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NANDO’S Free regular PERi-PERi Chips (or normal) TM AUTOMOTIVE ZAIBATSU HAIR ART with any main meal purchase. $52 warrant of fitness. Half head foil, cut and style treatment for $139. STIRLING SPORTS GELATO JUNKIE LA PORCHETTA 10% student discount on any full-price items. Receive $1 off double scoop ice cream with Onecard. 10% discount off all food and drinks. ONLY UR’S BEAUTY sal’s pizza EPICDOG PARLOUR One large cheese and one large Free fries with any dog over $10 with Brow and Brazilian Maintenance for $39. pepperoni for $40. Wed 26 Feb only. onecard. CHECK OUT MORE DISCOUNTS AT r1.co.nz/onecard 4 5 CRITIC MERCH NOW AVAILABLE ONLINE criticstore.com 5 6 recently, I’ve noticed the quality of Apology sandwich making in Dunedin has slipped to an incredibly inadequate standard. The On 15 March 2019, Critic published a story bread has been soggy, the meat to sauce entitled “Sexual Assault and Rape Went Letter of the week wins a $30 ratio inconsistent. Not only that but there voucher from University Book Shop! Undisciplined at Knox College”. The article has been a lack of generosity when it included references to the way a former Deputy comes to vegetables. I’m a broke student, Letter of the week Master had dealt with a complaint raised by a where else do I get my nutrition from? former student referred to as “Anne”. I would really love to know what exactly Billy Mavs do not suffice. Honestly get goes through the mind of local National your sandwich making shit together, I’m Critic Te Arohi did not approach the MP Michael Woodhouse. Like, what are his getting more disappointed by the day. former Deputy Master referred to in “Anne’s”; brain cells even up to? What does he do to Frankly Disappointed. story for comment before publishing this fill his days? Has he found his true purpose story in the 15 March 2019 issue of Critic. in life? Does he have decent alcohol You don’t have an advice column (you Critic apologises to the Deputy Master for tolerance? After seeing him speak at the should) but I need some advice. It has not giving her the opportunity to comment Marjiana Legislation debate on campus been two weeks and my flatmates are on the aspects of the story related to her. against Chloe Swarbrick today it’s hard to already fucking me right off with their Having now sought comment from the not look at such a small, compact man and messy bullshit. I’m not perfect, but I former Deputy Master, Critic accepts that the wonder what goes on up in there. literally do not know how three people former Deputy Master took complaints of sexual can use so many fucking dishes. What do harassment seriously and took steps to address There is truly nothing I love more than a I do to convince them to clean more? matters brought to her attention. Not all parties sandwich. It is the perfect combination of every single food nestled tightly in a soft, Editor’s response: You should passive would have been aware of those steps taken, for warm, doughy roll. You can change it up aggressively post photos of the dirty privacy reasons. Critic accepts that there is depending on the day or mood and dishes in the flat chat with no context, evidence that the former Deputy Master ensured everytime receive a truly distinctive, every day, until the dishes get done. all complaints were documented and reported to unique culinary experience. However others as appropriate. 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Tickets from ticketfairy.com THE COOK 6 7 ISSUE 1 EDITORIAL EDITOR Editorial: Fuck The Sinead Gill NEWS EDITOR 2020 Election And Fuck Erin Gourley CULTURE CO-EDITORS Henessey Griffiths and Caroline Anyone Who Wants Me Moratti SUB EDITOR Jamie Mactaggart To Cover It STAFF WRITERS Chelle Fitzgerald, Sophia Carter Peters, Fox Meyer, Annabelle Vaughan, Kaiya Cherrington, Naomii Seah CONTRIBUTORS Bonnie Harrison, Wyatt Ryder, Georgia Gray, Alice Jones, Paul Whiley DESIGN DESIGNER Molly Willis ILLUSTRATORS Saskia Rushton-Green Asia Martusia PHOTOGRAPHER/VIDEOGRAPHER Aiman Amerul Muner CENTREFOLD Grace Lange FRONT COVER Aiman Amerul Muner PRODUCTION ONLINE Andy Randell DISTRIBUTION Rosie Sullivan Advertising Sales Tim Couch Jared Anglesey By Sinead Gill Peter Ramsay [email protected] Party politics is boring and bullshit, and Because the truth is that parties will only Phone: 03 479 5361 politicians are too. ever offer fuck all to students until they: 1. Make tertiary education free for all. 2. Read Online This year is election year. As of writing this, I Critic.co.nz, Repeal voluntary student membership. Or 3. Issuu.com/critic_te_arohi haven’t even made a single Critic yet, and Give out free fifty bags when you update already there is incredible pressure from all GET IN TOUCH your enrolment info. [email protected] sides for me to cover what politicians and Facebook/CriticTeArohi parties are up to. I’m not going to explain why any of those Tweet/CriticTeArohi are important – read the entire back issues 03 479 5335 But here’s the thing: they are up to fuck all. P.O.Box 1436, Dunedin of Critic to find out. I don’t want to write about them. Unless I can be convinced otherwise (or I also don’t need to write about them. Every bribed with cold hard cash), Critic will not be other media outlet will be covering what covering any kind of party politics. these politicians are up to and what they are Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Instead Critic will continue to talk to students offering students (a single shriveled pea). Association (ASPA) and get their takes on issues that fuck with Disclaimer: the views presented within this Critic interviewed a couple of available them. publication do not necessarily represent the politicians over O-Week to give them the views of the Editor or OUSA. If that means spending my time benefit of the doubt and make sure that I NZ Media Council: People with a complaint masturbating to Cats (2019) instead of wasn’t just being a cunt. But we did, and I against a magazine should first complain in covering some random politician’s latest hot writing to the Editor and then, if not satisfied was right. with the response, complain to the NZ Media take, then hell yeah. Council. Complaints should be addressed to the Secretary, [email protected] 7 8 N E W S 0 1 Couch Burnings Heat Up 2019 2019 actually more lit than first thought By Bonnie Harrison Radio One News Manager // [email protected] Couch fires in North Dunedin have more than Conduct in 2014, is still an important indicator exploded. There were some “near-misses” in tripled in number from 2018 to 2019. After of “a massive change in student behaviour”. 2019 where houses could have been burned a decade-long gradual decline, recorded down, he said. In 2019, eight students were disciplined incidents spiked from 14 in 2018 to 48 in through the Student Code of Conduct for “You do not want to inhale any of the smoke 2019 couch burning offences instead of facing the whatsoever,” Rob said. “It is carcinogenic, it University Proctor Dave Scott, a man who legal system and a possible conviction. “If we is not good for you, full stop. You’re putting has seen some shit, was not too put off can keep students out of court – that’s really yourselves in real danger.” by this rise.