Principle 2: We Can Make Our Writing More Vigorous and Direct, If We Both Avoid Abstract s1
PROFESSIONAL WRITING AND EDITING
WEEK 6 STYLE EXERCISES – REVISION ON NOMINALISATION + MORE ACTIVE AND PASSIVE VOICE
From Williams (2003, 45)
PART 1:
Revise these sentences so that the nominalizations are verbs and characters are their subjects.
In (1) and (2), the characters (subjects) are italicized and the nominalizations in bold.
1. Lincoln’s hope was for the peaceful preservation of the Union, but the South’s attack on Fort Sumter made war an inevitability.
Lincoln hoped for to preserve the Union without car, but when the South Attacked Fort Sumter, war was inevitable.
2. Attempts were made on the part of the President’s aides to assert his immunity from a Congressional subpoena.
The President’s aides asserted the President was immune from the Congress’ subpoena.
3. There were predictions by business executives that the economy would experience a quick revival.
Business executives predicted the economy would revive quickly.
4. Your analysis of my report omits any data in support of your criticism of my findings.
5. The health care industry’s inability to exert cost controls could lead to the public’s decision to that government action is needed.
PART 2:
In sentences (3), (4) and (5), the agents are italicized; find the actions and revise the sentences.
6. A papal appeal was made to the nations of the world for assistance to those facing the threat of African starvation.
7. Attempts at explanations for increases in voter participation in this year’s elections were offered by several candidates.
8. The agreement by the class on the reading list was based on the assumption that there would be tests on certain selections.
9. There was no independent business-sector study of the cause of the sudden trade surplus.
10. An understanding as to the need for controls over drinking on campus was recognized by the student union.
PART 3:
In sentences (6), (7) and (8) only the nominalizations are in bold; find or invent the characters and revise the sentences.
11. There is uncertainty at the CIA about the Korean intentions as to cessation of missile testing.
12. Thorough physical conditioning of the team is the responsibility of the coaching staff.
13. Any contradictions among the data requires an explanation.
14. The Dean’s rejection of our proposal was a disappointment but not a surprise because our expectation was that a decision had been made.
15. Their performance of the play was marked by enthusiasm but lacked intelligent staging.
PART 4: More on revising active and passive voice.
16. Use the active voice with strong verbs. Change the following sentences from the passive voice (where the subject is acted upon) to the active voice (where the subject performs the action). Invent a subject if necessary.
17. The market's advances are often driven by large-capitalization stocks.
18. An investment was made by me.
19. A decision was made by the board to exclude the press and wear Hawaiian shirts when voting on important matters.
20. Holdings among rate-sensitive stocks were reduced by the portfolio manager.
21. In preparation for next month's meeting, a shirt with yellow flowers and a green background was purchased by Roger Chillingworth.
22. We are now permitted by the Securities and Exchange Commission to combine mailings of certain materials.
23. The volatility of the market should be taken under consideration by short-term investors in the selection and purchase of stocks.
24. It is our belief that, based on an assessment of the accounting principles used and a review of the significant estimates made by management, as well as an evaluation of the overall financial statement presentation, our audits provide a reasonable basis on which recommendations are made.
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