Silent Revolution Series Emotion Seduction and Intimacy Alternative Perspectives on Organisation Behaviour First Edition © Dr Rory Ridley-Duff, 2006 Social Exchange Ltd Edited by Dr Poonam Thapa Kama Leela Ltd Published by Men’s Hour Books, 2007 © Dr Rory Ridley-Duff, 2006 All rights reserved. No reproduction, copy or transmission of this publication may be made without written permission except as defined below. No material may be reused except in accordance with the provisions of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, or under the terms of any licence permitting limited copying issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency, 90 Tottenham Court Road, London W1T 4LP. Any person who does any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages. Rory Ridley-Duff has asserted his right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Acts 1988. Commissioned by Social Exchange Ltd, www.socialexchange.org. Social Exchange Logo by Natasha Ridley-Duff. ISBN-10: 0-9754300-1-7 ISBN-13: 978-0-9754300-1-9 Published by Men’s Hour Books, the world's first true men's publisher, www.menshourbooks.com. Email: [email protected] Printed in England by Antony Rowe Ltd, Eastbourne Also by Rory Ridley-Duff from Men’s Hour Books Friends or Lovers For every man who has lost love, and every woman who is searching for it… Penny Leyton is one smart sexy woman on her way to the top. Bridget Jones she certainly is not, but she has the same chaotic approach to romance. Just as she is breaking through the glass ceiling, her boss Dave Stockton hints at a workplace scandal. Ablaze with moral outrage, Penny realises too late that one of her own friends is implicated and that she herself is part of the problem. Can she untangle herself from a hidden web of intrigue and save herself? "When Rory first sent me his book to review, I sent him my advice for a happy life - always be in the pursuit of pleasure. One of the things I said was that I looked to men to be my friends and lovers but preferably not at the same time - good friends are forever, good lovers not necessarily so. I remember his response well. He said he could not imagine marrying anyone who he did not already consider his best friend. I, on the other hand, think everybody should be married once and then have the good fortune to get out! Rory swears by his marriage. I enjoy my exchanges with Rory and find many of his thoughts provocative. Friends or Lovers does not just explore and critique the combustible situations that ignite the workplace, it dares to celebrate them. This novel is the story of a women standing on the edge of the precipice of her life, her humanity long lost. Will she take the right track in the face of adversity? It is now for me to know and for you the reader to find out... Here is a clue... there is affinity, lots of adventure and wonderful banter. Anyone who cares about love will give this book to a friend or lover, partner or spouse, sister or brother". Dr Poonam Thapa Gender, Culture and Sexual Health Expert Available August 2007 Contents Contents Introduction .................................................................................i Acknowledgements........................................................................... i Foreword - Dr Poonam Thapa...........................................................iii Foreword – Caroline Ridley-Duff .......................................................iv Rory’s Response..............................................................................vi Winning and Losing...............................................................vii The Story So Far…............................................................... viii The Science of Emotion ..........................................................xi My Personal Concerns and Interests .......................................xii The Structure of the Book ...............................................................xv Chapter 1 – In the Beginning… … .............................................1 Overview ........................................................................................ 1 A Perspective on Sexism .................................................................. 3 No Sex Please – We’re British!................................................. 7 Setting the Agenda for Equality ............................................... 9 To the Reader...................................................................... 11 Chapter 2 – W hat are Em otions?............................................16 Overview ...................................................................................... 16 Emotional Knowledge .................................................................... 20 Emotion, Seduction and Intimacy Pavlov’s Dogs .......................................................................21 The Three Key Areas of the Brain...........................................23 Stories of Emotional Intelligence ............................................24 Some Personal Stories...........................................................27 Emotional Defence and Emotion Management.........................28 Emotion, Blame and Social Status ..........................................30 Emotion and Perception ........................................................31 Emotion and Sense-Making....................................................33 Emotional Sensitivity and Performance ...................................35 Summary ......................................................................................36 Chapter 3 - Friendship and Flirting........................................ 39 Introduction ..................................................................................39 What is Seduction? ........................................................................42 Defining Seduction and Intimacy............................................49 Seduction and Emotion .........................................................52 Seduction in Business.....................................................................53 Summarising the Seduction Process.................................................56 Defining Intimacy .................................................................57 Corporate Seduction.......................................................................60 Perspectives on Culture Management .....................................60 Contradictions in Corporate Seduction ....................................61 Recruitment .........................................................................62 The Effects of Supply and Demand.........................................65 Induction .............................................................................66 Formal Company Events........................................................68 Consultations .......................................................................69 Seduction in the Sales Process ........................................................71 Contents What Happens if the Seduction Fails?.............................................. 74 The Paradox of ‘Caring’......................................................... 75 Management Knowledge and Seduction ................................. 77 Summary...................................................................................... 78 Chapter 4 - Control and Discipline ........................................85 Overview ...................................................................................... 85 Why Control and Discipline? ........................................................... 89 Threats to Equity and Reciprocity ................................................... 92 Stories of Discipline and Control ..................................................... 93 Hearing the Characters Speak for Themselves ........................ 96 Brenda and Ben on Each Other ............................................. 97 Feelings and Motives During Disciplining ........................................104 Diane’s Motives...................................................................105 Brenda’s Motives.................................................................106 Harry’s Motives ...................................................................106 Ben’s Motives......................................................................107 Some Thoughts on the Conflict ............................................108 The Impacts of Disciplining ..................................................109 Social Influence During Disputes....................................................110 A Second Case .............................................................................112 Exploring the Company History.............................................113 The Dynamics of Discipline and Control..........................................118 An Alternative ..............................................................................121 The Mondragon Cooperatives...............................................122 The Impacts of Mondragon’s Governance System ..................126 Summary.....................................................................................128 Emotion, Seduction and Intimacy Chapter 5 – Leaders and Followers..................................... 132 Introduction ................................................................................132 The Five Components of Power