The Road From Estrangement to Reconciliation The Road from Estrangement to Reconciliation 15 Week Program Participant Name: ___________________________________ Date: _____________________________________________ Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/Gatehouse_The Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheGatehouseChildAbuseInvestigationSupportSite YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/GatehouseThe?feature= Instagram: @thegatehousetoronto 1 The Road From Estrangement to Reconciliation Contents WEEK ONE – The Road From Estrangement to Reconciliation ............................................................................. 4 Introduction ............................................................................................................................................................. 5 4 Possible Outcomes .............................................................................................................................................. 5 The Pain of Estrangement ..................................................................................................................................... 6 The Roots of Estrangement................................................................................................................................... 6 Embracing Paradox ................................................................................................................................................. 7 WEEK TWO: Building a Self: The Importance of Autonomy ................................................................................. 9 Boundaries ............................................................................................................................................................. 10 When Injuries Are Unforgivable ......................................................................................................................... 10 The Difference Between Reconciliation and Capitulation ............................................................................ 11 WEEK THREE – Finding Clarity ................................................................................................................................. 12 Acknowledging Our Injuries ................................................................................................................................ 13 WEEK FOUR – Taking the First Steps ...................................................................................................................... 16 What risks do you face in pursuing reconciliation at this time? ................................................................... 17 How to Overcome Your Fears ............................................................................................................................. 17 Taking the First Steps .......................................................................................................................................... 18 Self Care ................................................................................................................................................................ 18 WEEK FIVE: Persistence Over Time ........................................................................................................................ 19 Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff ............................................................................................................................... 20 Creating a New Future Together ....................................................................................................................... 20 How Committed Are You? ................................................................................................................................... 21 WEEK SIX – Communication That Furthers Closeness .......................................................................................... 22 Types of Communication ..................................................................................................................................... 23 Learning to Listen ................................................................................................................................................. 25 WEEK SEVEN – Recognizing Our Shared Humanity; Finding Compassion ......................................................... 26 Discernment with Heart ...................................................................................................................................... 27 Compassion Begins with Acceptance................................................................................................................. 28 Growing with Compassion ................................................................................................................................... 29 Six Steps to Change Revenge to Compassion ................................................................................................... 29 WEEK EIGHT – Taking Responsibility for Estrangement ...................................................................................... 31 Part 1 – Estrangement When It Does Not Involve The Perpetrator .............................................................. 32 Acknowledging Your Own Weaknesses .............................................................................................................. 32 My Part in the Estrangement .............................................................................................................................. 32 2 The Road From Estrangement to Reconciliation Learning to Apologize .......................................................................................................................................... 33 The Healing Power of Accountability ................................................................................................................ 34 Part 2: Estrangement From a Perpetrator ....................................................................................................... 34 WEEK NINE: The Question of Forgiveness ............................................................................................................. 36 Forgiveness: Something You Work At ................................................................................................................ 37 Forgiveness: A Spiritual Gift ............................................................................................................................... 38 Forgiveness: Something That Requires Accountability .................................................................................. 39 The Trouble with Pseudo Forgiveness ............................................................................................................... 40 Are Some Things Unforgivable? .......................................................................................................................... 41 WEEK TEN – When Reconciliation Is Impossible: The Task of Letting Go ........................................................ 42 Accepting That the Relationship Is Over When You Are Responsible for the Estrangement ................... 43 Leaving the Porch Light On ................................................................................................................................. 43 Inner Resolution When You Cannot Reconcile with The Abuser ................................................................... 44 WEEK ELEVEN, TWELVE, THIRTEEN: Crucial Conversations ............................................................................... 45 Week 11 Getting Started ..................................................................................................................................... 46 Week 12 – Getting to the Heart of the Matter ................................................................................................ 49 Telling Your Story ................................................................................................................................................. 49 Week 13 – Staying on Track ................................................................................................................................ 53 WEEK FOURTEEN: The Benefits of Reconciliation After Estrangement ........................................................... 56 Reweaving the Web of Family and Community ............................................................................................... 57 Reconciliation Rekindles Optimism ................................................................................................................... 58 Reconciliation Leads to Peace ........................................................................................................................... 58 APPENDIX .................................................................................................................................................................... 60 House Rules ........................................................................................................................................................... 63 House Rules Participant Signature Page ........................................................................................................... 65 How To Create A Suicide Safety Plan ................................................................................................................ 66 Suicide Safety Planning ......................................................................................................................................