What Does it Mean to be Black and Aware? A Theoretical and Empirical Analysis of Black Racial Identity and Critical Consciousness by Channing J. Mathews A dissertation submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy (Education and Psychology) in the University of Michigan 2020 Doctoral Committee: Professor Tabbye Chavous, Co-Chair Professor Matthew Diemer, Co-Chair Assistant Professor Myles Durkee Professor Isis Settles Channing J. Mathews [email protected] ORCID iD: 0000-0002-4716-2299 © Channing J. Mathews 2020 Dedication This dissertation is dedicated to my mother, Dr. Jessica Anita Mathews. Today I fulfill my promise to you to pursue as much education as you did. This document officially makes us Dr. Mathews2, ‘cause this mother daughter team is absolutely exponential. Thanks for always showing me the way and being my light in dark times. I love you. ii Acknowledgements To say it took a village to raise the scholar that is Dr. Channing J. Mathews is the understatement of my lifetime. Indeed, with over 180 people on my Zoom dissertation defense call, I am reminded of the multitude of villages that have brought me to this point in my life’s journey. I am overwhelmed by God’s divine love for me evidenced by the people He placed in my life to help me run, walk and sometimes crawl the path set before me. I may not be able to name each and every one of you, but know that my villages have been God’s blessing to me in my journey to Dr. Mathews. To my committee: Tabbye, Matt, Isis and Myles. Thank you for supporting and encouraging me to be a better scholar. Tabbye, I started this journey with you and could not imagine finishing it without you. Thank you for providing an example of how to navigate academia as a Black woman, while maintaining high standards for your scholarship, mentorship, and administrative responsibilities. Matt, joining your lab helped me to move beyond my statistics phobia to become a budding psychometrician. Although I still occasionally stumbled, your patience reminded me to trust myself and know that I would eventually figure out the next step. Isis, your course on the Psychology of the Black Experience not only affirmed my identity as a Black woman, but was one of the few courses that taught me how to manage my time and writing tasks. I am forever grateful for the time that you took to help me to organize my work, especially as I drafted Chapter 3 of this dissertation. Myles, I have been privileged to watch your journey from postdoctoral fellow to faculty, and it has been amazing to witness. From my first presentation at the Black Graduate Conference in Psychology, to my most panicked moments in iii finishing the dissertation, you have always been there to support me and help me move forward. Thank you for always having my back, and for reminding me of my brilliance. To my cohort: Asya, Sarah, Mike, Han, and Ben. Each of you has completely inspired me throughout my graduate career. Whether it was learning about your work, or struggling through statistics, it was clear that you all were the cohort I needed. I will always and forever be our team hype woman #CPEP2014 #BestCPEPhasEVERseen. To my starting lineup: Gordon, Asya, Crystal, Lydia, Kamirah, Steven, Renato, and Kaela. You have literally been my day 1’s. Our family BBQ’s, crazy Thanksgivings, bar crawls and everything in between have kept me sane in this grad school thing. Thank you for all the laughter and love, and for being the family I didn’t know I needed. I love you. To my childhood bestie: Nisha, we have known each other since the 5th grade at Valwood. We have been through so many journeys across countries and continents. Yet, even when the world seems to be ever changing, I know that our friendship has always stood the test of time. Thank you for being my sister all of these years. I love you! To my college besties: Shannyn and Vee, I don’t have words for our sisterhood. We have seen each other through an MFA, a law degree, and now a PhD. You have both been my hiding place when I needed shelter from the world. Thank you for always being my safe haven, and for keeping me from burning things down when s#&t hit the fan...especially while in graduate school. To my #squadgoals, the newly minted Dr. Maryam Aziz, and Amel & Morgan: Coming out as queer during grad school was one of the most painful and most beautiful processes I’ve experienced in my 33 years on this earth. Trey, Liz, Amber, and Taryn you were the squad that picked me up no matter what and reminded me that my experiences were normal and okay. This iv was of course in addition to the epic support bestowed upon me by the freshly minted Dr. Maryam Aziz, who always reminds me of my Aries power femme prowess whenever I so happen to forget. Amel and Morgan, you have always been a grounding force in my queer journey. Thank you for always being there and sharing your healthy and happy relationship with me. To my housemates at the Wallace Street Double Decker: Graduate life became 1000% more fun with each of you in it. Our cocktail parties, family dinners, and quarantine happy hours have brought me unspeakable joy and love that I will cherish forever. To my Mom and Dad: Mom thank you for showing me the way, and Dad thank you for always reminding me of our family legacy of resistance. You both are incredible trailblazers and I am proud to be your daughter. To my siblings: Mike and Xavier Randall. Thanks for always reminding me of how proud you are of me. Thank you for the gift of being an Auntie to my niece Lizzie Sage, and my nephews, Owen and Xavion. I hope that my work supports them in changing the world. To Ebony and Ashley: Thank you for being my prayer and thinking partners, for bringing me laughter and joy in my lowest moments. Thank you for seeking me out when you needed me, never allowing me to fall. Your prayers are deep, and your laughter is infectious. I am so thankful to have had you both with me in this wild journey. To Naomi, Josi, Aixa, Lindsay: In addition to being general emotional support, you all were always ready to lend a hand. Whether it was to do a last minute proofread, to force me to write out and timeline all of my tasks, or help me to put my ideas to paper, you all were always available. Thank you for sowing into me and sharing your skills to help shape me into a better scholar. v I have to give a special thanks to those who have struggled with me in this process. It is absolutely the case that no one really understands the PhD grind unless you have done it. As lonely as this process was at times, you all were always there to remind me that I was never alone: Nic, Jozet, Bernardette, Andy, Dom, Yves, Delina, Tonya, Aurora, Elena, Laura-Ann, Darrius, Charles, Kim, Crystal Wise, Gloryvee, Esther, Ciera, Chauncey, all of the Night Writers crew, the Black Student Psychological Association (BSPA), and RacismLab. To my mentors: Drs. Mark and Aurora Kamimura, Dr. Makeba Wilbourn, Dr. Deborah Ball, Dr. Simona Goldin, Dr. Debi Khasnabis, Dr. Deborah Rivas-Drake, Dr. Stephanie Rowley, Dr. Carla O’Connor: Thank you for supporting me to be authentically me, even when graduate school was crushing my spirit. Thank you for helping me to find the resources and energy to push forward in times of struggle, and to thrive in times of success. To the TREMENDOUS staff: Katie Schmitt, Chrissy Zigulis, Tim Keeler, Shamilya Williams, Joanna Elliot Kovacevich, Hoa Nguyen, Samantha Drotar, Sarah Trinh (shout out to the CSBYC crew), Dana Brown, Adrienn Hunt, and Melinda Richardson. Your work is often invisible to many, but so critical to graduate students progressing through the program. You all have encouraged me, helped me to find needed resources, and just all around provided a much needed smile or hug when I was worn down. Thank you for all the love and support. I see you in your kindness and care, and I will never forget it. Finally, to my partner Zahra (Ze) Fawaz: Never in my wildest dreams did I think that in the last 6 months of my graduate program, I would find a love like no other. Amidst a global pandemic, job loss, depression, and everything in between, I could not have imagined that I would find a partner as loving and supportive as you have been. From cooking endless delicious meals, to co-fostering our amazing puppy Jack, I have been so blessed with the honor of being vi your girlfriend. Thank you for loving me through one of the hardest and ugliest periods of my life. I can’t wait to see the new fun filled adventures our future will bring. To be totally honest with you, I have a story for each and every one of the people who have walked this journey with me. I wish I had the space to name everyone. From my hometown in Valdosta, GA to my Duke days through wild times in the Dominican Republic and the Democratic Republic of Congo. You have been a part of my fitness and self-love journeys, you have pulled me out of deep spirals of depression.