The Best of Miriam Lord Published by The Irish Times Limited (Irish Times Books) Design & Layout: Dearbhla Kelly (The Irish Times) Edited by: Francis O’Rourke and Joe Joyce © The Irish Times Ltd 2014 ISBN: 9780907011415 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written consent of The Irish Times Limited, or under terms agreed with the appropriate reprographic rights organisation or as expressly permitted by law. Contents Foreword ................................................................................................................................... 9 Leaders .................................................................................................................................. 11 Charlie’s beguiling moves disguised feet of clay, but I was mad about him ..................... 12 Thanks, Bertie, you did us proud .......................................................................................... 16 Cuddly PD King reverts to type, attack-dog style ........................................................ 19 Bertie manages grand entrance but final exit still hit him like a train ........................... 22 Mr Liu’s walk-out puts extra spring in Gormley’s step ................................................... 26 A year in the life of Brian ........................................................................................................ 29 And the winner is….. Martin by a smile, thanks to a brilliantly inoffensive offensive 34 High-flying Enda brings it all back home .......................................................................... 37 Gilmore departs after a very civilised coup ..................................................................... 41 Defining Moments ................................................................................................................... 44 Judge casts a cold eye on Haughey’s life................................................................................. 45 Ahern and Paisley’s handshake melts away decades of suspicion .......................................... 48 Proud day for Bertie as former secretary breaks down in the witness box .............................. 51 Can’t make EGM without breaking some eggs ....................................................................... 55 Biffo tells gasping Dáil there’s no such thing as a bailout ...................................................... 58 Dáil rolls up for Biffo’s triple bill of scalping, shock and awe................................................ 61 Scene-stealing Noonan tugs on heartstrings at lame puppet show .......................................... 64 Rebuke of Vatican more hard- hitting than a belt of the crozier ..................................... 67 Sight of pillars of community laying siege to Dáil was truly unprecedented .......................... 70 Martin and Fianna Fáil can spare us the act, we don’t want to hear it now ............................. 73 Queen honours those who died in the fight for Irish freedom .......................................... 77 Apology greeted by icy silence in chamber ............................................................................. 79 Deputies get a little out of hand on day of Historic Handshake .................................... 82 ‘I, as Taoiseach, on behalf of the State, the Government and our citizens, deeply regret and apologise unreservedly to all those women for the hurt that was done to them’ 85 Better to light a scented candle than curse the darkness of Leinster House ................ 88 Elections ................................................................................................................................... 91 Showtime is more like a showdown as Bertie is Browned off ....................................... 92 Enda’s pedometer signals distance FG has travelled ......................................................... 95 McDowell’s intended return to pole position ends in shambles .............................................. 98 Bertie tugs heartstrings and purse strings ....................................................................... 101 Hard to keep up the Nancy Reagan gaze when a rugby hero undresses ........................ 104 Nobody is immune from the bonhomie of thumper Kenny ............................................... 107 Enda takes a calculated gamble on Nikita and the goldendoodles .............................. 110 What do we want? More guards – Shinners’ unlikely new rallying call ...................... 113 Angry electorate coldly voted to liquidate Fianna Fáil ................................................ 115 Sinn Féin capital coup leaves parties reeling ..................................................................... 117 Presidents and Pretenders ...................................................................................................... 120 No brass bands as McAleese makes last official engagement at homeless hostel ..... 121 No way back as harsh political realities hit home ......................................................... 124 Past is another country for Áras hopeful ........................................................................... 127 Surgeon refuses to bury Michael D’s croí at Wounded Knee .......................................... 129 With a last gasp and at the 11th hour Dublin city allows Senator to try again ...... 132 TV debate pushes the envelope as battle for presidency finds its bite ......................... 136 Farewell, old comrade, and yes, we’ll try to give up our aul cynicism ....................... 139 If you’re a President, come into the parlour ..................................................................... 142 Events ..................................................................................................................................... 145 Cute hoor/fast buck gene to be removed from national herd ............................................ 146 A very important job, and a very public illness ................................................................ 149 Planet Dáil in turmoil as Fine Gael’s shooting star turns out to be an alien ................. 152 A fiasco that beggars belief as party pushes self-destruct button ................................. 155 Singing Taoiseach hits bum note as critics lap up ‘Gargle gate’ in Galway ...................... 158 President Obama made a triumphal visit to Ireland in 2011 – and to Moneygall Co Offaly, the village of his Irish ancestors ................................................................................................... 163 Seanad’s batch of new talents become Dublin city ramblers ........................................ 167 Healy-Premium-Rate to pay €2,600 while nation enjoys priceless gaiety........................ 170 Cartridge numbers just don’t add up for Dell boy Ó Snodaigh ............................................. 173 TD’s tax evasion bombshell renders technical group speechless .......................................... 176 Elephants in room trample wild fantasies of rebuilding ................................................. 178 All sorted as Ming the meek makes his points .................................................................. 181 Just a chance encounter between Bertie, Charlie and me .............................................. 184 Poor old Dicey Reilly spinning his yarn to stroke politics experts ............................ 186 Trials and Tribulations ......................................................................................................... 190 Masterful Bertie leaves gallery baffled .......................................................................... 191 Celia’s masterclass in how to get ahead with just a brass neck and bluster .............. 194 Bertie bared his soul in that RTÉ interview and we showed him compassion - worse fools us ................................................................................................................................. 197 Flynn stonewalls in eyebrow- raising fashion as he puts his trust in the hands of a higher judge at Dublin Castle ............................................................................................................ 200 A quiet funeral for a brave man the big boys could not bury .......................................... 203 Move along, there’s nothing to see here, says Garda Commissioner ........................... 206 Wallace cuts through the waffle, for all the good it will do ....................................... 209 Minister for self-defence stayed true to form to the end ........................................................ 212 Any Other Business ............................................................................................................... 215 Anything to avoid mixing with the little people ............................................................. 216 From the altar of the tee to the shrine of the green ......................................................... 219 Less a Stetson, more a state of mind.................................................................................. 221 Getting to the bottom of Lola’s plonk with a ferocious thirst ................................... 223 Spiritual search turns into a stampede as impatient lose faith in double visionaries ..... 225 Hair-raising cry of anthems fills Croker with pride and joy ........................................