Andrew Marin thickens the plot once again. You can try to say LGBT people are through with religion or are not themselves particularly religious, but the findings from this ambitious study suggest there is much more to the story. MARK A. YARHOUSE Rosemarie Scotti Hughes Endowed Chair and professor of Psychology, Regent University This book will shatter the predominant caricature many in the church have of LGBT folk. They are, as Andrew Marin’s research reveals, just like us. For those of us to whom LGBT are people with faces, this research will be received not with surprise but relief. Finally now, can we get on with seeing the other rightly, and that must surely start with the Imago Dei. This book should be read far and wide. DEBRA HIRSCH Author, Redeeming Sex: Naked Conversations about Sexuality and Spirituality Almost all discourse and writing about LGBTs and faith ebbs to theology and biblical interpretation. What’s been sorely missing are sociological insights—anchored to research rather than opinion—of the current landscape. Andrew Marin offers a profound gift to us (however you define “us”) that will, I’m confident, lead to more understanding, more inquiry, more grace, and more love. MARK OESTREICHER Partner in The Youth Cartel and author of Hopecasting: Finding, Keeping and Sharing the Things Unseen Through meticulous research and in-depth interviews, Andy Marin reveals some staggering truths about the religious beliefs and experiences of LGBT people. The results are both shocking and hopeful. I had to pick my jaw up off the ground at some of the statistics and testimonies in this book. If Us versus Us doesn’t produce a radical posture shift in the evangelical church, then God help us all. PRESTON SPRINKLE Author of People to Be Loved: Why Homosexuality Is Not Just an Issue The groundbreaking research behind Us versus Us changes the conversation between the LGBT community and the church, offering new insight into how these two communities can relate to each other within one of our society’s most prevalent culture wars. This book is not only timely and important but also profoundly helpful, addressing how to understand and heal so many painful experiences between religion and sexuality. Give yourself and the rest of humanity a gift; read it. WM PAUL YOUNG Author of The Shack, Cross Roads, and Eve God and gays are closer than you might imagine, and the gap is shrinking every day. If you think America is doomed to a future of polarization and culture wars, Andrew Marin provides an antidote, with the hard data and human stories to back it up. This bighearted, richly textured book will shatter stereotypes and help us all think better. And love better too. JONATHAN RAUCH Senior fellow, the Brookings Institution No conversation in the church is more explosive than the sexuality debate, and no voice in this conversation is more effective than Andrew Marin’s. These deeply personal debates often divide more than unite, but Marin’s sober and winsome approach summons both sides to a common table. Us versus Us is a page-turning collision of stats and stories with the power to revolutionize the modern sexuality debate. Do not miss it—the church will be discussing it for a long, long time. JONATHAN MERRITT Author of Jesus Is Better Than You Imagined and senior columnist for Religion News Service US VERSUS US The untold story of religion and the LGBT community ANDREW MARIN A NavPress resource published in alliance with Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. ® NavPress is the publishing ministry of The Navigators, an international Christian organization and leader in personal spiritual development. NavPress is committed to helping people grow spiritually and enjoy lives of meaning and hope through personal and group resources that are biblically rooted, culturally relevant, and highly practical. For more information, visit www.NavPress.com. Us versus Us: The Untold Story of Religion and the LGBT Community Copyright © 2016 by Andrew Marin. All rights reserved. A NavPress resource published in alliance with Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. NAVPRESS and the NAVPRESS logo are registered trademarks of NavPress, The Navigators, Colorado Springs, CO. TYNDALE is a registered trademark of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Absence of ® in connection with marks of NavPress or other parties does not indicate an absence of registration of those marks. Cover design by Dean H. Renninger Author photograph copyright © BrianGeePhoto.com. All rights reserved. The Team: Don Pape, Publisher David Zimmerman, Acquiring Editor Andrew Marin is represented by Christopher Ferebee, Attorney and Literary Agent, www.christopherferebee.com. All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version,® NIV.® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. Some of the anecdotal illustrations in this book are true to life and are included with the permission of the persons involved. In many cases names have been changed. All other illustrations are composites of real situations, and any resemblance to people living or dead is coincidental. Photographs are used by permission of Michelle Gantner, Maladjusted Media. Cataloging-in-Publication Data is Available. ISBN 978-1-63146-619-9 Printed in the United States of America 22 21 20 19 18 17 16 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Contents INTRODUCTION ix CHAPTER 1: THERE IS NO THEY 1 86% of LGBTs were raised in a faith community from the ages of 0 to 18 CHAPTER 2: THE GREAT EXODUS 31 54% of LGBT people leave their religious community after the age of 18 CHAPTER 3: THE NEW PRODIGALS 65 76% of LGBT people are open to returning to their religious community and its practices CHAPTER 4: FAITH IN EXILE 91 36% of LGBTs continue their faith practices after the age of 18 CHAPTER 5: AN ORIENTATION OF PRAYER 113 80% of LGBT people regularly pray regardless of religious identification or affiliation CHAPTER 6: AGE MATTERS IN THE CULTURE WAR 131 The LGBT experience before coming out, and the dynamics of closeted adulthood CONCLUSION: MOVING FORWARD TOGETHER 151 APPENDIX A: THE SURVEY 167 APPENDIX B: LGBT PARTICIPANT DEMOGRAPHICS 175 APPENDIX C: LGBT MINORITIES AND THEIR RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCES 179 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS 199 NOTES 203 ABOUT THE AUTHOR 214 Introduction It was March 2013 and I was in Australia for the entire month. As much as I enjoyed one day at possibly the most gorgeous beach I’d ever seen, and another visiting the Australia Zoo founded by my childhood hero Steve “Crocodile Hunter” Irwin, I was there for another reason. In twenty-eight days I gave forty-seven talks up and down Australia’s East Coast about my experiences building bridges between the LGBT community and social, political, and religious conservatives. I addressed LGBT nonprofits, universities, churches, denom- inational headquarters, and even members of Parliament. The first of these talks started two hours after I got off the plane in Sydney. It was for an event connected to Mardi Gras, Australia’s enormous gay pride parade taking place the following day. I was going to be marching with Freedom2b, one of their country’s oldest LGBT faith-based organizations. Though quite foggy and completely jet-lagged, I thought I managed a coherent explanation to Freedom2b’s national gathering about the history and impact of The Marin Foundation’s I’m Sorry Campaign at Chicago pride parades. That next morning I met a large group of Freedom2b ix US VERSUS US members in the park where the parade begins. We were a few hours early, but the music was already pumping, the vibe was great, and everyone was in good spirits. About an hour before the march, one of the organizers tapped me on the shoulder. “You’ve got to see this!” She took my hand and led me around a corner, up a hill, across a field, past a huge McDonald’s, and into another field next to the parade route. She wouldn’t tell me what I needed to see; every time I asked, she responded, “Just wait! ” Five minutes later our journey ended with her pointing to a group of people. “Do you know them?” she asked with a big smile on her face. I looked in their direction and saw about thirty Asian young adults standing under a large tree in front of a fence. Most of their backs were turned, but no, I didn’t know them. “Go over there,” she said, “and talk to them.” I must be missing something, I thought. So I started walking over to them. It looked as though they were unpacking a pic- nic. When I was about ten feet away I heard a loud yell: “No! ” One of the people in the group was running toward me. He put his face close to mine and, with quite a bit of pressure, put each of his hands on my shoulders. “You’re the hug. Yes? You’re the hug. Yes?” I was totally confused. So I hugged him. As soon as I embraced him, he started crying. I guess he did need a hug? So I just kept hugging him until he decided the hug was going to be over. When he finally did, in his native tongue he called over a woman in his group, while apologizing to me for his choppy English. As she was on x INTRODUCTION her way, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded sheet of white computer paper. He handed it to me. I began unfolding it. And when I saw what was on it, I started cry- ing. Hard. It was a picture of myself; my wife, Brenda; and our friend Nathan.