In a world where there are so many terms related to sexuality, Sex and Other Stuff provides accurate definitions and responsibly written information for teenagers. A great reference for teens and educators alike. — Gina Dawson, author of So That’s Where I Came From A frank and refreshing approach to the sometimes wondrous human sexual body, mind and practices. A must for all sexuality educators and libraries. — Bern Hayes, Health and Human Development Researcher, Woodleigh Library What a gem! Sex and Other Stuff is breathtakingly honest, reassuring and even funny. It is essential reading and not just for young people! — Susan Westcott, Director/Senior Media Trainer, Mediability, former journalist and journalism educator An informative and invaluable resource for young adults. Rose tackles this vast subject with clarity and honesty — all teens should have access to this book. — Rachel Cook, author of Closets are for Clothes — A History of Queer Australia This is an essential reference for all teenagers, parents, teachers, health care workers, and anyone who wants to learn about sex and life. It is easy to read, informative and street smart. Every home should have a copy. Dr Jane Macquarie, general practitioner and author of Below the Belt — An Owner’s Guide to Gynaecology Puberty and sex would have been significantly less awkward, confusing and challenging during my adolescence if I had this book. — Ryder Jack Susman, co-founder of Y-gen Website: www.vivecoolcity.com First published in 2010 by black dog books 15 Gertrude Street, Fitzroy, Vic 3065, Australia Phone +61 3 9419 9406 Fax +61 3 9419 1214 [email protected] Please visit us at: www.bdb.com.au Annie Rose asserts the moral right to be identified as author of this Work. Copyright © Annie Rose 2010 With thanks and love to Lachy, Fergus and Hugo. All rights reserved. Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of study, research, criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright Act, no part of this book may It can’t be easy having a mother whose job is sex. be reproduced by any process, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, without permission of the copyright owner. All inquiries should be made to the With thanks and love to Peter. publisher at the address above. It can’t be easy having a wife whose job is sex. Cover Design by Black Dog Books Internal Design by Black Dog Books Printed and bound in Australia by Griffin Press The paper in this book is sourced from Finland and manufactured under ISO 14001 certification from wood grown in certified forests. No old growth forest wood has been used in the manufacture of this book. DISCLAIMER: The information in this book was as accurate as possible at the time of going to press. The opinions expressed are those of the author. Neither the author nor the publisher accepts any liability for difficulties of any kind whatsoever arising as a result of any opinion, advice, recommendation, representation or information expressly or implicitly published in or in relation to this publication notwithstanding any negligence, default or lack of care. In no way is this book a substitute for advice from a qualified medical practitioner. If you are sick, seek professional help. National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication entry: Rose, Annie. Sex and other stuff : the A to Z of everything you need to know / Annie Rose. ISBN: 9781742031194 (pbk.) Subjects: Sex instruction for youth. Hygiene, Sexual. Human growth. Youth--Growth. Dewey Number: 613.951 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 10 11 12 13 14 15 black dog books would like to thank Dr Jane Macquarie and Dr Stephen Rowles for their thorough factual checks of this book. — such a tiny word. Such a huge subject. It This little book contains a heap of facts. Facts about sex, facts about can be the simplest thing in the world and the human body in all its complex glory, facts about the good, the bad and the ugly aspects of human behaviour. Important facts that older the most complex. Humans are one of the very few animal species Sexthat have sex for reasons other than reproduction. Sex for pleasure or people may never tell you, for whatever reason. In the end, nothing is as fun is almost unheard of, unless you’re a dolphin, a bonobo monkey powerful as knowledge. or a human being. Here are the A to Z facts about sex — honest, sometimes surprising, We live in a world dominated by sexual imagery. Sexy clothes, sexy no holds barred. Read it from cover to cover or jump in and out of it as you music, sexy lives — they surround us. Sexual images beam down at us see fit. Hope it helps. from giant billboards as we drive along. Movies often feature steamy Annie Rose sex scenes in which the participants always seem to know exactly what they’re doing. TV shows depict “beautiful” people making passionate love to other “beautiful” people. Music videos are raunchy and highly suggestive. The internet is an instant source of graphic and often unrealistic sexual images. Sex can influence the way we behave, the books and magazines we read, and even the clothes we wear, sometimes without us even being aware of its pervasive force — it’s a huge part of the world in which we live. Sometimes sex and love occur together. Often sex takes place without any emotional connection. Sex can be scary, wonderful, shocking, exciting, hurtful, fun, confusing — sometimes all at the same time. It would be fantastic to think that experiences of sex are always positive, meaningful and memorable. Often they are. But sex can also be the cause of remorse and unhappiness. There can be downsides of sexual activity — unplanned pregnancies, regretted moments, sexually transmitted infections, bad sexual experiences, and the confusion and indecision involved in the whole thing. As a sexuality educator in schools, I’ve heard many accounts from young people about their experiences of sex and love and I’ve come to believe that negative experiences are often the result of a lack of information and knowledge. Armed with the facts, you are far more likely to make better decisions and safer choices for yourself and have more positive experiences as a result. A 1 SEX AND OTHER STUFF now made the decision to abstain from any sexual activity. Choosing to abstain from sexual activity may sound A fairly easy: you just say “No” right? It may not be as simple as it sounds. Sexual images are all around us: in the movies, on the internet, in books, magazines and music. There can be pressure from friends to try sex. Sometimes it can seem as if everyone is having sex. No abortion (see teRminAtion of one should ever feel the need to comply with another person’s ideas. The decision to be sexually active or not pRegnAncy) is yours and yours alone. It’s an important decision. It is certainly much better to decide against any sort of sexual activity if you have any doubts about it. If in abSTINEnCE (celibacy, chastity, saying no to sex) doubt, go for “No”. Abstinence means saying “no” to sex. Lots of people do What if I’m the only person I know not having sex? it, for lots of reasons. Practising abstinence means not having sex of any kind. Avoiding all types of intimate You won’t be. Plenty of people have made the decision to wait until genital contact — including anal and oral sex — is the circumstances are exactly as they want before having sex. The complete abstinence. You may choose to practise sexualised world we live in gives many young people the impression abstinence because of concerns about unplanned that everyone is having sex. This is just not the case. You don’t have pregnancies or sexually transmitted infections (STIs), or to have sex to be accepted. You may have decided only to engage for your own reasons. in sexual activity once you’ve met a person with whom you want Although some methods of birth control have good a committed relationship. You may feel you have little or no interest success rates if used correctly, none is 100 per cent in sex and are very happy to practise abstinence. If you’ve made the effective. Total abstinence ensures that there will be decision not to have sex, people who know you and care about you no pregnancy, because without intercourse, eggs and should respect your decision. It is your right to live your life according sperm won’t get a chance to meet. to your own set of rules. Stand up for your beliefs and listen to your Only by abstaining from all types of close genital “inner voice”. Do what feels right for you. contact can you be assured of avoiding STIs. Some STIs are spread through oral sex, anal sex, or even intimate skin-to-skin contact without actual penetration (genital Does practising abstinence mean no kissing or oral sex? warts and herpes can be spread this way). There are differing levels of abstinence. Complete abstinence means You may feel that you want to wait until you’ve avoiding all sexual activity including penetrative sex, oral sex, anal met just the right person before having a sexual intercourse, masturbation and kissing. This may be the right choice relationship. for some people. You may have made the decision to not engage You don’t have to be a virgin to practise abstinence. in intercourse but still participate in kissing and touching another You may have been sexually active in the past but have person.