The Second Last Bencher This book is dedicated to the IITM batch of 2012 i The Second Last Bencher Copyright © 2012 Kanwaljeet Singh Aluka Abhinav Ram Kiranmayi Malapaka Self Publishing ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the above mentioned. ... ii The Pickwick Club ‘The Pickwick Club’, inspired by Charles Dickens’s “The Posthumous Papers of Pickwick Club” is a group of enthusiastic writers from the BTech, MS, PhD and MA streams at IITM. Like Samuel Pickwick and the three other "Pickwickians" in the book who research into the quaint and curious phenomena of life, we try to document the special times of our final year students during their stay at IITM. Editor-in-Chief Kanwaljeet Singh Execution Aluka Abhinav Ram Editors Kiranmayi Malapaka Trinath Gaduparthi Sohini Sarkar Darsana Vijay Basil James Correspondents Madhukant Ankit Behura Sarthak Pathak Evelyn T Antony Elangkumaran J Sravanth Talluri Sowmya V Dhruv Gulati Sketching Artist Anuran Mohanty ... iii ... iv Foreword I remember writing “Foreword” last year for The Last Bencher which was our first ever attempt to preserve the memories of a few people from IITM in the form of a book. I wrote that article with Sapeksha Vemulapati and Surbhi Maheshwari as we were the three editors who made the book from scratch and since I have this opportunity right now I would like to thank these two people. Working with them was one of my best memories in Insti. IITM is full of passionate people and that includes those passionate for writing. Our Pickwick Club is made of such people who gathered together to give birth to this book. It has been an honor working with such talented people and there is so much that we learned from each other. Every word in this book is a result of a collective effort from all of us and I am thankful to the whole team for supporting each other throughout the making of this book. I would also like to thank IITMAA for their support in making this book. The real stars of The Second Last Bencher are obviously the students of the Graduating batch. We, The Pickwick Club, are extremely thankful to the people who shared their experiences with us and let us put them in this book. We are also thankful to the faculty members who took out some time from their busy schedules to write something for us. Is The Second Last Bencher just a book? No. It is a tribute to the friendships that were made in IITM. It is the frozen piece of the memories of the people who stayed here. It is a carving of the effort by The Pickwick Club. Most importantly, it is an exclamation mark on the celebration of life in IITM. Kanwaljeet ‘Bardar’ Singh ... v ... vi From the Editor’s Desk The serene campus that we are writing this in and which you would be walking into, through the stories collected here, is a place that is home for many of us in our formative years. It is a reserved forest where there are monkeys, deer and us. There are other life forms too who snake away their lives without much noise. As soon as we got into this it felt that it's a really far off place away from home even with all the technology around. We are not always on phone or online. But slowly and slowly we formed. Cultivating friendships, nurturing ideas, learning new things and unlearning some old things along the way. Anything that doesn't destroy us shapes us up. Like a jig-saw puzzle we have been put together here. "What memory will you write down today?" would be a difficult question to answer. One would have to sift through so many things. In fact, it is as bizarre and cliché a question as "What is life? Write a few words about it". Yet, there are some personal epiphanies that are worth sharing. Some moments which left an indelible mark on us. The central pieces of the puzzle. They are worth an immortality. As we grow up things become clearer. But the defining moment of college is a hazy one where we are all in it together. A point where all kinds of questions pop up – "Where are we?", "Where do we go from here?" So many choices and to pick one is to define us. And yet out of all this mist, we find an answer by the end of it. College means academics, but it is also much else. It is a training ground for self dependency. And at the same time, living and working in a community. We run into a variety of people, talents and ideas on our way out. All these are an invisible groove which guides us to the end. It puts a periscope onto us. To ask questions like, "Am I interested in this?" and also giving us time to find out and settle the question. It ... vii forms our tastes in so many things. College is a capsule where time runs slowly and it will for years to come when we ruminate on our stay. In a way, we never graduate from college though we move out of it. Even the thought of it will suspend time for a moment. But something has to be recorded. That art work "I was here" on the last bench has to be expanded. For future. For us. And for our friends who shared this space and time with us. This book is for them and for everybody who wants a memory jog of college life. A leaf out of this tree will have a permanent shadow on all of us. ... viii Glossary IIT Madras is well known for having its own ‘lingo’ which has been nurtured and developed over the last half century. It has evolved so much that a Master’s Thesis was written on the very topic of our campus linguistics. This glossary is for you if you ever feel lost in the realm of our Insti lingo. Arbit Arbitrary, Random. -ax Universal suffix, a shortened form of max; painax, rapeax BOG Abbreviation for Bathrooms Of Graduating students Bulb Not understanding some point or understanding it after a considerable delay Crash Sleep Crib To complain about something Cup To fail in something. Originated from the U grade (symbolising a cup) Despo Desperate. Enthu Enthusiasm, being enthusiastic E.g.: Why so much enthu? Fart Useless discussion, without any reason Fight Effort, usually associated with put; put fight Funda Reason, concept. Fundaes Knowledge, Info. E.g.: He has proper fundaes on microchips ... ix Gen Generally. For no specific reason E.g.: Why did you jump? Gen. Give up Something bad in quality or quantity. E.g.: Mess food was give up Grand slam Bunking all the classes in a day Grub Food. E.g.: Get some grub for me Guru Gurunath, students facilities centre in IITM Hajjar Lots. E.g.: I have hajjar friends in IIT Hi funda An exclamation appreciating an idea or concept. E.g.: Inception movie is hi funda Junta People Level Refers to the capabilities of a person; god level, cup level Lite Not caring about something. E.g.: I took the assignment lite Macha Insti word for Dude. E.g.: Macha, what’s up? Maxx Superlative to any state or action. E.g.: Give up maxx Mug To study. E.g.: I am mugging Muggu Generally used for toppers of the class or people with high CGPA or those who mug a lot N Universal prefix, implying very. E.g.: Got N-pained in the class. Ob Obviously Pack Delaying or not doing a task. E.g.: I packed my classes today. Pain Annoyance, boredom or difficulty. E.g.: She pained us for two hours with her stories. ... x Peace Easy. E.g.: This assignment is peace. Not doing anything. E.g.: The students are putting peace in class. Prof Professor Pseud Exclamation for something more than high-funda Pseud Showing off putting Put its Do it, tell Ra/Da Universal endearing terms. E.g.: Wassup da? Rape1 Doing something very badly. E.g.: I got raped in the exam. Rape2 Doing something very well. E.g.: I raped the exam. RG1 Deliberately trying to spoil/halt the endeavours of another. RG2/ Another word for “toasts” that friends give to the passing Thulp out people in the hostel. Rod Difficult. E.g.: The question paper was rod. Sec Secretary Slisha Slight Stud Being good at something Tut Short for Tutorial ... xi ... xii Contents The Pickwick Club iii Foreword v From the Editor’s Desk vii Glossary ix Take Light Macha! Elangkumaran 1 Water water water! Srinivasa Ramanujam 3 M-Seal N Feel Anonymous 6 Dream On Abhishek V 8 Cricket Chronicles Prabhu Dhev Ravi 10 The IITian Bridge is Falling Down, Falling Down MS Sujith 12 The Diary of a Humble TA Anonymous 15 Election Woes Poondla Prashant 19 OOMAAAIGAWD!! I AM IN FINAL YEAR!! Arjun Bharadwaj 21 A Short Message Raghu Vamshi K 23 One Night @ CFI SK Anirudh 25 The Mahout Anonymous 27 ... xiii The Reason I Was Not Named Hanuman Arjun Bharadwaj 30 Help Saaarrr! Srinivasa Ramanujam 34 The IIT Madras Guide to Cycling Shivraj Singh Negi 36 The Bonnet Macaques and the Broomstick Yielding Yodha Sushmita Agarwal 39 Three Parts of a Course – The Prestige Way Ravi Teja G 42 Telecom Scam Anonymous 43 The ‘Corrupt’ Official Srinivasa Ramanujam 45 Bulb Mrinal and Gaurav 47 So Long Math, and No Thanks for the Fishy Theorems Aditya Shankar 48 The Feedback Forms Dr.