California State University, San Bernardino CSUSB ScholarWorks Electronic Theses, Projects, and Dissertations Office of aduateGr Studies 5-2021 THE LOUDEST VOICE IN THE ROOM IS OUR SILENCE: NARRATIVE POSSIBILITIES OF SILENCED ADULTS Rebeccah Avila CSUSAN BERNARDINO Follow this and additional works at: https://scholarworks.lib.csusb.edu/etd Part of the Communication Commons Recommended Citation Avila, Rebeccah, "THE LOUDEST VOICE IN THE ROOM IS OUR SILENCE: NARRATIVE POSSIBILITIES OF SILENCED ADULTS" (2021). Electronic Theses, Projects, and Dissertations. 1267. https://scholarworks.lib.csusb.edu/etd/1267 This Thesis is brought to you for free and open access by the Office of aduateGr Studies at CSUSB ScholarWorks. It has been accepted for inclusion in Electronic Theses, Projects, and Dissertations by an authorized administrator of CSUSB ScholarWorks. For more information, please contact [email protected]. THE LOUDEST VOICE IN THE ROOM IS OUR SILENCE: NARRATIVE POSSIBILITIES OF SILENCED ADULTS A Thesis Presented to the Faculty of California State University, San Bernardino In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree Master of Arts in Communication Studies by Rebeccah M. Avila May 2021 THE LOUDEST VOICE IN THE ROOM IS OUR SILENCE: NARRATIVE POSSIBILITIES OF SILENCED ADULTS A Thesis Presented to the Faculty of California State University, San Bernardino by Rebeccah M. Avila May 2021 Approved by: Brian Heisterkamp, Committee Chair, Communication Studies Julie Taylor, Committee Member Thomas Corrigan, Committee Member © 2021 Rebeccah M. Avila ABSTRACT Using muted group theory and communication privacy management theory as the theoretical framework, a deeper examination of adults who have experienced a childhood traumatic experience who now exhibit silencing behaviors as adults will be reviewed. Adults who were victims of childhood trauma were interviewed to listen for the themes in their narratives and how they make sense of why they participate in self-silencing behaviors. For this study, I am interested in examining two main ideas revolving around the phenomena of silence: (1) how do childhood traumatic experiences affect adults; and (2) how do adults make sense of how and why they manage to disclose private information after having experienced a trauma in relation to their engagement in silencing behaviors? The three types of childhood trauma analyzed in this research include: abuse of a child; trauma in a child's household environment; and neglect of a child. Through an analysis of the three types of childhood traumatic experiences, silencing behaviors that adults currently exhibit was examined. A narrative methodological approach was used to capture the entirety of the participants experiences with both childhood traumatic experiences, as well as self-silencing behaviors they now exhibit as adults. The purpose of using retrospective accounts is to understand what silencing behaviors participants engage in and how do they manage those silencing behaviors as adults (RQ1), as well as how silence can be characterized though a muted group iii theoretical lens (RQ2), followed by how can silence be characterized through a CPM theoretical lens (RQ3). The analysis of participant interviews in this study reported two major categories and nine themes relating to how participants explain and make sense of their silencing behaviors including: (1) Constructive Means of Silencing Experiences with themes of Revealing Private Information, Trust, Acceptance, and Silence as Empowerment; (2) Destructive Means of Silencing Experiences with themes of Judgement, Victim Blaming, Minimizing Trauma, and Harmful Expressions of Pain. iv ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I want to sincerely thank my family, friends, and the faculty in the Communication department who supported me along the way. I would also like to thank the participants that so willingly opened themselves up to allow this research to come to life. Lastly, I would like to express how grateful I am to my cohort and committee members. Experiencing this journey together as a cohort truly created bonds that I did not have before. Thank you for the motivating, and sometimes not so motivating, words we shared together. The truth can hurt, but it was the truth that got me through. Dr. Heisterkamp, thank you for your patience, guidance, and the space you gave me to grow as a scholar, and most importantly, believing in me. Dr. Taylor and Dr. Corrigan, thank you both for supporting me throughout this journey, your patience, and pushing me in the right direction. Thank you! v TABLE OF CONTENTS ABSTRACT .......................................................................................................... iii ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ..................................................................................... v LIST OF TABLES ............................................................................................... viii CHAPTER ONE: INTRODUCTION ...................................................................... 1 CHAPTER TWO: LITERATURE REVIEW ............................................................ 5 Childhood Trauma ..................................................................................... 5 Interpreting Silence as Communication ................................................... 10 Theoretical Background ........................................................................... 17 Research Questions ................................................................................ 22 CHAPTER THREE: METHODOLOGY ............................................................... 24 Research Design ..................................................................................... 24 Sampling and Recruitment ....................................................................... 27 Interview Structure and Approach ............................................................ 30 Design and Procedure ............................................................................. 36 CHAPTER FOUR: DATA ANALYSIS ................................................................. 38 Constructive Means of Silencing Experiences ......................................... 42 Revealing Private Information ....................................................... 44 Acceptance ................................................................................... 60 Silence as Empowerment ............................................................. 69 Destructive Means of Silencing Experiences ........................................... 74 Judgement .................................................................................... 75 Victim Blaming .............................................................................. 82 vi Minimizing Trauma ........................................................................ 92 Harmful Expressions of Pain ......................................................... 97 CHAPTER FOUR: DISCUSSION ..................................................................... 106 Implications of Themes .......................................................................... 108 CHAPTER FIVE: CONCLUSION ...................................................................... 120 Limitations of Study Design and Procedures ......................................... 122 Future Research and Recommendations .............................................. 123 Researcher Reflection ........................................................................... 124 Advice to Others .................................................................................... 125 APPENDIX A: INTERVIEW QUESTIONS ........................................................ 128 APPENDIX B: INFORMED CONSENT FORM ................................................. 131 APPENDIX C: AUDIO USE INFORMED CONSENT FORM ............................ 136 APPENDIX D: RESEARCH INFORMATION STATEMENT ............................. 138 APPENDIX E: QUESTIONNAIRE .................................................................... 141 APPENDIX F: IRB APPROVAL LETTER ......................................................... 146 REFERENCES ................................................................................................. 150 vii LIST OF TABLES Table 1. Participant Demographic Data .............................................................. 35 viii CHAPTER ONE: INTRODUCTION As I sit in silence, writing about silence, I wonder, why in this moment am I okay with complete silence? Am I really sitting in silence, though, if I am speaking to myself aloud in my mind? Do my past experiences have anything to do with why I feel okay with sitting in silence all by myself? Before the young age of 16, I was loud and always spoke my mind. Something broke me, though. It was as if my voice, the words I once spoke freely, just completely vanished, and I turned to alternate ways of speaking what was on my mind. As a teen, I was in an abusive relationship for three years. I never said a word to anyone about it. There were times where my abuser’s cousin, who was 28 years old at the time, would be right there, about ten feet away, and would not do or say a thing about the abuse. One incident in particular, I was thrown to the ground multiple times, choked against the door, verbally berated, and chased through an apartment complex. No one helped. What I thought was much worse at the time, I did not help myself. I allowed the abuse to continue for three years. Why? Was I not strong enough? I certainly did not believe I