SPECIAL SUMMER TRAVEL ISSUE • I ftr«*; '-^iisI I 'i N •' A / t? \ **4 '"'•mawmmiw :LLY FREAS -^ Even this much can cause plenty trouble Mainly for us! If you think carbon makes Gulp is all we can say when we think trouble for You, just wait till you see of how profits will shrink. Because just how much trouble this tiny little bit of this much will run your car for a year! fissionable material will make for Us! GULP SAYS THE OIL CORPORATIONS Gasoline Companies Against Nuclear Fuels NUMBER 65 SEPTEMBER 1961 VITAL FEATURES REALISTIC CHILDREN'S BOOKS 4 Our satire of those basic definitions in children's books (i.e. "A hole is to dig!") will convince you "A MAD is to throw out!" "Some people are like blisters, they show up right after the work is done!" —Alfred E. Neuman TV FOR LATE, LATE AUDIENCES 14 PUBLISHER: William M. Gaines EDITOR: Albert B. Feldstein The best TV can be seen from 2 to 6 A.M., mainly ART DIRECTOR: John Putnam PRODUCTION: Leonard Brenner because there's nothing EDITORIAL ASSOCIATES: Jerry De Fuccio, Nick Meglin on! However, here's what LAWSUITS: Martin J. Scheiman PROPAGANDA MINISTER: Larry Gore can be done to fix that! SUBSCRIPTIONS: Gloria Orlando, Celia Morelli, Anthony Giordano CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS AND WRITERS: The Usual Gang of Idiots A MAD LOOK AT THE BEACH 18 You won't starve on the beach because of "sand- DEPARTMENTS which-is" there, but you BRAND X MARKS THE SPOT DEPARTMENT can die laughing because TV Commercials With Suspense 28 of clods which are there. BUY THE WAY DEPARTMENT How Mad. Ave. Could Sell America To The World 10 CAREER-DESIGNED EUROPE TOURS . .24 CAPITOL PUNISHMENT DEPARTMENT Travel becomes narrowing The Jack Kennedy Show 45 instead of broadening as CHOP STICKS DEPARTMENT these special MAD tours Karate 39 lead American tourists up DON MARTIN DEPARTMENT and down their own alleys. The Inventor 8 The Good Doctor In Africa 44 FUN FOR THE ROAD DEPARTMENT TV COMMERCIALS WITH SUSPENSE. .28 MAD's Auto Travel Games 36 Suspense can be painful. GOING THROUGH A PHRASE DEPARTMENT TV commercials can also A Realistic Children's Book 4 be painful. Imagine how INSIDE JOKE DEPARTMENT painful "TV Commercials Medical Illustrated Magazine 31 with Suspense" could be! JOKE AND DAGGER DEPARTMENT Spy Vs. Spy 13,38 LETTERS DEPARTMENT MEDICAL ILLUSTRATED MAGAZINE. .31 Random Samplings Of Reader Mail 2 We hope that our version MARGINAL THINKING DEPARTMENT of a magazine published Special License Plates For Special People ** solely for Doctors will MORNING BECOMES ELECTRIC DEPARTMENT even the score by making TV Shows For Late Late Audiences 14 them sick—for a change. ON-THE-JOB CRANING DEPARTMENT MAD's Custom Career Designed European Tours 24 KARATE. 39 THEY ALSO SURF WHO ONLY SAND AND WADE DEPARTMENT It kills us to see folks A MAD Look At The Beach 18 going wild over Japanese VOWEL PLAY DEPARTMENT imports! But Karate's an MAD's Key To Classified Ad Abbreviations 22 import we're wild over— because it kills folks! *'Various Places Around The Magazine THE JACK KENNEDY SHOW 45 MAD —Sept., 1961, Vol. 1, Number 65, is published monthly except February, May, MAD suggests that Pres. August and November, by E.C. Publications, Inc., at 850 Third Avenue, New York 22, New York. Second Class Postage paid at New York, N. Y. Subscriptions, 9 issues for $2.00 Kennedy adopt a familiar in the U.S. Elsewhere, S2.50. Entire contents copyright 1961 by E.C. Publications, Inc. The Publisher and Editors will not be responsible for unsolicited manuscripts and request all Iwt^Tl I show format to keep the manuscripts be accompanied by a stamped, self-addressed return envelope. The names of characters used in all MAD fiction and semi-fiction are fictitious. A similarity without satiric Trendex of his TV Press purpose to a living person is a coincidence. Printed in U.S.A. Conferences up to "Paar." SOON TO BE LETTERS DEPT. MAD COMPUTER KAOMAOH AOHAOMAOM AIWAOM A RELEASED! KAOHAOMAOHADMAOHAOMAOMAOHAtMADM HAOMADM ADMADMADMADKA UMA W4AOM AOMAOMAO HA0MA0MA OMAOHADMADMA0HA0H A MAMUMMMMON MAW ADMADM ADM AOMADM A0HA M AOM ADM AONAOMA0M AD HADMADMADMADMADMADMAOHAOMADMAOMADMADMADMADMAD DMADMAOMADMADMADMAOMAOMADMADMAO RABBIT PUNCH PATRICK ELLIS .£*•-;<, M JflK^ fas You guys must feel important, now! I read in the March issue of "Popular Science" that an electronic computer called MAD's Alfred Ew. Neuma n has become so the Michigan Algorithm Decoder (ini- well known that one reader recently wrote tils: M.A.D.) prints a typewriter picture us from Los Angeles and placed nothing on like the one attached of your friend, in­ the outer envelope except Alfred, which he cluding his motto, when the machine is had clipped from the magazine. The letter fed the wrong information. That seems was promptly delivered to MAD's New York logical, doesn't it? office, and, most delightful of all, no one with the post office in either Los Angeles or Michael Pershing New York spoiled it by writing the publica­ Glencoe, Illinois tion's name, address, city or state anywhere on it while it was being processed and de­ BOOT BEAUT ACTUALLY, THIS 10th PAPERBACK COLLECTION livered. It arrived exactly as it was sent: OF THE BEST FROM PAST ISSUES OF MAO IS with the only clue as to its destination being Here in Italia, we admire the work of the sophisticated MAD kid himself. So there, MAD very much; there are very good ar­ "Playboy"!-Ed. tists; the usual gang of idiots is fantastica. NOW ON SALE! The most hard thing in the world is to be THE ARTISTS AND WRITERS RESPONSIBLE FOR able to make laugh people now. I think IT ARE SOON TO BE RELEASE0-FR0M JAIL! MAD CONCLUSION the MAD influence my own work very I certainly can see why your latest issue much. What you think? (use coupon or duplicate) was called the "April Showers" special. Ilia Rubini It was a downpour of satire—a deluge of Milan, Italy MAD POCKET DEPARTMENT gags—a veritable clod-burst. 850 Third Avenue, New York 22, N. Y. K. O'Neil Silver Spring, Md. Please send me • THE IDES OF MAD Also, please send me: I enclose: REQUIRED READING • The MAD Reader • 400 fori My husband and I have what we call • MAD Strikes Back! • 750 for 2 required reading programs, and MAD is • Inside MAD • $1.00 for 3 included in the periodicals we cover reli­ • Utterly MAD Q $1.35 for 4 giously, some of them being The Wall Street journal, Saturday Review, etc. We • The Brothers MAD • $1.65 for 5 truly think MAD has as much to say about • The Bedside MAD • $2.00 for 6 the American scene as Newsweek. • Son of MAD • $2.25 for 7 Mrs. Norman Larabee Seattle, Washington • The Organization MAD • $2.60 for 8 This lovely and talented Italian MAD fan • Like MAD • $2.90 for 9 Only "Newsweek" says it much funnier! influences our work very much, too. This • $3.25 for 10 -Ed. issue's cover was Ilia's idea!—Ed. NAME THE PERFECT ITEM FOR THE HEAD OF THE HOUSE! AnORFRR — Decorate your bathroom with CITY 70NF BISQUE-CHINA BUST OF I enclose STATE ALFRED E. NEUMAN $ for: MAD BUST r—i 5W Bust(s) SAVE 25c! I—I O $2.00 ea. 850 Third Avenue, New York 22, N. Y. rn 3%; Bust(s) NAME. 1—' @ $1.00 ea. Ignore this ad for a full- color picture of Alfred E. Check size(s) ADDRESS- Neuman, 'cause that's what and enclose CITY .ZONE- it costs. Mail money to — proper amount MAD, Dept. "What—Color?" 850 Third Ave., N.Y.C. 22. STATE. VIRGINIA 1961 the U-R-A-QT Vd be Sunk... Wolf ' 'The ola Dominions FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT FOOD FOR THOUGHT We all really enjoy the results of the effort which obviously goes into each issue I've been reading MAD for years, and of your wonderful MAD Magazine. think everything in it is hilarious. Where Humor is sorely needed these days. I also do you get all those funny ideas? Don't enjoy the pleasure my children get from you ever run out? MAD. It's unusual to see humor and satire Danny Connor nowadays expressed in a fashion such as Hopkins, Minn. yours, which allows the entire family to enjoy it. We run out to lunch occasionally!—Ed. Arthur Laskoe New Hyde Park, N. Y. NEW ZEAL FOR MAD I thought it about time someone told •*<-> LEARNS A LESSON you that your magazine is read and ap­ y*K» preciated way over here in this far cor­ I really was shocked when I took a copy ner of the Pacific. of your magazine to school with me, and my English teacher, Miss Wyma, told the E. L. Moore whole class she thought it was a very, very Dunedin, New Zealand good magazine. I've been reading MAD all these years because I thought it was a CURIOSITY KILLED THE CLOD IFF I DIDN'DID^TT jf > rotten magazine, and frankly I'm disap­ I'm curious. What happens to a clod pointed to learn that it isn't. like me when he gets his letter printed Tom Witheridge SUBSCRIBCR E in MAD? T „ Minneapolis, Minn. Lee Tower <* TO A MAD IMPROVEMENT Santa Monica, Calif. Your magazine has had a profound ef­ We're curious, too! Let's find out!—Ed. fect upon me. It used to be that if the A PLAINTIFF CRY telephone rang, I would cringe in the cor­ If you guys were ever hauled into court ner, not daring to answer it.