HEALING FOR THE CITY Counseling in the Urban Setting Craig W. Ellison & Edward S. Maynard Chapter III- Counseling in the Urban Church Copyright 1992 Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House, Grand Rapids, Michigan CHURCHES AND PARACHURCH settings offer a variety of healing intervention possibilities that traditional professional counseling does not. In this chapter we will answer such questions as: Are counseling and discipleship related? What is the possible role of the laity? Are preaching and counseling complementary or conflicting? What can the urban church do in the way of preventive counseling? What are the limitations of the counselor? COUNSELING AND DISCIPLESHIP At first glance, counseling and discipleship do not seem to be closely related.1 Counseling has to do with helping people straighten out the emotional and relational distortions of their lives when they are unable to find constructive ways to cope with pain. They are usually experiencing intense negative emotions or emotional numbing and they are trying to clarify confusion, find comfort, or somehow bring about changes in their experience of life. Discipleship, on the other hand, has to do with the development of a person from spiritual infancy to spiritual adulthood. It is a process of spiritual parenting and spiritual formation that we usually do not view in terms of pain and crisis, but in terms of growth. When we look more closely, however, the differences between counseling and discipleship may not be as discrete as they appear. Ministry in the urban setting presents us with the reality of suffering—a reality that the suburban church has not had to face to the same degree. The subject of suffering has been downplayed in Western evangelical theology because most of evangelical theology has been developed by nonurban, middleclass theologians who have not experienced suffering to the same degree as many of the urban and the poor. The Bible teaches that suffering is an unavoidable part of the believer’s life. Acknowledging pain and constructively processing it are part of what it means to become a disciple of Jesus Christ. Not only did Jesus suffer intensely and unfairly, but so did almost all of the early apostles. Thus, becoming a disciple of Christ necessitates learning how to be a healthy person in the context of post-Fall disintegration, disorder, and distress. Perhaps one of the more subtle obstacles in our ability to see the link between counseling and discipleship is our tendency to blame the victim. This is especially true in relation to the urban poor and those with emotional problems. While we may grant that discipleship has to include a consideration of suffering, we tend to see the suffering of Jesus and the apostles as externally- generated, unavoidable, and thoroughly spiritual in nature. However, we view people with emotional and relational or distress that stems from the disruptions of urban stress and poverty, negatively. Their suffering appears to be due to their failure to cope with life and their irresponsibility or bad choices. Their pain is not apparently spiritual, so it does not have anything to do with discipleship—or so we may think. If, however, we view the spirit and soul as tightly intertwined parts of the person, the picture changes. We begin to see the pain of life as a product of the Fall—something Satan destructively capitalizes upon. Learning to live with the pain of life in constructive ways is part of psychospiritual growth and maturity. This growth may need to be helped by counseling, which is essential component of discipleship in a context of suffering. Christian counseling and discipleship in the city, then, are compatible processes. Both are concerned with helping people grow into a maturity that is able to weather the inevitable storms of life. Both involve a model or mentor whose words and viewpoints have an impact on the counselee-disciple, providing a growth alternative to faulty or less-mature life patterns. Both are nurturing relationships that encourage a focus on truth and accountability. Both involve unlearning faulty patterns and learning new, healthy patterns. Both encourage the experience of shalom through the internalization and implementation of God’s guidelines for wholeness and holiness. Both promote the ultimate well-being of people who best reflect the qualities of Jesus in their lives. When we view counseling and discipleship as compatible components of growth and maturation we are able to accept people as they are and where they are from the beginning. As we see the relationship with counseling, we are better able to incorporate the weaknesses and problems of real life into discipling. At the same time we are enabled to see counseling as a psychospiritual enterprise, not as something strangely detached from spiritual struggle and growth. We are also able to see counseling in broader terms of growth toward maturity rather than merely as a cure of disease, and to incorporate preventive forms of counseling into our practice. Counseling is not restricted to curative and corrective intervention when we view it as a part of discipleship. COUNSELING AND THE LAITY At the heart of healing is love. Love is expressed in attitudes and actions that communicate acceptance, respect, validation, value, perceived potential (hope), appreciation, constructive cor- rection, and affirmation. Clearly, these expressions are not limited to professional or pastoral counselors. Indeed, they are simply the earmarks of koinonia —a caring Christian community. Therefore, an active counseling role for the laity is implied by this view of counseling and discipleship. Scripture makes it plain that the interaction of believers is to be characterized by the kind of dynamics experienced in therapy. For example, Colossians 3:12-14 commands believers, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. As we experience healthy interaction with others in a climate of caring, we promote emotional and relational healing. Beyond this “usual” form of mutual counseling, there is a place for laity who are given additional training as intentional counselors or people helpers.2 Christian caregivers3 within the Christian community, with the acquisition of helping skills, are able to build on and deepen ongoing relationships. Siang-Yang Tan4 describes three models of lay-counseling ministry: (1) the “informal, spontaneous” model, which assumes that lay counseling should occur in relationships already present in the structures of the church and that require only some basic caring-skills training; (2) the “informal, organized” model, which assumes counseling should be well-supervised but should occur mostly in informal settings; (3) the “formal, organized” model, which assumes that the counseling should be done formally through a structured lay counseling center in a local church. Whichever approach is used, lay counseling must be put into the context of the multifaceted mission of the church.5 It must not be elevated above other ministries or have any elitist attitudes associated with it. Those selected for training become pastoral-care associates for the pastor. Selection Selection of participants is vitally important. The pastor, together with his director of lay counseling and a professional Christian counselor (if not the director), should screen interested people. A church does not have to have a large number of lay counselors in order to have a greatly amplified ministry of pastoral care. Generally speaking, a ratio of approximately one lay counselor per twenty-five congregants is ample. In a church of 100 regular attendees, that means four lay counselors would be a significant and adequate addition to the pastor. Among the criteria used for selection are the following: · Emotional stability. The lay counselor should not be characterized by frequent or significant mood swings, or suffer from a serious psychological disorder herself. She should be dependable and trustworthy, and have appropriate relational boundaries (neither too close and involved nor too distant and detached). · Good interpersonal relations. The lay counselor should enjoy relating to people, be sensitive to needs, and be perceived as approachable and genuine. · Biblical grounding and spiritual maturity. The counselor must not be a spiritual novice but should give evidence of spiritual maturity. He should be well-grounded in biblical truth and show some ability to apply it practically. Inventories such as the Spiritual Well-Being Scale, the Religious Status Interview, the Character Assessment Scale, and the Spiritual Maturity Index may be helpful for the evaluation of this dimension.6 · Interest in helping others. Do not drag people into this ministry out of an appeal to their duty to care. Consider those who want to be involved but be sure they are thoroughly screened. There are many reasons for wanting to counsel; not all of them are healthy. · Trustworthiness. Is the prospective counselor able to keep confidences? Personal information obtained through counseling must not be shared with others. Sharing with a supervisor is acceptable as long as the person being helped understands that. Loose lips are unwanted equipment for counseling. · Non judgmental attitude. The lay counselor must be able to look beyond the dysfunctions and disorders that are revealed and love with Christ’s love. A critical and harsh counselor will do irreparable damage to those who have allowed themselves to be vulnerable. · Commitment. The prospective counselor should be committed to thorough training and to being a caregiver for a designated period of time. Many church offices are held for two to three years. We encourage a similar length of commitment for the lay counselor. Other criteria might include age, sex, education, ethnic and cultural background, availability, teachability, and spiritual gifts.7 Training Once interested persons have been interviewed and selected they should be trained.