The Lived Intersectional Experiences of Privilege and Oppression of Queer Men of Color in Counselor Education Doctoral Programs: An Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis by Christian D. Chan B.A. in Psychology, Computer Applications, May 2010, The University of Notre Dame M.A. in Ed. & H.D. in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, August 2013, The George Washington University A Dissertation submitted to The Faculty of The Graduate School of Education and Human Development of The George Washington University in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy January 19, 2018 Dissertation directed by Sam L. Steen Associate Professor of Counseling The Graduate School of Education and Human Development of The George Washington University certifies that Christian D. Chan has passed the Final Examination for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy as of December 12, 2017. This is the final and approved form of the dissertation. The Lived Intersectional Experiences of Privilege and Oppression of Queer Men of Color in Counselor Education Doctoral Programs: An Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis Christian D. Chan Dissertation Research Committee: Sam L. Steen, Associate Professor of Counseling, Dissertation Director Lionel C. Howard, Associate Professor of Educational Research, Committee Member Arshad I. Ali, Assistant Professor of Research Methods, Committee Member ii © Copyright 2017 by Christian D. Chan All rights reserved iii Dedication To my parents, Derek Wai Wah Chan and Elizabeth Ong Chan, you are the reason I have a chance to learn unconditional love, live my dreams, and become a change agent. You have taught me so much: work ethic, collectivism, culture, and community. It is because of you that I know this world is not perfect, but it is full of hope. To the participants who dedicated their time and courage to share powerful and life-changing narratives with me, I dedicate this body of work to you. It is because of people like you that I will never stop fighting for the things I believe in. As in the words of bell hooks, you remind me that a “community of resistance” means that “we are not alone”. I continue to remain transformed by your words, language, stories, authenticity, and courage. To the 49 victims killed at Pulse Nightclub in Orlando—many of who are queer people of color, I write in memory of you. You are in my heart forever. “It is necessary to remember, as we think critically about domination, that we all have the capacity to act in ways that oppress, dominate, wound (whether or not that power is institutionalized). It is necessary to remember that it is first the potential oppressor within that we must resist – the potential victim within that we must rescue – otherwise we cannot hope for an end to domination, for liberation.” ― bell hooks iv Acknowledgements In many ways, I still cannot believe I am writing this part. Sometimes, I do not believe words will ever be able to do justice to my immense gratitude in this section nor will they be able to capture the influential impact each person has had in my life. I always believe that it takes a community, and I would not be in the places I am without the phenomenal people around me. This section might feel like the longest acknowledgements section in history, but it captures so many people who helped me along this journey, who helped me remember what I was fighting for, and who cared about helping me succeed. They are the community and family I have come to know, and in my heart, I know the people along my journey have forever changed me in a beautifully transformative manner. Each of you are a piece of who I am today. In my heart, I want to first thank the committee that walked me through so many parts of my journey with the agency for an illustrious career to focus on demarginalizing systems, changing social conditions, and interrupting inequitable relations of power. You each play a significant role in who I am now as a faculty member and who I want to be for my students. To Dr. Sam Steen, you are my advocate. You are my mentor. You are my “person”. I can still remember the days you were trying to determine how you could be the one chairing my dissertation. I look back fondly on that time because you are the reason I am here at this point in my journey. It was your heart, your humor, your genuineness, and your passion as a student advocate that I remember most. You were pivotal to my survival in higher education. With countless years, recommendation letters, and award nomination letters later, we are here. Thank you for believing in me and never v walking away. I will always be for my students who you always were for me, and I will receive this PhD because of you. This moment is not the last time I thank you. To Dr. Lionel Howard, I still remember the day that we first discussed this dissertation project and how it unfolded. My 15-minute meeting turned into a 1.5-hour meeting, and for the life of me, I could still not believe that you had accepted the call to be on my committee. As I remember that moment, it showed me how much you cared and believed in me. There is one statement that captures the essence of that experience: “I am excited about your work because you are excited about it.” To Dr. Arshad Ali, it is your kindness, hope, and unmeasurable fight for social justice that inspires me. Thank you for centering my experiences, inspiring me in my most challenging moments, and crafting my scholarly voice to build upon a lifetime dedicated to social justice. Your voice gave me a voice. To Dr. Melissa Wheeler, thank you for the immense heart and dedication delivered in every single commitment on your plate. When you accepted the call to serve as a reader for my dissertation, the confirmation was such an illustrious honor. Thank you for the time and patience you committed to listen to me discuss the study on multiple occasions. You will always stand in my mind as a role model. To Dr. David Ford, thank you for your unparalleled energy and passion to keep me going and to always keep me accountable. Your authenticity to fight for the people in your communities reminds me every day of fighting for the communities I serve. Our profession is stronger as a result of your passion and leadership. To Dr. Kharod France, it is your humanistic spirit that represents the heart and best of counselor education and supervision. Your kindness and humility speak volumes vi for many of us to follow. Thank you for the gift of supervision for so many years and your down-to-earth and grounding personality. We all have so much to learn from you. To Dr. Brian Kooyman, you were a talented counselor educator and leader taken away from us too soon. You never complained to spend countless hours reviewing my work, listening to me through my most difficult moments, and channeling my sense of humor. Thank you for your selflessness. I miss you and remember you, my friend, each day as I serve as a counselor educator. I know you are watching over me. To Dr. Pat Schwallie-Giddis, I know all too well that you fought for me to be in a doctoral program and prepared me for the most difficult, yet exciting parts of the journey. Thank you for reminding me that I have always belonged. I will always be proud to call myself one of your students. To Dr. Monija Amani, I credit you with this project because you believed in a qualitative dissertation and the imaginative possibilities that could exist beyond the boundaries of a privileged system. Thank you for convincing me to pursue my own possibilities, even when I did not see them in myself. To Dr. Rebecca Dedmond, thank you for your many years of mentorship. My tremendous growth as a scholar and an involved leader in the NCDA world is a testament to your passion and mentorship. To Dr. Sylvia Marotta-Walters, you instilled the art of counseling practice and supervision in me through your brilliance and intelligence. I am forever grateful for the experiences in which we celebrated my most challenging and exciting moments. To Dr. Catherine Roland, when I remember meeting you at the first time at an AADA conference a few years ago, I had this gut feeling that when I would look in the dictionary for “mentor”, I would see you there. You took the term “mentoring” seriously then, and I know, for a fact, that you take it seriously now. It is your heart, energy, and vii connection that inspire me in a multiplicity of ways. There are countless numbers of times that you helped me make sense of my most challenging moments. I will always keep those memories with me. It is because of you that I know how to give back to my profession, my leadership, my community, my family, and my students. To Dr. Stephanie Dailey, words will never be able to describe the real gift you are to me. Thank you for the countless hours of phone calls and mentoring through my doctoral program and through my job search. Any student, leader, or counseling professional is lucky to work with you. I know I would never be in the places I am now without your tangible and implicit forms of support, opportunities, and strength. To Dr. Victoria Kress, it feels like yesterday that I remember first meeting you at ACA in Hawaii when you believed in my advocacy.