February Issue 2013 “All the News that Fits, We Print” “Love: a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise, and the lips to pucker.‖- Author Unknown To All Of Our Celebrants ―A hundred hearts would be too few to carry all my love Horace Peck, 5th for you.‖ -Author Unknown Arlene Sass, 6th Henry Sass, 8th Harold Luria, 9th Anna Schwartzfarb, 13th Memories are like a garden. Regularly Roz Seiler, 13th tend the pleasant blossoms, and re- move the invasive weeds. James Mayo, 14th Sylvia Griffin 17th Linda Fifer Ralphs Special points of interest: Holidays in February Birthstone: Amethyst Flowers: Violet Groundhog Day, 2nd Color: Light Blue and Yellow Chinese New Year: I have no way of knowing how people The Year of the SNAKE really feel, but the vast majority of Ash Wednesday 2/13 those I meet couldn‘t be nicer. Every Valentine‘s Day, 14th once in a while someone barks at me. My New year‘s resolution is not to President‘s Day, 18th bark back. Tucker Carlson Purim, 24th Page 1 This Little Ditty By Ruth Grupper This is a little ditty that my son wrote when I retired from work. This is a story of a girl named Ruth. Wait, let me begin again. This is the story of a rirl named Guth. Guth Grupper. Guth has a skill, a very skecial spill that can help you understand this sort shublicpool. She was a tirst-grade feacher. Until one day she said enough of this shull bit. Guth decided to curther her fareer with a Gastors in Midance. She could not have imagined the Wenlehood bool schord. And perhaps that was for the best. She became a gise wuidance counselor and found a lice nife for herself in jew Nersey. Guth worked hong and lard to make the JD Schiddle mool a hafe and sappy place for kids. One day as she drove to Wenglewood on that pam darkway, Guth realized that work was a taste of wime. A complete taste of wime. She longed for a vice naca- tion, a life of pimple sleasures. So Guth gave gotis. Gutie, say goodbye to Huit and Prugget and to all the feachers and treinds. They will all mearly diss you. Page 2 George Plohn‘s Joke Corner Why Go to Church? One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, ―I‘m not going.‖ ―Why not?‖ she asked. ―I‘ll give you two reasons,‖ ― he said: (1) They don‘t like me, and (2) I don‘t like them.‖ His mother replied, ―I‘ll give you two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church: (1) You‘re 59 years old, and (2) you‘re the pastor!‖. The Picnic A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town‘s annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends they began their usual banter. ―This baked ham is really delicious.,‖ the priest teased the rabbi. ―You really ought to try it. I know it‘s against your religion, but I can‘t understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don‘t know what you‘re missing. You just haven‘t lived until You‘ve tried Mrs. Hall‘s prized Virginia Baked ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?‖The Rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, ―At your wedding.‖ The Twenty and the One A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty–dollar bill arrived at a Federal reserve bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor they struck up a conversation. The twenty- dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country. ―I‘ve had a pretty good life,‖ the twenty proclaimed. ―Why, I‘ve been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean.‖ ―Wow!‖ said the one-dollar bill. ―You‘ve really had and exciting life!‖ ―So, tell me,‖ says the twenty, ―where have you been throughout your lifetime?‖ The one-dollar bill replies, ―Oh, I‘ve been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church-‖ The twenty- dollar bill interrupts, ―What‘s a church?‖ Page 3 The 90‘s are the New 70‘s? By Barbara Sussman I am talking age!!! Which one are you? When you get up in the morning, shower and get dressed, don‘t just drag something out of the closet, pick out clothes that will look 70, not 90! Don‘t forget if you‘re a woman, put on earrings and makeup. If you need hearing aids, put them on too. No one will notice and you‘ll hear better. Say ―Good Morning‖ cheerily and smile (if you have brushed your teeth well). Did I forget to tell you to put on perfume and cologne for you men? Our world has changed, and we have to change with it (that is, if you want to stay here) and we do. The doctors say exercise, exercise, exercise, so be sure to get those muscles going. I know you‘re tired after it, so go take a doze for 15 minutes, it‘ll make you feel rested and ready to go again. My friends, the world has given longer lives to us, and you should not abuse the gift, so even if you can‘t wear strappy shoes with heels, put on the tie oxfords, just don‘t look at your feet and go dancing! A Funny War Story By Sam Sanders My ship, the U.S.S. Nashville and her twin sister ship, the U.S.S. Helena were sent to bomb the Japanese Islands in Alaska. One day we had a bad storm. The officer in charge of me sent me outside to secure anything that was loose on deck. When I was all finished I started back, and that‘s when I saw an- other sailor, as if he were in trouble. He said a big wave hit him hard. I took him down to sick bay. The next day, my officer in charge told me they cleaned him up, and took him down to his sleeping quarters. When they got there, the sailor said somebody is in his bed. The other sailors all said that it is not your bed, it in fact belongs to John. It turned out that the sister ship put out a Call ―Man Overboard.‖ We radioed back, ―We have your Man.‖ Turns out he was swept off his ship onto my ship. Nobody had thought of that. We called him ―The Luckiest Sailor in the Navy.‖ Page 4 The Story of Four Chaplains by Elizabeth Trubiroha On the evening of February 2, 1943, the USAT Dorchester was moving steadily across the icy waters of Newfoundland crowded to capacity with 902 service men and workers. During that night it was struck by torpedoes fired from the German submarine U-223. The Dorchester was struck on the starboard side and began to sink. The Captain gave orders to abandon ship. Panic and chaos set in as scores were killed by the blast with many more injured. Through the pande- monium, four Army Chaplains tried to calm and assist the sailors. Those Chaplains were, Lt. George Fox, Methodist, Lt. Alexander Goode, Jewish, Lt. John Washington, Roman Catholic, and Lt. Clark Poling, Dutch Reformed. They spread out and began to help those in need, they went to a storage closet and began to hand out life jackets to the young sailors. By this time the ship was sinking fast. As the last life jacket was handed out several men were still without. The Four Chaplains then removed their life jackets and gave them to the young sailors still waiting. The altruistic action of the Four Chaplains was one of the most spiritual and genuine acts a person can make. While giving out their life jackets they did not call out for a Jewish, Catholic, :Protestant, or Methodist sailor. They just gave it self- lessly to the next man in line. As the ship sank, survivors could see the Four Chaplains, arms linked, and voices in prayer. An enduring example of extraordinary faith, courage, and love. Please remember all of our past, and present Veterans in your thoughts and prayers. This years Annual Four Chaplains Euchamenical Service will be held in the Dutch Re- formed Church in nearby Tappan, NY. If you would like to attend please see Elizabeth . Page 5 From the Desk of… George Hantgan B.A., M.P.A., M.S.S.W., A.C.S.W. Honors During The Great Depression, when I was 15 years of age, I delivered ―The Brooklyn Eagle‖ to residents o Flatbush & Park Slope in Brooklyn, N.Y. .The paper had a contest for its carriers to secure at least 25 new subscribers. The award was a trip to Washington, D.C. to meet Presi- dent Hoover. It was my first Presidential meeting. When I went to Brooklyn College in the evening session (it took 7 years to graduate), I also became one trio in the evening student council, I became President. Jobs were at a pre- mium. I wrote to Eleanor Roosevelt to ask for her help in securing jobs for stu- dents. She wrote back inviting me to meet with her and President Roosevelt for lunch at the White House.