volume 8 - issue 2 - tuesday, september 14, 2010 - uvm, burlington, vt uvm.edu/~watertwr by leamclellan hen the party is lame, when the in the night. The sound of smashing glass your first kid, do you think you will ever happens. Pure, unbridled enthusiasm you keg is tapped, when Susie barfs crashed around our ears. find yourself waiting for greasy food in a never knew existed within you suddenly all over a perfect stranger’s shower “YOUR PIZZA’S OVERPRICED!!” line that snakes out the door at 3 o’clock releases itself when you see the kid that curtain and you all had to sneak out the screamed an irate young man standing in the morning? Surrounded by a bunch sat two rows in front of you in Bio. Col- back door—your night doesn’t have to be in the doorway before running off like a of drunken freaks salivating over the pros- lege kids, insane vagrants, and townies over! It doesn’t have to end like that. There lunatic into the darkness. Later we would pect of pepperoni pizza no less? come together as one as they break pizza is always an alternative. There is always discover that the sound we heard wasn’t The answer is no, my friend (unless you crust together. Phone number exchanges Mr. Mike’s. And if pizza isn’t your thing, the smashing of glass, but the sound of ice really mess up big time after graduation). of which you had never dreamt of become there is a falafel waiting for you at Ali cubes catapulting out of the cup he had Some misguided souls may think this is possible and even likely. Chance meetings Baba’s or a warm gooey Early Riser at chucked at the crowd. A dick move on his a good thing. Alcohol and late night eat- aren’t limited to classmates and crushes, as KKD. part, for sure, but I still consider his ac- ing typically go hand in hand. Everyone they might be at a house party. For Parties may be hit or miss, but pizza, tions an appropriate initiation into the vi- knows alcohol is bad for your liver and late instance, a close friend of mine named falafel, and egg sandwiches never fail. The Erin once gave her number to a unique seasoned UVMer knows; these places are gentleman named “Bone.” where the real party is at. Late night, post- A place like Mr. Mike’s is more than pizza, cheap “Not Boner, BONE. B-O-N-E,” Bone party eating is an important experience beer, and Pepsi products. The Mr. Mike’s experience explained. His hair was in slight disarray, that every college student should take part he was very dirty, and his body odor was in. is representative of a larger, incredibly rank. Before dismissing this entirely as the “So if I call you at 4:00 am that’s cool, deranged rant of a buffalo chicken-ob- crucial college right of passage. right?” he asked. He was obviously con- sessed fat girl—(to which I reply: “Hey, weenie! brant and unpredictable subculture that is night eating can only add butter to your fat siderate of her sleeping patterns—a truly I’m not fat!)—let me explain. A place like Mr. late night eating, and I wouldn’t have it any cankle feet as they slide down the slippery sweet guy. Mike’s is more than pizza, cheap beer, and other way. slope of obesity. Alcohol consumption and “Excellent,” Erin replied. And it was ex- Pepsi products. The Mr. Mike’s experience The naysayer may cite the long lines as a late night eating combined impede on a cellent. Bone never called (damn it) but that is representative of a larger, incredibly deterrent—wouldn’t ordering Domino’s to human’s necessary eight hours of nightly wasn’t the point. Where would we all be if crucial college right of passage. your dorm or apartment be much easier? sleep, which can never be good, right? we never met the “Bones” of Burlington? And boy, do I remember my first time at False. The long lines just make that first Wrong. Just plain wrong. Asleep in bed letting life pass us by? At a Mr. Mike’s. My freshie friends and I were bite that much more worth it. You know Late night eating on the weekend down- party flirting with some girl to no avail and huddled in line awaiting our pizza. I don’t the old adage—the longer you have to wait town builds bonds that can never be bro- trudging back to your room, defeated? remember our conversation, but I know for buffalo chicken pizza, the sweeter and ken. I’m not referring to hunching over Sometimes you are better off ditching what I must have been thinking. “Gee spicier it tastes. Nowhere does this ancient a Styrofoam platter of teriyaki chicken that party we have all been to a thousand whiz! There’s such thing as a pizza place (I think Chinese?) proverb ring more true wings in the corner of your bedroom. I’m times, taking life by the horns, eating fat- open at 2:00 am? College is so crazy!” Ha. than at Monsieur Mike’s. Plus, no matter talking about grabbing the nearest bored, laden junk food, and meeting a Bone. The craziness hadn’t even begun. how much their new ad campaign may hungry-looking partygoer and uttering It’s kinda like that other old saying—you Just as we were about to give the cashier deny it, Domino’s still sucks. those hallowed words: “Let’s get food.” can count calories when you’re dead…or our order, my friends and I found our- Plus, when you’re thirty-three and you When you’re at Mr. Mike’s, Kountry at least when you’re old and your selves throwing our hands over our heads have a job and a spouse and maybe even Kart Deli, or Ali Baba’s, a sort of magic metabolism slows down. g and ducking for cover. Screams rang out news reflections tunes advertise for your the truth about free- club or organization with a day in the summer in the city the water tower. we’re range marsh life by sarahmoylan cheaper than the other guys. by aniquigley by robintucker [email protected] continued from page 2 Dear water tower, by zedballas If you don’t know that a “Mosque” is The mass media has perhaps accidently ing, regardless of its purpose, he should I love you very, very much. Hands being built “at Ground Zero,” then you’re brought forth something useful for a be able to build it. From the City of New down, I’ll take the missing out on a key issue in American change, an opportunity for America to re- York’s point of view, the decision should water tower over the Cynic any day of the society. And, to clarify, by “Mosque,” the move a skeleton or two from its closet. be decisive, and even if people aren’t ter- week. Sometimes, however, I find that news means “Islamic Center” ribly excited about your writers are simply ignorant of impor- and by “Ground Zero,” they the idea, there is tant linguistic information which grossly mean “Two blocks away from a moral obliga- (pun intended) misinforms their articles. Ground Zero.” tion to do what is I write, of course, in reference to Paul Obviously the headline “Obviously the headline ‘Mosque at Ground Zero’ will rile right. NYC Mayor Gross’s article on Antoine Dodson and “Mosque at Ground Zero” Americans a bit more successfully than Michael Bloom- “inarticulate black people.” Let me share will rile Americans a bit ‘Islamic Center Being Built Two Blocks berg’s options are some important information with you re- more successfully than “Is- Away from Ground Zero’.” to let the building garding dialects. Dear water tower, lamic Center Being Built Two be built and pos- Dialects, quite similar to languages, Mr. Gross did not include NYU professor Jason King’s entire quote, which is quite Blocks Away from Ground sibly lose his office are equal in the eyes of linguists. One poignant: “It’s catchy. It has a really good hook,” he says. But it’s problematic, too. He Zero” and, well, we all know come re-election, is not better than the other, in any lan- says “there’s a way in which the aesthetics of black poverty — the way they talk and about mass-media’s goals. More impor- If we take in the various points of view or halt the process and be considered rac- guage--including dialects of the English they speak and they look — sort of becomes this fodder for humor without any inter- tantly though, with 9/11’s ninth birth- then maybe we can all understand it a bit ist, bigoted, or what-have-you. Whichever language. What may be “inarticulate” est in the context of the conditions in which people actually live.” day having just passed, the issue itself is more. As far as I’m concerned, if a person decision he makes, he will be stepping on to Mr. Gross (and many other people) is The argument Gross makes about white-exceptionalism is inherently flawed. Jason with emilyhoogesteger becoming quite the political battlefield. has the money to build a given build- somebody’s toes. perfectly grammatical and understand- King is saying this video is demeaning to all poor, black, southerns. Not ALL black Less publicized is the matter of a large able to a speaker of African American people.