I think that when we can arrive at some reconciliation of the opposites of male andfernale, when they are held in creative tension, then we are not either/oc but are both. Maybe even something better than both. RECONCILINGTHE OPPOSITES By Helen Candland Stark WHEN ESTHER EG- rework a rough draft essay ti- ertsen Peterson occupied this tled "Women and Symbols"? spot, she looked back over the It is, after all, the Age of significant events of her rela- Aquarius, a female symbol. tively long life.' Her conclusion But I thought you deserved asked the audience to judge more from me. At age ninety, what kind of Mormon they I might look back on my years thought she was. She had re- to see if any themes stood out. counted events undergirded by Several did. They have be- the Mormon values of her pio- come facets of the crystal that neer heritage: hard work, integ- symbolizes my psyche. Quot- rity, and sacrifice. These values ing mostly from my writings, became central to her later I hope to explore my experi- achievements in the labor ences in these areas: (1)work, movement and in politics. (2) grief and loss, (3) Mother Often physically impaired, I Earth, and (4) patriarchy. This never expected, nor even sounds like a much too ambi- wanted, to live so long. I felt I tious outline, sort of covering was just an ordinary person the cosmos. Be reassured that whose oddity was to set down I will deal only with my own in words my experiences and limited experiences, mostly concerns-in letters (to wo- from my published or unpub- men, to editors, to friends and lished material. I will con- family at Christmas), in diaries, clude with the reconciling in verse, and in assorted arti- HENRY M. AND HELEN CANDLAND STARK process, which came to me in cles-which I felt surprised and mid-life from the Society of plesed to see occas~ona~~ypub- My experiencrs have taught me something of the dark Friends, lished. Apparently, by some night of the soul. Out of that stniggle, there has So what kind of a Mormon quirk of genes, I am a writing emerged a sense of awe at the good~zessof God. am I? I will tell you up front: I woman now grown old. am a Quaker-Mormon, as I When I was first approached hope you will agree at the about talking tonight, I was overwhelmed. What could I say? conclusion of this talk. I have never been a public individual. Would it suffice to WORK Tltose ~vhoare too busy with tlteir HELEN CANDLAND STARK lives in Provo, Utah, and is a niatli- agairs cannot heed their Lord. arch of Mormon feminists. Over ninety, she has been n teachel; actress, wife, mothel; writei; environmentalist, and feminist. Tltis IN the beginning God created the earth, the seas, and all paper was presented at the 1992 Sunstone Sylnpositlm closing that in them are. He separated the light from the darkness in banquet in Salt Lake City, Utah. the six days of creation. Male and female, created he them. And Pa64 FEBRUARY 1994 SUNSTONE then on the Sabbath day, he rested. God was a creator; he was She laid her fingers on my arm. not a workaholic. I threw them off. I would not stay. Like Esther Peterson, I grew up with the Mormon pioneer The heavy house is quiet now; work ethic: "Put your shoulder to the wheel, push along." One She sought my Lord and went away. is lucky if the work is fulfilling; but even if it is tedious, boring, and dull, "the work to do is here for you," so "do your duty My hands are Martha's hands, alert, with a heart full of song." For certainly, "there is work enough Skillful, strong, and swift to hurt: to do ere the sun goes down." But, ah, my soul, could I surprise I was, alas, a rebellious spirit, but even so, I was a hard The look of Mary in my eyes. worker. You can be little else as the eldest of nine brothers and sisters. We spent our summers on a Sanpete County ranch and The story of Mary and Martha in the New Testament became our winters in Provo going to school. We canned, dried fruit, for me a recurring riddle, laden with perplexities. The account made soap from mutton tallow, and sewed on an ancient from Luke reads like this: treadle sewing machine that I had reconditioned with coal oil. One day my assignment was to turn a bolt of outing flannel Now it came to pass, as they went, that Uesus] into winter pajamas for my five brothers. At day's end I was so entered into a certain village; and a certain woman tired that I began to weep. My mother took me for a walk along named Martha received him into her house. a dusty country road. She held my arm, but said nothing. Now, And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at these many years later, I understand the words she did not say: Jesus' feet, and heard his word. "This is the way it is, Helen. This is the way it is." But Martha was cumbered about much serving, 1 was an accepting participant in the way it was. But two and came to him and said, Lord, dost thou not care limits I insisted upon. Sunday afternoons on the ranch were to that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her be mine. I spent those hours putting together a newsletter, therefore that she help me. complete with columns, headlines, short stories, and editori- And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, als, for three absent college friends. And I would not darn. If I Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many managed, purposely, to complete an assigned task early, my things: mother was wont to say, "Good, Helen. Now you have time for But one thlng is needful: and Mary hath chosen a little darning." No way. The basket of hose for eleven people that good part, which shall not be taken away from was bottomless. her. (Luke 10:38-42.) But chores were evidence of a good woman, so when I married belatedly and gratefully, I was determined to be the best Why should Jesus reprove Martha? By her industry he was fed. wife known to man. That meant that I would never just open a Order, cleanliness, and physical comforts are not the fruits of can of beans; I would do tedious and intricate things to them. contemplation. Is not Martha the worker-bee? Is not house- And as the years went by, the pioneer work ethic remained hold proficiency a high good? (Prov. 3 1:10-3 1 .) important. Our children remember their early lives on our five acres in Delaware as picking and selllng raspberries Why should Jesus commend Mary? The obvious answer is eleven months out of the year. In the struggle of our small LDS that she sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his words. She sat group to earn money for a chapel, our family raised and and listened. What is the nature of this higher life for which sold-in addition to the raspberries-corn, apples, and she has become the symbol? squash. I operated a bread route. With a laden basket, once a Modern analytical psychology has advanced the theory week one of the children delivered loaves to the neighbors. that in every human being, whether male or female, there And I was known as a specialist in salvaging borderline exist two contradictory but at the same time complementary produce. Seventeen split cantaloupes in the morning became approaches to life: the masculine and the feminine, the ani- seventeen jars of cantaloupe butter by night. The celery crop mus and the anima, the ynng and the yin. The masculine that wasn't supposed to freeze, but one night did, became concerns itself with doing, accomplishing, performing, exe- quarts of puree for soup. A blender and assorted ingredients cuting. It is the driving force. The feminine is deeply aware. turned ovempe corn into pudding. Eastern guests got the It feels and intuits and broods. grand tour of our house and gawked at the row on row of Each of us faces the problem of expressing intelligently and bottled produce. with balance these two sides of the psyche. No man should be But with all this work, I found myself in a dilemma that all drive and purpose; conversely, no woman should be all came out in a poem titled "Martha Speaks": , feeling. There are few such women today. The pendulum has My sister, when our Lord had gone, swung in the opposite direction. The woman of today lives in Brought me a drink fresh from the well. a world where the test of worth is deeds. From the Who's Who I said, "0 worthless one." I struck of the high school annual to the final obituary notice, the The cup of water so it fell. emphasis is laid not on being or becoming, but on doing. FEBRUARY 1994 SUNSTONE However, the other side of the scale hangs heavy with GRIEF AND LOSS deprivation. To the edge of insanity, humanity has been over- The darkness of loss is a necessary masculinized. The machismo of competition, aggression, and contrast to the light ofwonder brute force has thrust us all to a cultural brink. Both now and T in the past, we have relied on war and aggression as the means 10 return to the creation story, Genesis tells us that God of solving problems and dealing with insecurities.