“HERE I COME WITH ALL MY BLACK GIRL MAGIC”: BLACK WOMEN AND GIRLS’ EXPERIENCES IN PREDOMINANTLY WHITE INDEPENDENT PRIVATE SCHOOLS BY DEVEAN R. OWENS DISSERTATION Submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy in Education Policy, Organization and Leadership with a concentration in Diversity and Equity in Education in the Graduate College of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, 2020 Urbana, Illinois Doctoral Committee: Associate Professor Anjalé Welton, Chair Professor Ruth Nicole Brown Professor Adrienne Dixson Professor Helen Neville Abstract Within independent private schools specifically, Black women and girls endure feelings of rejection, isolation, and inadequacy all whilst trying to maintain their academic or career success and a positive self-perception. Through the lenses of Black Feminist Thought and Critical Race Theory, this dissertation presents Black women and girls’ true experiences in PWIS which defy dominant deficit beliefs. Participants detailed the racism, erasure, and trauma they endured and the detrimental effects these experiences caused in their lives. They also expressed the importance and value of their relationships with one another. These relationships provided them with the affirmation and confidence they needed to believe in and stand up for themselves. Black women and girls engage in various resistance strategies through living authentically, challenging dominant norms, and advocating for themselves and others in the school community. ii Acknowledgements Students & participants… Thank you for inspiring me! Thank you for taking the time to participate in this study. Drs. Welton, Brown, Dixson, Neville, and Zamani-Gallaher… Thank you for challenging me to think more critically and seeing me through this journey. Thank you for providing advice and guidance. ArCasia, Chaddrick and Jari… Thank you for holding me down! I would not have made it through without your support and friendship. Family and friends… Thank you for understanding the sacrifices I had to make throughout this journey. Mom and Dad… Thank you for believing in me and being there every step of the way. I wouldn’t be here today without you! Sean… Thank you for constantly encouraging me when I wanted to give up. Thank you for helping me prepare for presentations and reading my work. Thank you for asking critical questions that enhanced my writing. Thank you for loving me through this daunting journey. Jackson… Thank you for lighting a fire under me and giving me the push I needed when procrastination hit. Thank you for being my audience as I practiced for my defense. Thank you for being my lifelong motivation. iii To Black women and girls striving to live authentically in a world that constantly seeks to silence and ignore your truths iv Table of Contents Chapter 1 Introduction .................................................................................................................1 Chapter 2 Literature Review ......................................................................................................18 Chapter 3 Theoretical Framework .............................................................................................44 Chapter 4 Socialization, Identity, Racism, and Coping ...........................................................61 Chapter 5 Relationships and Resistance ....................................................................................95 Chapter 6 Analysis, Implications, and Conclusion .................................................................129 References ...................................................................................................................................142 Appendix A Faculty/Staff In-Depth Interview Protocol ........................................................158 Appendix B Alumnae In-Depth Interview Protocol ...............................................................160 v Chapter 1 Introduction But I do feel a certain level of exhaustion because I feel, culturally exhausted is what I like to call it, because I kind of have to go through the day worried about who I am. It is kind of frustrating to have to think about what you say and how much you expose of yourself because you can only say so much in that kind of space. After graduating from undergrad, I wanted to get as far away from that institution as possible. Ironically, however, I began working at an independent private school almost identical to my private predominantly white university and also enrolled in the higher education program at my alma mater. I wanted to work in education, and here was my opportunity. During my first few months I could not understand why I was there. Why would God place me in the same situation I was trying to flee? I quickly learned that I was there to be a voice, shoulder, and advocate for the Black students, more specifically the Black girls, attending the school. Within the first few months of the school year, the sponsors of the Black Student Union (BSU) had a meeting with the Black girls to understand the issues they were enduring. As the girls began to tell us about the discrimination and racism they faced on a daily basis, the room filled with tears. I saw myself in them. The challenges I faced in college, they were facing in high school. As the Black girls began to open up to me over time, our relationships grew deeper. We sat in my office many days discussing natural hair struggles, police brutality, homecoming dresses, or the latest episode of Empire. Serving as a sponsor of the BSU while also working full time in admission, I witnessed how Black girls struggled to transition and thrive in the school. I will never forget a prospective mother pulling me aside after a tour of the school. She had twins, a girl and a boy, that had applied for eleventh grade. She expressed concern that her daughter would not transition well because she had heard Black girls do not do well at the school. She specifically stated she was not concerned about her son; he would do fine. I was stuck. I did not 1 know what to say to her with my boss standing a few feet away, but the Black girl in me wanted to tell her the brutal, honest truth, just like Jordan Peele exclaimed, “GET OUT!.” I was as honest as I could be but also tried to reassure her that the Black girls have support and a strong community amongst each other. Not only were my Black girls struggling, I was struggling. I was the youngest Black woman working at the school. My students were closer to my age than the other—very few— Black women. During my first year, there were nine Black women faculty/staff members, but that number soon dwindled to six. Most of my colleagues were white, over 40, and married with kids (and the vast majority were white women). I was often on the outside of conversations, because I could not identify with many of my coworkers’ life experiences. By the time I left the school, there were three Black teachers between Middle and Upper School; all were male and two were also coaches. There was one Black teacher in the Lower School (which was located on a different campus) who was a woman, but she was an instructional assistant, not a lead teacher. I knew that working in this environment was beneficial to my students, but it was taxing. Predominantly white spaces are often emotionally and psychologically traumatic for Black people. In order to be successful, Black people must codeswitch, assimilate, and “play the game,” which may mean being subjected to treatment that oppresses and dehumanizes their lived experience. Our schools are supposed to be environments that nurture and assist children in living up to their full potential. American public schools, however, possess issues and circumstances that are the least bit healthy or helpful for their students and faculty/staff. Due to the never-ending issues within the public school system, many Black parents/guardians have sought out private schools in an attempt to level the playing field and provide their children with access to the social capital that the white and wealthy possess. Black faculty/staff have turned to 2 private schools in hopes of curriculum autonomy instead of primarily dealing with discipline and teaching to the test. Private schools do not receive financial assistance from the government and rely on tuition payments and/or donations from nonpublic sources. Independent private schools fall under the umbrella of private schools. These institutions are governed by a board of trustees or governors, are independent in philosophy, and financially supported by tuition and donations (About NAIS, n.d.). There are several different types of independent private schools such as all girls, all boys, Catholic Diocesan, Non-Catholic religious, among many others. Independent private schools are extremely similar to colleges and universities, more specifically private institutions, just on a smaller scale. Like colleges and universities, independent schools have a board of trustees, communications, alumni relations, development, admissions, and finance offices. Many also have a dean of students and sometimes a director of diversity or diversity coordinator. Much like private universities, independent schools spend copious amounts of time recruiting students as well as fundraising. Of the National Association of Independent Schools’ (NAIS) membership of 1,541 schools, there are over 675,115 students enrolled (About NAIS, n.d.). As of 2015, the median tuition for Day Schools was $22,301