Spark IT 4:20 PM 69% Dr Pingaz, 25 2 3 ISSUE 17 EDITORIAL EDITOR Letter of Please email letters to Charlie O’Mannin the Week [email protected] NEWS EDITOR Letter of the week wins Esme Hall a $30 voucher from FEATURES EDITOR Archway shop closed, and University Book Shop! Chelle Fitzgerald that’s not OK CULTURE EDITOR Henessey Griffiths Bullshit that it wasn’t produc- SUB EDITOR Jamie Mactaggart tive enough it was always busy. I had to take this opportunity whether it was aioli or cum in CHIEF REPORTER And Jenny who worked there to acknowledge her enduring the condom. He argued that it Sinead Gill was an angel. contribution to student cul- was an incessant amount of STAFF WRITERS cum and it was too thick. The Caroline Moratti, Erin Gourley, ture! So, this is for you lovely Nina Minogue, Owen Clarke Besides, when they had the Shelly, thanks for the years of only reasonable and accurate CONTRIBUTORS mail pick up, the courier had smiles, your friendly chat and way for us to settle this is for Tiana Mihaere, Te Moananui a Kiwa Ryan, Natasha Parrant, a puppy. A FREAKING PUPPY your joyous vibes! Archway us to come and taste it for Phillip Plant YOU GUYS. What will cure my shop, gone but not forgotten. ourselves. DESIGN anxiety now? Sincerely DESIGNER Love, A Cum Connoisseur Jack Adank Critic, how do we get it back Nostalgic stationary addict- ILLUSTRATORS up and running again? Come Fiona Seal Saskia Ruston-Green, Asia Martusia on, CRITIZISE!! Dear Critic Te Arohi, PHOTOGRAPHER Hey Critic, Aiman Amerul Muner Fucking mature students PRODUCTION Dear Critic, Pretty stoked that the barnes man. They just grind my soul ONLINE dance crossing at GK Street down into nothing. Everytime Alex McKirdy DISTRIBUTION This week I was struck to is getting some recognition. I walk into my 2 o'clock History Rosie Sullivan find out that our beloved Crossing those streets and Lecture, there they are. They Archway shop was closed walked on top of by very fast always put up their hands Advertising Sales Tim Couch FOREVER! Although this news students does not slap. Gotta to ask questions about key Jared Anglesey Peter Ramsay hit my system harder than the extend a cheers to Simon concepts the lecturer fails to [email protected] Fresher flu in O-week, I found Underwood as well for remind- explain, what is this Kinder- Phone: 03 479 5361 myself even more taken aback ing everyone to be considerate garten?! And they're always Connect at realising that without an and for cyclists to slow down so nice. Like giving out biscuits Read Online Critic.co.nz, Archway shop there is no in the busy area, but can we on the last day of the previous Issuu.com/critic_Te_Arohi Shelly either. Shelly, for you also remind the lime riders? I semester! Who does this, Uni- GET IN TOUCH [email protected] heathens who don’t know, almost got smacked into by versity's an eat or be eaten Facebook/CriticTeArohi Tweet/CriticTeArohi was the main attendant of the some cunt who just yeeted environment! Theres no time 03 479 5335 P.O.Box 1436, Dunedin shop for many many years. through the very busy crowd for pleasantries! But worst of She was the lovely lady who on his lime at fuck you kilome- all they ask you after class if would remember your name ters an hour. If I'd been just one you need a ride home! No I Critic is a member of the Aotearoa after hearing it once, who do-si-do forward, I'd be lucky dont need a ride home, I need Student Press Association (ASPA) smiled at you and wished you the hospital is only a couple of to study! I'll catch the bus! Disclaimer: the views presented within this publication do not nec- a good day as you picked up barnes dances away. Unless you're going home now essarily represent the views of the Editor, PMDL, or OUSA. your copy of the OTD, the one I would actually appreciate it, NZ Media Council: People with who calmly sold last-minute Cheers, do you want to get a coffee on a complaint against a magazine should first complain in writing to the exam pencils to freaked out High Blood Pressure. the way! Editor and then, if not satisfied with the response, complain to the NZ Freshers and was always Media Council. Complaints should be addressed to the Secretary, singing along to the latest bop Dear Critic Sincerely, A guy who is in the [email protected]. on the radio at the top of her Me and my friend were argu- same class as his mum. lungs. She brought a unique ing over the cover of last sense of joy to the Link, and weeks issue (issue #16) and 4 EDITORIAL: Dunedin Needs its Own Mantracker By Charlie O’Mannin Last Wednesday I was introduced Which is why I think it’s cheating to What I’m saying is that, while cowboy should be your number to one of the superior cultural phe- set the show in the Canadian wil- Mantracker is a giant of modern one concern). nomena of the 21st Century: the derness. If no human has been past media, we can ascend to even Canadian reality show “Mantracker”. for ages, then surely it’s simple for greater heights. That’s right. If you think you can escape (or pre- an expert to find the tracks of two Critic should make its own supe- tend to give chase only to be swept Mantracker features two contes- panicking contestants. rior version of Mantracker. One up by our sexy cowboy and carried tants, known as “prey”, who are where highly trained contestants off to some satisfying cowboy-sex) dropped in the Canadian wilder- We all know the Canadian Wilder- have to traverse flat parties and you should email the person I am ness and have to reach another ness is a fake wilderness anyway. duck Campus Watch. One where getting to run this whole thing (see point some distance away. Except It’s just some fucking trees and Mantracker is allowed a wee bit above). there’s a twist. They’re being mountains and bears. A piece of of meth to even the playing field. chased by a cowboy on horseback cake compared to the real wilder- One where the stakes have never I’m looking forward to having to called Mantracker. ness: North Dunedin. been higher. do no work and having an engag- ing and enduring franchise I can Mantracker hunts the prey down Mantracker, with all his woods- Anyone interested in completely attach my name to and take all with a cruel smile. Whenever the man skills and his sidekick and his running this endeavour for me so the credit for. prey tries to do tricky things, like fancy moustache, wouldn’t stand a I don’t need to do any work but can walk backwards in the desert sand chance against a pack of breathas. claim all the credit should email me Again, if you’re interested in having to fool the pursuers, Mantracker isn’t The prey who dive freely into the at [email protected]. Also, anyone all your glory stolen by me hit me having a bar of it, and sees through ice water of the Yukon would who thinks they can be as sexy a up at [email protected]. their shenanigans in an instant. perish in the disease-ridden Leith. cowboy as Mantracker should Traversing the Botans at night is email me as well (also I guess you In the three episodes of Mantracker more perilous than “bushwhack- should know how to track people, I’ve seen, the prey are always caught. ing” (gross) any sub-arctic forest. but honestly being a real hot 5 Agnew Street Party Organisers Want a More Controlled Party than Last Year Out with the ag-old, in with try and limit people coming into our property people’s ability to invite other people; now it’s the Agnew which didn’t work super well to be honest.” They just those of us on the street who can invite appreciated Scott’s advice because “we wanted others. This was our decision and not the Proc- By Esme Hall | News Editor a little bit more control than we had last year”. tor’s. Obviously we know that people will just The student organisers of the Agnew Street show up on the day because news travels fast Party are trying to make this year’s party safer Proctor Dave Scott said he asked the organ- through word of mouth but it still limits it a bit.” after last year’s got out of hand. isers to consider banning glass and people on rooftops, providing non-alcoholic drinks and They also opted for a ‘cans only (no glass)’ One of the organisers said the Proctor, Dave food, ensuring support for people who become event, and hired Gravity Events to help with Scott, has been “an absolute legend” in helping unwell or unsafe, toilet facilities, limitations on the DJs, security, fencing, port-a-loos and the them figure out how to make the now seem- advertising, set hours for the event, rubbish next-day clean-up. ingly annual street party safer and more fun facilities, clean-up plans and a point of contact than last year. The student residents of Agnew established for Noise Control. This stuff isn’t cheap, as Agnew Street isn’t Street initiated the meeting with the Proctor to supported by OUSA like Hyde Street.