APRIL 2013 Through this research study, based on 50 life history narra ves, we explore breaking the binary the circumstances and situa ons of queer PAGFB (persons assigned gender female at birth) who are made to, or expected to, fit into society's norms around gender and sexuality. We look at their experiences with natal families and in school; we chart their journey through in mate rela onships and jobs; we a empt to understand what happens to them in public spaces, and how they are treated by various state agencies; we discover where they seek and find support, community, and a refuge from the violence and discrimina on that mark far too many lives. Listening to their varied ar cula ons of their own gender has given us new insights into gender itself. It has helped us envision bits of a new gender system that challenges the exis ng hierarchical, discrete, binary scheme and urgently proposes its transforma on into an equal, porous, mul ple arrangement. a LABIA study breaking the binary A STUDY BY LABIA A QUEER FEMINIST LBT COLLECTIVE APRIL 2013 APRIL Through this research study, based on 50 life history narraves, we explore explore we narraves, history life 50 on based study, research this Through binary the breaking the circumstances and situaons of queer PAGFB (persons assigned gender gender assigned (persons PAGFB queer of situaons and circumstances the female at birth) who are made to, or expected to, fit into society's norms society's into fit to, expected or madeto, whoare birth) at female around gender and sexuality. We look at their experiences with natal natal with experiences their at Welook sexuality. and gender around families and in school; we chart their journey through inmate inmate through journey their chart we school; in and families relaonships and jobs; we aempt to understand what happens to them in in them to happens what understand to aemptwe jobs; and relaonships public spaces, and how they are treated by various state agencies; we agencies; state various by treated are howthey and spaces, public discover where they seek and find support, community, and a refuge from refuge a and community, support, find and seek they where discover the violence and discriminaon that mark far too manylives. too far mark that discriminaon and violence the Listening to their varied arculaons of their own gender has given us new us given has owngender their of arculaons varied their to Listening insights into gender itself. It has helped us envision bits of a new gender gender new a of bits envision us helped has It itself. gender into insights system that challenges the exisng hierarchical, discrete, binary scheme binary discrete, hierarchical, exisng the challenges that system and urgently proposes its transformaon into an equal, porous, mulple mulple porous, equal, an into transformaon its proposes urgently and arrangement. a LABIA study LABIA a breaking the binary A STUDY BY LABIA A QUEER FEMINIST LBT COLLECTIVE LBT QUEER FEMINIST A LABIA BYSTUDY A breaking the binary understanding concerns and realities of queer persons assigned gender female at birth across a spectrum of lived gender identities A STUDY BY LABIA – A QUEER FEMINIST LBT COLLECTIVE APRIL 2013 BTB layout03.indd 1 4/13/2013 2:45:04 PM This report may be distributed, shared or translated for non-commercial/educational purposes. The report may be used for deriving new works, in part or in whole. However, if you transform, or build upon this work, you may distribute the resulting work only under a licence identical to this one. In all the instances listed above, the report and its authors must be given attribution at all times. This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License. research CHAYANIKA SHAH GEORGINA MADDOX HASINA KHAN KRANTI MEENA GOPAL MEENU PANDEY RAJ SABALA SHALINI MAHAJAN SHRUTI CHAKRAVARTY SMRITI NEVATIA CHAYANIKA SHAH RAJ SHALINI MAHAJAN SMRITI NEVATIA analysis analysis and writing and design VANI SUBRAMANIAN BTB layout03.indd 3 4/13/2013 2:45:05 PM BTB layout03.indd 4 4/13/2013 2:45:05 PM for deepu (1988-2012) who sang, for us, dhaage tod laao chandni se noor ke, in the voice of one who searched for the thread of his own liminal narrative in each language available to him; who seized and rendered the ardour and luminosity so that the words he did not fully comprehend still hinted at every meaning that might lie below the melodic surface; who wanted only to express his self through notes that could have enriched the harmony of a world trained to perceive mere discord. bol na halke halke, the song continues, and his young life speaks softly to us even now, in our memories and in these pages, but it also rages loudly as it demands to be heard, and not trivialised, dismissed, or forgotten, so that others who travel beyond the boundaries are not compelled to break their hearts or smash their bodies against the walls of narrow minds. BTB layout03.indd 5 4/13/2013 2:45:05 PM bahut shukriya badi meherbani A project of this magnitude would not have been possible without the generous support of our queer and feminist comrades and friends. Our first thanks go to the courageous and vibrant movements and activists with whom we find common cause. We would specifically like to acknowledge the time and support given to us by the groups and individuals who connected us to our respondents, provided space for meetings when required, and shared their experiences with us. Sappho for Equality, LesBiT, Sangama, Sahayatrika, Sampoorna, WHAQ (We are Here and Queer), and friends in various cities, this study would not have been possible without you. It is difficult to articulate our feelings towards our respondents, mixed as they are in jostling measures of gratitude, love, awe, solidarity, fierce protectiveness, despair and immense hope. We salute your courage and generosity in sharing your lives, experiences and ideas so openly with us, and trusting our politics and persons with them. Thank you! Our deepest connect is with the larger research team of 11 persons and we want to thank them for all the warmth, the hugs, the discussions that threatened to tear us apart but strengthened us, the endless rounds of tea and coffee, and the constantly vigilant minds that did not let the least nuance escape nor hold anything so sacred that it could not be questioned. BTB layout03.indd 6 4/13/2013 2:45:06 PM This study was made feasible by an activist research grant by Kartini Asia/Trans Sign Network (jointly given by the Riek Stienstra Fund, Ford Foundation, Hivos and Mama Cash), while the report and its dissemination have been supported by the Global Fund for Women. We thank them all for their work towards creating spaces for such endeavours. We would also like to thank our NGO partner in the study, Awaaz-e- Niswaan, for generously extending technical support and for housing the study. The research for the study was conducted between July 2009 and June 2010 with the help of the first grant by the team of 11 researchers, which also helped with the initial analysis. After that period, the analysis and writing was carried forward by us, the team of the four that has written this report as well as a couple of papers published elsewhere. Time and money have both been constraints in this largely voluntary effort, and we sincerely regret that we could not bring out the report earlier. We hope that it will serve to bring some very crucial concerns to the fore, and add to the vibrant conversations on gender in both community and activist spaces. A tip of the nib to Vani, for bringing the text alive with her design from halfway across the world. Finally we would like to send out a big cheer to all members of LABIA, and the work done by the group over the last seventeen years, for forging the politics and persistence that motivated this research. Chayanika, Raj, Shalini, Smriti BTB layout03.indd 7 4/13/2013 2:45:06 PM contents | page First Things First | 10 Mapping the Terrain | 12 Introduction and context | 13 How we did this study | 19 About our respondents | 26 Lived Realities | 32 Family | 33 School and college | 39 Sports | 43 Intimacies in isolation | 45 Navigating the body | 51 Work | 56 Negotiating the “(re)public” | 61 Streets, transport and toilets | 61 Accessing services | 63 Getting in touch with queer groups | 66 BTB layout03.indd 8 4/13/2013 2:45:06 PM Binary Gender is Just Another Imagined Norm | 69 Naming oneself | 71 The gendered body | 73 Persons with intersex variations | 77 How I look and who you see | 78 “But now I can wear anything” | 78 Being read for one’s gender | 80 Gender in action, in closer interaction | 83 Being sons, being daughters | 83 Husbands, partners, lovers, wives | 85 Gender, a journey | 89 Queer Groups: An Evolving Understanding | 90 About the groups | 92 Engagement with gender | 93 Who can be a member | 95 Tricky issues that continue to be debated | 97 Towards a Vision of the Future | 100 Towards a Porosity of Gender Boundaries | 110 Appendices | 113 BTB layout03.indd 9 4/13/2013 2:45:06 PM first things first Do spend some time here, dear reader, or return whenever you feel the need to refresh your memory, so that the few necessary and important terms we’ve used that are not (yet) part of everyday language do not annoy or confuse you – this page is meant to bring us all on to the same page! We use the term queer in this report in a very specific sense, to refer to people who may or may not know or actively use the word for themselves but who define their own sexuality and/or gender identity as not heterosexual and/or not cisgender.