I Just Want You To Know While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about. -Angela Schwindt I Just Want You To Know Letters to My Kids on Love, Faith, and Family Kate Gosselin NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING AUTHOR ZONDERVAN I Just Want You to Know Copyright © 2010 by Katie Irene Gosselin All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of Zondervan. ePub Edition MARCH 2010 ISBN: 978-0-310-41526-8 Requests for information should be addressed to: Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Gosselin, Kate. I just want you to know : letters to my kids on love, faith, and family / Kate Gosselin. p. cm. ISBN 978-0-310-31896-5 (hardcover, jacketed) 1. Twins—United States—Pennsylvania. 2. Sextuplets—United States—Pennsylvania. 3. Multiple birth-Popular works. 4. Mother and child. I. Title. HQ77735.G665 2010 306.874’3092 – dc22 2010008387 This title is also available in a Zondervan audio edition. Visit www.zondervan.fm. 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Cover photography: Nigel Parry / CPi Interior photos: Provided by the Gosselin family Table of Contents Cover Page Half Title Page Epigraph Title Page Copyright DEAR KIDS 1 ORDINARY IN AN EXTRAORDINARY WAY Letter to Cara 2 SCHEDULING TODDLERS Letter to Madelyn 3 BABY STEPS 4 DEAR JESUS Letter to Alexis 5 BEHIND THE SCENES 6 A MIRACLE A DAY Letter to Hannah 7 TOWER OF BABEL 8 NO GROUP THINK Letter to Aaden 9 MILESTONES 10 BLOOD, BAND AIDS, AND BATHS IN THE KITCHEN SINK Letter to Collin 11 I AM MOM, HEAR ME ROAR Letter to Leah 12 PLAYING SAFE Letter to Joel 13 LETTERS OF LEGACY Photo Album Enjoy these recipes from Kate's new cookbook, Love Is in the Mix. Coming soon! Eight Little Faces ACKNOWLEDGMENTS About the Publisher Share Your Thoughts DEAR KIDS The way my kids are being raised is, without question, unconventional. Our supersized life feels normal to them right now because it’s all they know, but when they grow up they may look back and wonder how things would have turned out if we had been a normal-sized family living under normal circumstances. Jon and I had always envisioned ourselves having two or three kids, but as our story turned out, we ended up with twins and sextuplets in three years. I want to share with each of my eight children about our life together so they will know without a shadow of a doubt how much I love them and how much every decision and sacrifice I made was worth it for them. I present this book to you—Cara, Madelyn, Alexis, Hannah, Aaden, Collin, Leah, and Joel—as the background on our family. You’ll see how we attempted to create memories, provide for your needs, form traditions, and give you a good foundation. The time frame—from the time we moved into our house with the red door on Andrew Avenue in Elizabethtown until we moved out—holds a special place in my heart. You were all so squooshy and cuddly, and the little kids were just starting to develop their own personalities. During these simpler times when I was at home alone taking care of all eight of you during the day, I was happy and satisfied—but I was also exhausted. Being your mommy is a big job, and one I never took lightly. And even though we didn’t often venture outside the house for the first few years, I was never bored. Funny how that works. My hope is that you see through these letters how much I love you as a group and, more important, as individuals. You each have unique qualities, characteristics, and personalities that together complete our family. Never forget that inside my hard, strict outer shell is a heart bursting with love for each of you. As I always say, I didn’t set out to have eight children but I ended up with the best eight kids on the planet, and I thank God daily for each one of you. 1 ORDINARY IN AN EXTRAORDINARY WAY We pulled into the parking lot at Friendly’s restaurant for one of our rare dinners out. I got out of our Big Blue Bus and was reaching in for one of the kids when a black dog ran over and started licking my leg. Though he was obviously a fan of my leg, I wasn’t a fan of the dog. I looked around and saw his owner, an older lady. “Excuse me, could you please put him on a leash?” I asked. “You want me to do what?” “Could you put him on a leash? I have to get my kids out of the car and some of them are scared of dogs.” “I will not!” she said indignantly. Another lady in a van parked nearby had watched the encounter. “What did she say?” she asked the woman with the dog. “She told me to put him on a leash, and I said I wouldn’t.” At that point, Jon and I just tried to do the best we could. We got all eight of the kids out of the bus and assembled in a line holding hands, steering clear of the dog still panting at my ankles. “They were just on TV,” the van lady said to the dog lady. Jon and I started to lead the kids away from the bus. “Hey, were you just on TV?” the dog lady asked. Suddenly she didn’t have as much attitude. “Yes,” I said over my shoulder. I didn’t want to look at her and her salivating dog. I just kept walking. We took off across the parking lot with the woman following us. “I know who you are. I love that show!” What do you do with that? I’ve had plenty of practice since that first fan encounter, but practice doesn’t always make it easier. Most people are respectful. They know how to say, “Oh, how cute,” and move on. My biggest concern is getting my children safely to our destination, but persistent fans want to keep the conversation going. Some people think the show took away our privacy, and maybe our right to it; but before the show even began folks would approach us. They wanted to see the kids. Let’s face it—they’re cute! I get it that people are naturally drawn to their sweet little faces. I understand people’s curiosity about a large family with sets of multiples and the attention it attracts in a small town. But even then I longed to be inconspicuous and do the things ordinary families did. In those early days, people didn’t approach us much; they would, for the most part, just stand back and stare. If I had paid attention, I would have seen them pointing and counting, but most of the time I didn’t even notice. I was usually so hyper-focused on making sure the kids got safely to our destination that I didn’t notice people’s reactions unless they made it impossible for me to ignore them—like the lady with the dog. A lot of times I would say, “It’s nice to meet you, but I’m sorry, I have to get my kids in the car.” The persistent fans were often more concerned about what they were getting out of me than having respect for my situation. That’s probably where my perceived bad attitude toward the public started. Depending on the location, I tried to be cordial and kind, but I probably didn’t always respond very well. Frankly, it bothered me that people wouldn’t leave us alone. Sometimes they even wanted to touch the kids. I got very good about quickly stepping in between them before they could. These types of encounters caused Jon and me to long for what we called a “normal” family life. For us, normal meant being able to travel outside of the house with just the ten of us—no chaperones. Normal meant my kids could get out and play freely, instead of being restrained in their strollers because we couldn’t keep sixteen chubby little legs from running in eight different directions. In my fantasies about “normal,” I craved a quiet life where my family and I could go out in public without people staring, pointing, and counting my kids. It was hard enough trying to be a mom of twins and sextuplets without feeling like the world was watching everything I did. Safety is always a concern for parents of young children, but for Jon and me, any usual concern had to be multiplied by eight.