PAGE 12 THE RETRIEVER FEATURES October 31,-1995 Pub Parades Pizza and Pals Tim Marshallsay moment it is MTV. A few watch with by Constable called "Haywain and Retriever Contributor interest as someone unknown brings Fries" hidden somewhere. A sign us his latest release, which, although warns of an impending price increase There are deafening howls of unintelligible, appears to be about for certain items that came back into laughter from the front of the room sex, judging by the number of but- effect back in August. The sign stands where the TV hangs, as the huge, tocks on the screen — all spinning at sentry by the stacks of trays (card- inanely grinning woman glides a rate that would baffle Kepler. board or plastic), invariably wet. through the studio audience as if on Noise begets noise, so those shout- The Pub's staff stand in front of the wheels. She is clad in a red, crushed ing to make themselves heard are, at griddle, and behind the glass counter velvet dress that conceals her legs the same time, drowning out some- — it's panes as steamy with conden- and seems to eliminate friction. My one else. Conversations are staccato sation as an English bathroom in grandmother had an armchair with fragments, with lives of their own: January. The grill staff have a thank- the same pattern, material, size, and "... didn't do the homework ..."; "... less task that they handle with great shape. This is Carnie. This is free should've pulled Benitez while he aplomb. Students in a hurry, and fac- hour. This is The Pub — do not try to had the chance ..."; "... was soooo ulty on the move will never be mis- study here. fucked UP!";"... wanted to put what, taken for wandering Dominican The Pub is very much a part of the where!" brothers; it's all "get me ..." "give UMBC landscape. Part cafeteria, part This is a world with its own vo- me ...," and "How much longer?" meeting place, part counseling cen- cabulary of squeaks and groans; a Excuse me, please, and thank you ter, it is an agora for the masses seek- world where the word "no" has went out with no — fugdat. One spe- Derik Spice / Retriever Staff ing a place where they can relax, eat, been banned by law and replaced cial employee wipes maniacally in UMBC's Pub provides a place to work and eat amid a social atmosphere. complain about tests, and talk about by something mysterious that stone-faced silence, arms flailing, the girl who makes the mistake of sounds like "fugdat." "... do the while pointy granite elbows send parents have an old-English garden: a glutinous layer of Thousand Island. Talking to patrons reveals a pref- being the first of a threesome to leave homework? Fugdat" or "Go out customers lurching aside. I have seen what they put on it. The addition of the frozen yogurt erence for The Pub for gathering, the table. An array of round, foil-covered machine was a great success. The if not for food. Some admit that "Pub" is ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^~"^^^^"^^^~l^^^^^^^","~~ objects are sorted into categories popular favorite is Dutch choco- they come here for company, some short for public "This is... a world where the word ^no' has been banned by law and above a warmer, which slowly char- late, although its brown is rather because they cannot be bothered to ,.ouse'!ySuMy. replaced by something mysterious that sounds like yugdat.'" coals those fries which escaped from too natural, and the product some- walk to the other feeding spots. No the traditionalt their trays. The griddle carries the what pricey. one wants to leave the campus to British name mysteries of the foil-covered objects; Despite its shortcomings, The eat for fear of losing their parking for a place where people gather to- with him? Fugdat." Students eating in The Pub are mysteries that are better left unknown Pub remains a popular place to space, either to the dreaded lot- gether for a convivial atmosphere, The place is full of distractions, sturdy types, so they thrive on its and taste better with ketchup. The congregate. The atmosphere is less lurkers waiting in the aisles to adult conversation, and good food human and otherwise, although a food. Some go for the lighter fare, salad bar looks fresh, is well-stocked canteen-like than the dining halls pounce at the first sign of a break and beer. Just what is the point here? brave few are trying to pore over their and choose a farmburger with their and attractive. or commuter cafeteria. The Pub has light, or the defenders of the as- Our Pub did, however, receive a books. A disproportionately large pizza, fries, and Diet Coke. Some A trio of students stand along its a certain, bus-station seediness phalt realm in the Dodge Aries makeover during the summer break, number of them appear to be study- sample the salad bar, while others try shiny edge, they gawp and squeal in about it which cries out for ciga- Chargers. and things have improved. The place ing social work or psychology. They the soup. Today's kettle classic is an horror as an older colleague places rette smoke and a vagrant asleep So The Pub it is: the refectory for is busy all day and crowded at lunch- stare at their books, glance up, look "old-English garden" variety. My beets on his plate and coats them with in the corner. the captive audience. time. The registers buzz and rattle as down, turn around and scowl. the cash pours in. As much as one tries, it is hard to The structure of The Pub is unin- work when you're subliminally dis- Does KMFDM Mean Krazy spired and looks unfinished. Huge covering how she thinks he's hot and *-■ grey crossbeams, soiled, apparently, the things that he heard about her by the grime of millennia. Some- (and is only too willing to share). You Moshine Fans Dancing Miserably? where, maybe over by the cashiers' find out that her test was a disaster desks, are hidden hieroglyphs. A few and that his GPA is down to a 1.97. get respect — when you're kickin want to belong. The bar itself, de- of Hammerjacks, I stood in the back plants hide among the pillars, while Anything you do not need to know Shara Terjung ass." It didn't work. spite all the work that has gone into area of the bar that leads to the bath- Retriever Staff on the crossbeams sprout fans, four is yours for the taking. There are no Someone tried to tell me that updating it's image is scarred and rooms and watched the band as they of which windmill uselessly: the pro- secrets. It was a sea of pierced and tattooed KMFDM express some form of po- worn. The tile floors are burned and waited out that pre-fixed amount of pellers of a doomed B-17 spinning Spread across the floor in the UC masses, dimly lit, clouded by smoke litical satire like "the Jonathan Swifts marred with too many years of filth time to go back on stage and give an towards Schweinfurt. The atmo- entrance is the familiar welcome mat: and reeking of patchouli. Those who of our day." I guess that makes them to come clean, and the scars in the encore. sphere is heady with the smell of text- an intricate Amish quilt of Retriever stood on the edges were either com- a little bit easier to swallow — they Leaning on an out-of-use amp, I books, cooking, and Maybelline. The inserts and school ring flyers. Valiant pletely still and silent or intently don't mean what they say. Still, was only about 10 yards from security mirror bolted in the corner, Red Cross volunteers man a table, mouthing along to the music — all Jonathan Swift was funny, his satire, Raymond Watts and Jennifer 12 feet up, above and behind the trying to recruit blood and platelet were intent and focused on the scene though cruel, was obvious. KMFDM, Ginsberg and got to watch as they cooler has fingerprints in the middle donors. The walk to the counter skirts in front of them. at least to an outsider, doesn't distin- toweled ojf. I was hoping for some of it; no, no idea how they got there. around a mosh-pit in the center of the guish what they really mean. kind of interesting occurrence. I The noise is constant and pulsating. room, and past a still-life of garden I have seen them perform twice found it hard to believe that these The TV. is always on in The Pub. burgers, sloppy Joes, and steak subs. now and though I dig their music tired and annoyed-looking people ESPN, Ricki, Maury, the soaps; at the Maybe there is a missing watercolor (something like Nine Inch Nails, but were the same ones I had seen look- angrier — if that's possible — with a ing so agonized and intense as they constant machine gun rhythm), I led the crowd into frenzy. All they don't get it. A throng of pained-look- did was stare back at me wearily and ing leather clad people come to see ignore me when I asked them for a their favorite band and never once comment. crack a smile — don't imagine for a O.K., so I am not yet writing for second that they might actually talk Photo courtesy of Gunther Schulz Rolling Stone, but I was being polite.