THE BLUE AND WHITE Vol. XI No. IV March 2005 Columbia University in the City of Mew York ATTACK OF THE STRONG BARNARD WOMAN! by Michelle Legro PERSONAL ADS THE LOVING SYNDROME by T h e B l u e a n d W h it e Staff by Max Overly CONTENTS Columns 87 I ntroduction 88 C a m pu s C h a r a c t e r s 9 ° T o l d B e t w e e n P uffs 9 1 B lu e J 93 B o o k R e v ie w 9 4 D ic it a l ia C o l u m b ia n a IOI C u r io C o l u m b ia n a 104 M e a su r e f o r M e a su r e 106 B o o z e H u m a n it ie s 107 C u l in a r y H u m a n it ie s 111 C a m pu s G o ssip Features 9 2 Attack of the Strong Barnard Woman! 9 6 Personal Ads 98 Hair Apparent IOQ, The Loving Syndrome I08 Matriarchy Malarkey <9 Cover by Cara Rachele ff Typographical Note The text of T h e B l u e a n d W h i t e is set in Bodoni Old Face, which was revived by Giinter Gerhard Lange based on original designs by Giambattista Bodoni of Parma (active 1765-1813). The display faces are Weiss and Cantoria. 86 T h e B lu e a n d W h it e THE BLUE AND WHITE Vol. XI FAMAM EXTENDIMUS FACTIS No. IV : traditionally the last breath, the last hurrah. Turn out the lights; it’s very late already, Editor-in-Chief and we’ve got to be up so CARA P. RACHELE, C’05 early! But when m agister Ber­ nini melted marble to make Publisher Teresa flesh, he gave the exclamation point over HECTOR R. CHAVEZ, E’06 to women forever. An accidental feminist, that roguish sculptor. But Teresa’s ecstasy was both Managing Editor end and beginning; “Fin!” and “Roll tape!” MICHAEL Z. MALLOW, C’05 Not surprising that she believed women were uniquely suited to love their God. Editors Perhaps it’s only proper, then, to conclude MICHELLE S. LEGRO, B’05 (Layout) my tenure as editor with this our Misogyny Is­ AJAY G. KURIAN, C’06 (Graphics) sue. Can women speak of bigotry in any tone MARGARET H. GRAM, C’05 other than indignant? Acknowledge the ugly, I MATTHEW P. HARRISON, C’05 believe, and you diminish its power. Laugh at ZACHARY H. BENDINER, C’06 it, and it deflates to the absurd. If it worked CODY O. STINE, G’07 on Rumpelstiltskin it ought to silence the Dev­ AVI Z. ZENILMAN, C’07 il’s modern minions as well. I hope the forces of righteous liberal judgment consider this Contributors thought before they come after T h e B l u e a n d MISCHA BYRUCK, C’04 W h i t e with pitchforks, pikes, and hardback KATYA APEKINA, C’05 volumes of Catherine MacKinnon. LYNN E. COPES, C’05 Of course, not all our content should incite CHASE BEHRINGER, C’06 the angry mob; Michelle Legro’s “Attack of the DANIELLE D’ONFRO, C’06 Strong Barnard Woman” engages the poten­ BLYTHE SHELDON, C’06 tialities of the women’s lib movement. Check NICHOLAS FRISCH, C’07 out her lighthearted call to arms on page 92. JESSICA ISOKAWA, C’07 A cry of a more franuc tone rings from page TIMOTHY E. SHENK, C’07 96; the first thaws of March have gotten the MARC TRACY, C’07 B e-W staff feverish with spring in “Personal PAUL BARNDT, C’08 Ads.” And speaking of flowering youths, Miss DAVID AUSTERWEIL Legro also presents “Hair Apparent” on page 98, a lurid (and completely true!) account of John Ruskin and his little girls. Our cam­ pus characters this month are handsome be­ yond compare; they’re worth an ogle or two. T h e B l u e a n d W h it e invites contributions of This issue marks the passing of the buck; original work from the Columbia community and Zachary H. Bendiner will assume charge of welcomes letters from readers. T h e B l u e a n d W h i t e in the upcoming issue. Articles represent the opinions of their authors. In chess notation, “ !” has another sense be­ e-mail: [email protected] yond the libidinal: “a brilliant move.” With website: http://www.theblueandwhite.org such ability as the gentleman possesses, he will have no need of all the luck I wish him. €> M a r c h 0,005 87 Campus Characters ou might not know the follow ing figures—but you should. In Campus Characters, T h e B l u e a n d YW h i t e introduces you to a handful o f Columbians who are up to interesting and extraordinary things, and whose stories beg to be shared. I f you ’d like to suggest a Campus Character, send us an e-mail a t [email protected]. I r e n e M a l a t e s t a was just an average freshman, hanging around the Ayn Rand discussion group, where she met “Behind you is a flogger.” a CV member. She started going to meetings. “I Welcome to the lair of Irene Malatesta, B’05. thought I wasn’t into beating or being beaten, Don’t let the bubbly demeanor, Mark Rothko but I was fascinated by the aesthetic of bondage paintings on the wall, or her Art History major and restraint.” That would change. fool you, because Irene’s real interest lies in the “I explored this masochistic thing for a while,” darker arts: bondage, domination, sadomasoch­ she cheerily relates. Why? “The old cliché of ism. working out emotional issues on your body.” As president of Conversio Virium, Columbia’s Once very confused and a little bit depressed, BDSM support group, she oversees the dis­ Irene says, “BDSM helped me work through a cussion and instruction of proper, safe, erotic lot.” In fact, she’s now the one on top. “Now, I ass-whipping. How does the nice daughter of want to be the whipper as opposed to the whip- conservative Seattle suburbanites end up the pee.” Hence the flogger. type who realizes that she and her boyfriend Even with this newfound confidence, Irene are meant for each other because “he went hasn’t told her parents about her habits. “I’m on a business trip and brought me back a gas not going to mail them a copy of this issue, if mask?” you know what I mean.” She’s pretty sure her At first, it wasn’t because she liked pain. She mother has figured it out, though. “If you go around with shoes like this [points to heels that can only be described as garish and threaten­ ing] or own this” [takes a handful of heavy-duty rope off her wall], it’s probably not that difficult to deduce the truth, she says. But Irene also feels that, in the end, it’s nobody’s business what she does in her dun­ geon. “I don’t need to broadcast it,” she asserts, “ but that’s not the same as denying it.” She respects her parents, and knows that if they explicitly found out, her dad “would have a heart attack.” Hopefully, they didn’t see the front page of a recent issue of the Spectator, which featured a picture of Irene fondling a man dressed up as a bunny at the Fed Bash. She made eight bucks in tips go-go dancing that night. But that’s small change for Irene. What about that time she was paid good money for dancing around naked like a tiger? “I wasn’t naked. I was in body paint!” Semantics. When she was still an underclassman, a friend of hers helped get her a job at a private party in Poundbridge, New York, hosted by “a weird Illustrated, by Ajay Kurian T h e B lue a n d W h it e middle-aged couple for all their weird middle- using Lands’ End, in 2003, to writing a four-year aged friends.” They had a fortune teller, a series of righteously angry letters to the Specta­ multi-million dollar mansion, and probably tor (In October 2001, as a new freshman, he some cocktail weenies, but Irene was clearly the responded to a column entided “Patriotism for main attraction. Dressed in a fetching ensemble Patriarchs” as follows: “My American civilization of thong, boots, and body paint, her job was is not the violent reaction characterized by Co­ “sort of to wander around and be tigerish.” Not lumbus, it is the constant struggle for freedom everybody appreciated her performance. “All fought for by Harriet Tubman, John Brown, An­ the women there clearly hated me.” gela Davis, and Subcomandante Marcos.” Take Irene’s aspirations are pretty normal for your that, patriot.) everyday ass-whipping tiger queen: going to law Certain things about Nate make his politics school. “I have a formless, nebulous desire to relatively unsurprising. Last month, for instance, attain power,” she says, but she’s unsure if she he was bragging about his new “ten-eye veggie- actually wants to go through with it.