Understanding Men’s “Experience of God” How Men Experience God in an Urban Mennonite Congregational Setting and Beyond by Scott Brubaker-Zehr A Thesis submitted to the Faculty of Regis College of the Toronto School of Theology in partial fulfilment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Ministry awarded by Regis College and the University of Toronto © Copyright by Scott Brubaker-Zehr 2013 Understanding Men’s “Experience of God” How Men Experience God in an Urban Mennonite Congregational Setting and Beyond Scott Brubaker-Zehr Doctor of Ministry Regis College and the University of Toronto 2013 Abstract Set in the context of Canadian Mennonite urban congregations of European ancestry, this qualitative research study explores men’s “experience of God.” Men were asked in individual interviews to describe how they have encountered what they consider to be God in the context of their congregation and beyond. They were asked to reflect in relation to personal life events instead of abstract ideas. Employing grounded theory methodology, the author learned that the majority of men consider God to be an indefinable mystery. For the most part, they did not describe their spiritual experience in explicitly Christian, Biblical or theological terms. They spoke primarily about their awareness of unmerited goodness and their desire to live moral lives. The author proposes a theory for how the men experience God and reflects on the implications of this theory for the pastoral task of nurturing a specifically Christian, Mennonite spirituality. ii AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL STATEMENT I am the eldest son of Melvin and Delphine (Erb) Zehr who raised their three children in the city of Kitchener, Ontario. Both of my parents came from Amish Mennonite congregations that joined with other Russian and Swiss Mennonite congregations to become the Mennonite Conference of Eastern Canada in 1987. Our family belonged to the First Mennonite Church in Kitchener where I was baptized at age 16. Following high school I attended the University of Waterloo for a bachelor of Environmental Studies Degree. I lived at Conrad Grebel College, the Mennonite residence on campus, where I met my wife and was married in 1986. During the course of my undergraduate studies, I discovered a deeper interest in questions of faith and theology. Following graduation and marriage I enrolled in the Waterloo Lutheran Seminary where I began studies toward a Master of Divinity Degree. My sense of pastoral call grew through these studies and through chaplaincy and pastoral counselling internships. I completed my M.Div. degree with a year of residence at the Associated Mennonite Biblical Seminaries in Elkhart, Indiana in 1987. Following a year of urban ministry studies in Chicago, my wife and I served as mission workers with the Mennonite Church of Colombia, South America. I wanted to serve the church in another culture before taking a pastorate at home. Our first two children were born in Bogotá. The four and a half years in Colombia were difficult and formative. I experienced what it was like to be an outsider in another culture. We struggled with issues of economic disparity and with different styles of leadership and faith expression. After much thought, we decided to return home in 1994. Our third child was born in Waterloo in 1995. Following a year of itinerant speaking, I joined the pastoral team at Steinmann Mennonite Church in Baden, Ontario where I worked part-time until the summer of 2000. I was ordained there in the fall of 1998. In the year 2000, I felt a desire for a fulltime pastorate where I could have more responsibility. I was hired as pastor at Rockway Mennonite Church in August 2000 and have served this congregation until the present time. iii ACKNOWLEDGMENTS I want to thank members of my Collaborative Learning Group, Mark, Val, Bernardine, Dan, Gailmarie, Heather, Blair, Joon, Vernal, Brian, and Ibrahim for their friendship and support through the course of this study. I also want to thank the members of my Ministry Base Group, Sue, Brice, Arnold, Eleanor, Elizabeth and Miriam. It is with sadness that we recognize the untimely loss of our co-member and friend Stan in the spring of 2011. With much patience and good humour this group helped me to re-focus my project as a listening study and provided friendship and support throughout the process. I also want to acknowledge the institutions that provided financial support for my research. Thank-you to Regis College for a yearly bursary and to the Rockway Mennonite congregation for providing some assistance over and above the regular allotment for professional development. Thanks to Mennonite Church Eastern Canada for some financial assistance during the first year of the program. Thank-you as well to the congregation for a generous study leave provision which allowed me to complete this thesis in a timely fashion while continuing fulltime pastoral work. And most of all, a heartfelt thanks to my wife Mary and to my children Ben, Emily and Micah for putting up with a project which took so much of my time and attention over these past 5 years. Through all of you and the people and communities listed above, I have experienced the goodness and grace of God. Christmas, 2012 iv TABLE OF CONTENTS ABSTRACT................................................................................................................................ ii AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL STATEMENT.............................................................................. iii ACKNOWLEDGMENTS........................................................................................................ iv LIST OF TABLES..................................................................................................................... x Chapter 1: MINISTRY CONTEXT AND RESEARCH QUESTION 1.1 Introduction.............................................................................................................. 1 1.2 The Research Problem ......................................................................................... 3 The Pastoral Concern.................................................................................... 5 Personal and Vocational Background.................................................... 9 University and Seminary..................................................................... 9 Pastoral Work in Colombia................................................................. 10 Search for Deeper Spiritual Grounding......................................... 12 Desire for Ministry................................................................................. 14 1.3 Current Context of Ministry................................................................................. 15 Mennonite Church Eastern Canada......................................................... 15 Congregational Setting.................................................................................. 16 1.4 The Research Question.................................................................................. 20 1.5 Conclusion........................................................................................................... 23 Chapter 2: THEOLOGY OF MINISTRY: ENCOUNTERS WITH THE LIVING GOD 2.1 Introduction............................................................................................................... 24 2.2 Spirituality in the Cultural and Congregational Context......................... 26 v Multiple Understandings of Spirituality................................................. 26 Pastoral Commitment to a Christian Understanding........................ 28 2.3 Theological Dimensions of Christian Spirituality..................................... 32 Current Cultural Presuppositions........................................................... 32 Trinitarian, Ecclesial and Missional Framework.............................. 36 Resources for Renewal of Mennonite Spirituality............................ 44 Anabaptist Sources................................................................................. 44 Ignatian Sources...................................................................................... 48 Contemplative Approach: Finding God in All Things........ 48 Desire and Discernment................................................................. 50 Summary.............................................................................................................. 52 2.4 Cultivating a Congregational Awareness and Practice............................ 53 Obstacles.............................................................................................................. 53 Problem of God......................................................................................... 54 Spirituality as Elitist............................................................................... 54 Psychology and Spirituality................................................................ 55 Ethical Orientation: Should as Opposed to Is.............................. 57 Individualism............................................................................................ 58 Summary..................................................................................................... 60 Engaging Men in Communal Spiritual Practice and Reflection... 60 The Male Spirituality Movement...................................................... 62 An Assessment of Richard Rohr............................................... 67 Listening to Men’s Experience within the Congregational