Online Behavioral Boundaries: An Investigation of How Engaged Couples Negotiate Agreements Regarding What is Considered Online Infidelity Tenille Anise Richardson-Quamina Dissertation submitted to the faculty of the Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy In Human Development Fred P. Piercy, Chair Katherine R. Allen Mark J. Benson Christine E. Kaestle April 24, 2015 Blacksburg, VA Keywords: Online Infidelity, Relationship Agreements, Engaged Couples Online Behavioral Boundaries: An Investigation of How Engaged Couples Negotiate Agreements Regarding What is Considered Online Infidelity Tenille Anise Richardson-Quamina ABSTRACT Previous research has examined the various types of online infidelity, gender differences in online sexual behaviors, and relationship consequences of online affairs. Despite this attention, there remains a research gap regarding ways to prevent online infidelity. When couples seek therapy to address this issue, therapists report a lack of specific preparedness. This qualitative research project focused on methods for assisting couples by studying how they develop an agreement regarding appropriate and inappropriate online behaviors. Grounded theory was used to analyze the data from dyadic interviews with 12 engaged heterosexual couples. The interviews generated five common steps in the process of developing an agreement: (a) discuss the various online activities the couple participates in online; (b) define online infidelity; (c) discuss which activities are appropriate and which are not appropriate; (d) develop rules; and (e) state what occurs when an agreement is violated. Three couples had developed an agreement prior to the study and two couples developed an agreement through the process of the interview. Seven couples reported, however, that an agreement would not be beneficial in their relationship. These couples suggested using alternatives to an online behavior agreement including have mutual respect, eliminate questionable activities, get to know their fiancé or fiancée, and not participate in any online activities that they would not do in front of their partner. Although the study presupposed that couples would embrace the development of a mutual agreement, most couples elected to use other approaches. The results raise useful questions about couple readiness for structured prevention strategies and therapist approaches for clinical intervention. iii Dedication I dedicate this dissertation to my family and friends who have sacrificed energy, time, and finances to help me get through this process. I thank you a million times over. Because of you, I am. To my Husband, I can’t wait to make up for all the quality time that was sacrificed during this process. To my “Punky,” Mommy sacrificed our time together to get this doctorate. I hope I showed you what determination looks like. Now let’s have some fun. To my guardian angel Julius Michael, aka Papa, I love you and miss you! Ian, I love you much! Rebel, I love you many! Family and friends, I love you beyond measure! iv Acknowledgements There is an old African proverb that says it takes a village to raise a child. It took a village to raise me up to get a Ph.D. It took God putting the family, friends and tools needed for me to persevere and answering my prayers to get accepted into the Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) program. It took my Mom instilling in me at an early age the strength, drive, and confidence that keep me going through my life and educational experience. Thanks Mom for showing me how to be the woman I have become. You were my mom first but always my friend. Now you too have a doctorate to add to your collection of degrees! It took my Dad’s constant encouragement, cards, and jokes about getting my “floopy hat” to keep me going. It took my Mom and Dad driving me to Blacksburg, VA for my interview for the MFT program and supporting me during the entire process. It took Ian, who became my Husband during this process, encouraging and supporting me, kissing my forehead, and speaking strength into me during the tough times and moments of doubt. Thanks Dear for all you did to keep me swimming. You are God’s promise to me. It took my Mom and Ian reviewing all my papers to help me make corrections and put my best foot forward. It took the hugs, snuggles, kisses and sweet face of my heart and joy Rebel Rose Quamina to keep me motivated when I was tired and wanted to stop. It took my Mom, G-ma, and Sisters praying for me and sending “purple balloons” my way. It took my Mom and Grandmother being my road warriors and driving me to interviews up and down the East Coast. It took my G-ma’s strength, love, and reminders that I needed to finish what I started. It took my sisters love, support, and talents. It took my sister Tori showing me at an early age that no matter what people think or say about you, you don’t have to be limited to what you can accomplish. Tori, you always found a way and that helped me realize I could v always find my way. To my sister Tavyn, “I am she and she is me.” Tay, you always understood me and knew how to make me laugh when I needed it the most. Your laughter and strength got me through. Thanks for all the little and big things you did to help me. Tori and Tay I love you and you are part of my backbone. It took FaceTime calls with my nephews Marcus and Jeremiah to keep me smiling and laughing. I love you both! It took encouragement and support from “Stan the man, with the plan, driving the van, in Japan.” It took my Uncle Piggy encouraging me and being a role model. It took Aunt Joe and Uncle Piggy letting me stay at their house and drive their car to the interviews. Thanks for connecting me to Rev. Marcel Davis and his church family to get the last participants for my study. It took processing my thoughts and having insightful conversations with Wilson. It took Ian, Mom, and Code Blue being the shoulders I cried on and hands that picked me back up and dusted me off so many times I can’t even count. It took Code Blue’s check ins and asking what she could do to help and making it happen despite her own crazy schedule. Code Blue, may you always have rainbows that show you how much I love and appreciate you. It took my friend Tara, now Dr. Brayboy, who has always been the positive peer pressure in my life and a role model from the time we fell out of our chairs in Ms. Buffalo’s class. Your striving kept me striving. I love you and I am forever grateful for you. It took long talks with my sister-in-law LaToya who knew exactly what I was going through. Thanks for being there as I tried to figure out how to do this new mom and Ph.D. thing. If I can do it so can you! It took the prayers, support, and venting sessions with Kezia and Rob. It took my niece Trinity being a fun outlet from the grind to help me smile. I love you guys! It took the rest of the Quamina clan’s prayers and encouragement along the way. I am so thankful to have you all as my family. vi It took Isha’s, Tracy’s, Deepu’s, and Darren’s willingness to catch me up on the world of MFT and becoming my friends during the process. You all kept me from feeling like an outsider. It took Tracey’s baked goods, slumber parties at her house, and purple flowers to keep me going. It took Mama Isha telling me that I will be okay and being my own personal APA tutor during my Color Purple moment. It took Jada being a person I could vent to when the shenanigans got out of control. Thanks Jada for spreading the word about my study. It took the support prayers, and encouragement from my Winston-Salem second mommas, family, church family, and friends. It took Sheila and Mahogany being my support and saving grace and outlet. It took my Co-workers helping me out and carrying their weight to allow me some space to get this done. It took Dr. Fred Piercy, my committee chair, continuously believing in me and telling me that even the great Martin Luther King Jr. went through the same issue I did and that he overcame it and so could I. It took my committee members Dr. Chris Kaestle’s, Dr. Katherine Allen’s, and Dr. Mark Benson’s continued support, encouragement, and guidance throughout this process. Thank you all for being excited about this study. It also took twelve couples’ willingness to participate in my study. Thanks for your time and honesty! It took all of you to get me through and for that I am eternally grateful. This “floopy hat” is for you! vii TABLE OF CONTENTS Chapter One: Introduction Statement of Problem 1 Purpose of Study 3 Rationale of Study 4 Research Question 5 Theoretical Framework 5 Social Presence Theory 5 Media Richness Theory 6 Applying the Theoretical Framework and The Continuum of Online Infidelity Activities 7 Operational Definition of Terms and Concepts 9 Organization of Study 11 Chapter Two: Review of Literature Infidelity 12 History of the Internet 14 Precursors of the Internet 15 Politics and Technology 17 The Ethernet 18 The Personal Computer 18 Quantum Link 19 Unique Characteristics of the Internet 20 The Models 21 AAA 21 ACE 21 Cyberhex 22 Online Infidelity and Activities 22 Computer Mediated Communications 25 Electronic Mail 26 Instant Messaging 27 Chat Rooms 28 Social Networking Sites 30 Online Dating Sites 34 Pornography 34 Photo Share 36 Virtual Games and Virtual Social Worlds 38 Cybersex 40 Webcam 41 Teledonics 42 Cyberaffair 42 Gender Differences and Online Infidelity 43 Personality Types and Online