MAR 2004 #128 Uncovering the Northwest Since 1993 www.xmag.com exotic magazine - march | 5 6| march - exotic magazine exotic magazine - march | 7 8| march - exotic magazine Carnal Knowledge by frank faillace (rhymes with Liberace) email: [email protected] In a valiant effort to curb the fall- out from last month’s contro- versial issue, our esteemed pub- lisher, Frank Faillace will be working as a men’s room attendant at The Dolphin and Stars Cabaret for the next three months. Remember, he works for tips and tips alone. Exotic Dancers Please... Tip Cocktails him... Lottery NOW OPEN! 5305 SE Foster Thank You, 10PM-10AM 503.774.4513 FROM FEMALE MUDWRESTLER TO MEN’S ROOM ATTENDANT: Open Daily 11am-2:30am The Exotic Staff Exotic publisher Frank Faillace poses at his new workplace. www.devilspoint.com TUESDAY MARCH 30 @ 9PM SATURDAY APRIL 10 @ 9PM THE THE ACEMARK CABARET YOUR CALENDAR! MARKACE YOUR FUNDRAISER CALENDAR! FUNDRAISER FOR BENEFIT FOR FEATURING FEATURING YOUR FAVORITE SINFERNO DANTE’S- 1 SW 3RD AVE STARS.BEAVERTON - 4570 SW LOMBARD YOUR FAVORITE PORTLAND PERFORMERS & MORE! PERFORMERS & MORE! Great Food... Even Greater View. 927 SE MORRISON • 503.231.1606 FEATURES Issue #128 • Volume 11 • Number 9 March 2004 Copyright © 2004 Trailer Twats All rights reserved. Published monthly by Xmag,LLC porn’s soft white underbelly Circulation: 75,000 per month at 200+ sites page 20 Mailing Address: 818 SW 3rd Avenue, Suite 1324 by Jim Goad Portland, Oregon 97204 Telephone: 503.241.4317 Fax: 503.241.7239 Email: [email protected] Exotic Online: www.xmag.com Grope Fest Publisher Frank Faillace japanese jack shacks General Manager page 58 Bryan A. Bybee Editor by B. Gordon Wheeler Viva Las Vegas Production & Design Bobby Baldwin Graphic Design “Darkstar” Daniel “Rally Sport” Raffel Revised Top Five Advertising oops, we did it again Adam”Ganji” Steve Santoro page 23 “Sales Goddess” Severina by Viva Las Vegas Distribution G-Rad • Enrico Carrisco • Alice • Brownstar Contributors Flagstone Walker • B. Gordon Wheeler Demi Mondaine • Viva Las Vegas • Trucker Fags Frank Faillace • Jim Goad they’re not gay! Exotic Logo Design page 56 Oakley Designs Cover Photography Heartlight Studios by Jim Goad & Jim Blanchard Cover Model Jade of Sassy’s Exotic is not liable for any images of models used by advertisers to pro- mote products or services. Rights and releases are the sole responsi- INSIDE STUFF bility of the advertisers. All persons appearing in photos are over the age of 18. One copy of each edition of Exotic is available free to any per- Carnal Knowledge ...13 son each month. Anyone removing magazines in bulk will be prosecut- ❤ ed on theft charges to the fullest extent of the law. Any reproduction of I Las Vegas...16 • Erotic City...23 materials presented herein without the expressed written consent of A.C.E. Newsletter...24 the publisher is forbidden by law. In scientific case studies, reading Exotic magazine has caused certain undesirable side effects. Possible What’s Your Fucking Problem?...25 side effects include headache, dizziness, mild nausea, diahhrea, vomit- ing, rash, itching, hives, swelling of the lips and face, hair growth, hand Trucker Fags In Denial ...57 tremors, gum swelling, higher blood pressure, increase in cholesterol level, altered kidney function, swollen gums, acne, weight gain, blood in Whatz Crackin’ ...63 the urine, fluid retention, drowsiness, irritability, behavior changes, oily Pin-Up Calendar...66 anal discharges, premature ejaculation, complete penile dysfunction, lupus, lyme disease and certain strains of knee-jerk, violent, right-wing Video Reviews ...68 republican behavior. SWEATY I ♥Las Vegas NIPPLES by viva las vegas I’ve been trying not to read the paper for three years now, ever since Bush the sequel started, but I couldn’t help but notice that gay marriage has had big headlines lately. And that Bush 2, or “Shrub,” has allotted 1.5 billion to go to FRI MAR 26 @ 10PM war to defend it. $10 ADVANCE TICKETSWEST This is ridiculous! Who cares if gay people marry? Who cares if they cross DANTE’S • SW 3RD & BURNSIDE the street? I think we’ve already established that being gay is A-OK legally, so if marriage is a legal agreement, gay people should get to do it if they so desire. If you’re personally not OK with it, don’t marry someone gay. Sometimes obese adults wear Disney sweatshirts and it really bugs me. Still they get to cross the street, get married, vote. “65% of Americans feel that homosexuals should have equal rights in the Happy Doodles workplace. However, 38% feel that homosexuals should be allowed to marry. That’s down one percent from last week.” WHO CARES? And why do they even think it’s ok to ask those questions? He’s Back! Here’s what they should ask: “How many of you feel that the Christian Right should be banned from any Jim Spagg on and all public forums?” or “How many of you feel that President Bush should Public Access TV! For show schedules be ritually axe murdered to appease the international community?” go to I bet the stats would be approximately the same. Shrub and co. say they’re defending the American family. But even their www.jimspagg.com Katy The Wondergirl says, “It’s Spagg-errific!” Conservatism as a Personality Disorder homo-foe statistical formulae conclude that gay couples make as good or bet- ter parents. In fact, gay partners are more likely to have a stay-at-home parent than hetero marrieds. Shrub and the Righteous Right say marriage is a holy union blessed by a homophobic God. Well, then marriages shouldn’t be conducted at City Halls or carry so much weight legally. Ever heard of separation of church and state? Shrub and the State of California define marriage as a union between a man and a woman. But, uh, what is a man? What is a woman? What is a homosexual? Take a swim in the murky waters of gender studies for half an hour, Bush buddy, and it’ll shrink your cocksure sure as shit. For inst.: can a homosexual woman trapped in a man’s body marry a lesbian? They got man and woman PARTS... Or what about a post-operative transsexual marrying his (now her) longtime boyfriend? Is that OK? Maybe we should just institute a don’t ask don’t tell policy for marriage like we do in the military. No one needs to know who’s a boy or who’s a girl under that gown! What does marriage mean anymore anyway, when over fifty percent of marriages dissolve before the death-do-us-part part? Europe has recently come up with marriage lite: civil solidarity pacts and registered partnerships which allow couples, gay and straight, to proclaim their commitment to each • • UPCOMING EVENTS • • other and maintain all the legal benefits of marriage, but without the freaki- FOR MONTHLY EVENTS ness of “forever.” Scandinavia has all but done away with marriage, and most children are born out of wedlock. Many feel this is a positive trend, sparked by PLEASE VISIT US AT women’s lib and the decreased influence of the church. But conservative presses blame gays being allowed to marry for lessening the appeal of mar- WWW.OHMNIGHTCLUB.COM riage. According to the Weekly Standard, this takes away marriage’s romance and “mystique,” and should therefore be avoided at all costs. Talk about fuzzy logic. Here’s some logic I like. My army brother’s friend’s father, a Ph.D. in psy- chology, is writing a book on conservatism as a personality disorder. Hee hee. That’s what I like to see. Here’s hoping it’s a bestseller. THE OHM 31• NW 1st Ave. • 503.223.9919 • www.ohmnightclub.com ✘ 16 | march - exotic magazine ✴ Berbati’s ✴ The Heart of Portland’s Nightlife District ✴ Dante’s ✴ BERBATI’S PAN Dante’s Berbati’s Dante’s 10 SW 3RD AVE •••••• 503.248.4579 Portland’s Home for Live Music, ALL SHOWS 21 AND UP. ADV TICKETS AVAILABLE AT TICKETSWEST Cabaret, Burlesque & Rock-n-Roll SW 3RD & BURNSIDE 503 224 TIXX & AT BERBATI’S RESTAURANT FREE ✴ OPEN DAILY 11 AM TO 2:30 AM PIZZABY THE ✴ WI-FI EMAIL [email protected] FOR INFO TEL: 503.226.6630 SLICE HOTSPOT POOL - VIDEOPOKER - BIG SCREEN TVs TILL 2AM! FREE WI-FI HOTSPOT - VIP BALCONY AVAILABLE WWW.DANTESLIVE.COM Portland’s Finest Live Entertainment Seven Nights A Week THURSDAYS 3/4– The Demons & Fireballs of Freedom 3/11– TROMA DANCE 3/18– 3 Leg Torso 3/25– Chris Whitley FRIDAYS 3/5–Marcus Eaton & The Lobby 3/12–FERNANDO 3/19–Scott Fisher Project 3/26– SWEATYNIPPLES SATURDAYS 3/6–ELEFANT GAELIC STORM 3/13– X FRI MAR 26 • 9:30PM 3/20–Dead Moon 3/27–The Starlight Mints SEX INDUSTRY NIGHT • $6 COVER SUNDAYS HALF PRICE FOR SERVICE & SEX INDUSTRY WORKERS Sinferno Cabaret “A Sinful Circus of Strippers, Firedancers, DJs & Debauchery” Featuring MISSLUCY FUR The Suicide Girls, FIREROTICA & The Porcelain Twinz MONDAYS Karaoke From Hell Be a Rock Star! Sing with a LIVE BAND! Still Only $2 TUESDAYS 3/2– Cobra High 3/9– Mission 5 3/16– Starantula & The Punk Group 3/23– THECHURCH 3/30– ACE CABARET FUNDRAISER WEDNESDAYS Lounge-Punk APRIL10 Storm& Jazz That Fully THE SLEEPY Rocks! JACKSON the Balls every goddamn wednesday at 10pm & 12mid • still only $5 TUESDAY MARCH 30 @ 9PM THE MARK YOUR CALENDAR! Portland’s Finest Live Entertainment Seven Nights A Week ACE CABARET FUNDRAISER FOR ✴ ✴ Dante’s FEATURING YOUR FAVORITE SINFERNO Berbati’s PERFORMERS & MORE! ✴ Berbati’s ✴ The Heart of Portland’s Nightlife District ✴ Dante’s ✴ exotic magazine - march | 17 CALL 503-804-4479 TO ADVERTISE The Porcelain Twinz PENTHOUSE COVERGIRLS & FEATURE PERFORMERS SUN 12MID DANTE’S SINFERNO CABARET DANCER SCHEDULES SUBJECT TO CHANGE WITHOUT NOTICE OPENOPEN 24HOURS24HOURS (EXCEPT(EXCEPT BEAVERTON)BEAVERTON) On the fringes of the masturbation ocean called the Internet, far beyond Hard as it might be for us, uh, normal people to believe, there’s a cottage industry where brave men dare to surf, there exist niche markets serving the needs providing jack fodder for men who fancy themselves having sex with white women of of men whose tastes run counter to the mainstream boob-job hordes.