DOCUMENT RESUME ED 364 927 CS 508 406 AUTHOR Smith, Carl B.; And Others TITLE Connects How To Get Your Kids To Talk to You. INSTITUTION Indiana Univ., Bloomington. Family Literacy Center. REPORT NO ISBN-0-927516-43-8 PUB DATE 94 NOTE 253p.; Published in conjunction with EDINFO Press, Bloomington, IN. This publication results from the "Parents Sharing Books" Project. AVAILABLE FROMFamily Literacy Center, EDINFO Press, Indiana University, P.O. Box 5953, Bloomington, IN 47407 ($14.95). PUB TYPE Guides Non-Classroom Use (055) Reference Materials Bibliographies (131) Books (010) EDRS PRICE MF01/PC11 Plus Postage. DESCRIPTORS Annotated Bibliographies; Elementary Secondary Education; Individual Development; *Interpersonal Communication; *Parent Child Relationship; *Parent Participation; Program Descriptions; *Reading Material Selection; Student Motivation IDENTIFIERS *Family Communication; *Shared Reading ABSTRACT Describing the benefits parents and kids have gained from sharing reading and talking about books, this book shows parents how to bring their family closer together and support their child's academic and emotional development. The book suggests that not only does shared reading promote communication and mutual respect, it helps kids do better in school and improve their self-esteem. Chapters in the book are: (1) The Many Avenues of Parent/Child Communication;(2) Finding Time--The Old Bugaboo;(3) The Challenge of Motivating Kids; (4) Guidelines for Selecting Books;(5) Books for Ages Three to Nine;(6) Books for Ages Ten to Fourteen;(7) Using Conversations to Share Books; (8) Using Writing to Share Ideas; (9) Using Art to Share Books; (10); Using Drama to Share Books; (11) Building Self-Esteem; and (12) Just Do It! Seventeen references and a "Wonderland Magic" (a short story by Bobby Simic) are attached. (BS) *********************************************************************** * Reproductions supplied by EDRS are the best that can be made from the original document. * *********************************************************************** NI _MK_ MR How to Get Yo toT___ to You CIO PERMISSION TO REPRODUCE THIS MATERIAL HAS BEEN GRANTED BY Mil Ilk U S DEPARTMENT Of EDUCATION Oft* or EducaborI Rmarcri and irnwoverntnt 116. TO THE EDUCATIONAL RESOURCES EDUCATIONAL RESOURCES INFORMATION INFORMATION CENTER (ERIC)' CENTER (ERIC) *This clocummilhas been reproduced as received from Me person or proem:Moon ononaung Carl B. Smith, Ph.D. 0 HMCO changes haws been made to Improve reprOduChCmpuellly with Susan Moke and Marjorie Simic POonta ()Nolo oc °paha% State° in ?Ns dOcu. mint CIO not neCoUanly rot:gamin' Ohm' OERI posthon or policy 2 BEST COPY AVAILABLE HOW TO GET YOUR KIDS TO TALK TO YOU CARL B. SMITH, PH.D. WITH SUSAN MOKE AND MARJORIE R. Sum EDINFO family Literacy Center pp Es,' Published 1994 by the Family Literacy Center, Indiana University, 2805 East Tenth Street, Suite 150, Bloomington, Indiana 47408-2698, and EDINFO Press, P.O. Box 5953, Bloomington, IN 47407 Design/Production: Lauren Bongiani Gottlieb Cover: David J. Smith Illustrations: Tyagan Miller Copyright © 1994 by Carl B. Smith. All rights reserved. This publication results from the Parents Sharing Books project which was developed and evaluated with support from the Lilly Endowment, Inc. Participants have been encouraged to express freely their judgments in matters regarding this project. Points of view or opinions, however, do not necessarily represent the official view or opinions of either the Lilly Endowment, Inc. or Indiana University. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Smith, Carl Bernard. Connect! : how to get your kids to talk to you / Carl B. Smith O with Susan Moke and Marjorie R. Simic. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 0-927516-43-8 : $14.95 1. Reading--Parent participation. 2. Parenting. 3. Parent and child. 4. Communication in the family. I. Moke, Susan, 1949- II.Simic, Marjorie R. (Marjorie Rose), 1951- ,III. Title. IV. Title: How to get your kids to talk to you. LB1050.2.565 1994 649'.58--dc20 93-29336 CIP 4 fCO .Y 41-4, ty pc'e, Introduction Connect! How to Get Your Kids to Talk to You .. xi Chapter I The Many Avenues of Parent/Child Communication. 1 Lessons to Live By . 1 Read the Same Book 5 Values to Discuss 7 Meeting on Neutral Territory Communication Is a Two-Way Street 13 Every Parent Is a Model Parent 14 Chapter II Finding limeThe Old Bugaboo 17 Times Have Changed 19 Getting Started 20 Set Aside Family Time 21 Have a Daily Schedule 23 Carpe Diem: Seize the "Moment" 27 Creative Juggling 32 Tomorrow Is Another Day 34 Bridges to Cross 35 iii Table of Contents (continued) Chapter III The Challenge of Motivating Kids 37 Look for a Model 37 Bedtime Stories Aren't Just for Babies 39 Tickle the Imagination 42 Create Cliffhangers 46 Use Competition 47 Change Places 48 Create Opportunities 49 Solve a Problem 52 Bridges to Cross 53 Chapter IV Guidelines for Selecting Books 57 What Makes a Book Interesting? 57 Match Your Interest 59 Make Reading Fun 61 Guide without Dominating 62 Inventory Interests 66 The Right Choice Makes All the Difference 68 If They Don't Pass the Acid Test, "Ditch 'Em" 68 Developmental Interests and Books 71 Chapter V Books for Ages Three to Nine 75 Books for Ages Three to Five 76 Books for Ages Six to Seven 83 Books for Ages Eight to Nine 94 6 Table of Contents (continued) Chapter VI Books for Ages Ten to Fourteen 101 Books for Ages Ten to Eleven 102 Books for Ages Twelve to Fourteen 112 Chapter VII Using Conversations to Share Books 121 "I Hate to Read Alone" 121 General Guidelines for Reading Aloud with Children of All Ages 123 General Guidelines for Book-Sharing Conversations 125 Reading and Sharing with Kids Ages Three to Five 127 Reading and Sharing with Kids Ages Six to Seven 130 Reading and Sharing with Kids Ages Eight to Nine 134 Reading and Sharing with Kids Ages Ten to Eleven 139 Reading and Sharing with Kids Ages Twelve to Fourteen 143 Bridges to Cross 148 Chapter VIII Using Writing to Share Ideas 149 Keeping a Journal 153 Keeping a Dialogue Journal 155 Books for Young Writers 165 Chapter IX Using Art to Share Books 171 A Picture Can Be Worth a Thousand Words 171 Setting the Scene 174 Art Activities 176 Books for Young Artists 184 v Table of Contents (continued) Chapter X Using Drama to Share Books 189 Making Stories Come to Life 189 Drama Activities 190 Books for Young Actors 195 The Active Reader 200 Chapter XI Building Self-Esteem 201 The Failure Cycle 201 Self-Esteem Is a Feeling 204 The Four Conditions of Self-Esteem 206 Building Your Child's Self-Esteem 209 Reassurance 217 Chapter XII Just Dolt! 219 Guidelines for Action 220 References 225 Appendix A 227 8 VI ... To my son, Tony, who started me think- ing about family communication through books and who challenged me constantly to respect his ideas. With Love ( j vii The experiences that preceded this book and provided its substance were coordinated by a marvelous group of peo- ple in the Family Literacy Center at Indiana University. We ali had the good fortune to work on a project known as Parents Sharing Books Without these people the material for this book would have lain hidden. How lucky I am to have them as co-workers. Michael Shermis organized events and budgets with high energy and enthusiasm as the project manager. Melinda Hamilton answered questions and wrote book reviews for the hundreds of project participants. Ellie Macfarlane helped con- duct our numerous leader training workshops. Marge Simic gathered the evaluation data 3rd helped select the parent and child quotes used in this book. She also used her considerable experience in guiding the development of our leader training manual. Susan Moke acted as our wordsmith and exercised her deft editorial hand in our many publications, especially in this book. Eugene Reade added his usual careful proofreading touch to this manuscript. It is not my intention to make these people responsible for any of the ideas or opinions expressed in this book. I take ix iU N full charge of them, but want allto know that I am in great debt and offer my thanks to these lovely peoplefor assisting me in bringing this book to print. CBS Bloomington, Indidna September, 1993 I x A This is a book with a story to tell. The stories you will hear as you read the book have one thing in common: they all acknowledge the problems with and need for family commu- nication. Psychologists, marriage counselors, and our own intu- ition remind us that healthy communication reduces our feel- ings of isolation and helps us guide our children through school and toward independent adulthood. But how do we accomplish this? This book describes the success stories of parents and children who learned to talk to each other by fol- lowing a simple, straightforward program. Each chapter explains a step in that program and gives the stories of parents and children who succeeded in that step. My own story gives us a place to start. When my son was thirteen, he came home with a sci- ence fiction hook one of his teachers suggested that he might enjoy reading. My son loved science, but he hated to read. I think this clever teacher was trying to use his interest in sci- ence to lure him into reading. She had suggested the book Dune by Frank Herbert. x 1 2 CONNECT! HOW TO GET YOUR KIDS TO TALK TO YOU "Hey Dad," he said, "this book is about people who live on a desert planet. You know, no rain. How do you think they can survive?" By a miracle, I thoughtjust like this miracle that has my son reading a big, hefty book.