the paper fordham university’s journal of news, analysis, comment and review december 18, 2010 volume XXXIX, issue x WikiLeaks Under Attack, pg. 4-5 page 2 the paper december 8, 2010 Meet your new God Fordham parades bedecked, cloven hooved beast around campus. Students delighted (pg. 7) Every issue online and blog posts about everything and nothing. Check us out online: fupaper.wordpress.com Fan mail? Hate mail? “Why we’re getting coal” Write to us! Editors-in-Chief Bobby “Cheating on Corduroy with Velvet” Cardos the paper Alex “Released the Diplomatic Cables” Gibbons c/o Offi ce of Student Leadership and Community Development Executive Editors Fordham University Sean “Vicodin and Goldfi sh for Breakfast” Kelly Bronx, NY 10458 Emily “Scab” Genetta [email protected] http://groups.google.com/group/fordhampaper News Editors Alex “Stole Sean’s Vicodin” Orf the paper is a product solely of the students. No part of the publication may Sarah “Needs it for Her Steam Engine” Madges be reproduced without written consent of the editors. the paper is produced us- ing Adobe InDesign, Adobe Photoshop, Microsoft Word, and the incredibly hard Arts Editors work of the people to the right. Photos are mostly “borrowed” from Internet sites Kaitlin “Masturbating” Campbell like: www.google.com, www.imdb.com, www.nambla.org, www.rollingstone.com, www.cnn.com, and occasionally taken by us with an old Polaroid we found in the Chris “Blood Mostly Alcohol” Sprindis attic. Sorry mom, subscriptions are not available. Ad rates are unreasonable – don’t ask. Open staff meetings are held Tuesdays at 8PM at various locations in the Mc- Features Editor Ginley Center. Articles and letters to the editor may be submitted via e-mail to Marisa “Illegaly Downloading Sting’s New Album” Carroll [email protected], or scrawled incoherently with crayons on the inside of a Keystone Light 30-rack. Submissions are always considered, usually printed, Earwax Editor and occasionally used to make origami rhinoceroses. If you do not wish your letter Nick “Alcohol Mostly Blood” Murray to the editor to be published, just say so. We do not advocate wussitude; all letters must be signed. We reserve the right to edit any material submitted for publication. We will, however, work with the writer and see that content is as true to the writer’s Comix Editor original as possible. We publish this rag ten times a year (fi ve per semester). Elena “Wiccan” Lightbourn So why not come down and write for us? We are a constantly evolving publica- tion, and have been since 1972. And we try our best to second guess mainstream Copy Staff opinion and buck the system, even if there is no call to do so. But hey, writing isn’t Liz “Spent Tuition Money on Bobbleheads” O’Malley for everyone. Try reading a good book like I Remember Nothing: and Other Refl ec- Grant “Emulating Bukowski” Smith tions, by Norah Ephron. You might just learn something. Joe “Marxist” McCarthy Sam “Organ Thief” Wadhams our aim Andrew “Squash Before Schoolwork” Craig the paper exists as Fordham University’s journal of news, analysis, comment, and review. We are an entirely student run publication, and have been since 1972. Contributors Our aim is to print compelling articles written by students in their own voice and Danny Casarella, Black Flag, Chloe Rickert, Penrose, Phallus Dei, from their own perspective. Yes, this means we allow things like cussin’, and sto- Rosalind Foltz, Not Drunk Girl, Will Yates, Spice, Pooping Under- ries of substance-induced debauchery. But it also means we publish articles that ex- water, Mickie Meinhardt, Estrellita Poblana, Angelos Kontos, Art amine issues on Fordham’s campus and in the world from a critical perspective. We School Pirate, Grace Waltem yer, Caroline Egan, Indoor Croquet, are not brown-nosers, nor a newspaper of record. We are a bunch of rapscallions Gumbo, Jack Straw, Free Booze, Amanda Vodola, Cort, Lauren who get together fi ve times a semester to put out a rag that makes people laugh, cry, Duca, Archives, Thirty-nine Years of Phoning It In, St. Barnabas get pissed, and—we hope—makes people think. If you don’t like it, shut your pie hole (or come write for us)! Hospital/Boxer’s Fracture, Mario Gabelli, Pubes december 8, 2010 the paper page 3 news Global Warming Is Just a Red Herring (ED. NOTE: the red herring is now extinct due to global warming) United Nations Climate Change Conference meets; the new Con- gress simultaneously launches a war on the climate change “theory” by Sarah Madges ostensibly did nothing, and now lowest level for two years. And takes anybody but a rocket sci- world to be taken over by cli- NEWS CO-EDITOR we fi nd another such useless even though 192 governments entist to fi gure that out.” mate change unbelievers. Or bout 35 years ago, U.S. meeting in Cancun—useless, met in Copenhagen last year We need more than a hand- perhaps I should say they are Ascientist Wallace Broecker at least, until some of the major promising whatever it was that ful of countries (and of course deniers, as many have professed fi rst brought the term “global players, or polluters, step up. they promised, Bloomberg New the countries actually conven- to be believers—Representa- warming” into the public do- New fi gures revealed during the Energy Finance has shown that ing to work on climate change tive John Shimkus (R-IL) re- main, and since then we’ve ongoing conference show that total global investment in clean aren’t the biggest culprits) and cently said, “We don’t have to come quite a long way. A long 2010 is likely to rank as one of energy has changed little since companies to invest in clean en- worry about [climate change], way off, that is. On Monday No- the three warmest years on re- then, especially because of the ergy practices. Some of that in- because God will take care of vember 29th thousands of del- it.” Yeah. Republican leaders egates comprising of scientists have announced plans to dis- In Gore We (No Longer) Trust and activists gathered in Can- band the House panel on com- cún, Mexico, to start the two- bating global warming when week United Nations Climate they take over the chamber Change Conference. Among next month. Let’s look at this those thousands, only about 20 new Congress. The spokes- world leaders are expected to at- person for Republican House tend—President Obama, British speaker-designate John Boeh- Prime Minister David Cameron, ner actually called the Select and pretty much every other Committee on Global Warm- leader of the world’s wealthi- ing “a clear example…of waste est nations aren’t planning on and duplication in Congress.” showing up. I guess they didn’t Senator James Inhofe (R-OK) read or care much for the new calls global warming “the great- scientifi c report that reveals that est hoax ever perpetrated on up to a billion people could lose the American people.” Darrell their homes in the next 90 years Issa (R-CA), one of the richest due to climate change. The Tyn- men in Congress now about to dall Center for Climate Change become chairman of the Over- adds to that shitlist some three sight Committee, would agree. billion people who could lose As written in The New Yorker, access to clean water supplies. instead of delving into (cor- Naturally, environmen- rupt) corporate America (which tal groups are incensed. Many might embarrass his fellow- groups have especially criticized zillionaires), he’s digging into Japan for opposing an extension the real heart of malfeasance— of the Kyoto Protocol beyond climate scientists. Even after 2012—on Wednesday, Japan three separate “Climategate” said it wants Kyoto to expire in inquiries in which Issa learned light of the lack of the US and that all allegations of data ma- China’s participation. In 1997, cord. The World Meteorological recession. What’s even harder to vestment should come from the nipulation were unfounded, he’s developed nations pledged to Organizations says 17 countries track than overall global invest- European Climate Exchange, unsatisfi ed—“We’re going to reduce emissions by an average saw all-time high temperatures ment is how corporations are wherein European companies want to have a do-over.” This of 5% by the period 2008-2012, this year—maybe the infamous working on their emission rates. buy and sell their permits to re- is part of what American Petro- the actual target numbers vary- hockey-stick-shaped projection Pepsi, Nike, and other disyllabic lease carbon dioxide within the leum Institute, the Chamber of ing depending on the country. for global warming is not so off. moneymakers have joined part- EU’s trading system. Though Commerce’s best friend/biggest Developed nations, that is, ex- But despite these fi ndings, nerships to monitor and, ideally, it’s been a fast-growing market, business lobby, calls an overall cluding the US—the US Sen- the latest World Bank report for reduce their emissions. As ecol- the recession has meant compa- “educational campaign” to con- ate immediately announced it 2009 showed investment in new ogy movement activist-cum- nies no longer needed all their vince the population that global wouldn’t ratify the treaty, and green energy solutions down philosopher Derrick Jensen permits, and prices have conse- warming isn’t real. Two hun- Dubya removed the US from by more than half. Moreover, puts it: “It doesn’t take a rocket quently fallen. dred species went extinct today. the Kyoto process altogether in global investment in clean en- scientist to fi gure out that any So now is obviously a per- Ninety percent of the large fi sh 2001.