STORIES OF GRIEF: NARRATIVES BY BEREAVED PARENTS Thesis Submitted to The College of Arts and Sciences of the UNIVERSITY OF DAYTON In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for The Degree Master of Arts in Communication by Cecilia Ann Bosticco UNIVERSITY OF DAYTON Dayton, Ohio December, 2002 APPROVED BY: ___ " x Thompson, L., Teresa Faculty Advisor Cusella, P., Louis Committee Member Watters, B., Kathleen Committee Member Robin so n^D., James Director of Graduate Studies, Department of Communication 11 ABSTRACT STORIES OF GRIEF: NARRATIVES BY BEREAVED PARENTS Name: Bosticco, Cecilia, Ann University of Dayton Advisor: Dr. T.L. Thompson The loss of a close loved one to death is a significant trauma for most people. The loss of a child is especially poignant to a parent. This thesis explores the accounts of 10 bereaved parents to discern their use of narrative processes to aid in understanding and managing the effects of these losses. Findings show that respondents used story structures in describing their grief experience. Similarities that occur in their stories are reported. A narrative analysis, used to integrate the premises of Fisher’s narrative paradigm, the work of other researchers on the utility of stories and storytelling, and the accounts of respondents, reveals that parents naturally turn to stories to facilitate understanding, deliberately seeking details to create plausible stories about the deaths of their children. They exhibit familiarity with accepted story rules and competency in recognizing and developing causal relationships. Their narratives demonstrate knowledge of cultural master stories, some of which they view as helpful while objecting to others. They measure the rationality of stories via narrative probability and narrative fidelity, using storytelling to test plans and decisions. Parents deliberately choose among possible stories to create good lives for themselves and their families. iii ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS My most sincere appreciation is due to Dr. Teresa Thompson, my advisor, for providing her time and extensive expertise in directing the course of my thesis work. Her patience and encouragement have sustained me through my darkest hours, as has her unfailing confidence in my ability. Thanks also to Dr. Louis Cusella and Dr. Kathleen Watters, the members of my thesis committee, for their time, interest and belief in me. My deepest thanks to Richard Bosticco, my husband, is also fitting. His faith in me has been unflagging and his willingness to subordinate many of his wants to the completion of this work has been extraordinary. I also want to thank my children, Robert, Thomas and Joan Bosticco, and Christine (Bosticco) Simms, and their families, Shelley, Missy, Robyn, Matthew, Collin and Nicholas Bosticco, and Jason, Carson and Beau Simms, for their continuing support and encouragement of my academic efforts. I especially want to acknowledge Teresa Jean Bosticco, our youngest child, who has been my companion and cheerleader since the earliest days of my college and graduate careers. It was through her illness and death that I learned of the power of narrative to give meaning to events and to ameliorate the effects of loss. Her suffering was severe and undeserved, but her love and faith helped her to overcome. Her spirit and prayers continue to nourish me. iv TABLE OF CONTENTS ABSTRACT.................................................................................................................................iii ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS...................................................................................................... iv INTRODUCTION....................................................................................................................... 1 CHAPTERS I. REVIEW OF LITERATURE.....................................................................................5 Theoretical Perspective......................................................................................5 Previous Research.............................................................................................15 Research Questions.........................................................................................Ill B. METHODS...............................................................................................................112 BI. RESULTS................................................................................................................117 IV. DISCUSSION....................................................................................................... 224 Limitations of Current Study.........................................................................259 Suggestions for Future Research.................................................................. 260 Conclusion....................................................................................................... 261 REFERENCES.......................................................................................................................... 263 APPENDIX.................................................................................................................................284 v INTRODUCTION People are social beings. From the moment an individual is bom, he or she exists in relationship to others, learning and developing through interaction with significant family members. These early attachments are very important to people (Bowlby, 1977a, 1977b), since they fulfill safety and security needs that are as important as food and water for survival. Bowlby (1980) observes that any challenge to maintaining attachment ties results in anxious behavior that is aimed at restoring the desired relationship (in his study, the physical presence of the mother-figure). This natural grief-like reaction assumes that the object of attachment can be reclaimed. When such reinstatement is not possible, as in the case of the death of a loved one, acute grief is the result (Bowlby, 1980). During acute grief, an individual’s equilibrium is disrupted at all levels of his or her being (Corr, Nabe & Corr, 1994; Lindemann, 1944/1965; Shapiro, 1993; Worden, 1991). Lindemann (1944/1965) describes grief as a syndrome with distinct symptoms: physical ailments, an obsession with the deceased, guilt, anger, and disruptions in the structure of daily life. He observes that grieving people exhibit a very similar group of physical (somatic) symptoms after a loved one’s death. Breathing, sleeping and eating patterns are interrupted. There is a general feeling of weakness and fatigue. Shapiro (1993) points out that this tiredness results not only from the disruption of sleep, but also 1 2 from the tremendous expenditure of energy that is necessary to try to maintain control in the midst of disorientation and a general sense of loss of control. Emotionally, grief results in a “sense of unreality” (Lindemann, 1944/1965, p. 9) characterized by a strong fixation on and identification with the deceased, coupled with a loss of warmth and distancing from other people in relationship with the bereaved (Lindemann, 1944/65, Worden, 1991). Harper (1995) names anger, loneliness, feelings of abandonment, fear, guilt, disbelief, and vulnerability as emotions that accompany acute grief. Shapiro (1993) observes that people “in the acute grief phase are often bewildered and frightened by the intensity of their emotions. Some fear that they are going crazy; others fear that they will never be emotionally healed.” (p. 31). “One man reported, ‘One of the most frustrating things is this mental thing. It’s not enough that I lost my child; I’m losing my mind too’” (Klass, 1988, p. 27). Grief is “an amalgam of differing feeling/thought blends” (Rosenblatt, 1996, p. 45) that varies from person to person and loss to loss, often changing from time to time for a given person as he or she survives the same loss (Rosenblatt, 1996). Parkes (1972) says, ‘Tor the bereaved person, time is out of joint” (p. 74). Lindemann (1944/1965) notes that people experience a need to cry, often beyond their ability to predict the time or place—a. need that defies their efforts to control it. According to Leick and Davidsen-Nielson (1991), deep sobbing or weeping, such as is common during acute grief, is able to release stored tension and is actually healing. Although there is a lack of empirical evidence to explain why they do so, Worden (1991) agrees that tears help to calm emotional stress. 3 For some people, spiritual challenges may arise (Harper, 1995), such as questioning of beliefs, pain in accepting nurturing from others, the conflict of being angry with God, or a threat to the meaning of life in general; while for others, there may be great peace and comfort in church. Financially, the bereavement period may mean an unaccustomed amount of money (too much or too little), loss of the money manager or breadwinner, loss of income, the need to become employed, or decisions about dividing assets (Harper, 1995). Grief resulting from the death of a loved one is often the basis for study and of authors’ work (Hogan & DeSantis, 1996; Klass, 1996; Lindemann, 1944/65; Parkes, 1972, 1975,1983; Tyson-Rawson, 1996) and will be the context used in this paper. However, Karl (1987) asserts that any “event which has threatened and/or shattered a person’s self-concept and world view” (pp. 641-2) can cause grief. According to Rando (1984), grief can result from losses in either the “physical (tangible) or symbolic (psychosocial)” (p. 16) realms. Shapiro (1993) also discusses symbolic and physical losses,