137846 Dictionary of Dictionaries 417p Douglas Quirk, O.A.* Acknowledgements This Dictionary of Dictionaries was not prepared for, nor does it represent the views of any known organization, institution or special interest group. All who have been approached to sponsor this material have vehemently opposed its creation or publication. These included my tailor (who insists on sewing into my suits a GFR label: 'Guaranteed Factory Reject'?), my soap-maker (who just went broke), my maiden aunt (who died just before I was born), my local psychological association (which declined to comment or be named) and the kid who today kicked a hole in the rust that is my car (who used some invective when I offered him part ownership in this my other possession). Perhaps you think I ought to thank all these for whatever kind thoughts they might have intended. Like all dictionaries, this one steals other people's words and ideas. Many of the definitions offered here are plagiarized from Ambrose Bierce's Devil's Dictionary. It was impossible to obtain his permission to reproduce his definitions. You see, around the middle of the last century, when he was in his 80s, I bore the pain of assassinating him, out of sheer envy of his vitriolic tongue. May his remains rest in pieces, wherever they are. INTRODUCTION People know how to be people. They just don't know how to talk to themselves or others about being people. Because we don't know how to talk about being people, we often mislead ourselves and others by using the wrong words and ideas. Well, anyway, I do. A dictionary seeks to show how words are commonly used to achieve inaccurate communication, if with some circularity of statement (eg., soul = mind = spirit = soul). Unfortunately, dictionaries are organized without reference to the area of living about which we might want to talk. Also, they seek to show how words have been used, and NOT how they might most usefully be used. This one seeks to remedy these limitations of other dictionaries. It also tries to have some fun with words, rather than being stodgy and rational. Well, its trying (see there) anyway. Do share the indignity of it all with me. As you will see from the illuminating book of Contents (each main topic is underscored), this one is disorganized according to areas of life, topics, issues and other irrelevancies. If it succeeds in confusing you (it certainly confused me), it achieved its intended purpose. ------------------------------------------------------- * Obvious Alias (serving for want of a real other name). A AND CONTENTS(Sadly,anANDlist,notanORlist) [H=Intended light-heartedly; S=Serious intent] A: AND H Another Nonsense Dictionary. This one is a list of the CONTENTS of the Dictionary of Dictionaries. Hey, wake up! It's what you're reading right NOW. AND H Affective Nuances Dictionary; Affected Non- emotions Definitions. A dictionary of affects and emotions. B: BAD H Be A Defamer. An abbreviated and barely expurgated dictionarywithwhichtobad-mouth others. C: CAD H Crooked Actions Dictionary; Criminality As Defined. Gad what a Cad of A graD (of the school of life)! D: DOT H Divergence Of Thought; Divergent Obtuse Thinking; Devil's Own Thinking; Dictionary Of Terminology. Everything has a base. This is the basest one ... and the most interminable and boringly complete. E: EDIT S Equivalences Dictionary In Tautologies; Equivalence DefinedInTerms(ofpoligaband mediagab). F: FORD H Failure Of Real Diction; Failure of Regular Decorum; Found On Road Dictionary. Warning: This dictionary is NOT For Observers of Reserved Discretion (Rated). G: GOAL S Goals Of All Living; Groups Of Actions Laudable; Gratuitous Observable Actions Lists. This one Gives Observable Actions Lists -- for a programme of Goal-finding, whose Objective is to Achieve Life-as-you-want-it (to become your ideal self). H: HIGH S Highs Involving Grand Hegemony; Help Inventing Gratuitous Highs; Hysterically Inherited Gargantuan Highs; Hourly Inducible Great Highs. HoweasyItis toGetHigh,ifyoumust,without the usual costs. I: IN SH Inferential Nonsense; Inferring Noumena; In Nothing; Intellectual Nothings. (Contains mini- sermons, some might say junk, inferred from years of living.) J: JUST H Justice Under Seige Terms; Justly Unjust Standard Transactions; Judges' Unjust Sentencing Tactics. A few unsolicited judgements of the justice system. K: KNOW SH Knowledge Nobody Openly Wants; Knowledge Now Only Wished; Kickshaw's Never Owned Wisdom. Commentary on knowledge; profound epistemological notes. L: LOVE H Lovely Ovations inVoluntarily Excluded; Love's Offensive Verbal Excretions. What is love? Is love? M: MAR H Marriage's Arranged Relationships; Man's Arch- enemy: Relationship; Matrimonial Archaic Rituals. Wedlock! N: NEED S Needs Everybody Ever Demeaned; Never Ending Effusions Denied; Nobody Ever Expected Demands. A thin dictionary of Needs few EvEr Dreamed of (intended seriously -- to surprise you). O: OLD H Old Liars' Destinies; Over-grown Lilies' Demise; Out-Living Death. About old fogies. P: POST H Perfection Only Saints Transcend; (im)Perfectly Obnoxious Servile Transigence; Preciously Old- fashioned Stereotypical Tastes. About Perfection. Q: QUAIL S Qualities Uselessly Assumed In Life; Quantities Ultimately Avoided If Late. How to measure things. R: RUT H Rejected Utterly Today; Rejections Uttered Totally; Rebuffs, Underminings & Tantalizings. Be Rejected! S: SEX S Sourly Exhausting Xylophones; Somebody's Experience Unknown; Self Extirpation Xpected. Sex and its many analogs. Thistopicistreatedinaserious vein -- to offer information, with no entertainment value. T: TELE- H Tell Everybody Lies Exclusively; Termites Elevated to Lice Everywhere; Telecommunications, Etc., Liars, Every one. Valuelessness dangerously revivified. U: UNDIES H Undesirables Nobody Dares Impugn Except Silently; Unconscionable Nobodies Doing Idiotic Extreme Sensationalisms. Noticing the valuelessness of politicians and lawyers. (How can they be ignored?) V: VAN H Vanity's Accessories' Naivete; Vainly Amorous Nothings; Vying Against Nothing. Some of life's vanities exposed. W: WAR H World Advancement in Reverse; War Against Reality. The bases of war. X: X SH Unknowns; Mysteries Made More Mystifying. A book (that could be a dictionary) of brief Essays. NOT for the timid who need to hang on to their beliefs. A On Acronyms B On Being Beached C On Causality D On Danger E On Entertainment F On Freedom G OnGayGaiety H On Hostility I OnIdentity J On Jam on the Cat K On Knowing L On Law M On Miracles N On Neurons O On Obsolescence P On Peace Q On Questioning R On Reality S On Sadism T On Television U On U-V Rays V On Virtues W On Water X On Xs Y On'You'Talk Z On Zed Y: YELL S Y Ever Love Landladies? (Why not?) Values defined. Thisimportantmatteristakenseriously here. Z: ZEEEEED H Zee Edited/Exceptional/Existing/Exhausting/Extra Dictionary (i.e., any ordinary dictionary you pick will do, such as The American Heritage Dictionary, or the Oxford Concise Dictionary). Unfortunately, to replace those silly dictionaries, by unpopular demand, a Z-stylish dictionary was finally written here to keep you from being driven to consult the telephone directory as a marginal improvement over an ordinary dictionary. Achoowally, by excelaunt commandnation, this one aknowledges its freedumb, without Queerk's bjection, to pretend to be enough dockaisle to le'avenot from tacttickleness and to express myidiosyncrazyness by being a Dictionary of Misspellings and Misuses. A: AND AN AFFECTIVE NUANCES DICTIONARY ABACK An emotional reaction appropriate to affront. ABASE Isestablished when a person orthinghasbeen depressed (possibly undulating), reamed out or flattened by being degraded or debased. Syn: Renovation. See also a Base. ABASH A shameful and humiliating hit or assault on your ego, sufficiently stunning to make retribution or revenge impossible. ABEYANCE A cowering expedient obedient feeling and attitude supposed to suspend violence to prevent extinction. ABHOR Aversion's Bitterly Hated Objectionable Repugnance; disliking a person or event. ACCORD Enforced agreement and harmony. ACHE Constant dull pain -- as when your neighbour will not move away in spite of gentle inducements such as spreading vicious rumours about him/her or fire-bombing his/her premises. ACID A sour substance frequently found on the tongues of your detractors. ACRIMONY Another bitter part of matrimony. ADMIRATION Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. [AB] ADORE An opening through which much clatter, but no matter, may pass. AFFABILITY The attempt to humble another by the dissembled courtesy of humility. AFFECT The emotional aspect of behaviour, mostly painful or unpleasant. AFFECTATION Pretending to have feelings and emotions (affects) that you do not feel. Syn: Putting-on-a-show; hence: actor, actress, acting, showing-off, learning emotional expression. AFFLICTION Having feelings but no intellect; having intellect but no feelings. Those few who have emotions and intellect are doubly afflicted. An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world [AB]. AFFRONT To take another aback by frontal attack in insult, molestation or ill will -- no doubt as a rejoinder. AGGRAVATE To make another's exasperating distress worse by increasing one's exaggerated vehemence in picking at his/her sore points. ALARM An event signalling danger, presenting such a clatter to the senses as to render one confused and semi-conscious in order to ensure that no untoward actions occur to permit escape from the danger. AMUSEMENT Mirth evoked while parked on a chesterfield playing a game of titillation (a renowned kind of elation). ANGER Keen displeasure usually attributed to injury by another, but more commonly caused by impatience. Emotional arousal predisposing to attack against another. It is provoked by the angry person's mistaken assumption that the anger is due to the other's actions or nature -- for convenience of classification (of others). ANGUISH Distress attributed to loss of a relationship, and calculated to extract sympathy from others. ANHEDONIA A lack of joy in living, usually brought about by withdrawing attention, feeling and energy from living and redirecting it into thinking about life.