FACTSHEET FOR FAMILIES November 2010 Take our survey! Your comments on this publication will help us better meet your needs: www.childwelfare.gov/survey/publications/index.cfm Impact of Adoption on Adoptive Parents Adoptive parenthood, like other types of What’s Inside: parenthood, can bring tremendous joy—and a sizable amount of stress. This factsheet explores • Why adopt? some of the emotional ups and downs that • Managing the adoption process adoptive parents may experience as they approach • Impact of (adoptive) parenting the decision to adopt, during the adoptive process, • Resources and, most importantly, after the adoption. Child Welfare Information Gateway Children’s Bureau/ACYF U.S. Department of Health and Human Services 1250 Maryland Avenue, SW Administration for Children and Families Eighth Floor Washington, DC 20024 Administration on Children, Youth and Families 800.394.3366 Children’s Bureau Email: [email protected] www.childwelfare.gov Impact of Adoption on Adoptive Parents www.childwelfare.gov While every adoption is unique and every parent has different feelings and experiences, there are some general themes that emerge This factsheet is a companion to regarding adoptive parents’ emotional two factsheets for other members of responses. The purpose of the factsheet is the adoption triad on the impact of to identify some of these themes, affirm adoption: the common feelings, and provide links to • Impact of Adoption on Adopted Persons resources that may help adoptive parents (www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_ manage emotional issues related to adoption. adimpact.cfm) • Why Adopt? looks at motivations that (Spanish version: www.childwelfare. lead families or individuals to consider gov/pubs/impactoadoptadas.cfm) adoption and explores some of the • Impact of Adoption on Birth Parents questions prospective adopters may want (www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_impact/ to ask themselves. index.cfm) • Managing the Adoption Process (Spanish version: www.childwelfare. examines some of the feelings parents may gov/pubs/impactobio/index.cfm) encounter as they pursue adoption. • Impact of (Adoptive) Parenting explores parents’ feelings about the parenting Infertility Issues role after the adoption is finalized. Also Parents who adopt because of infertility included are strategies that parents can use have already experienced loss and to work through adoption issues, ensuring disappointment because of the inability to the best outcomes for children and parents have a biological child. In addition, they throughout their lifetimes. may have dealt with repeated miscarriages or intrusive fertility treatments. It is only • Resources links to websites, books, natural for adults to respond with grief to support groups, and other ways for these losses, and they may also experience adoptive parents to find more information feelings of inadequacy (“why me?”) and lack and help. of control. Regardless of the exact circumstances, Why Adopt? couples and individuals who turn to adoption because of infertility may have already weathered an emotional roller Adoptive parents come to the adoption coaster. For those who need help working decision for many different reasons. Some through the grief of infertility, there adopt because of infertility, and adoption is are support groups and counselors who their alternative way to grow their family; specialize in helping infertile couples and others adopt in order to add to their family, individuals. It’s important to remember that to help a specific child, or for social justice both partners in a couple may not resolve reasons. their grief at the same pace, and arriving This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare 2 Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/impact_parent Impact of Adoption on Adoptive Parents www.childwelfare.gov at the decision to adopt may come at a • How will the parents answer their child’s different time for each person. questions about adoption, the child’s background and history, birth family, and Making the Decision the parents’ reasons for adoption? Families, couples, and individuals who • How willing and able are they to seek decide to adopt should always go through a help for themselves or their child when rigorous screening process that encourages necessary? self-reflection and consideration about their reasons for wanting to adopt as well as their expectations for the child and the parenthood experience. In approaching For more information about making adoption, prospective adopters may want to the decision to adopt and deciding consider their feelings about the following: what type of adoption to pursue, read Information Gateway’s factsheets: • How will a new child fit into the parents’ lives and their relationship? • Adoption Options (www.childwelfare. gov/pubs/f_adoptoption.cfm) • How will a new child affect family dynamics—especially if the family already • Adoption: Where Do I Start? (www. has children? childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_start.cfm) • Foster Parents Considering Adoption • What changes are the parents willing to (www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_fospar. make to ease the child’s transition? cfm) • How do the parents feel about “open” • “Special Needs” Adoption: What Does It adoption, that is, contact with the child’s Mean? (www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/ birth family? factsheets/specialneeds/) • How do the parents feel about welcoming a child from the foster care system or an orphanage who may have experienced abuse or neglect? Managing the • In cases of transracial or transcultural adoption—how do the parents feel about Adoption Process accommodating, helping, and promoting the child’s positive cultural and racial The adoption process can seem intrusive identity? and overly cumbersome to prospective • How will the parents inform family parents. Each State has its own laws members and friends, and how they will governing adoption. Intercountry adoptions deal with questions from family, friends, are subject to additional regulations. For and strangers about adoption? the most part, these laws are designed to protect the best interests of the child and the expectant parents before they This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare 3 Information Gateway. Available online at www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/impact_parent Impact of Adoption on Adoptive Parents www.childwelfare.gov decide to place their child for adoption. adoptions, the reality can be very difficult So, it’s normal for prospective adopters to to accept. If the parents have already met feel vulnerable and powerless about the and attached to the child or served as foster adoption process. parents, it may be particularly difficult. This is a loss for the prospective adoptive parents, During the process, prospective parents and grief is an understandable reaction. will find themselves making life-changing They may need time to work through their decisions, which can be both exciting and grief before they’re ready to proceed again. stressful. Decisions need to be made about what type of adoption to pursue; whether to work with an adoption service provider and, if so, which one; how to answer the Impact of (Adoptive) home study questions; and, finally, how Parenting to respond to a potential placement of a particular child or children. Prospective parents may also experience long waiting For many adoptive parents, completing times and have to face uncertain outcomes. the adoption matching and placement It’s not unusual for them to feel anxious process means that the most difficult phase about the process and to find it difficult is behind them. Most adoptive children to go about their regular routine when so settle in with their new family, and research much is at stake. shows that the great majority of adoptive parents are satisfied with their decision A good agency and social worker can help to adopt.1 But settling into parenthood or prospective parents manage the adoptive the “postadoption period” can present its process and provide guidance for the own difficulties for parents. In some cases, decisions and learning along the way. Some adoption-related issues arise long after the agencies may be able to link prospective adoption, and parents may be unprepared parents to support groups for those awaiting for the lifelong process of adoption. Some adoption or to counselors who can help parental stressors are the same types of them with the sometimes extensive waiting challenges that all families—biological and period. adoptive—face; however, there are other Sometimes a planned adoption does not potential stressors unique to adoption, and proceed, and the prospective adoptive adoptive parents may want to familiarize parents are devastated. While the themselves with the possibilities. prospective parents may have known intellectually that the expectant parents could change their minds about the adoption or that their foster child’s grandparents might seek custody or that 1 Vandivere, S., Malm, K., & Radel, L. (2009). Adoption USA: A Chartbook Based on the 2007 National Survey of Adoptive a child in foster care could be reunited Parents. Washington, DC: The U.S. Department of Health and with his or her birth family or that a Human Services, Office of the Assistant Secretary for Planning country might shut down its international and Evaluation. Retrieved from http://aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/09/ NSAP/chartbook/chartbook.cfm?id=2. This material may be freely reproduced