Stupid White Men and Other Sorry Excuses for the State of the Nation Michael Moore Copyright © 2001 by Michael Moore. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information address HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 10 East 53rd Street, New York, NY 10022. HarperCollins books may be purchased for educational, business, or sales promotional use. For information please write: Special Markets Department, HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 10 East 53 rd Street, New York, NY 10022. FIRST EDITION Designed by Kris Tobiassen Printed on acid-free paper Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data has been applied for. ISBN 0-06-039245-2 02 03 04 05 WB/QWM 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 FOR AL HIRYELA It's amazing I won. I was running against peace, prosperity, and incumbency. -GEORGE W. BUSH, JUNE 14, 2001, speaking to Swedish Prime Minister Goran Perrson, unaware that a live television camera was still rolling INTRODUCTION THERE ARE THOSE who say it all started to Northwest connection in Detroit on a sunny unravel the night of November 7, 2 000, when day. Jeb Bush gave his brother George Jr. an early Christmas present-the state of Florida. What's that you say? You want to talk to a real human being in "customer service"? HA For others, those upon whom a decade's HA HA! Press "4" and kiss the rest of your fortune had smiled, the turning point came day good-bye. when the Dow had its biggest annual loss in almost twenty years. Oh, and aren't you lucky! You're working two jobs, and so is your wife, and you've got little For most, though, the day the music died Jimmy working down at McDonald's, too, so came the night we were told Pluto was no you can afford that new home on the tree- longer a planet, and life as we knew it was as lined street with neatly trimmed lawns and distant as the look in the new "President's" little white picket fences, and-look, there goes eyes. Spot to greet Grandpa as he pulls into the driveway!--and next month you're going to Wherever you choose to pinpoint the exact make the last payment on that student loan moment when it all crumbled before your you've had for the past twenty years, but then eyes, it matters not. The only thing that ... SUDDENLY, your company has matters is that we, collectively, as Americans, announced it's moving to Mexico-without all know that someone has pulled the plug on you! Your wife's employer has decided she's our all-night binge. The American Century? no longer needed because the new "human That's over. Welcome to your Century 21 resources" consultant believes that one person Nightmare! can easily do the jobs of three, and little Jimmy has come down with an unknown A man no one elected sits in the White illness from something he ate out of the House. McNugget fryer, and your HMO says they won't cover little Jimmy's operation but California can't find enough electricity to they'll be happy to treat him as an outpatient operate its juicers, or execute its inmates. if you're willing to drive to Tijuana twice a week because, well, they've built a new It's cheaper to FedEx yourself across town outpatient clinic just across the border, thanks than to drive there. to free trade, which may or may not be responsible for the worm found in Jimmy's Russia and China have signed a new pact-- half-eaten McNugget--oh, sorry, the just when we'd dismantled the last of the collection agency just called and they'd like fallout shelters. your new Celica back because you've missed a payment! Hey, maybe when you go to Dot-coms have turned into Not-coms, making Tijuana and drop Jimmy off you can head the NASDAQ as safe a bet as a backroom. down the street and reapply for your old job, craps game in Reno. where all the "associates" are given their own outhouse and fed a free breakfast burrito The past two years have seen the most layoffs when they arrive at work at five o'clock every since the worst years of the Reagan morning. Renaissance devastated the country. Pardon me if I was dreaming, but weren't You stand a better chance of dating Katherine things looking up just a year or so ago? Harris or Tom DeLay than of making your Weren't we supposed to be living through most Americans that nothing seems to work. the "largest economic expansion in history"? Firestone tires don't work, and the Ford Hadn't the government ended fifty-five years Explorers that ride atop them don't work of operating in the red and finally boasted a "cash surplus" large enough to fix every road, either-which means you don't work at all bridge, and tooth in America? Air and water because you're dead and decapitated and lying pollution were at their lowest levels in in a ditch outside the Dunkin' Donuts. decades, crime was at a record low, teen 911 doesn't work. 411 doesn't work. Cell pregnancies had dropped out of sight, and phones don't work, and when they do, it's more kids were graduating from high school some asshole having an argument with his and college than ever before. Old people lived broker at the table next to you while you're longer, you could call Katmandu for 12 cents trying to eat dinner. a minute, and the Internet was bringing all the world (save the two billion or so who live Freedom of choice is a thing of the past. without electricity) closer together. We're down to six media companies, six Palestinians broke bread with Israelis, airlines, two and a half carmakers, and one Catholics shared a pint with Protestants in radio conglomerate. Everything you will ever Northern Ireland. Yes, life was getting a need is at WalMart. You can choose between whole lot better-and we all felt it. People were two political parties that sound alike, vote friendlier, strangers on the street would give alike, and are funded alike by the same exact you the time of day, and Regis made the wealthy donors. You can choose to wear questions easier so we could have more nondescript pastels and keep your mouth shut, millionaires. or you can choose to wear a Marilyn Manson T-shirt and get kicked out of school. Britney Then something happened. or Christina, WB; or UPN, Florida or Texas- there ain't no friggin' difference, folks, it's all Investors lost millions in the stock market. the same, it's all the same, it's all the same.... Crime went up for the first time in a decade. Job losses skyrocketed. American icons like How did all this happen? Three little words: Montgomery Ward and TWA vanished. Suddenly we were 2.5 million barrels short of Stupid White Men. oil-every day! Israelis started killing Palestinians again, and Palestinians returned Think about it: the Bush boys, who took the the favor. By mid2 00 1, thirty-seven slender inheritance of Poppy's political mind countries were at war around the world. (not to mention charisma) and spread it even China became our new enemy-again. The thinner among themselves. Dick Cheney, United Nations kicked us off their Human Donald Rumsfeld, Spencer Abraham, and the Rights Commission, and the European Union other old shills Bush revived to prop him up. attacked us for unilaterally violating the ABM The CEOs of the Fortune 500; the wizards treaty by reintroducing "Star Wars." It was behind Hollywood and five-hundred-channel hard, damn hard, to find a good movie; TV; hell, the average Joe who sees 15 mpg on millions stopped watching network television; his new-car sticker and thinks "not bad!" as and every radio station you tuned in sounded the ozone clouds part above his head. the same-like crap. That's right, the whole planet is being In short, all of a sudden everything sucked. overrun-and I'm convinced it's starting to Whether it's the shaky economy, depleted fight back. One day last February in Chicago energy supplies, elusive world peace, no job the temperature hit 70 degrees, and what security, no health care, or the simple happened? Everyone was, like, Wow, this is unusable ballot we were given to pick a great! People were walking around in shorts, President, it has become maddeningly clear to and the beach along Lake Michigan was filled with sunbathers. "Boy, I love this weather," said one lady to me on the street. "I don't think it's a good idea to keep your money in portfolios," I replied, "or in a You love this? Let me ask you-if the sun briefcase, or even under the futon. I save what suddenly rose at midnight tonight, would you little I can in a place called a 'bank,' where I say, "Oh, wow, this is beautiful! I love it! have what the old-timers call a 'savings More daylight!" account.' " No, of course you wouldn't. You'd be He was not amused. "You're just screwing freaking out on a level that has never been yourself," he said.