The Alienated Estranged British Parents Welfare Child Parents Snatch Block Access– Reform Bill page 5 Own Kids Face Fines page 22 page 11 page 17 Summer 2002, Vol. 17, No. 2 page 23 $3.95 SpeakOutChildren’s Rights Council forChildren THIS MAGAZINE IS FOR DIVORCED, SEPARATED, SINGLE, NEVER-MARRIED PARENTS AND THE PROFESSIONALS WHO SERVE THEM 14 ISSN 1042-3559 9 771042 355007 4USFOHUIFOZPVS SFMBUJPOTIJQXJUIZPVS DIJMESFOXJUI"DUJWF 1BSFOUJOH±POMJOF !CTIVE0ARENTING4ODAY/NLINE'ROUPSISAVIDEO THEVIDEOON#$ 2/-9OUCANLOGONANDhATTENDv BASEDDISCUSSIONPROGRAMTHAThMEETSvOVERTHE EACHSESSIONANYTIMEITSCONVENIENTDURINGEACH )NTERNET$ESIGNEDFORPARENTSOFCHILDRENAGES WEEKDAYORNIGHT TO THIS SESSIONCOURSECOMBINESENTERTAINING 9OULLEXCHANGEQUESTIONSANDIDEASWITHYOUR VIDEOWITHONLINEACTIVITIES GROUPDISCUSSION AND CERTIlEDLEADERANDOTHERPARENTSINYOURGROUPVIA READING%ACHGROUPISLEDBYACERTIlEDPARENTING THEGROUPBULLETINBOARDANDDURINGAWEEKLYREAL EDUCATIONLEADER TIMEONLINECHAT #VJMEB¾SNGPVOEBUJPOUPDBSSZZPVUISPVHI +PJOBDMBTTUPEBZ UIFUFFOZFBST 4OJOININTHENEXT!CTIVE0ARENTING/NLINE'ROUP !CTIVE0ARENTINGSPOPULAR!CTIVE0ARENTING4ODAY ALLYOUNEEDAREACOMPUTERWITHA#$ 2/-DRIVE PROGRAMHASHELPEDMILLIONSOFPARENTSINTHEPAST ACCESSTOTHE)NTERNET ANDTHEMATERIALSWEPRO YEARS ANDISNOWAVAILABLEONLINEFORTHElRST VIDE3EEOURWEBSITEFORTECHNICALREQUIREMENTS TIME!04SPOWERFULCOMMUNICATIONANDDISCI #OSTOFTHECOURSEISFORONEPARENT PLINESKILLSWILLHELPYOUBUILDTRUSTANDCOOP EACHFORTWOPARENTS SH 9OUWILLRECEIVE#$ ERATIONWITHYOURCHILDRENAREALPLUSASTHEY 2/-SCONTAININGTHECOURSEMATERIALSAND GROWOLDER/VERTHECOURSEOFSESSIONSYOUWILL MINUTESOFVIDEO A0ARENTS'UIDE ANDACCESSTO EXPLORE THEONLINESEGMENTSOFTHECOURSE s DIFFERENTSTYLESOFPARENTING s EFFECTIVECOMMUNICATIONSKILLS &ORMOREINFORMATIONORTOREGISTER PLEASEGOTO s HANDLINGANGERANDCONmICT WWW!CTIVE0ARENTINGCOMADCRC s DISCIPLINETECHNIQUESTHATWORK s WHYCHILDRENMISBEHAVEANDHOWTO REDIRECTTHEM s DISCOURAGINGDRUGANDALCOHOLUSE s HOWTOBUILDCOURAGEINYOURCHILD )PXEPFTBOPOMJOFQBSFOUJOHQSPHSBNXPSL %ACHOFTHESESSIONSFOCUSESONDIFFERENTPARENT INGISSUES9OULLREADACHAPTERINTHEBOOKAND GOTHROUGHTHEINTERACTIVEPROGRAMONLINE WATCHING XXX"DUJWF1BSFOUJOHDPNBEDSD ❙ columns 4 editor’s message OFFICERS AND BOARD MEMBERS David L. Levy, J.D., President and CEO 15 court cases John L. Bauserman, Jr., J.D., Chairman Samuel A. Brunelli 24 research John L. Bauserman, Sr. Terry Cady 27 catalog of resources Teresa L. Kaiser, J.D. GENERAL COUNSEL Michael L. Oddenino, Arcadia, CA DIRECTOR OF CHILD ACCESS SERVICES Alfred Ellis DEPARTMENTS ASSISTANT DIRECTORS Margaret Wuwert—Midwest Mark Roseman—Eastern 16 Letters to the Editor Features DIRECTOR OF INFO4PARENTS WEBSITE Lonnie Perrin, Sr., former NFL football player for Denver Broncos, 14 Family Facts Chicago Bears and Washington Redskins The Alienated OFFICE MANAGER 11 Around the Country Julie Maggiacomo Carrera and The World Child: Do We Need CHILD SPOKESPERSON Hadassah Luther, age 13, National Young Musician Award Winner 17 U.S. and Abroad a Reformulation GRANDPARENT SPOKESPERSONS Ernie Ashworth, member, Grand Ole Opry, and Bettye Ashworth 19 Practical Advice on of Parental NATIONAL SPOKESPERSONS Family Matters Gerald A. Boarman, Ed.D., Academic Education Alienation Elizabeth Hickey, M.S.W., Author, Parent Education 22 Bills in Congress Syndrome (PAS) Jayne A. Major, Ph.D., Breakthrough Parenting Hon. David Gray Ross, former Commissioner, Federal Child 25 Book Reviews page 5 Support Office and former Judge Joseph Seldner, Writer and Speaker 30 National Affiliate Dwight Twilley, Pop Singer/Writer Organizations and Audrey Wise, Ed.D., M.A., Family Counselor/Mediator Estranged Parents Chapters EVALUATORS OF RESEARCH Snatch Own Kids in John Guidubaldi, D.Ed. D. Richard Kuhn ‘Abduction FAMILY ADVISORY BOARD ADVISORS Rabbi Mendel Abrams, M.Min., former President, Board of Rabbis Coming Next Issue Friendly’ Japan of Greater Washington, D.C. page 11 Eloise Anderson, The Claremont Institute, Sacramento, California Why U.S. Soldiers in David Birney, Actor, Santa Monica, California Afghanistan Can Get a Hon. Sherwood Boehlert, U.S. Congressman (R-NY) Break on Child Support Jim Cook, President, Joint Custody Association, Los Angeles, California British Parents “Dear Abby” (Abigail Van Buren), Los Angeles, California The Medicine Hat Model: Karen DeCrow, Former President of N.O.W., Jamesville, New York Collaborative Law in Canada Who Block Access Elliott H. Diamond, Co-Founder, CRC, Reston, Virginia Why Four Hidden Tax Face Fines Phyllis Diller, Comedienne, Los Angeles, California Advantages for Sole Custody Margorie Engel, Ph.D., President, Stepfamily Association of America page 17 Larry Gaughan, J.D., Professional Director, Family Mediation of Parents are Under Attack Greater Washington, D.C. Three Child-Focused Governors Hon. Bob Graham, U.S. Senator (D-FL) Who Pushed Co-Parenting Ron Haskins, Ph.D., Senior Fellow, The Brookings Institution; Welfare Reform former Staff Director, House Human Resources Subcommittee Jennifer Isham, President, Mothers Without Custody (MW/OC), Bill Crystal Lake, Illinois page 22 Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D., Author, Psychiatrist, Scottsdale, Arizona Cover photo: (L. to R.) Lynne Oxhorn- Vicki Lansky, Author/Columnist, Deephaven, Minnesota Ringwood and Louise Oxhorn, the CRC is a member of James Levine, The Fatherhood Project, The Family and Work CoMamas, whose long-awaited book Institute, New York, New York entitled “Step-Wives” was just pub- lished by Simon and Schuster. This Hon. Debbie Stabenow, U.S. Senator (D-MI) excellent book shows how mothers Hon. Fred Thompson, U.S. Senator (R-TN) and step-mothers can learn to get Judith S. Wallerstein, Ph.D., Founder, Center for the Family in along for the sake of the child. Transition, Corte Madera, California The book may be ordered from amazon.com, Simon and Schuster, PUBLISHER Barnes and Noble, and CRC. See the The Children’s Rights Council booklist in this issue and on the CRC 300 “I” Street, NE, Suite 401, Washington, D.C. 20002 website at www.gocrc.com/booklist. phone: 202/547-6227, fax: 202/546-4272, email: [email protected] Contact CoMamas at feelgood@ #1513 websites: www.gocrc.com and www.info4parents.com, comamas.com SPEAK OUT FOR CHILDREN | SUMMER 2002 3 The Children’s Rights Council (CRC) is an interna- ❙❙ editor’s message tional, non-profit IRS 501(c) (3) children’s rights organi- zation, based in Washing- ton, D.C. ounce of prevention is worth a pound MISSION of cure. The ounce of prevention is good • The Children’s Rights parenting. Good parenting can prevent Council (CRC) is an interna- the worst of the problems you or other tional non-profit organiza- children have experienced. tion committed to the lov- How many of us have had good ing, nurturing, protecting parenting? Does parenting come natu- and education of children rally? Yes, for zebras, elephants and through both parents and birds. But humans have to learn parent- extended family. ing skills. They learn it from their own • CRC is dedicated to help- parents (if they have good role models), There is a wide audience for “Speak Out for Children.” ing children in promoting or from other parents in the community. family formation, shared For those who are divorced, separated, Besides people interested in fostering and sustain- parenting, mediation, par- or never-married, books by Vicki ent education, and miti- Lansky, Elizabeth Hickey, Mike Odde- ing marriage, readers include our “niche” audience gating the effects of di- nino, Jayne Major, Dean Tong, Richard vorce and relationship Warshak and others, can help moms and of divorce. breakups of children and dads get through the divorce without parents. David L. Levy, J.D., President, CRC walking over the kids. These books are available at www.gocrc.com. Govern- VISION ment agencies have spent huge efforts • CRC’s vision is a society There are 280 million Americans, in- on pulling victims of abuse, crime and where both parents play a cluding about 18 million children of di- drugs “out of the water” to safety, as any significant parenting role vorce under age 18. Millions more are compassionate society would do. in their children’s lives. adult children of divorce, and many are But isn’t it about time we went back Children need grand- children of never-married parents. In upstream, and found out who was parents, step-parents, and fact, nearly half the population fit into throwing these people into the water? others who are part of the one of those categories. Government and social welfare agen- family fabric, working as a You are not numbers. You have expe- cies, preferably with the aid of local non- team. rienced or are experiencing a major life profits, must begin to emphasize and • CRC envisions a society change—often painful—and many fund parenting education. where laws, attitudes, and times with long-range consequences. Parents must ensure that they are not public opinion affirm that Your parents’ divorce or lack of mar- intentionally or unintentionally alienat- for children, “The Best Par- riage increased the chances of your ex- ing their child from the other parent, a ent is Both Parents.” periencing emotional or psychological featured topic inside this issue of “Speak STRENGTHENING pain and blaming yourself for family Out for Children.” As CRC General Coun- FAMILIES THROUGH problems. It also increased feelings of sel Mike Oddenino has said, “When you EDUCATION AND isolation or loneliness, fear of “losing” look in your child’s face, see the face of ADVOCACY a parent, difficulty in forming new rela- the other parent. If you do that, you can Formed in 1985 by