BIGGITY BAD AND THE THREE LITTLE PIGS By Edith Weiss Copyright © MMXVI by Edith Weiss, All rights reserved. ISBN: 978-1-61588-355-4 CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that this Work is subject to a royalty. This Work is fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America and all countries with which the United States has reciprocal copyright relations, whether through bilateral or multilateral treaties or otherwise, and including, but not limited to, all countries covered by the Pan-American Copyright Convention, the Universal Copyright Convention and the Berne Convention. RIGHTS RESERVED: All rights to this Work are strictly reserved, including professional and amateur stage performance rights. 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COPYING: Any unauthorized copying of this Work or excerpts from this Work is strictly forbidden by law. No part of this Work may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, by any means now known or yet to be invented, including photocopying or scanning, without prior permission from Heuer Publishing LLC. HEUER PUBLISHING LLC P.O. BOX 248 • CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA 52406 TOLL FREE (800) 950-7529 • FAX (319) 368-8011 2 BIGGITY BAD AND THE THREE LITTLE PIGS BIGGITY BAD AND THE THREE LITTLE PIGS By Edith Weiss SYNOPSIS: Higgelty and Piggelty are two devil-may-care pigs that take laziness to a new level. Lucky for them, they are joined in the pen by Hamlet, a Shakespeare-talking truffle pig with wit, brains and bravado to match. When Buzz the Turkey Buzzard and Rufus Rabbit convince Rolfie Wolf to capture the pigs, it’s up to Hamlet to save the day. With an anti-gang message and run-for-your-life chase scenes, this new take will leave audiences with great biggity smiles! CAST OF CHARACTERS (3 females, 3 males, 9-16 either) WING DING PUMPKINPATCH (m) .......... A loud, prone to frustration rooster. (19 lines) BLATTABILIA BLUEJAY (f) ..................... An annoying bird who thinks she’sCOPY always right. (15 lines) ROSIE RED HEN (f) .................................... A gentle and sweet hen. (16 lines) LEE BEE (f/m) ............................................. The leader of the little bee team. Energetic. (4 lines) BREE BEE (f/m) ........................................... The bee team: Positive, happy and hardworking. (3 lines) DEE BEE (f/m) .............................................NOT The bee team: Enthusiastic, diligent. (3 lines) FRECKLES THE BULL (m) ........................ An easily angered, stomping, snorting, scary bull. (12 lines) HIGGELTY (f/m) ......................................... The oldest of the three pigs, the DO boss. Lazy. (102 lines) PIGGELTY (f/m) .......................................... She’s the one most prone to make trouble; lazy, bratty, has an affinity for lying. (113 lines) HAMLET (f/m) ............................................. A hard-working truffle pig who speaks English with a Shakespearean flair. Doesn’t fit in really well. (112 lines) EDITH WEISS 3 BUZZ THE TURKEY BUZZARD (m) ........ An unscrupulous turkey buzzard who tries to be extremely cool and gangsta. Can be dressed ‘Euro-trashy’. (118 lines) RUFUS RABBIT (f/m) ................................. Full of nervous energy and fear, he is a hanger on to Buzz and copies what he does. (78 lines) MAGGIE THE FARMER’S WIFE (f) ......... Short on patience, she’s trying to keep the farm going by herself. (47 lines) TAXMAN (f/m) ............................................ Proper, has a job to do. (24 lines) ROLFIE (f/m) ............................................... Biggity Bad Wolf. A tender- hearted and lonely wolf who is desperate to get back in the wolf pack, and therefore easily manipulated. (100 lines) COPY EXTRAS: THE WOLF PACK (f/m) ........................ (14 lines) CASTING NOTE The following characters NOTcan double as the WOLF PACK: Lee Bee, Bree Bee, Dee Bee, Blattabilia, Rosie, Wing Ding, Taxman, and Freckles the Bull. DO 4 BIGGITY BAD AND THE THREE LITTLE PIGS SETTING Pigpen is center stage. This can be a cloth disc, easily rolled up. Downstage left – some corn or grass. Downstage right – a cave leading to the WOLF’S home. Suggestion of the Farmer’s Wife’s house upstage left. PROPS Gummy worms (for Blattabilia) Blankets for the pigpen Binoculars* Half eaten corn cob Other food detritus for pigsty* Bag of popcorn Nunchucks made of rolls of toilet paper held together by elastic Tube of sunblock Satchel for truffle – large enough to fit over wolf’s head Backpack for Buzz COPY Affirmation book Bull nose ring (on necklace chain) Little Red Riding Hood book Papers for offstage tearing* Another satchel or bag for truffles Sticks NOT Deed to the house Piece of truffle in Wolf’s mouth* *Denotes optional DO SOUNDS o Birdsong o Wolf’s howl o Exploding blender o Running footsteps o Furniture getting overturned o Night insects o Glass crashing EDITH WEISS 5 SET DESIGN The Farmer’s Wife’s house can be suggested upstage stage left. The Wolf’s cave can also be suggested. The pigsty is only used in the beginning, once they go on their “Pigketeer” march the pigsty can be taken off at some point by the available actors. Two mounds─one of straw, and one of sticks─ are needed so that actors can get under and hide. NOTE: The house can be built with big blocks of cardboard or Styrofoam – one side painted to look like straw, one to look like sticks, and one to look like stones. PRODUCTION HISTORY Commissioned by the Backstage Theater Breckenridge, CO (2011) under the title The Three Little Pigs Jesters Children’s Theater, ME Holmes Community College, MS Carroll Community College, MD (2015)COPY Twin Lakes Playhouse, Mountain Home, AR (2015) NOT DO 6 BIGGITY BAD AND THE THREE LITTLE PIGS AT RISE: A farm. A pigpen with three sleeping pigs. We see the entrance of a house upstage left. Sounds of birdsong. Enter WING DING stage left, yawning. He crows. HIGGELTY, PIGGELTY, and HAMLET turn over, still asleep. WING DING crows again. Still ignored. Enter BLATTABILIA, stage right. WING DING: Good morning Blattabilia Bluejay! And you’re welcome for the wake up call. BLATTABILIA: I don’t need a wake-up call, Wing Ding. I have been up since four a.m.; unlike everybody else, who are still sleeping, I see! That’s what happens when you get domesticated. And do you know why I have been up since four in the a.m.? WING DING: The same reason you’ve been getting up at four every morning for years? BLATTABILIA: (Reaching into satchel and pulling out worms.) You betcha it is. Because the early bird gets the worm. (Eats a worm.) WING DING: They sure look delicious. BLATTABILIA: You betcha they are. Dee-licious. WING DING: Could I have one? COPY BLATTABILIA: No. You know these are for my baby Jays. (Eating another worm.) You wouldn’t take food out of their mouths, would you? WING DING: Of course not! I just want one. (As BLATTABILIA raises another worm to her mouth.) Maybe the next one you were going to eat – there-NOT that one – instead of you eating it – you give it to me. BLATTABILIA: (Eating worm.) Wing Ding, I have to keep my strength up. I’ve been up since four. Now off I go, my baby Jays are waiting for their breakfast! DO Exit BLATTABILIA stage left. WING DING: I’ll just get my own worms, Blattabilia, how about that? I don’t need your lousy juicy delicious worms. I am so hungry! Everybody wake up so I can get my breakfast. GET UP! Get up everybody it’s five o’ clock in the mornin’! This here’s Wing Ding Pumpkinpatch with your daily wake-up call: GET UP! EDITH WEISS 7 Enter ROSIE THE HEN who scratches at the ground. ROSIE: Good morning, Wing Ding. A little cranky this morning? WING DING: I’m just hungry, that’s all. ROSIE: I’ve got a whole worm wheat bread back at the henhouse. Why don’t you finish waking everybody up and I’ll give you some. WING DING: Thank you, Rosie. The BEES enter jogging.