Relationship Anarchy - Discussion Group June 2, 2018 ​ Metro Detroit Polyamory - http://detroitpoly.org ● Session 33: Solo Polyamory Welcome ● Introductory info about this discussion group, MDP Meetup, format today is participatory, etc. ● We’re here to learn and explore together; be respectful & stay on topic; Step Up/Step Back ● Sustainability, $, Volunteering - today (notes, trash, what else?) and in the big picture for MDP ● Community building, community agreements - please let us know at the start if you cannot agree: ○ speak about your own personal experience ○ confidentiality: leave out the identifiable info; get consent before sharing another’s story ○ be responsible for your needs (bathroom, water, to leave early, support) ○ you can choose not to share, to pass, etc. (and note how that feels) ○ think about resources for emotional support (counselors, positive friends, self-care, etc.) ○ other short-term community norms/agreements to help get our needs met (or feel safer)? Icebreaker - What is your experience with solo polyamory, if any? Solo polyamory, in a nutshell, is an open, non-monogamous relationship structure that removes all hierarchy within sexual and romantic relationships, and emphasizes individuality and autonomy in relationship structures and interactions. Solo polyamorists usually eschew the relationship escalator, in favor of building relationships conscientiously but organically. Solo polyamorists tend to prefer to present themselves to the world as individuals, instead of as a couple or other group. Unless you know the details of their relationships, they often can appear to be single, even if they have one or more close relationships. It is important to them to be treated as an individual and not just part of a unit. Most solo polyamorous people avoid physical and financial enmeshment, such as sharing bank accounts or living together. This is not a requirement for solo polyamory, but it makes keeping the autonomy and freedom much easier. It is different from what is simply known as non-hierarchical polyamory, because often non-hierarchical polyamorists still have a nesting or anchor partner that they are generally seen as a couple with. Solo polyamorous people are less likely to have come from a background of a relationship that has “opened up” because of the difficulty in disentangling relationships to the solo level. It is also different from Relationship Anarchy, in that RA is a relationship philosophy, while solo polyamory is a relationship structure. There is a lot of overlap between the concepts of RA and solo poly, but they are distinctly different ideas. Relationship anarchists use all sorts of relationship structures; solo polyamorists can use various different relationship philosophies as well. Another difference is that relationship anarchy attempts to remove the hierarchy among all types of relationships, while solo polyamory focuses on removing hierarchy in romantic and sexual relationships. Relationship anarchy goes a few steps further in pointing out that we rather unfairly privilege romantic and sexual relationships over platonic relationships and friendships, when those friendships can be just as close or even closer than some romantic or sexual relationships. Discussion Questions 1. What are some more differences between Relationship Anarchy and Solo Polyamory? 2. Do you think Relationship Anarchy and Solo Polyamory are mutually exclusive? Why or why not? 3. What are your thoughts on the Relationship Escalator and Solo Polyamory? 4. What are your thoughts on the concept of “being your own primary” - prioritizing your relationship with yourself over your relationships with others? .