Peter Pindar,Esqr ix three Volumes Volume II . CO.A'T. -Y/.V/.17? TJ AN APOLOGETIC POSTSCRIPT 10. EPISTLE TO A FALLING .MINISTER TO ODE UPON ODE 20. SUBJECTS FOR FAINTERS 14. INSTRUCTIONS TO A CELEBRATED. I. 21 EXPOSTULATORY ODES. I LAUREAT 22. A BENEVOLENT EPISTLE TO. L 1$ BROTHER PETER TO BROTHER TOM MASTER JOHN NICHOLS I 16 FETEPS PROPHECY 23. A ROWLAND FOR AN OLIVER 17 PETERS PENSION A SOLEMN EPIS* 24. ADVICE TO THE FUTURE 18. SIR J.BANKS SC THE EMPEROR ... LALTREAT OT MOROCCO •%5 . EPISTLE TO JAMES BRUCE ESQ?.... L., O N 1> O IV. Printed for JOHN WALKED, N.%4,Paternofter Row. M.DCC.XCIV A N APOLOGETIC POSTSCRIPT TO ODE UPON ODE. Priixipibus phcuifie vlris non ultima laus eft. HoiaT The Bard whofe verfe can charm the best of Kings, Perfarmeth tnofi extraordinary things ! Vol. II. B THE ARGUMENT. an Peter nobly acknowledge* error, fufpefteth interfering He Devil, and fupplicateth his Reader— boafteth, wittily a Latin parodieth, and moft learnedly quoteth Poet—He mowethmuch affeftion for Kings, illuftrating it by a beautiful fimile—Peter again waxeth witty—Refolution declared for rhyme in confequence of encouragement from our two Uni versities—Peter wickedly accufed of King-roafting ; re- futeth the malevolent charge by a moft apt illuftration—Peter criticifeth the blunders of the (tars—Peter replieth to the charges brought againlt him by the World—Ke difplayeth great Bible knowledge, and maketh a fhrewd obfervation on King David, Uriah, and the Sheep, fuch as no Commen tator ever made before—Peter challengeth Courtiers to equal h's intrepidity, and proveth his fuperiority of courage by giving a delectable tale of Dumplings—Peter anfwereth the unbelief of a vociferous World—Declareth totis •virilus love for Kincs —Peter peepeth into Futurity, and telleth the fortune of the Prince of Wales — Pie defcanteth on the high province of ancient Poets, and difplayeth claffical eru dition—Peter holdeth conference with a Quaker—Peter, as ufual, turneth rank Egot'jl—He telleth ftrange news relating to Majesty and Pepper Arde.m—Peter apolooifeth for impudence, by a tale ofa French King—Pe t e r, imitating Ovid, who was tranfported for his impudent Ballads, talketh to his Ode — Suggeileth a royal anfwer to Odes and Ode-faftors Happily fele&eth a ftory of King Canute, illuftrating the of the danger flopping mouths of Poets with halters, &c. inftead of meat— Peter concludeth with a wife obfervation. A N APOLOGETIC POSTSCRIPT T O ODE UPON ODE. READER, I folemnly proteft I thought that I had work'd up all my rhyme ! What ftupid demon hath my brain poflefs'd ? I prithee, pardon me this time : Afford thy patience through more Ode ; 'Tis not a vaft extent of road : Together let us gallop then along : Moft nimbly fhall old Pegafus, my hack, ftir. To drop the image—prithee hear more long, Some * more laft words of Mr. Baxter.' A wond'rous fav'rite with the tuneful throng, Sublimely great are Peter's pow'rs of fong : His nerve of fatire, too, fo very tough, Strong without weaknefs, without foftnefs rough. B 2 What 4 APOLOGETIC POSTSCRIPT, &C. "What Horace faid of firearm in eafy lay, The marv'ling World of Peter's tongue may fayj His tongue, fo copious in a flux of metre, " Labitur et labetur !" ODE ODE. WORLD ! flop thy mouth—I am refolv'd to rhyme—■ I cannot throw away a vein fublime : If I may take the liberty to brag ; I cannot, like the fellow in the Bible, Venting upon his mailer a rank libel, a : Conceal my talent in rag . Kings mull continue flill to be my theme— Eternally of Kings I dream : As beggars ev'ry night, we mull fuppofe, Dream of their vermin, in their beds ; Becaufe, as ev'ry body knows, Such things are always running in their heads. Befides—were I to write of common folks, No foul would buy my rhymes fo ftrange, and jokes : Then what becomes of mutton, beef, and pork ? How would my mafticating mufcles work ? B 2 Indeed, 6 apologetic postscript Indeed, I dare not fay they would be idle ; But, like my Pegafus's chaps, fo flout, Who plays and wantons with his bridle, And nobly flings the foam about, " So mine would work— On what ?" my reader cries, With a flretch'd pair of unbelieving eyes— Heav'n help thy moft unpenetrating wit ! On a hard morfel—Hunger's iron bit. By all the rhyming goddeffes and gods I will—I mufi, perfiil in Odes ; And not a pow'r on earth fhall hinder : I hear both * Univerfities exclaim, <c Peter, it is a glorious road to fame; " Euge Poeta magne—well faid, Pindar !", Yet fome approach with apoftolic face, " And cry, O Peter, what a want of grace " Thus * The violence of the Univerfities on this occafion may pn> bably arife from the contempt thrown on them by his Majefty's fending the Royal Children to Gottingen for education; but have not their Maj flies amply made it up to Oxford, by a vifit to that celcbi a'ed feminary ? and is not Cambridge to receive the fame honour ? to ode upon ode. 'I cc Thus in thy rhyme to roaft a King !" Iroafi a King ! by heav'ns 'tis not a fact— I fcorn fuch wicked and difloyal aft : Who dares afFert it, fays a fland'rous thing. Hear what I have to fay of Kings : If, unfublime, they deal in childiih things, And of a yield not, reform, ray of hope ; Each mighty Monarch ftrait appears to me A roafter of himfelf—Felo de fe -, I as only aft Cook, and difli him up. Reader ! another fimile as rare : My verfes form a fort of bill of fare, Informing guefts what kind of flefh and fifh Is to be found within each difli ; That eating people may not be miflaken, And take, for ortolan, a lump of bacon. Whenever I have heard of Kings Who place in goffipings, and news, their pride, And knowing family concerns—mean things ! Very judicioufly, indeed, I've cry'd, <c I wonder c< " How their blind flars could make fo grofs a blunder ! B <f " Mead r8 APOLOGETIC POSTSCRIPT " Inftead of fitting on a throne " In purple rich—of flate fo full, " They fhould have had an apron on, " And, feated on a three-legg'd ftool, " Commanded, of dead hair, the fprigs tf To do their duty upon wigs. fe By fuch miftakes, is Nature often foil'd : cc Sucli improprieties fhould never fpring— " Thus a fine chattering barber may be fpoil'd, " To make a moft indifPrent King." " Sir, Sir, (I hear the world exclaim) " At too high game you impudently aim. " How dare you, with your jokes and gibes, " Tread, like a horfe, on kingly kibes ?" Folks who can't fee their errors, can't reform : No plainer axiom ever came from man; And 'tis a Chriflian's duty, in a florm, To fave his finking neighbour, if he can : Thus / to Kings my Ode of Wifdom pen, Becaufe your Kings have fouls like common men. TO ODE UPON ODE. The Bible warrants me to fpeak the truth; Nor mealy-mouth'd my tongue in filence keep : Did not good Nathan tell that buckifh youth, David the KrNG, that he flole fheep ? Stole poor Uriah's little fav'rite lamb— An ewe it chanc'd to be, and not a ram ; For had it been a ram, the royal glutton Had never meddled with Uriah's mutton. What modern Courtier, pray, hath got the face To fay to Majefty, « O King ! <c At fuch a time, in fuch a place, " You did a very foolifh thing :" What Courtier, not a foe to his own glory, Would publifh of his King this fimple ftory ? THE IO APOLOGETIC POSTSCRIPT The APPLE DUMPLINGS and a KING. ONCE on a time, a Monarch, tir'd with hooping, Whipping and fpurring, Happy in worrying A poor, .defencelefs, harmlefs buck, (The horfe and rider wet as muck,) From his high confequence and wifdom (looping, Enter'd, through curiofity, a cot, Where fat a poor old woman and her pot. The wrinkled, blear-ey'd, good, old Granny, In this fame cot, illum'd by many a cranny, Had finifh'd apple dumplings for her pot: In tempting row the naked dumplings lay, When, lo ! the Monarch, in his ufual way, Like lightning fpoke, "What's this? what's this? " what? what?" Then taking up a dumpling in his hand, His with eyes admiration did expand; And oft did Majefty the dumpling grapple: 'Tis TO ODE UPON ODE. 1 1 <c 'Tis monftrous, monftrous hard indeed," he cry'd: " What makes it, pray, fo hard ?"—The Dame reply 'd, " Low curtfying, Pleafe your Majefty, the apple." cc Very aftonifhing indeed! —ftrange thing!" (Turning the dumpling round, rejoin'd the King.) " 'Tis moft extraordinary then, all this is— " * It beats Pinetti's conjuring all to pieces— " Strange I fhould never of a dumpling dream ! " But, Goody, tell me where, where, where's the feam ?" " Sir, there's no feam (quoth fhe) ; I never knew <c That folks did apple dumplings few." iC No ! (cry'd the flaring Monarch with a grin) <c How, how the devil got the apple in?" On which the Dame the curious fcheme reveal'd By which the apple lay fo fly conceal'd, Which made the Solomon of Britain flart; Who to the Palace with full fpeed repair'd, And Queen, and PrincefTes fo beauteous, fcar'd, All with the wonders of the Dumpling art ! There * Formerly a great favourite at Court.