On the Path to a Black Tongue: A Greek Woman’s View of Sexism Thesis submitted to The Graduate School of the Process Work Center of Portland in partial fulfillment of the degree requirements for the Masters degree in Process Work Lily Vassiliou Portland, OR USA 1999 to the spirit that guides me in all its manifestations I am a woman who left her culture seeking inner freedom writing to break free Sharing her journey hoping it will strike a cord in some inspire them to look inside and instigate change Esmeralda was sitting with her father next to a window, taking turns looking through a telescope, when they saw a witch flying on her broomstick across the full moon! Suddenly, the witch appeared in the bedroom, grabbed Esmeralda’s chin and opened her mouth. “Your tongue is not black yet!” the witch screeched after inspecting Esmeralda’s tongue. Esmeralda knew that having a black tongue was the indication of having become a witch, so, without wasting any more time, she climbed on the broomstick and the two of them flew off into the night shrieking mischievously and screeching with joy! Acknowledgments This paper would have never seen the light of the day had it not been for so many people. I am deeply indebted to each and every one. First and foremost I want to thank Jan Dworkin and Arny Mindell for taking the journey with me and midwifing my birth. I thank the spirits that sent you my way. You have changed my life forever through your presence and your very being. Deep gratitude and love… The process work community in all its various forms, local and global, for being a garden for me to bloom in and for teaching me how to step into the fire by stepping in with me. This transformation would have never happened without you. Max Schupbach for challenging me to be all that I am. Thank you for loving and supporting me and being my “worthy opponent”! Julie Diamond, the fairy godmother of this paper, who with her deep feelings created the right atmosphere for the insemination during its conception. Amy Mindell, Jytte Vikkelsoe, Kate Jobe, and Jan Dworkin for escorting me through this program with love, inspiring me, challenging me, learning and growing with me. A true sorcerer’s group! Kate Jobe for overseeing the creation of this paper, guiding it to its completion and Leslie Heizer for her skillful, heartfelt editing. Anna-Maria Angelopoulou for bringing me to Process Work, opening this door in my life. Reini Hauser and Lesli Mones for taking me in, in my moment of desperation, providing the emotional cradle for the birth. Lena Aslanidou for her invaluable help with research and her long lasting friendship. Natasha Docker for nurturing my body with the yummiest cooking, seasoned with love. Emetchi for making me take breaks under the stars in the hot tub. Kas Robinson for reading the first draft with her heart. Kathrine Barton, a sister in a foreign land. Marina and Alexia Papayianni, kindred spirits, sister souls whose love and support for following my heart’s path somehow always magically arrived in the times of deepest need. Last but not least, my family. Alexandra, my younger sister who celebrated my first three sentences as if they were a whole chapter, encouraging me until the very last. Annie, my older sister, who never ceases to surprise me, touching the depths of my soul. My mother and father, Vasso and George, who have supported me with all their hearts and shared their lives and struggles with me. I carry you all in my heart... Foreword ppression and discrimination are “inescapable parts of everyday life” for O many women around the world. “In many countries, wife beating is an accepted practice; women and girls are allowed to eat only after the men; boys are sent to school while girls are kept at home to work or sold into servitude”.1 Female infants are killed; young girls are mutilated by having their clitoris and labia cut off; women are restricted in appearance and whereabouts, forced into prostitution, sexually abused, and harassed. Recent statistics say that women make up more than half the world’s population, perform more than two-thirds of the world’s work, earn less than 10 percent of all income, and own less than one percent of all property.2 Women’s oppression is nothing new; it has been going on for centuries. Numerous people have written about it, countless stories have been told. This is one more story, my story of growing up in the country I was born in, Greece. May it bring healing to others as it has to me. Lily Vassiliou Portland, 1999 1 Oxfam America fundraising letter. 2 1995 Human Development Report: Gender and Human Development. Commissioned by United Nations Development Program. Oxford University Press, 1995. Table of Contents Acknowledgements Foreword Introduction I Breaking the Silence 1 II History Introduction 8 Under the Ottoman Empire 9 War of Independence 11 The Great Idea 12 The First Years of Independence 13 The Balkan Wars 13 World War I & the Destruction of Smyrna 15 Interwar Period 17 World War II 18 Civil War 19 Post-Civil-War Years 26 Junta 26 Coup in Cyprus & Turkish Invasion 28 Restoration of Democracy 30 III Greek Culture 31 Introduction 33 Traditional Culture 33 Forms of Sexism in Traditional Culture 38 Modern Culture 40 The Evolution of Patriarchy through my Family Tree 43 Images of a Culture 47 IV Christianity 58 V Personal History Introduction 65 Her Story 66 His Story 67 Meeting 70 Personal Experiences 73 Memories 75 My Relationship to my Mother 80 My Relationship to my Father 81 Epilogue to Personal History 85 VI Social Reality 86 Being the Oppressor & the Oppressed 89 Inner Effects of Sexism 93 Sexism in the Outer Realm 93 Social Surroundings 94 Education 95 Professional Life 96 Personal Relationships 97 Sexism’s Effect on Relationships 101 Sexism’s Effect on Men 104 How We Perpetuate Sexism 105 “Benefits” of Stereotypes 106 Gender Role Training 107 Brain Research 109 Gender Diversity 110 Epilogue to Social Reality 111 VII Sexuality 112 Introduction 114 Esmeralda’s Story 117 Journey Within 121 Epilogue to Sexuality 204 VII A Suggestion for Change 205 Epilogue 209 Epilogue 2 210 Bibliography 214 Illustration Credits 220 Appendix 221 Introduction his paper is about sexism, about the effect that being put down has on one’s T life, and about bringing about change. Sexism affects us all; women, men, and all the sexes in between, transgender, transsexual, heterosexual, and homosexual people. It affects the way we perceive and feel about ourselves and the world around us; it stops us from living life fully and developing to our greatest potential. One aspect of this work has to do with personal healing. This paper emerged over a period of three years, with a life of its own. Once it came into being I realized that writing it was part of a healing process. As such it gives the reader an inside look at the effects of sexism on one woman's life and her journey towards healing. Another aspect of this work has to do with relationships. This paper was written in hopes of raising our awareness around the effects that sexism has on the way we relate to one another, and around the fact that getting hurt and striking back is a ceaseless cycle unless one notices and changes the cycle. I believe that this kind of awareness helps us deepen our relationships and make them more sustainable. Yet another aspect of this work has to do with social change. This paper comes from the belief that we need to step into the fire of conflict1 and sit there with one another, for “it is in the heart of conflict that we find deep intimacy and love.”2 Part of stepping into the fire for me involves listening to one another' s pain and rage and finding the “other” in ourselves. I'm hoping this paper will encourage you to open up and listen with your heart to your "opponents", and discover them as a part of yourself. This paper begins in chapter 1 with the story of its birth, which in itself reflects what it is trying to address. Chapter 2 provides a brief description of recent Greek history to set a historical context for what follows. Chapter 3 begins by describing traditional Greek culture and its inherent forms of sexism, showing how most of them are alive and well in modern Greek culture. It goes on to follow the evolution of patriarchy in my family tree. 1 This metaphor was introduced into Process Work by David Jones. 2 I am grateful to Wilma Jean Tucker for capturing in this sentence what feels to me like the essence of worldwork. Mindell defines worldwork as the creative utilization of conflict in Sitting in the Fire, Lao Tse Press, 1995, p. 12. Chapter 4 points out some of the ways Christianity reflects and perpetuates the patriarchal attitudes of the society it developed in. Chapter 5 includes personal experiences I had growing up, showing in part the effects of patriarchal attitudes on one's self image and self-esteem. In chapter 6, the paper dives into the social realm. This chapter begins by describing the cycle of becoming the oppressor when one is oppressed and continues with an account of personal experiences of sexism in my social surroundings, education, professional life, and personal relationships. It shows how sexism affects men as well as women, and how it is perpetuated by most of us regardless of gender, in part due to the rigorous gender training we all experience growing up.