Boise State University ScholarWorks Student Newspapers (UP 4.15) University Documents 4-15-1998 Arbiter, April 15 Students of Boise State University Although this file was scanned from the highest-quality microfilm held by Boise State University, it reveals the limitations of the source microfilm. It is possible to perform a text search of much of this material; however, there are sections where the source microfilm was too faint or unreadable to allow for text scanning. For assistance with this collection of student newspapers, please contact Special Collections and Archives at [email protected]. t~ ..... _i1~1'98 ~ "~~;;;;;iIiii". _m.'!,:p~ ~ J\I./1Y 17TH I:....""l\TiO"h.,l. ... ltD-; RL'O"' 'CK CONCERTCLLTB j~' . -e- "'L. 'Tr!fI (" ..,.... "'r' , -,'-, :..,[.Af=' . :-;J,LlU, "" ) • .In!,> IV! lD::F f)"imam:' 'DnSi!: IT-HSffii:iJ\ ~ J1tiJ:J1'OOnn;gl·~.a~ ;;J1:mth~!d;~:i ~ IT:cic:tIThIt%:E, t I ~ I I i I I r I I · . .-...., -~.,.. by LISA GOETZMAN 0.- :. J l ( J ..t, Di(lLpolitical nUlchinery determine this years. .presidency before thevote7 someone on the inside of the process, not inter- . by ASENCIONRAMIREZ there was only one presidential ticket, and it was ested in fair competition neglected to mention to OPINION EDITOR only obvious that whatever opposition appeared would have an uphill battle to wage. this ticket the free press that is afforded them by the election issue. t was a frenzied afternoon in front of Unfortunately, it looks like the machinery Maybe the same person that did this also . the ASBSU offices. The campaigning installed to formalize BSU elections took an . kept the ticket off the Voter Bowl information was over and the only things left were ugly turn and may have made the process more sheet. Conjecture surely, but how long docs it formalities. The engergy was intense difficult than necessary. Is anyone directly take to ferret out issues and put them on a color and I wished that somehow, I could responsible? Hard to say, because there is a long copy? Student organizations had a hard sell convey these emotions to my readers. trail to track. However, when looking at the approaching voters on the street and trying to "How much does the presidency mean to .coincidences. it seems that two and two come peddle a lack of choices. Might as well have you?" I asked the young man sitting next tome. together to make it hard for political outsiders to tried to peddle day-old bread to people walking There were tears in his eyes and for the first time succeed. I knew what it meant to be a media vulture. Here Taking things from the' top; one can note out of Subway. was a man who was heart-broken, defeated and already what a strenuous task a late starting tick- The Ruff/Stokes group also managed to miss tired and I was trying to weasel a story out of his et of outsiders has to deal with. A fast start was out on a captive audience when someone neglected to mention the Table Rock Cafe tribulations. an advantage both tickets sought last year. I watched the president-elect hurry by as the Thomson/Martinez even got penalized for being debates to them. Everyone should have been defeated continued his sad tale of goals that such early birds. It was January of this year allowed to contribute to the students' indigestion, , would never be attained, work that was for when I learned who the eventual student body . but once again it was only the Starr/Bott ticket naught and the self recrimination he would executives would be. I should. have called my that seemed to exist. engage in that night.' Meanwhile, the president- bookie and made a bet; it's not gambling when Maybe I am pulling more conjecture outof elect was walking on air, confident, secure and it's the truth. the ether than a Kevin Costner moyie about a impatient, because while the official results had A quick start is one big deal, right? Yes, but dead president. I do not claim to be the Warren yet to be announced, everyone knew to whom things seem to get a little murkier as the process Commission of BSU. I just think it is kind of victory belonged that day. 'progresses because there are a certain number of suspicious how one ticket, composed of virtual When the election board chair announced , places where Ruff and Stokes were noticeably unknowns and political outsiders, was made that it was time to release the results we moved excluded and, perhaps, even held back .. even more inconspicuous by a process created to intothe crowded Senate Forum. From my seat I It is customary for The Arbiter to receive ensure fairness. Meanwhile, another ticket, com- watched the loser take his place next to his run- campaign biographies of the candidates. Our posed of a current senator and a chief of staff, ning mate. We made eye contact for the last time election issue this year only featured one execu- apparently is everywhere they need to be. that evening. I desperately tried to instill confi- tive biography, yet at the time the issue was in It may be that all the drama I'm looking for dence and conviction in him, but I have never production the competing ticket was already offi- is all in my head, or maybe not. Wouldn't the been telepathic and instead felt my heart and cial. Did someone somewhere neglect the pursuit Depot hill be a cool place for a second gunman shoulders slouch as empathy took control. of the Ruff/Stokes information? Apparently, to hang out? Everyone quieted as the chair prepared to confirm what the victor already knew. Cliche as it may sound, everything did go into slow . motion. The air in the. room thickened with emo- tion and I watched TJ. Thomson jump over the '. first TOW of seale; and embrace Jake Klossner. Nico Martinez stood up. and shared the euphoria with her mother. It was all over, until the next year. Honestly now, you didn't think I was refer- ring to this year while I was retelling this tale? Did you? If the 1997election was TItanic, 1998 .was a TV movie of the week starring Tiffany Amber Thiessen. , . 'Contrary to what I usually do, lam writing' , this column on a Thl1rsday. CaUita testament to , howmuchthisisactuaHy inthebagfofthe tick- etofStarrandB~ttltisJlbout assure a thing as aSl1pefBo~1 re~turing"the Bi~ls and.the . • ..Co~boYs. Pr~g:~t~kes~old'me.~o. ·He·knew.this, ' , .':oi~:@~_;'Y~~n,~~~·?/:'··'i".,... :., •........., ...,'.,·Wij¢n:.ttie~pe~Jtion.deadliri~ Jolleciaro'und<" ,·~,~'o."~:~,,·,·,< ","C"-~_' .".~...~"~.'._~-".~'~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ..,. 't~.".. ;;,- .. �. '. -~. "W~DNESDAY,APRILl S,1998 Reflections on Joe Six Pack by DAMON HUNZEKER alcoholic mother. His drug-addled brother is a fat guy who wants to be a rock star. COLUMNIST Clinton wanted to be a rock star, too, but he was too stupid to choose guitar, opting instead for the saxophone. (White guys who play sax don't hecome rock stars; they become Kenny G.) In his post-adolescent years, he contracted a case of the hippies ... hat amI going to do without sort of. He protested the Vietnam War but couldn't figure out how to smoke weed. .•... Paula Jones? At first, admit- Besides, it's impossible to be a decent hippie while using phrases such as, "That dog W tedly, I didn't like her. I ' won't hunt" and "You make my knees knock, baby." Eventually, he hooked up with a don't know if it was the Chia-Pet hair- smart girl, established a fake marriage, and stumbled upon a gubernatorial gig - which, style or the Jan Brady tooth clamps, but as we later learned, 'Vas simply a way to get chicks. she looked like someone who was So just because he accidentally became President doesn't mean he's separate from about to get her ass kicked by a trans- the common rabble. In fact, he was elected by them. He's their hero - an average sloth sexual beet farmer on "Jerry Springer," with a propensity for action 'movies and clumsy sexual advances. The story of President Eventually, though, she lost the Clinton is Joe Six Pack's daydream. braces. Her hair began to straighten and Following the "Joe Six Pack" comment, Clinton said, "After having been through assumed a brighter tint. The honker, of what I've been through, I would have wanted to put all my evidence before 12 of my course, remained absurdly large. But somehow, fellow citizens:" Isn't that what got him in trouble in the first place? If he had the centered between unobstructed teeth and flowing tresses, her nose seemed less like a opportunity to present his "evidence," we would have seen a dozen more sexual harass- circus attraction and more like the cork from a first-class bottle of wine. Actually, it ment claims. seemed like the entire bottle, which is even better. I think. Maybe not. Regardless, I fell President Clinton is a regular guy - clumsy, boring, and, according to-Paula Jones, in love with her. And now she's gone. Soon, she'll be relegated to obscurity among the misshapen. So maybe we need to hire Susy Six likes of Daisy Duke and Rosa Lopez. I suppose my Paula shrine, surrounded by candles Pack. You never hear about her. I think it's time for ,.. and incense, will have to suffice until her first infomercial. ("And if you buy the a female president, whether she's part of the com- Little Rock Ab-Thinncr today for only $19.95, I'll throw in an auto- .----- mon rabble or not.