Human Relations This page intentionally left blank Fifth Edition Human Relations A GAME PLAN FOR IMPROVING PERSONAL ADJUSTMENT Loren Ford Clackamas Community College Judith Arter Classroom Assessment Consultant Boston Columbus Indianapolis New York San Francisco Upper Saddle River Amsterdam Cape Town Dubai London Madrid Milan Munich Paris Montreal Toronto Delhi Mexico City Sao Paulo Sydney Hong Kong Seoul Singapore Taipei Tokyo Editorial Director: Craig Campanella Editor in Chief: Jessica Mosher Acquisitions Editor: Amber Chow Editorial Assistant: Diane Szulecki Marketing Manager: Nicole Kunzmann Marketing Assistant: Jessica Warren Full Service Composition and Production: Sneha Pant/PreMediaGlobal Production Manager: Fran Russello Cover Design, Director: Jayne Conte Cover Designer: Suzanne Duda Cover Image credit: Fotolia: chess © dinostock Printer/Bindery: Bind-Rite Cover Printer: Lehigh Phoenix Credits appear on Page 269, which constitutes an extension of the copyright page. Copyright © 2013, 2007, 2004, 2001, 1997 Pearson Education, Inc., publishing as Pearson Education, 1 Lake Street, Upper Saddle River, NJ 07458. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. This publication is protected by Copyright and permission should be obtained from the publisher prior to any prohibited reproduction, storage in a retrieval system, or transmission in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or likewise. To obtain permission(s) to use material from this work, please submit a written request to Pearson Education, Inc., Permissions Department, One Lake Street, Upper Saddle River, New Jersey 07458 or you may fax your request to 201-236-3290. Many of the designations by manufacturers and seller to distinguish their products are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear in this book, and the publisher was aware of a trademark claim, the designations have been printed in initial caps or all caps. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Ford, Loren. Human relations: a game plan for improving personal adjustment / Loren Ford, Judith Arter.—5th ed. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN-13: 978-0-205-23305-2 ISBN-10: 0-205-23305-8 1. Adjustment (Psychology) 2. Interpersonal communication. 3. Interpersonal relations. 4. Self-perception. 5. Life change events. I. Arter, Judith A. II. Title. BF335.F67 2013 158—dc23 2011042911 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 ISBN-10: 0-205-23305-8 ISBN-13: 978-0-205-23305-2 CONTENTS Preface xv About the Authors xix Introduction xxi PART I Learning About Yourself 1 Chapter 1 Basic Principles and Communication 3 Basic Principles of Human Behavior 5 The First-Day Morgue Syndrome 5 Fears 5 Double Standards 6 Paradox 6 Positive Double Bind 7 Risk Taking 7 Observing Yourself 7 The Ninety-Percent Rule 8 Playing the Devil’s Advocate 8 Choice and Balance 8 Communication 9 Elements of Communication 9 REASONS FOR COMMUNICATING 9 THE PROCESS OF COMMUNICATION 9 HOW TO BE A GOOD COMMUNICATOR 9 APPLICATION OF THESE IDEAS TO THIS COURSE 11 Nonverbal Communication 11 PARALANGUAGE 12 BODY LANGUAGE 12 SPACE AND DISTANCE 13 Gender and Communication 13 SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVING COMMUNICATION 14 Self-Talk and Communication 14 AFFIRMATIONS 15 Shyness and Communication 15 OVERCOMING SHYNESS 16 Overcoming Fear When Communicating 16 Assertiveness and Communication 17 Assertiveness Defined 17 Assertiveness and Personal Beliefs 17 ASSERTIVENESS IN PERSPECTIVE 18 Assertiveness Skills 19 Electronic Communication 19 Social Networking 20 Multitasking 20 v vi Contents Diversity, Gender, and Multiculturalism 21 Diversity and Population Increase 22 Historical Reactions to Diversity in the United States 23 Developing Diversity Consciousness 24 ACKNOWLEDGING AND OVERCOMING DIVERSITY BARRIERS 24 DEVELOPING DIVERSITY SKILLS 24 Conclusion 25 Chapter Review 25 Website Resources 26 Reaction and Response—What Do You Think? 26 Chapter 2 Self-Awareness 29 Self-Concept and Self-Esteem 30 Definitions 30 SELF-CONCEPT 30 SELF-ESTEEM 30 Importance of Self-Concept and Self-Esteem 31 Sources of Self-Concept and Self-Esteem 31 High Self-Esteem versus Narcissism 32 High Self-Esteem versus Perfectionism 33 Self-Esteem, Race, and Culture 33 Improving Self-Esteem 34 COGNITIVE RESTRUCTURING 34 Thought Distortions 35 LOCUS OF CONTROL AND SELF-ESTEEM 35 Self-Disclosure 36 Social Penetration 37 The Johari Window 38 The Shadow Self 39 Masks 40 Self-Awareness and Getting Attention 40 Getting Attention 41 FAMILY INFLUENCES ON GETTING ATTENTION 43 Physical Contact 44 Culture and Physical Contact 45 Chapter Review 45 Website Resources 46 Reaction and Response—What Do You Think? 46 Chapter 3 Personality and Comfort Zones 47 Personality 48 What Is Personality? 49 Personality Theories 49 TRAIT THEORIES 49 Traits and Cultural Studies 50 BIOLOGICAL PERSPECTIVE 51 Contents vii PSYCHODYNAMIC PERSPECTIVE 51 Defense Mechanisms 52 SOCIAL-COGNITIVE PERSPECTIVE 53 HUMANISTIC PERSPECTIVE 53 Exploring Psychological Types 54 MYERS-BRIGGS TYPE INDICATOR 54 PERSONALITY STYLE: SELF-ASSESSMENT 55 Promoting/Emotive Style (Squirrels) 56 Controlling/Directive Style (Bears) 57 Supportive/Responsive Style (Dolphins) 58 Analytic/Precisive Style (Owls) 58 Examples of Styles 59 Comfort Zones 59 Fear of Success 60 Fear of Failure 61 Thinking Patterns 62 FLEXIBILITY OF THOUGHT AND DIVERSITY 63 Accountability and Playing the Victim Role 64 Playing the 100 Percent Accountable Game 64 What to Do When You Really Are a Victim 65 Principle-Centered Lives 65 Chapter Review 67 Website Resources 67 Reaction and Response—What Do You Think? 68 Chapter 4 Emotions and Stress Management 69 Understanding Emotions 71 What Are Emotions? 71 FUNCTION OF EMOTIONS 71 Emotions: Ten Building Blocks 71 Types of Emotions 73 Theories of Emotions 74 NEUROSCIENCE OF EMOTIONS 74 FEAR 75 Managing Emotions 75 Associating and Dissociating 75 INCREASING FEELINGS: ASSOCIATING 75 DECREASING FEELINGS: DISSOCIATING 76 GENDER DIFFERENCES 76 INCOMING AND OUTGOING EMOTIONS 76 The Cognitive Component of Emotions and Thought Distortion 77 Experiencing Emotions 78 Anger 78 THE NATURE OF ANGER 78 WHY ARE SOME PEOPLE MORE ANGRY THAN OTHERS? 78 EXPRESSING ANGER 79 GAINING CONTROL 79 Guilt 81 Sadness 82 viii Contents Emotional Intelligence 83 COMPONENTS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE 84 BUILDING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE 84 Stress Management 84 Stress 84 POSITIVE ASPECTS OF STRESS 85 Sources of Stress 85 PRESSURE 85 INTERNAL CONFLICT 86 FRUSTRATION 86 CHANGE 86 Responses to Stress 86 EMOTIONAL RESPONSES/STOP AT THE TOP 86 PHYSIOLOGICAL RESPONSES 87 BEHAVIORAL RESPONSES 87 STRESS AND PERSONALITY 87 Type A Behavior 87 Type B Behavior 87 Coping with Stress 88 INEFFECTIVE COPING STRATEGIES 88 EFFECTIVE COPING STRATEGIES 88 Internal Strategies 88 Resourcefulness 88 DEVELOPING STRESS TOLERANCE: HARDINESS 89 Chapter Review 89 Website Resources 90 Reaction and Response—What Do You Think? 90 PART II Learning About Interactions with Others 91 Chapter 5 Family Influences 93 How Families Affect Who We Are 94 General Concepts 94 Family Roles 96 BIRTH ORDER 96 Birth Order Roles 97 Buying or Rejecting the Role 98 Roles Exist Independently 98 Gender Influence on Roles 99 IMPACT OF FAMILY ROLE IN LATER LIFE 99 Career and Job Choices 99 Relationships 99 Parenting 99 LIMITS OF BIRTH ORDER INFLUENCE 100 Race, Culture, and the Family 100 EXTENDED FAMILIES 100 COLLECTIVIST CULTURES 100 Status of the Family 101 THE FAMILY THAT NEVER WAS 102 Parenting 103 Contents ix Parenting Styles 103 INDULGENT PARENTS 104 Helicopter Parents 104 AUTHORITARIAN PARENTS 104 Drill Sergeant Parents 104 AUTHORITATIVE PARENTS 104 Consultant Parents 104 UNINVOLVED PARENTS 105 PSYCHOLOGICAL CONTROL 105 Consequences for Children 105 Dysfunctional Families 106 Abuse and Its Effects 106 PHYSICAL ABUSE 106 SUBSTANCE ABUSE 107 Indicators of Chemical Dependency 108 Coping and Recovery 108 Cautionary Note 109 Functional Families 109 Stepfamilies 110 Chapter Review 111 Website Resources 112 Reaction and Response—What Do You Think? 112 Chapter 6 Social Influence and Group Behavior 115 Social Perception and Cognition 116 Person Perception 116 Social Categorization 117 Attribution Theory 117 Attribution Biases 118 THE FUNDAMENTAL ATTRIBUTION ERROR 118 OTHER ATTRIBUTION BIASES 119 Attitudes and Actions 119 ATTITUDE AFFECTS BEHAVIOR, BUT NOT ALWAYS 119 Cognitive Dissonance 119 Group Influence 120 Group Polarization 120 Groupthink 120 Social Loafing 121 CULTURE AND SOCIAL LOAFING 121 Final Word on Group Influence 121 Conformity 122 Asch’s Conformity Study 123 Cultural Influences on Conformity 123 Milgram’s Experiment on Obedience to Authority 123 Bystander Effect 125 Prejudice, Stereotypes, and Discrimination 126 Foundations of Prejudice 126 Reversing Prejudice 126 x Contents Altruism and Prosocial Behavior 127 Chapter Review 128 Website Resources 128 Reaction and Response—What Do You Think? 129 Chapter 7 Developing Close Relationships 131 Friendships 133 Loneliness 134 STRATEGIES FOR REDUCING LONELINESS 134 Love and Intimate Relationships 134 Theories of Attraction 134 CHEMISTRY OF LOVE 134 MATE SELECTION 135 Types of Love 136 STERNBERG’S TRIANGLE 136 Expressions of Love and the New Golden Rule 136 Attachment Styles and Romantic Relationships 137 Bricks and Balloons 138 The Dance of Intimacy 139 Codependent Relationships 140 LOOKING FOR WHAT’S MISSING 140 POWER DIFFERENTIAL 141 Internet Dating 143 Same-Sex Marriage 143 Civil Unions 144 Why Marriages Succeed or Fail 144 A Scientific Look at Relationships 144 Other Help in Making Marriage