. LEAVE RITENOUR SICKER THAN YOU WENT IN. While Ritenour is most popular for the PCEP (Peer Contraception and Education Program), some people do go there to see the doctors, who have seen it all before - be it the flu, a broken foot or an ulcer. No matter what you have, it's always something that's "j ust going around." And it's nothing a little tetracycline or aspirin won't cure . .. they think.

46 47 o o 76. EAT A GRILLED STICKY 78. DANCE TO o D D o AT4A.M. OLDIES AT THE After studying. hitting the bars, GAFF. coming home from a party or a date, stopping for a grilled sticky "There ain't no mountain early in the morning (or late at high enough" to keep dance night) will introduce you to anoth­ fans away from the Shandy­ er side of State College. Besides gaff Saloon every Thursday yourself, what other normal per- for Oldies' Night. Diana Ross, "Mack the Knife" and ,.:.~,,-=;;-_ son would be eating a warm piece of pastry at four in the morning? Michael Jackson are all reg­ ulars at the 'Gaff, located at the rear of the 200 block of East College Av e:

D 77. DIVE OFF THE to·METER BOARD. o 79. GRADUATE WITHIN SIX YEARS. With some strategy, four years at Penn State can easily be drawn out to six. Some ready-made excuses as ~ to why you're still here Cli mbing the after four (or five or six) years: "( took some atdiving the outdoortower ;~1r:~~a.::;'L~S~=~~~Il~UJ...- time off to find my­ pool next to self," '" changed ma­ the Natatorj- - jors," '" took a year off urn isn't all to earn some money that difficult. for tuition," "That time The true test I dropped nine credits of courage is what level you choose to dive from - the 1·, 5-, 71fz- or really messed me up" lO-meter board. Of course, jumping off the side of the pool would be and '" had an extra a lot easier and decrease your chances of doing a belly flop. year of athletic (or so­ cial) eligibility_"

48 49 ~WHAT IS A NlnANY, ANYWAY? Even if you checked all 80 boxes, you can not become an official Penn Stater until you know what a Nittany is. According to regional folklore, Nittany (o r Nita-Nee) was a valorous Indian princess in whose honor the Great Spirit caused to be formed. A later namesake, daughter of Chief O-Ko-Cho who lived near the mouth of 80. GROW UP AND LEAVE HAPPY VALLEY Penn's Creek. fell in love with a trader named Malachi o Boyer. The tearful maiden and her lost lover became . FOR THE REAL WORLD. legend and her name was given to the lions t hat at one Get a job! The vacation is over, so turn in your key. "Club Penn State" time roamed the local mountains. The mountain and the must register some new guests. See you on football weekends, athletic teams at Penn State have since adopted the name Homecoming, the Phi Psi (see #15), the Arts Festival (see #24), at the Nittany as well. Skeller (#12) and when you move your kids into East Halls.

50 51 TOM MOSSER ••• is a free-lance cartoonist-illustrator· artist who makes his home in Hunt· ingdon. Pa. A diehard Penn Stater down to his blue and white underwear, Tom followed his grandfather, both parents and two sisters to Penn State ..While in college, Tom was a member of the Lions' . Legion cheerleading squad and staff artist of The Daily Collegian . He graduated in 1982 with a B.F.A. in art.

THE HAPPY VALLEY PROMOTIONS FAMILY

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