THE HARD TRUTH ABOUT SOFT SKILLS Workplace Lessons Smart People Wish They’d Learned Sooner PEGGY KLAUS with JANE ROHMAN and MOLLY HAMAKER To my clients, whose enthusiasm for self-improvement provides a constant source of inspiration. CONTENTS Introduction THE HARD TRUTH ABOUT SOFT SKILLS 1 One CONTROL YOURSELF 7 Knowing yourself is as important as knowing how to do the job. There’s no such thing as work-life balance, only trade-offs. Years of loyalty can work against you. Listen to your gut—it’s full of data. No risks, no rewards. Get out of your own way. Learn the honest truth about integrity. You have to be good to be lucky. Two GETTING THE JOB DONE 31 Your boss wants you to figure it out. Learn when to stick and when to shift or the details will hang you. When you can’t deliver, don’t say yes . but be careful how you say no. iv Contents Your procrastination is trying to tell you something. Whining is for kids . and even then, no one wants to hear it. Manage your meetings . or else. Common sense is far too uncommon. Three WHEN YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH . AND THEN SOME 51 Listening is part art, part science, and all important. Adjust your communication accordingly. Say the magic words: please, thank you, and I’m sorry. Keep your mouth shut. Get smart about asking dumb questions. Learn how to present without needing beta- blockers. Four HANDLING YOUR CRITICS 69 Books are judged by their covers and the same is true for you. Don’t be the last one to find out how you’re doing. Never tolerate a bully boss—even if you have to quit. Contents v You don’t need to be everyone’s best friend— that’s what dogs are for. Your greatest tormentor might prove to be your greatest teacher. Know where to draw the line between self- improvement and self-destruction. Stay cool in the hot seat. Five WHAT, ME POLITICAL? 91 Learn the unspoken rules of your workplace. Two heads are better than one, so find a mentor. Don’t let the fear of “sucking up” hold you back. When it comes to gossip, learn the art of deflection. Think long and hard about going over your boss’s head. Manage your affairs: kiss with caution! Six BRANDING AND BRAGGING 109 Think of yourself as a cereal brand. Turn your accomplishments into a story. Tooting your own horn isn’t just for performance reviews. vi Contents You’re only as good as your last movie, so keep your brags fresh. Put the right words in their mouths. Keep your visibility when you’re not face-to- face. Stop credit thieves in their tracks. Seven HOT BUTTONS: GENDER, GENERATION, AND CULTURE 131 Don’t take it personally. Raise your sensitivity antenna. Competition is a double-edged sword. Find the silver lining. Stop stereotypes from sinking you. Eight LEADING THE TROOPS 151 Know what you’re getting into. A good manager knows when to lead. Avoid being a know-it-all, say-it-all, control- it-all kind of boss. People aren’t mind readers. You’re the boss, stupid, that’s why they hang on your every word. Treat everyone equally. Contents vii The impostor syndrome will follow you up the ladder. A little humility takes you a long way. Afterword DON’T SKIP YOUR SOFT SKILLS 175 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS 181 INDEX 183 About the Author Other Books by Peggy Klaus Credits Cover Copyright About the Publisher Introduction THE HARD TRUTH ABOUT SOFT SKILLS Why didn’t someone tell me . and if they did, why didn’t I listen? This, as they used to say when I was growing up, is the $64,000 question. It’s the one that comes up over and over again when the thousands of business professionals I coach and train each year tell me their tales from the trenches. Whether young or old, experienced or inexperienced, what strikes me most about their stories of missed opportunities and derailed careers is this: The source of their anxiety and frustration is rarely a shortfall in technical or professional expertise. Instead, it invariably stems from a shortcoming in their soft skills repertoire—the nontech- nical traits and behaviors needed for successful career naviga- tion. But if these soft skills are really that important, why do so many people learn them the hard way? Because for the most part, people think soft skills don’t really matter and are confused over exactly what they are. IN SEARCH OF A DEFINITION When it comes to soft skills, most people think they are all about those warm-and-fuzzy people skills. Yes, it’s true people skills are 2 Introduction a part of the equation, but that’s just for starters. While hard skills refer to the technical ability and the factual knowledge needed to do the job, soft skills allow you to more effectively use your tech- nical abilities and knowledge. Soft skills encompass personal, social, communication, and self-management behaviors. They cover a wide spectrum of abilities and traits: being self-aware, trustworthiness, conscientiousness, adaptability, critical thinking, attitude, initiative, empathy, confidence, integrity, self-control, organizational awareness, likability, influence, risk taking, prob- lem solving, leadership, time management, and then some. Quite a mouthful, eh? These so-called soft skills complement the hard ones and are essential for success in the rough-and-tumble work- place. You can have all the technical expertise in the world, but if you can’t sell your ideas, get along with others, or turn your work in on time, you’ll be going nowhere fast. NO RESPECT However you define them, soft skills still suffer from a fundamental lack of respect. After all, how could anything described as soft be valued in the hard-charging, results-driven business world or impact the bottom line? Soft skills are generally viewed as “nice to have”—maybe even something you are just born with—but not critical for success. This attitude always makes me chuckle. It’s like saying that Yo-Yo Ma has a brilliant career as a cellist solely because of his genes. While no doubt some of his musicianship and subse- quent greatness may be linked to DNA, it belies all of the other ele- ments that have contributed to his phenomenal success: disciplined study and practice, collaboration with ensembles, making sound career decisions, taking risks, developing and promoting his brand, dealing with conductors, and connecting with his audience. In Yo- Yo Ma’s case, as in most situations, the soft skills are as important, Introduction 3 if not more so, than the hard ones and deserve our respect. In other words, there’s nothing soft about soft skills. In fact, companies are finally starting to respect their value, linking competency in the soft skills arena to positive perfor- mance appraisals and salary increases. Soft skills have also become a significant consideration for firms in their recruitment efforts. A recent flurry of studies has underscored their value in the work- place, showing that soft skills competency can be as reliable an indicator of job performance as the more traditional qualifica- tions of technical mastery or experience. One study found traits like conscientiousness and agreeability to be equally accurate pre- dictors of work success as cognitive ability and work accuracy. Additional research, conducted with Fortune 500 CEOs by the Stanford Research Institute International and the Carnegie Mellon Foundation, found that 75 percent of long-term job suc- cess depends on people skills, while only 25 percent on technical knowledge. Another study of headhunters hiring CEOs ranked the ability to communicate and motivate as necessary attributes for positively affecting the bottom line. Even though companies today are placing more value on soft skills, most of us are still out on our own when it comes to devel- oping our personal repertoire. Despite collectively spending more than $50 billion on training programs for employees, many cor- porations fail to offer soft skills programs at all. And when they do provide them, the programs are often exclusively reserved for “high-potential” employees or senior executives. A comprehensive analysis of U.S. employer-sponsored training confirmed that the most frequently provided instruction consists of new employee orientation, computer applications for end users, technical skills or knowledge, and customer education. Soft skills training— which typically focused on communication and leadership—was provided “as needed,” primarily for top executives. Unfortunately, 4 Introduction college and university curriculums—even for advanced business degrees—are doing little more than the corporations when it comes to teaching soft skills. And it shows. A survey conducted by the Graduate Management Admission Council found that al- though MBAs were strong in analytical aptitude, quantitative ex- pertise, and information-gathering ability, they were sorely lacking in other critical areas that employers find equally attrac- tive: strategic thinking, written and oral communication, leader- ship, and adaptability. Increasing workplace and customer diversity across age, gender, racial, and ethnic lines—along with business globalization and virtual offices—have only heightened the need for strengthening soft skills competency. HOW THIS BOOK WORKS Throughout the years, I’ve collected stories about struggles and triumphs in the workplace based on thousands of hours training, coaching, and interviewing people at all levels on the corporate ladder. From these experiences, I’ve distilled fifty-four important workplace lessons that will increase your understanding and awareness of soft skills by showing you how they are woven throughout your career. Within these lessons, you’ll also find practical insights, strategies, tools, and techniques for learning or improving a particular soft skills area.