ABSTRACT JONES, LOGAN CARROLL. You Must Change Your Life: A Narrative and Theological Inquiry into the Experiences of Transformative Learning in Clinical Pastoral Education Students. (Under the direction of Dr. Carol E. Kasworm.) The purpose of this qualitative research study is to explore and describe the experiences of transformative learning in seminary students and clergy who have participated in a Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) residency program while providing pastoral care to patients in an acute care hospital setting. This research focuses on the affective dimension of transformative learning because the emotional intensity of the CPE learning process, coupled with the emotional intensity of the hospital setting, invites and challenges students to struggle with the meaning of the pastoral encounters they have with persons in crisis. Current theory and research in both transformative learning and in CPE lack the empirical understandings of the affective dimension of the transformative learning process. By attending to the role of emotions found in the participants’ experiences in CPE, this research advances the understanding of the importance of the affective dimension of learning within transformative learning theory. In addition, since CPE is fundamentally theological education, this research also places the transformative learning process within the context and theological framework of the psalms of lament in order to identify the inherent theological nature of the learning process in CPE. Such placement further advances the understanding of the discipline of CPE. A method of discourse analysis was employed to shape a poem from the participant interview narratives. Poetry communicates through an economy of words the power and emotional content of an experience in ways prose cannot. The poems thus allow for the affective elements of an experience to be more fully expressed. The findings of the research suggest that participants in a CPE residency do tell and reflect on pastoral experiences that lead to and foster transformative learning and that these experiences are filled with emotion. Furthermore, the findings center on three key dynamics of the affective dimension of transformative learning: grief, soul, and authenticity. The findings suggest that the affective dimension of transformative learning is complex and complicated. The psalms of lament through a scheme of orientation – disorientation – new orientation parallel the affective dimension of transformative learning. There are four conclusions suggested by this study. One, there is evidence that the affective dimension of transformative learning does encompass the key dynamics of grief, soul, and authenticity as noted in the literature. There is also evidence to suggest there are other affective dynamics in the transformative learning process which need to be acknowledged. Two, there is evidence to support the inclusion of an eighth perspective of transformative learning. This new perspective is identified as the psycho-affective perspective. Three, the affective dimension of transformative learning is well integrated into the ten elements and processes of transformation as noted in the literature. The recognition of this integration allows for a more comprehensive understanding of the theory. Four, the psalms of lament provide a theological lens along with a meaningful description through which to understand the transformative learning process in CPE students. Overall, the inclusion of the affective dimension of transformative learning compels the theory of transformative learning to become more robust and more comprehensive. The evidence of this study suggests that the affective dimension of transformative learning is critical in the overall transformative learning process. More research into the many facets and perspectives of transformative learning theory will further the development and advancement of the theory. Likewise, more research into CPE will further extend the understanding of the CPE process. You Must Change Your Life: A Narrative and Theological Inquiry into the Experiences of Transformative Learning in Clinical Pastoral Education Students by Logan Carroll Jones A dissertation submitted to the Graduate Faculty of North Carolina State University in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the Degree of Doctor of Education Adult and Community College Education Raleigh, North Carolina 2010 APPROVED BY: _______________________ ______________________ Dr. J. Conrad Glass, Jr. Dr. Audrey J. Jaeger Committee Member Committee Member ______________________ _______________________ Dr. Carol E. Kasworm Dr. Hiller A. Spires Chair of Advisory Committee Committee Member ii DEDICATION To Kelli, Sarah, and Kate whose love and laughter transform my life daily – and forever. iii BIOGRAPHY I was born in Winston-Salem, NC and raised in the rural town of King, NC in the shadows of the Sauratown Mountains. After attending the public schools of Stokes County, I received my AB degree in Psychology from Davidson College in Davidson, NC. I then went on to earn a MA degree in Psychology from the University of Alabama in Birmingham. Following this degree, I found myself attending the Divinity School of Duke University in Durham, NC where I received my MDiv degree. While at the Divinity School, I stumbled into hospital ministry and clinical pastoral education (CPE). While the learning was difficult, I felt like I discovered where I belonged. I completed my CPE residencies at UNC Hospitals and at Duke University Medical Center. After finishing this clinical training, I served as pastor of the Mason-Braden United Methodist Churches in west Tennessee for two years. I returned to Duke University Medical Center to begin my supervisory CPE training. I began the process of becoming a pastoral educator, a teaching chaplain. I was certified as an Associate CPE Supervisor by the Association for Clinical Pastoral Education, Inc. (ACPE) at the end of this training. For the next six years, I served as Associate Director of the Department of Pastoral Care at Methodist Medical Center in Dallas, TX. I was certified as a full CPE Supervisor during this time in Dallas. I returned to North Carolina to take the position of Chaplain and Director of the Pastoral Care Services department at Rex Healthcare in Raleigh, NC where I still serve today I am the first chaplain employed by Rex. iv I am ordained in the Moravian Church in America, Southern Province and serve under call to specialized ministry to Rex Healthcare. I am married and the father of two girls. v ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS There are many people to thank as I come to the end of this long journey. I thank my former clinical pastoral education (CPE) students who participated in this research project. I am humbled by their honesty and candor in reflecting on their experiences in the CPE residency program. I am grateful for their willingness to be open and vulnerable in sharing how they have been transformed. This project would not have been possible without them. I thank my committee members. I thank Dr. Carol E. Kasworm for her constant encouragement, support, and challenge as my advisor. Her standard for excellence is unparalleled. I thank Dr. J. Conrad Glass for his encouragement when I first started this process. I was first introduced to transformative learning theory in his class on the Adult Learner. He embodies what it means to be an adult educator. I thank Dr. Audrey J. Jaeger for her friendship and support. Her belief in me has been unwavering. I thank Dr. Hiller A. Spires for her willingness to join my committee after the tragic death of Dr. Colleen Aalsburg Wiesnner. I am particularly indebted to Dr. Weissner for sharing her knowledge of transformative learning theory and reflective practice. Her joy for learning and transformation was unbounded. I wish she could have seen the end of my project. I thank Dr. Richard Lischer of the Divinity School of Duke University for his willingness to work with me on the Psalms. His wisdom was invaluable. I thank my colleagues at Rex Healthcare for their support. I thank Mary Lou Powell, senior vice president and chief nursing officer. She took an interest in my work from the beginning and has been a constant source of encouragement. I thank Charla vi Littell, Cynthia McNeill, Terri Kuczynski, and Jeff Holman, my colleagues in the Pastoral Care Services department. They have heard me talk about this project for the past several years. They have indulged me with great patience and grace. I thank Shannon Davenport who helped me find my voice and gave me a safe place to become a poet. This effort is dedicated to my wife, Kelli, and my two daughters, Sarah and Kate. I do not have the words to thank Kelli. She continues to love me beyond measure. Her patience and understanding have sustained me through this process. Sarah’s and Kate’s love and laughter are gifts to me. I miss not be able to do homework with them. vii TABLE OF CONTENTS LIST OF TABLES............................................................................................................ xii LIST OF FIGURES ......................................................................................................... xiii CHAPTER ONE: INTRODUCTION AND THEORETICAL FRAMEWORK ................1 A Narrative of a Transforming Pastoral Encounter.................................................1 Introduction to the Study .........................................................................................4 Statement of the Problem.........................................................................................6