Making Modern Self Through White Marriage: Living Together Without Marriage in Tehran, Iran by Mehrnaz Golestaneh A thesis submitted to the Faculty of Graduate and Postdoctoral Affairs in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy in Sociology Carleton University Ottawa, Ontario © 2018, Mehrnaz Golestaneh Abstract This dissertation uses the phenomenon of “white marriage” among young heterosexual middle class Iranian women and men, who choose to live together without religious and legal documentation, as the focus to provide a window into the transformation of intimacy in contemporary Iran within a globalized world. In addition to explaining theoretical approach and methodology, throughout the first couple of chapters, I contextualize white marriage as in deeper socio-historical layers in relation to freedom of choice. Based on interviews with individuals in white marriages as well as analyses of textual data, this dissertation examines how Iranian middle class women and men in white marriages understand this mode of intimate relationship within the context of Iran’s marriage norms and the global dominance of western culture. By investigating the categorization of white marriage, and conceptualizations of commitment, fertility and relationships with extended family, this dissertation offers an account of the different motivations and desires bound up in the making of the modern self through white marriage. I argue that white marriage signifies that sexuality, gender and class are emerging as fault lines in contemporary Iranian society, with notions of intimacy, love, body and self-being constructed by Iranian middle class women and men in reaction to western culture and to marital norms in Iran. Iranians in white marriages formulate their desires and construct their subculture in relation to global cultural forces on the one hand and articulate their understanding of cultural marital norms in Iran on the other. However, media discussions about white marriage, reflected in textual data, demonstrated different understandings of the phenomenon. I have identified three phases in media discussions related to white marriage: the first is silence and denial; the second is a prohibitive ii approach with religious and moralistic approach and the third is a management approach concerned with health and population. Thus, a diverse set of organized interests come into play to settle the phenomenon of white marriage in a variety of ways. iii Acknowledgment This dissertation materialized because of the continuous guidance, support, and encouragement of a lot of people. The small space of this page is not enough to elaborate on their contributions, but I want to express my gratitude to each one of them who played a role in my academic accomplishments. First, I would like to thank my supervisor, Dr Xiaobei Chen. It has been an honor to be her Ph.D. student. She has taught me, both consciously and unconsciously, how a good research project is done. I appreciate all her contributions of time and ideas to make my Ph.D. experience productive. The joy, enthusiasm, and responsibility she has for the research was contagious and motivational for me, even during tough times in the Ph.D. pursuit. I am also thankful for the excellent example she has provided as a successful woman sociologist and professor. Next, I want to thank the members of my committee, Dr. Alan Hunt and Dr. Amrita Hari, for providing their valuable comments and guidance to improve my dissertation. I also want to mention the role of administrative staff at the department of Sociology and Anthropology, especially, Paula Whissell, Darlene Moss, and Kimberley Seguin. They made the department environment warm and welcoming for me in last six years. I appreciate all their efforts. My special appreciation goes to the members of my family. I would like to thank my mother, Mrs. Mahin Banou Rejali, and my late father, Mr. Taghi Golestaneh, whose love and guidance and prayer are with me in whatever I pursue. My mother, you are the ultimate role model and source of unending inspiration since early years of my life with your rich home library and your daily reading routines in the area of social science. I want to express my deepest appreciation for your loving support. Moreover, I would like iv to express appreciation to my beloved husband, Dr. Masoud Ebrahimi, who was always my support in the moments when there was no one to answer my queries. You read all single words of the dissertation and gave me courage to finish it. Thank you! I also appreciate my daughter, Mauna for being such a good girl and the source of joy. Thank you Azizam! They are the two noble ones stood by me with patience, tolerance and love. My words of thanks can not compensate their contribution, yet with all my love, I thank them for their splendid support. Thanks, are also due to my sisters (Golnaz, Farinaz and Nazanin) for listening to my ideas, helping me for translations and providing constructive criticisms. Finally, I would also like to extend my thanks to my dearest friend Narges Valibeigi, you were always there with a word of encouragement or listening ear or good ideas. I proudly dedicate the dissertation to my family. v Contents Abstract .................................................................................................................. ii Acknowledgment .................................................................................................. iv Chapter 1. INTRODUCTION ........................................................................... 1 1.1. Heterogeneous White Marriage: Form of Being Single and Being Married………… ..................................................................................................................... 2 1.2. White Marriage in Contrast to Sex Work and Temporary Marriage ........... 6 1.3. Existing Scholarship on White Marriage ..................................................... 8 1.4. Theoretical Framework .............................................................................. 14 1.5. White Marriage and the Institution of Sexual Governance ........................ 20 Chapter 2. METHODOLOGY ........................................................................ 28 2.1. Interviews ................................................................................................... 28 2.2. Textual Data ............................................................................................... 37 Chapter 3. IRANIAN MARRIAGE AND THE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE43 3.1. The Institution of Marriage in the Middle Class before the Revolution ..... 44 3.2. The Institution of Marriage in the Middle Class during and after the Revolution……… ................................................................................................................... 56 3.3. The Evolution of Marriage at a Time of War (1980-1988) ........................ 63 3.4. Rebuilding Society after the War and Subsequent Policies ........................ 65 3.5. Information Technology, Partner Selection and Romantic Relationships . 68 Chapter 4. WHAT IS WHITE MARRIAGE? ............................................... 77 4.1. White Marriage and Demographics ........................................................... 77 vi 4.2. Different Forms of White Marriage ........................................................... 82 4.3. White Marriage and the Extended Family ............................................... 106 Chapter 5. WHITE MARRIAGE AND CHILDBEARING ....................... 120 5.1. Population Control Strategies in Post-Revolutionary Iran ...................... 123 5.2. Attitudes Regarding Childbearing in White Marriage ............................. 126 5.3. Gender Difference in Attitudes Regarding Childbearing ......................... 137 5.4. The Unequal Social and Physical Burden on Women in Untended Pregnancy……… ................................................................................................................. 141 5.5. Media, White Marriage and the Issue of Childbearing ............................ 143 Chapter 6. COMMITMENT IN WHITE MARRIAGE ............................. 153 6.1. What Is Commitment? .............................................................................. 153 6.2. Contradicting Official Media Portrayal of Commitment in White Marriage………. .................................................................................................................. 158 6.3. Commitment in White Marriage ............................................................... 160 6.4. Multiple Forms of Commitment................................................................ 168 6.5. White Marriage and Commitment During Life Crises ............................. 174 6.6. Marital Commitment, Moralities and Cultural Power ............................. 177 Chapter 7. CONCLUSION ............................................................................ 180 Bibliography ....................................................................................................... 191 vii Chapter 1. INTRODUCTION The purpose of my dissertation is to illuminate the little-known social phenomenon of “white marriage”, or Ezdevaj Sefid (Ezdevaj literally means marriage; Sefid literary means white or blank), or Hambashi, (cohabitation), or Hamkhanegi (having a housemate), in Farsi in Iran. In the rest of the dissertation, I use the term white marriage and Hambashi alternately to discuss the broader context of the transformation of intimacy in post-