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You can also find out about how to make a donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. **Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** **eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** *****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** Title: The Adventures of Mr. Verdant Green Author: Cuthbert Bede Release Date: November, 2003 [EBook #4644] [This file was first posted on February 9, 2004] [Most recently updated: February 9, 2004] Edition: 11 Language: English Character set encoding: US-ASCII *** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, THE ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN *** Scanned and proofed by R.W. Jones <[email protected]>. Note: With the use of a text-to-speech player and the hard copies of the original editions themselves, this revised electronic edition has been specifically conformed as regards spelling, punctuation and content to the 1853, 1854 and 1857 first editions (save frontispiece and the c1923 edition introductory remarks and page headings, which have been retained here. The first editions' frontispiece have the quotation: ' "A college joke to cure the dumps" -Swift.'). The first editions differ in minor respects not only from the popular c1923 Herbert Jenkins edition from which version 1.0 was prepared but also as between themselves; e.g. "number" in the second sentence of Part I., Chapter One of the first edition becomes "name" in the corresponding part of the 1853 third edition; minor inconsistencies in spelling occur (e.g. "shew" in Part I is spelt "show" later in the work; "Gig-lamps" in Part I becomes "Giglamps" in Parts II and III; etc). Where the first editions contain clear typographical errors which have been corrected in the Herbert Jenkins or other editions, these corrections (very few in number) are indicated in the narrative below by brackets. Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this file which includes the original illustrations. See etext03/verda11h.zip: http://www.gutenberg.net/etext03/verda11h.zip THE ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN BY CUTHBERT BEDE [NB this e-text contains corrections to the Herbert Jenkins edition made by reference to the consolidated version held by The British Library which combines the first editions of each of the three parts originally published 1853-7. Greek letters in the original are rendered in Roman script and designated: "{ }". Italics are indicated: "~". The illustrations are designated "<VG0**.JPG>". The introductory remarks below appear only in the Herbert Jenkins edition, not in the several originals.] [1 ] THE ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN [2 ] WHAT THIS BOOK IS ABOUT "Let the poker be heated" were the fearful words which greeted Mr. Verdant Green on his initiation into a spoof Lodge of Freemasonry at Oxford. This was one of the many "rags" of which he was the butt during his days at the university. In this humorous classic there is told the story of a very raw youth's introduction to university life, of fights between "town and gown," escapes from proctors, wiles of bed-makers, days on the river, or on and off horseback, and nights when "he kept his spirits up by pouring spirits down." These amusing experiences and diverting mishaps of an Oxford Freshman need no introduction to a public that has already read and laughed over them many times before. The great feature of the volume is that it contains the whole 188 illustrations originally contributed by the Author. [3 ] THE ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN BY CUTHBERT BEDE WITH 188 ILLUSTRATIONS BY THE AUTHOR <VG003.JPG> HERBERT JENKINS LIMITED 3 YORK STREET LONDON S.W.1 [4 ] A HERBERT JENKINS' BOOK ~Printed in Great Britain by~ Garden City Press, Letchworth. [5 ] CONTENTS PART I CHAP. PAGE I MR. VERDANT GREEN'S RELATIVES AND ANTECEDENTS ........7 II MR. VERDANT GREEN IS TO BE AN OXFORD FRESHMAN ........14 III MR. VERDANT GREEN LEAVES THE HOME OF HIS ANCESTORS ...21 IV MR. VERDANT GREEN BECOMES AN OXFORD UNDERGRADUATE ....33 V MR. VERDANT GREEN MATRICULATES, AND MAKES A SENSATION ...........................................41 VI MR. VERDANT GREEN DINES, BREAKFASTS, AND GOES TO CHAPEL ...............................................51 VII MR. VERDANT GREEN CALLS ON A GENTLEMAN WHO "IS LICENSED TO SELL" ...................................6l VIII MR. VERDANT GREEN'S MORNING REFLECTIONS ARE NOT SO PLEASANT AS HIS EVENING DIVERSIONS ...............72 IX MR. VERDANT GREEN ATTENDS LECTURES, AND, IN DESPITE OF SERMONS, HAS DEALINGS WITH FILTHY LUCRE ..........83 X MR. VERDANT GREEN REFORMS HIS TAILOR'S BILLS AND RUNS UP OTHERS. HE ALSO APPEARS IN A RAPID ACT OF HORSEMANSHIP, AND FINDS ISIS COOL IN SUMMER ......92 XI MR. VERDANT GREEN'S SPORTS AND PASTIMES .............103 XII MR. VERDANT GREEN TERMINATES HIS EXISTENCE AS AN OXFORD FRESHMAN .....................................114 PART II I MR. VERDANT GREEN RECOMMENCES HIS EXISTENCE AS AN OXFORD UNDERGRADUATE .............................123 II MR. VERDANT GREEN DOES AS HE HAS BEEN DONE BY .......126 III MR. VERDANT GREEN ENDEAVOURS TO KEEP HIS SPIRITS UP BY POURING SPIRITS DOWN ..........................134 IV MR. VERDANT GREEN DISCOVERS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TOWN AND GOWN ........................................145 [6 CONTENTS] CHAP. PAGE V MR. VERDANT GREEN IS FAVOURED WITH MR BOUNCER'S OPINIONS REGARDING AN UNDER-GRADUATE'S EPISTOLARY COMMUNICATIONS TO HIS MATERNAL RELATIVE ..157 VI MR. VERDANT GREEN FEATHERS HIS OARS WITH SKILL AND DEXTERITY .......................................167 VII MR. VERDANT GREEN PARTAKES OF A DOVE-TART AND A SPREAD-EAGLE .......................................176 VIII MR. VERDANT GREEN SPENDS A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR ....................................184 IX MR. VERDANT GREEN MAKES HIS FIRST APPEARANCE ON ANY BOARDS ...........................................191 X MR. VERDANT GREEN ENJOYS A REAL CIGAR ...............202 XI MR. VERDANT GREEN GETS THROUGH HIS SMALLS ...........209 XII MR. VERDANT GREEN AND HIS FRIENDS ENJOY THE COMMEMORATION .......................................2l8 PART III I MR. VERDANT GREEN TRAVELS NORTH .....................222 II MR. VERDANT GREEN DELIVERS MISS PATTY HONEYWOOD FROM THE HORNS OF A DILEMMA .........................227 III MR. VERDANT GREEN STUDIES YE MANNERS AND CUSTOMS OF YE NATYVES .......................................238 IV MR. VERDANT GREEN ENDEAVOURS TO SAY SNIP TO SOME ONE'S SNAP .......................................243 V MR. VERDANT GREEN MEETS WITH THE GREEN-EYED MONSTER .............................................251 VI MR. VERDANT GREEN JOINS A NORTHUMBERLAND PIC-NIC .............................................258 VII MR. VERDANT GREEN HAS AN INKLING OF THE FUTURE ......265 VIII MR. VERDANT GREEN CROSSES THE RUBICON ...............271 IX MR. VERDANT GREEN ASKS PAPA .........................280 X MR. VERDANT GREEN IS MADE A MASON ...................288 XI MR. VERDANT GREEN BREAKFASTS WITH MR. BOUNCER, AND ENTERS FOR A GRIND .............................297 XII MR. VERDANT GREEN TAKES HIS DEGREE ..................302 XIII MR. VERDANT GREEN IS MARRIED AND DONE FOR ...........309 [7 ] THE ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN. CHAPTER I. MR. VERDANT GREEN'S RELATIVES AND ANTECEDENTS. IF you will refer to the unpublished volume of "Burke's Landed Gentry", and turn to letter G, article "GREEN," you will see that the Verdant Greens are a family of some respectability and of considerable antiquity. We meet with them as early as 1096, flocking to the Crusades among the followers of Peter the Hermit, when one of their number, Greene surnamed the Witless, mortgaged his lands in order to supply his poorer companions with the sinews of war. The family estate, however, appears to have been redeemed and greatly increased by his great-grandson, Hugo de Greene, but was again jeoparded in the year 1456, when Basil Greene, being commissioned by Henry the Sixth to enrich his sovereign by discovering the philosopher's stone, squandered the greater part of his fortune in unavailing experiments; while his son, who was also infected with the spirit of the age, was blown up in his laboratory when just on the point of discovering the elixir of life. It seems to have been about this time that the Greenes became connected by marriage with the equally old family of the Verdants; and, in the year 1510, we find a Verdant Greene as justice of the peace for the county of Warwick, presiding at the trial of three decrepid old women, who, being found guilty of transforming themselves into cats, and in that shape attending the nightly assemblies of evil spirits, were very properly pronounced by him to be witches, and were burnt with all due solemnity. In tracing the records of the family, we do not find that any of its members attained to great eminence in the state, either in the counsels of the senate or the active services of the field; or that they amassed any unusual amount of wealth or landed property. But we may perhaps ascribe these circumstances to the fact of finding the Greens, generation after generation, made the dupes of more astute minds, and when the hour of [8 ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN] danger came, left to manage their own affairs in the best way they could, - a way that commonly ended in their mismanagement and total confusion. Indeed, the idiosyncrasy of the family appears to have been so well known, that we continually meet with them performing the character of catspaw to some monkey who had seen and understood much more of the world than they had, - putting their hands to the fire, and only finding out their mistake when they had burned their fingers.