Morals and Manners in Islam A Guide to Islamic Adab Morals and Manners in Islam A Guide to Islamic Adab marwAn ibrAhIm al-kays! 915 S. Bell Ave., Chicago, IL 60612 • 312-226-0205 1 -800-432-4262 The Islamic Foundation © The Islamic Foundation 1986/1406 AH. Reprinted 1989/1409 AH ISBN 0 86037 167 0 (HB) ISBN 0 86037 168 9 (PB) All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the copyright owner. Published by The Islamic Foundation 223 London Road Leicester LE2 1ZE, United Kingdom British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data Al-Kaysi, Marwan Ibrahim Morals and manners in Islam: a guide to Islamic Adab. 1. Religious life (Islam) I. Title 297’. 44 BP188 ISBN 0-86037-167-0 ISBN 0-86037-168-9 Pbk Printed in Great Britain by Dotesios Printers Ltd. Trowbridge, Wiltshire To my unforgettable daughters A‘isha and ‘Ula whose love and affection have so influenced my life Contents Preface 11 Chapter 1: Introduction 13 Sources 13; Characteristics: Comprehensiveness and Morality 16; Goals 20; Kindness and Gentleness 23; Consideration For Others 24; Role of Adab al-Islam in Social Relationships 25; Religious Aspect of Adab al-Islam 28; Psychological Aspect of Adab al-Islam 31; Medical and Hygienic Aspects of Adab al-Islam 31; Contribution of Adab al-Islam to the National Economy 35; Marriage, the Family and Adab al-Islam 36; Norms of Sexual Behaviour in Islam 40; Adab al-Islam and the Status of Women 42; Adab al-Islam and Discipline 44; Concern About Human Safety 45; Adab al-Islam for the Preservation of Unity and the Cultural Identity of Muslims 46; Islamic Attitude Toward Manners and Customs of Non-Muslims 48; Overview of the Principal Rules of Islamic Conduct 49 Chapter 2: Bodily Functions 55 Sneezing 55; Yawning 56; Going to Bed 57; Relieving Oneself 60; Menstruation and Child-Bed 62; Man’s Seminally Defiled State 63 5 Chapter 3: Cleanliness and Purity 65 Impurities 65; Bathing 65; Cosmetics and Adornment for Men 68; Women’s Make-Up and Adornment 70; General Guidelines for Both Sexes 71 Chapter 4: Table Manners 73 The Meal 73; Sitting Down to Eat 74; Proper Table Manners 74; Drinking 77 Chapter 5: Dress 81 Common Principles 81; Men’s Dress 82; Women’s Dress 83; Shoes 85 Chapter 6: Architecture and Furniture 87 The Muslim Dwelling 87; Precautionary Measures For Safety at Home 89 Chapter 7: Conduct Within the Family 91 Husband-Wife Relationship 91; Correct Conduct of a Muslim Wife 94; Parents’ Conduct Toward Their Chil- dren 96; Children’s Conduct Toward Their Parents 99 Chapter 8: Reading and Reciting the Qur’an 103 Chapter 9: The Mosque 107 Design 107; Cleanliness and Tidiness 108 Chapter 10: Behaviour on Fridays 109 Khutbah at Friday Prayer 111 Chapter 11: Celebrating the Feasts 113 Observing the Feasts 113; Behaviour on ‘Id al-Adha 115; Special Instructions for ‘Id al-Fitr 116 Chapter 12: Marriage 117 The Search For a Wife 117; The Woman’s Right and Responsibility in Choosing a Husband 119; The Engage- ment 119; The Marriage Contract 120; The Wedding Party 121; Conjugal Relations 121; Advice for Men 122; Advice for Women 123; The Wedding Feast 123; Polygamy 124 6 Chapter 13 : Births 127 The Announcement 127; Congratulations and Visits 128; Seventh-Day Celebration 128; Circumcision Cere- mony 129 Chapter 14 : Giving Names and Addressing Others 131 Giving Names 131; Addressing Others 132 Chapter 15 : Social Life 135 Good Social Relations 135; Talking and Listening 141; Language Preferred in Speech 142; Listening 145; Swearing 145; Nadhr 146; Laughter 147; Weeping 147; Jokes 148; Behaviour When Meeting Others 148; Man- ners of Greeting 150; Asking Permission to Enter Another’s House 153; At a Friend’s House 154; Receiv- ing Guests 156; Inviting Others to Dine 157; When Invited to a Meal 158; Visiting the Sick 159; Group Meetings 160; Forms of Sitting 163; Women’s Conduct Outside the Home 163; Celebrations 164; Behaviour Toward Relatives 165; Behaviour Toward Neighbours 166; Gifts 167 Chapter 16: Behaviour in Various Situations 169 In the At the Cemetery 171 On the Street 172 Mosque 169; ; Chapter 17 : Funerals 175 Things That Need to be Done When Someone Dies 175; Escorting the Funeral 176; Burial 178; After the Burial 179; Condolences 180; Mourning 181 Chapter 18: Cemetery Architecture 183 Location 183; Interior Grave Design 183; Exterior Grave Design 184 Chapter 19 : Travelling 185 Chapter 20: Sports 191 Chapter 21: Treatment of Animals 193 Bibliography 196 Index 197 7 TRANSLITERATION OF ARABIC WORDS AND NAMES I ( consonantal ) I a • ( sound ) ** ? ’ long vowel a * ‘ inverted apostrophe v b t &h ° t f ^ th & q yS k L i C h J I r kh f m i d U n i dh • • h ) r i consonant w 3 z J long vowel u dipthong o- s j au cr sh iS consonant y long vowel i of 5 ,j > d dipthong ai 8 Preface Since the beginning of history, human societies, even primitive tribal communities, have all developed rules to regulate the conduct of personal and social relations. The oldest book on manners. The Instructions of Ptah Hotep, attributed to the ancient Egyptians, records the instructions of a father to his son about proper behaviour. Every people has observed its own rules and norms; manners have changed tremendously over the centuries, indeed, even within a single people they have varied considerably from one place to another at one and the same time. Regarding Muslims, it is true that many elements of Islamic manners still dominate different spheres of daily life in the Muslim world. Neverthe- less, it is also true that alien elements have had a wide and increasing influence. This is due primarily to a weak interac- tion with the Islamic faith. But the fact that no standard text on the subject exists has also contributed. This work is a response to the need for such a text, making the details of Islamic manners readily accessible to the largest possible audience. The importation of certain elements of Western manners into the Muslim’s daily life has come out of the recent and continuing interaction with the West. But even before that interaction had been established, the Islamic way of life had been subject to non-Islamic elements, chiefly the result of innovation. To meet this challenge, a Muslim must Islamize his conception of manners by deriving them from the basic 11 sources of Islam, the Qur’an and the Sunnah. He must distinguish between normative Islam and historical Islam, between Islam and non-Islam; he must point to many practices which, ungrounded in normative Islam, yet prevail among Muslims. Having done this, the way ahead will be clearer for Islamic communities to rid themselves of cultural influences that have penetrated into Muslim life over the centuries. The importance of teaching and training Muslim children to act in accordance with Islamic manners at all times and in all places cannot be over-stated. It is hoped that this book will, insha’Allah, help to fill the gap noted above, and serve as an accessible handbook to determine what manners suit a particular occasion or circumstance. For ease of reference, each chapter is organized in point form and intended to be complete in itself. Inevitably, where themes common to different chapters are treated, some points have had to be repeated: the alternative, much tedious cross-referencing, we judged to be a greater hindrance to the objectives of the book. Finally, the author would be grateful to readers for any advice on errors of omission or commission. Comments should be directed to: Dr. Marwan I. Al-Kaysi, Humanities Department, Yarmouk University, Irbid, Jordan. 12 1 Introduction Adab is an Arabic term meaning custom; it denotes a habit, an etiquette, a manner of conduct derived from people 1 considered as models . During the first two centuries following the emergence of Islam, the term ‘adab’ carried ethical and social implications. The root db means marvellous thing, or preparation, feast. ‘Adab in this sense was the equivalent of the Latin urbanitas, civility, courtesy, refinement of the cities in contrast to bedouin uncouthness .’ 2 So adab of something means good manner of that thing. The plural is adab. Adab at- Islam, therefore, means the good manners adopted by Islam, derived from its teachings and instructions. It is in this sense that it will be used in this book. Sources Manners in many cultures other than the Islamic are determined by local conditions and are therefore subject to changes in those conditions. According to W. G. Sumner, ‘From recurrent needs arise habits for the individual and customs for the group, but these results are consequences which were never conscious, and never foreseen or intended .’ 3 1. F. Gabrieli, Encyclopaedia of Islam, new edition. London: Luzac & Co., 1960, Vol. 1, p. 175. 2. Ibid. 3. W. G. Sumner, Folkways. New York: Blaisdell Publishing Co., 6th printing, 1965, p. 41. 13 Islamic manners and customs are not in this sense ‘uncon- scious’. They are derived from the two main sources of Islam, namely the Qur’an and the Sunnah, the Prophet’s deeds, words and indirect commandments, and are therefore, in the strictest sense, divinely inspired. The Qur’an and the Sunnah contain the broad principles needed to negotiate the problems that arise in human societies in different ages. As a complete way of life, Islam orders economic, political and devotional activity as well as manners relating to everyday human exchanges and routines.