נֵרוֹת Nerot Candle lighting Shabbat candles Lighting 1. LIGHT the candles. 4. MAKE A PRAYER for your family and friends. 2. COVER your eyes. 5. GREET all with the words, “Shabbat Shalom,” 3. BLESS the candle lighting. and with the affection conveyed by a smile, a handshake, a hug or a kiss. ,Ba-rukh ata Adonai בָּרוּ אַתָּה יְיָ BLESSED ARE YOU, Adonai ,Elo-hei-nu me-lekh ha-olam אֱהֵינוּ מֶלֶ הָעוֹלָם, ,our God, Ruler of the Universe ,asher ki-d’shanu b’mitz-votav v’tzi-vanu אֲשֶׁר דְּשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּנוּ, who has sanctified us by commanding us .l’ha-d’lik ner shel Shabbat לְהַלִיק נֵר שֶׁל שַׁבָּת. .to light the Shabbat candles OR, when it is both Shabbat and Yom Tov (Festival): בָּרוּ אַתָּה יְיָאֱהֵינוּ מֶלֶ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר דְּשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּנוּ, לְהַלִיק נֵר שֶׁל שַׁבָּת וְשֶׁל יוֹם טוֹב. Ba-rukh ata Adonai, Elo-hei-nu me-lekh ha-olam, asher ki-d’shanu b’mitz-votav v’tzi-vanu, l’had-lik ner shel Shabbat v’shel Yom Tov. תְּחִינוֹת — Tekhinot — Making a Personal Prayer Loving Divine Parent When Children Are Far Away A Handful of Light Loving Parent, please draw I have added another brief ritual to my Many people have the custom of holding out their down your kindness upon me candle lighting, a very private one . hands and then drawing them in to cover their eyes. and upon those close to me, I decided that at candle lighting each Some repeat the gesture of “drawing in” a number of those I love. Friday night, I would let my thoughts times. Shabbat begins in darkness — a world without dwell for a moment on each child, light, but then we open our eyes to its light. Anytime Bring peace, light and joy into picture their faces and think about we make a rapid transition from darkness to light our our home, for your people are their lives. I once mentioned it to eyes are dazzled by the light. We symbolically create a source of life. them, and now they all light candles Shabbat’s brilliant radiance by moving from darkness By your light do we see light. on Friday night and think for a few to light. We follow this with an open-armed gesture Amen. moments about us. of welcome as we draw into ourselves the light and — TRADITIONAL, BRITISH PRAYERBOOK — BLU GREENBERG warmth of Shabbat. — MICHAEL STRASSFELD (evening) | Hallah | Talking Torah | Songs/Zemirot | Birkat HaMazon | Oneg/Pleasures | Kiddush (day) | Havdalah 25 and books that the children love to play From Birth and Beyond Death: with their parents and siblings. (Biblical they agonized – should we continue to A Poignant Family Tradition charades can be played to guess Biblical light his candle every Shabbat? They characters.) Put the basket out in the One family buys a set of candle sticks for decided that his spirit was still among living room for family time after dinner their children at birth. One candle stick them. When the next three children grew Candle — instead of TV. is put away to be given to the child when up, then they took turns lighting Ari’s they reach bar/bat mitzvah age. The other candle. When guests came, they were Lighting is lit by the parent and later the children told that the four candles were their four Through a Child’s Eyes as soon as they can light for themselves. children, for on Shabbat the whole family We have been taught to see Shabbat in When their first child, Ari, died at age two, — including Ari — was together. metaphors as a bride or a queen. But we can invent new images as well, especially with the help of our children’s free imagination. How Many Candles? They can help us see Shabbat in non- traditional ways. The blessing for lighting candles says For example, I have asked my daughter only “to light the Shabbat candle” — in to look deeply into the candle’s flames and Hebrew, Ner — an oil lamp or candle. then questioned her: What do you see Yet many Jews light more than one emerging from the flames? More broadly candle. Here is an intriguing review of speaking, what does Shabbat look like? the many customs and their rationale. What does Shabbat smell like? Feel like? Perhaps it is like an island separate from ■ One Candle — JUST ENOUGH LIGHT the rest of the week, or like a snowfall, The Talmud established the lighting of one clean and white like the tablecloth. It may Shabbat candle (originally oil, not wax) smell like Bubie’s brisket or her flowers. in order to provide light at the Shabbat No children at your table? Step out of table. During the week, most people ate the box and free associate. Remember you before sunset, for they could not afford expensive fuels for light. Yet, on Shabbat the were once a child. meal follows sunset; therefore, a candle was required to illuminate one’s home both — PHYLLIS CINCINATUS for Oneg Shabbat (the pleasure of eating food whose aesthetics we can also see) and for Shalom Bayit (domestic tranquility). Social interaction at the table is enhanced A Candle for Me by seeing another’s facial expressions and hand gestures, an essential part of human communication. One custom is to light an additional candle ■ Two Candles — MORE MEANING Shabbat candles also have a symbolic for each child in the family. For example, value representing Kibbud Shabbat, Honoring Shabbat. The medieval European every Friday evening my mother lit four Ashkenazim explained that the two candles represent the two parallel formulations candles, the two required by law, one for my of the 4th commandment given at Mount Sinai — Zachor/Remember (Ex 20:8) and sister, Shalva, and one for me. The message Shamor/Observe the Shabbat (Deuteronomy 5:12). The two candles also symbolize the this extra candle sends to each child is a male and female aspects of the Divine, united on Shabbat (or husband and wife). powerful one. As Rabbi Abraham Twerski, a psychiatrist, puts it, “How edifying it was for ■ Seven Candles — SEPHARDIC-STYLE According to Sephardic custom, 7 candles me to know that our home was brighter on are lit corresponding to the 7 days of the week. Friday nights because I was in existence!” ■ Many Candles — Some families light one candle for every child in the family or for — JOSEPH TELUSHKIN every member of the household. 31 Traditional Woman’s Prayer May it be Your will, God of our ancestors, that You grant my family and all Israel a good and long ,life. Remember us with blessings and kindness תְּחִנוֹת Tekhinot fill our home with your Divine Presence. Give personal prayers at candle lighting me the opportunity to raise my children and grandchildren to be truly wise, lovers of God, Introduction people of truth, who illuminate the world with Torah, good deeds and the work of the Creator. Immediately after candle lighting many women add a personal prayer while their Please hear my prayer at this time. Regard me as a eyes are still closed. It is an intimate moment in which one privately reconnects worthy descendent of Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and with family members and prays for their well-being. To help women express their Leah, our mothers, and let my candles burn and feelings and wishes, people (both women and men) began to compose Tekhinot never be extinguished. Let the light of your face — supplications, meditations and prayers — for women in the Ashkenazi European shine upon us. Amen. community (17th-19th centuries). These collections of prayers enjoyed immense popularity as both an outlet for and expression of their spiritual yearnings. A Prayer for Shabbat Happiness Tekhinot were usually written in everyday language — Yiddish — and their content covered family matters, health, pregnancy and birth. They were designed May it be God’s Will, that I be be privileged to to be said at women’s rituals — such as candle lighting, Hallah baking, and mikve receive this holy Shabbat with happiness and joy, (ritual immersion bath). Today there is a revival of writing Tekhinot related to with song and excitement. Protect me so that no a renewed concentration on female spirituality and ritual creativity, but there is no sadness or depression, no anguish or worry will reason why men cannot use these vehicles of religious expression. mar my Shabbat. May I be happy with all my Below you will find a variety of Tekhinot ranging from their traditional form in soul, with all my heart and with all my strength. Europe to American compositions. Let this happiness without limit encompass [the world], your people Israel, me, my spouse, and the Issachar Ber Ryback, Russian-French cubist, 1917. members of my household. Amen. From Shtetl, Mayn Khorerver Heym (The Jewish Shtetl, My Destroyed Home: A Recollection) — RABBI NACHMAN OF BRATZLAV, LIKUTEI TEFILLOT Tikkun Olam — Mending the World God, creator of Heaven and Earth, creator of humankind and of all living things, grant me the power to feel as others feel, the power to listen and to hear, to behold and to see truly, to touch and to be touched. Keep fresh within me the memory of my own suffering and the suffering of Clal Yisrael (the whole community), not in order to stimulate eternal paranoia, but rather that I may better understand the suffering of strangers; and may that understand- ing lead me to do everything in my power to alleviate and to prevent such suffering . 34 Enable me to be like Yourself — to feed My Mother-in-law’s the hungry, clothe the naked, tend the Tekhina — sick, comfort the bereaved.