FILL THE VOID By Erin Poulsen Bjorn: Bjorn 2: Bjorn 3: Bjorn 4: Judge: Doctor/Firefighter/Man: Stuart/Father: INT. HOSPITAL EXAMINATION ROOM A doctor is talking with his patient. There are four men(A cop, a sailor, a cowboy, and a pirate) standing in the corner DOCTOR So, Stuart- STUART I’m sorry, but who are these people and why are they here? BJORN Hello, We are BAAB, an ABBA cover band. My name is Bjorn, this man to my left is Bjorn, this man to my right is Bjorn, and the man on the end there is called Bjorn. BJORN 2 I’m sure you’re saying to yourself right now ’Why are they dressed as the Village People?’ STUART I was not thinking that BJORN 2 Well, since we are still struggling artists, we only had enough money for these costumes at the store. While we do like the Village People, our heart belongs to ABBA. BJORN 3 I’m pretty sure he didn’t think we were the village people until you said that Bjorn! Will you just shut up about the village people! You’re damaging our reputation. BJORN 4 (in bad Swedish accent) We’re Swedish! BJORN Just like ABBA! BJORN 2 But not like the Village People, they’re American. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 2. BJORN 3 No one asked about the Village People! DOCTOR Why don’t you fellas just explain why you’re here? BJORN 4 Well, BAAB has filled a niche void in the world. You see, after failing to secure gigs for a couple of years, we realized a way to help the general public and get our name out there. We help deliver news. STUART What’s that supposed to mean? DOCTOR Stuart, I know we promised to get you up and back to your dance recitals by the winter. But that car crash was detrimental to your spine and... STUART Wait, what kind of news is Bjorn talking about? BJORN 3 Stuart, things aren’t looking so good. It’s been 5 months since the accident and you still don’t have feeling in your legs. What your doctor is trying to say is... HIT IT BOYS Dancing Queen starts. BJORNS You’re NOT the dancing queen, young and sweet only seventeen, dancing queen feel the beat of the tambourine you CAN’T dance, you CAN’T jive! BJORN Stuart you’re never going to walk again. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 3. DOCTOR He’s right, there’s nothing we can do anymore. BJORN 4 So once again we’re BAAB,we do any event from birthday parties to weddings, so make sure to like us on Facebook to help us get our name out there! Lights. INT. A COURT ROOM MAN I prepared a statement for the jury your honor JUDGE Wait, who the hell are these people? BJORN 2 We are not the village people, we jsut couldn’t afford anything else!! BJORN 3 Dear God she said THESE people, not the Village People! Your honor, The defendant has asked us hear today to speak on his behalf. My name is Bjorn, these gentlemen next to me are also Bjorn and we are an ABBA cover band called BAAB. JUDGE I don’t care who you are. Mr. Smith, I find it highly inappropriate bringing these men into court to speak during your own personal statement. BJORN 4 If you would just hear us out, I think you would find our statement very compelling. OK boys, just like we practiced Take a Chance on Me starts. BAAB sings the first couple lines of the song, but are cut off by the judge (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 4. JUDGE Mr. Smith, are you trying to prove your innocence or just seducing me? MAN No your honor I’m just- BJORN We apologize that the song choice is not your favorite ma’am. There are not any ABBA songs that say ’I chopped up, boiled, and ate 10 men like soup but I promise I won’t do it again, please find it in your heart to forgive me and give me a reduced prison sentence’ BJORN 2 I bet the Village People have a ton of songs about that. BJORN 3 Name one Village People song that says that BJORN 2 OK biatch what about ’Hot Cop’ or ’Macho Man’ Bjorn 2 and 3 start bickering JUDGE BJORN! BJORNS Yes? JUDGE No, this one BJORN 4 Me? BJORN 3 I think she meant me JUDGE Just forget it BJORN 2 If we were a Village People cover band, this wouldn’t have happened!! (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 5. BJORN I’m SO telling mom about all of this when we get home you guys are so dead Lights. INT. OUTSIDE A BURNT DOWN HOME FATHER Is anything salvageable? FIREFIGHTER Unfortunately no BJORN 4 Sorry we’re late! There was a ton of traffic. FIREFIGHTER Who are you guys? BJORN 2 We are a new band in town, We recently re-branded due to some clerical issues. We’re the Bjorn People, a Village People cover band! BJORN 3 I’m Cop Bjorn! That there is Pirate Bjorn, this fine fella is Sailor Bjorn and he is the elusive Cowboy Bjorn! BJORN We’re to tell you guys that you’re house is ruined, nothing survived. You should probably start making plans because this house will be in ruins for a while. BJORN 2 What we’re saying is.. YMCA starts BJORNS You’ll NEED TO stay at a Y.M.C.A!! And it’s fun to- (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 6. FATHER Wait you guys are that ABBA cover band! BJORN 2 GODDAMN IT DOES ABBA HAVE A COP IN THEIR BAND CAUSE I DON’T THINK SO. BJORN 4 There is a guy named Bjorn though. Lights..