Lectures Learning Objectives: 1. identify various examples of negative and positive self-talk 2. describe a range of assertive behaviours, including the passive-aggressive Lecture 01 & Practice Intrapersonal communication: self-talk This course is primarily concerned with interpersonal communication — the types of communication that take place between individuals. But beneath this there may be a level of communication we each have with ourselves. There are some problems with the concept of intrapersonal communication. Firstly, we are considering here the totality of human experience rather than only people with medical conditions such as multiple personality syndrome. Secondly, how can such internal communication be measured? In spite of such conundrums, the notion of intrapersonal communication remains an intriguing one. Schools of psychology such as psychoanalysis, with its consideration of ego defence mechanisms, and rational-emotive therapy (RET) or cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which analyses styles of distorted thinking, have delved deep in this area (Freud 2012 [1936]; Burgo 2014; House 2014; Ellis 2013). The idea of self-talk, or the conversations we have with ourselves, has been used in speech therapy, sports training and motivation (e.g. cricket, badminton, endurance), and self- motivation through affirmations (Miles and Neil 2013; Hidayat and Budiman 2014; Blanchfield et al. 2014, Depape et al. 2006; Gammage, Hardy & Craig 2001; Hay 2004; Manders 2014; Flaxington 2013). Ostrow (2003) suggests that when we send negative and destructive messages to ourselves, we are addressing ourselves in a manner we simply would not tolerate from others. Brinthaupt, Hein and Kramer (2009) suggest that there are four types of self-talk or conversations that we have with ourselves. 1. Self-criticism. For example, ‘I should have done something differently — I’m really upset with myself’. 2. Self-reinforcement. For example, ‘Something good has happened to me; I’m proud of something I’ve done’. 3. Self-management. For example, ‘I need to figure out what to do or say and I’m giving myself instructions or directions about what I should do or say’. 4. Social assessment. For example, ‘I try to anticipate what someone will say and how I’ll respond to him or her’. Kross et al. (2014) came up with some interesting findings concerning the role of expression of conducting self-talk under stressful conditions. They found that ‘self-distancing’ helped reduce stress by manipulating the language of our thoughts in the most basic way. Instead of self-talkers always using the first-person pronoun ‘I’ (see online chapter 1 ‘Grammar’), Kross et al. found that self-talkers who were able to distance themselves by using the second person pronoun ‘You’ and the self-talker’s own name, they were able to handle situations in a cooler fashion (see figure 9.2). The self-talk literature has taken off in the past few years, suggesting that it’s all about positive thinking making for success. But it may not be that simple — Heerey and Kring (2007) found that socially anxious individuals had negative self-talk (see table 9.2), while Hardy (2006) found that in sports, positive self-talk was by no means a guarantee of success. There is also the tricky methodological question of how to measure someone’s self-talk. There is an even trickier methodological question of what happens when a person is not only telling a lie, but also is not aware that they are telling a lie — that is, they are in a state of self-deception (Von Hippel and Trivers 2011). This is almost like an intra-intrapersonal communication (see Denial in table 9.1). One of the most salient ways in which this might occur is with what is called the Dunning–Kruger effect (Dunning and Kruger 1999; Schlosser, Dunning, Johnson and Kruger 2013). The Dunning–Kruger effect has two aspects: ■ a person is incompetent at doing something, but also lacks the cognitive abilities to realise that they are incompetent ■ a person who is extremely competent may assume that because they have performed so well, their peers (who in fact have not) must have performed well likewise. Both aspects imply poor reality-testing abilities of some individuals, and that therefore their self-talk is fundamentally flawed. You will remain the best judge of whether self-talk plays a significant role in your life. Exercise: Use the four types of self-talk in personal examples. Lecture 02 & Practice An intrapersonal–interpersonal connection? We might also consider the possible relationships between intrapersonal communication and interpersonal communication. Is it possible, for example, for an individual with predominantly negative self-talk patterns to adopt these patterns in her or his dealings with other people? Might, for example, the problems of a marriage in trouble or a low-performing work team be exacerbated by the negative self-talk of one or more individuals involved? Similarly, might personal and professional relationships be made more effective and satisfying if one or more individuals involved practised more positive self-talk? Sporting coaches would give a resounding ‘yes’ to the last question, as they have for the past few decades been working on self-talk and group exhortation as mutually reinforcing strategies for boosting the performance of sporting teams. The sport and real world connection is not always clear-cut, of course, but the comparison is interesting and should not be dismissed out of hand. Assignment 01: Think of examples of situations in which the following self-talk strategies might be useful: (a) achievable differences (b) reality testing (c) flexible response (d) confrontation (e) truth (f) rationalisation. A-Select several of the positive self-talk patterns listed above and create monologues reflecting those patterns B-Have you ever used some of these strategies without realizing it, and, if so, did you find them useful? Lecture 03 & Practice Assertiveness Some analysts of interpersonal communication (Back & Back 2005; Alberti & Emmons 2008, Eunson 2002) have found it useful to divide people’s behaviour into one or a combination of four styles: (1) assertive, (2) passive, (3) aggressive, and (4) manipulative. (2) Their communication styles and life positions or attitudes are shown in figures 9.3 and 9.4. How can we recognise which style a person is operating in? Might we all operate from one of all four positions in different situations? Here is some wisdom from times when assertiveness’ was not known as a concept, but the ideas extend back through history. Assertiveness can be viewed as a defence system against the negative communication styles of others, such as the passive or timid style, the aggressive style, and the manipulative or devious style. We will explore in greater detail these four styles in the complementary chapter 10. Assertiveness can also be understood as a way of analysing your own communication styles, and as a system to increase your personal effectiveness. A good definition of assertiveness is: Getting what you want from others without infringing on their rights. Assertiveness plus ... Facts plus good assertive skills will help you to achieve your goals and help to build your personal power. But power flows from other sources, as well, and you need to be aware of these wider or context factors. Some of these include the following: ■ Authority figures. Do you know a boss or supervisor who could advise you, or apply pressure? Can a police officer back you up in a situation where you are physically threatened? Can a doctor offer medical advice that can protect your health? ■ Rules and regulations. Are there any organisational guidelines regarding anti-bullying, safety, overtime, antiharassment policies? If not, why not, and how can they be created? ■ External rules. Are there any wider social guidelines that might protect you (e.g. equal opportunity legislation and agencies)? Is there an industry ombudsman or watchdog? You may not need to call upon any of these people or factors, but it helps to know that they are there, and that they constitute an effective alternative if assertive skills by themselves prove to be inadequate to achieving your goals. You may even choose to incorporate them into some assertive skills. Question for class discussion: Would you call upon any of these people or factors? Explain your answer. Lecture 04 & Practice Passive-aggressive: a fifth style of behaviour? Recently, scholars have been exploring a potential fifth style of behaviour, that of the passive- aggressive person. This paradoxical behaviour style has something in common with ‘frenemies’ (Weir 2011), defined as a ‘person with whom one is friendly despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry’ (Oxford Dictionary). Speaking of the workplace, Warner (2014) argues that: Passive-aggressive behaviour is a new focus on the problem of the non-performing employee. It can involve stubbornness, sullenness, resentment, procrastination, forgetting to do assigned tasks, chronic lateness and intentional inefficiency. Passive aggression will not be the explanation for all employees of this kind, but it can be an explanation for many of themperhaps many more than people realize . In the workplace, passive-aggressive behaviour means that authority is indirectly but consistently challenged by the means of blocking an individual’s or a team’s work, so productivity suffers. It also makes for a stressful, negative environment, where there are not so many direct and open confrontations but indirect, hostile interactions.