THE DUMMY TREE A MUSICAL FAIRYTALE (For seven actor-singers and piano) BY CONOR MITCHELL COMMISSIONED BY THE NATIONAL THEATRE, LONDON FOR NATIONAL CONNECTIONS 2009 viewing only !1 Characters in order of appearance THE MOTHER a seventeen year old girl PAUL a seventeen year old bridegroom NOB Paul’s best mate and best man MINGHAM another mate of Paul’s, a bridesmaid KUBRICK a fifteen year old camera man BINGE Mingam’s younger sister PAUL’S SISTER Paul’s younger sister TIME Now PLACE Anywhere that ain’t posh viewing only !2 For Joan McPherson A tree is on the stage. There are leaves on the ground. There is a bench under the tree with graffiti on it and a plaque. The branches of the tree are bejewelled with trinkets – dummies, tied up with pieces of coloured ribbon. Some have photos and personal notes attached. Some have been there for years, some for a day. A girl, The Mother, enters. She is pushing a baby’s pushchair. When she sees the tree she stops... The Mother THE WIND BLOWS THE LEAVES DANCE WE’RE HERE WE’RE HERE JACK UNDERNEATH THE TREE She wheels the pushchair over to the bench under the tree. The Mother RIGHT WHERE MUMMY SAID IT WAS CLEVER MUMMY WHAT IS MUMMY JACK? Mummy clever? (Pause) MUMMY CAME HERE YEARS AGO WITH MUMMY’S MUMMY YEARS AND YEARS AGO YES SHE DID, YES SHE DID JACK (Tickling him) AND SHE REMEMBERED Enter Paul. He is dressed in a rented Groom’s outfit – not the expensive kind. He stands and looks up at the tree, not seeing The Mother. He has a letter in his hand. He reads it. Both THE PLACE THE WIND BLOWS THE LEAVES DANCE The Mother WE’RE HERE JACK Both viewingUNDERNEATH A TREE only Paul I’M HERE… The Mother …WE’RE HERE Both THE PLACE THE WIND BLOWS THE LEAVES… The baby cries. Paul (Calling off) Found it! It’s this one! The Mother (Comforting the baby) Sshh. Just the wind. Paul Nob! !3 The Mother …can’t hurt anyone. Smile Jack. Paul Over here! The Mother Smile for mummy. Look at the colours Jack. Nob (Off) You find it? Paul (To Himself) RIGHT WHERE SOMEONE SAID IT WAS The Mother RIGHT WHERE MUMMY SAID IT WAS Paul RIGHT WHERE SOMEONE SAID THAT IT WOULD BE.. The Mother ..AND SHE REMEMBERED… Paul ..UNDERNEATH… Both THE TREE - Enter NOB wearing a Best Man’s outfit of similar price. Paul puts the letter in his pocket. Nob Is that it? Paul Yeh, watchca think? Nob viewingI think it’s a tree with crap in it. only Paul That’s coz you’ve got no imagination. Nob And I think I’m the one who’ll get in the shit if you don’t get there on time. Come on. Paul We just got here. Nob Paul, there are days for being early and days for being late. Now, you said you wanted to see it and now you have. Come on. Paul Well…. you go. I’ll stay for a bit by myself. Clear my head. I’ve got an hour Nob. Just some quiet – !4 you know, before… well… before. (He sits on the bench) I’ll meet you there. Nob Do you know what Mingam would do if I arrived without you Paul? She would cut my balls off with a Brillo pad. And I really like my balls Paul. (Beat) Paul? The Mother DON’T ACT SURPRISED JACK DON’T PULL THAT FACE HARDLY A SHOCK JACK THIS IS THE PLACE I TOLD YOU ABOUT LAST WEEK You don’t remember though, do you? Nob Are you listening to me? (beat) My dad says people act strangely on their wedding day. It’s the stress. (Beat) alright, we’ll stay for a bit. A bit Paul. And I’m staying with you. (He sits) Didn’t know you liked trees so much. (Looking up.) What is all that crap anyway? Paul Dummies. The Mother You see… MUMMY BOUGHT A BOOK JACK ELEVEN NINETY NINE BUT THE SHOP’D GOT A SALE ON GOT THE LOT FOR SEVEN WHICH IS FINE FOR A BOOK She produces the book and shows it to Jack Paul Kids come’ere… thing they do. I didn’t. Never had one. Some kids just can’t give it up so they bring viewingthem here and tie it to the tree. They tell the kid theonly fairies’ll come and give them a present. Just heard about this place one day and always wanted to see it. Nob But today? Paul It is kinda brilliant though. Nob Vandalizing a tree? Yeh, terrific Paul No, for kids that can’t give it up. Nob Wot, like addicts? “I am addicted mummy. Take me to the rehab tree before I suck myself to !5 death!” (Quick) Here, remember when Kenny Dillon said he could - Nob Shut up Nob. Nob Right. The Mother MUMMY READ THE BOOK JACK MUMMY LIKES TO READ MUMMY HAD A… LITTLE LOOK JACK TO SEE IF SHE AGREED WITH ‘MOTHER AND CHILD: BEGINNER’S GUIDE’ OKAY, I LIED IT WAS TEN TAKE HIM TO A DUMMY TREE LIKE MY MUM DID, ME Nob Apparently he was born with two ribs missin’. That’s how he was able to do it. Course, he never told me that bit so there was me in a neck brace for a fortnight / and a… Paul Christ! It’s like sharing a cell with the speaking clock! If you’re gonna stay then sit and be quiet. And I mean quiet, Nob. Like I said, I need to think, all right? Is that all right with you? Pause Nob You’ve changed your mind, haven’t ya? The Mother (Reading) Chapter twenty-two. Nob viewingChrist Paul. Brilliant bloody… only The Mother & Nob Timing. The Mother (Reading) When should a little one begin the process of growing up? Nob begins pacing. Paul Have I said that? Have I? (Beat) I want to sit on this bench under this tree and think about… things before I make the… (Beat) lots of… things. Nob Wot things? Paul My things. Now sit down and.. just sit down. You’re making me stressed. !6 Nob I’m making you stressed? Paul Sit. Nob I’m not a dog Paul! Paul If you’re stayin’ sit! He sits down beside him. Nob And I do have an imagination. I’m actually very creative. I wrote a short story once. (Beat) Spent ages on that best man speech. Paul punches him in the arm to shut him up. The Mother TAKE HIM TO A DUMMY TREE LIKE MY MUM DID ME, UNDERNEATH A DUMMY TREE HE’LL SOON GIVE UP THAT PIECE OF PLASTIC’ YES! YOU WILL JACK Paul UNDERNEATH A DUMMY TREE The Mother IT’S WHAT MY MUM DID, ME Paul & The Mother UNDERNEATH A DUMMY TREE Paul viewingI GUESS I’M JUST A LITTLE.. only Nob LITTLE NERVOUS? The Mother YES, Paul NO. Nob YOU ARE PAUL The Mother COZ MUMMY BOUGHT A BOOK JACK AND BOOKS’LL NEVER LIE BOOK SAYS: ‘BIG BOYS DON’T SUCK DUMMIES’ YOU KNOW THAT AS WELL AS I DO !7 Nob UNDERNEATH A REHAB TREE.. Paul ….UNDERNEATH A TREE The Mother …THAT’S WHAT THE BOOK SAYS, SEE? All 3 UNDERNEATH A DUMMY TREE The Mother TIE IT TO THE TREE JACK GIVE IT TO THE TREE! She tries to get the dummy out of his mouth. The baby cries The Mother PEOPLE GROW UP JACK IT’S WHAT THEY DO TIME TO GROW UP JACK SOMETIMES WE’RE MADE TO The baby continues crying It says you shouldn’t rush. I’ll go slower Jack. (Beat) Smile Jack. She sings him a lullaby and rocks the pushchair THE WIND BLOWS THE LEAVES FALL UNDERNEATH THE DUMMY TREE OKAY WE’LL WAIT The baby stops crying. Nob My dad knows quite a lot actually. You’d never know by looking at him. Doesn’t have a beard. A viewingbeard means you know a lot of things. Look onlyat people like… Paul Albert Einstein? Charles Darwin? (Beat) God? Nob No Paul. Santa. Think about it. Santa works one day a year and gets away with it. Now that is the definition of smart in my eyes. I’m tellin’ ya - it’s the beard. Anyway, my dad - who doesn’t have a beard but should - says that people act funny when they’re about to tie the old knot. He had ten boiled eggs on brown toast the morning he married my step-mum. Paul Ten eggs is a little excessive. Nob Brown toast Paul? Brown? !8 Paul Yeh. Right. Nob NERVES IS NORMAL NERVES IS GOOD NERVES IS PROB’LY WOT YA GOT NERVES IS HEALTHY UNDERSTOOD? YOU THINK YOU’RE FREAKIN’ OUT NOW BUT YOU’RE NOT YA JUST GOT.. COLD FEET WHICH IS SWEET The Mother (Reading) ‘Imagine yourself as them, put yourself in their position being asked to give something up, something precious. But remember, it is not a ‘giving up’ it is an exchange. By surrendering the dummy the child is taking their first step on the journey to adulthood. Remember, when we cannot see the end of a long road we question the journey.’ (Closing the book) You get any of that? Nob NERVES IS NAT’SHRILL NERVES IS FINE NERVES, ASSUMIN’ THAT IT’S THEM NERVES IS NATURE’S LITTLE SIGN AT LEAST YOU KNOW YOU’RE HUMAN …THEN AGAIN.. LOOK, YA JUST GOT.